leogirl876 Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 Today I went out on a first date with the second guy I met since joining online dating. What is up with these men that monopolize the entire conversation, talk about themselves the whole, name drop, etc.? What ever happened to asking a woman about herself, and what she likes? Why is it that it seems these men are so focused on selling themselves and telling me how great they are, when really, all that does is bore me? Ask me about me! Show some interest in me! My God, I ask questions to my date, so do the same!!! 4
kendahke Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 Maybe he feels that who he is isn't enough, so he has to go into this mode to make it seem like he's all that? What stopped you from getting up and walking out?
Author leogirl876 Posted July 16, 2016 Author Posted July 16, 2016 I guess I'm too nice and don't know how to set boundaries!
Dis Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 Oh hun I truly feel for you...I've dated guys like this In my dating experience...it is a very bad sign when a man fails to take an intrest in who I am I consider it a red flag when a man fails to ask questions about me and also fails to give me thoughtful feedback on my contributions to the conversation. Instead of having a two sided conversation...guys like this dominate the conversation...talking about themselves insensately...to the point where I feel more like I'm being lectured than being an active participant in the conversation I've also learned that guys like this dont change. Its almost like its encoded in their DNA to be poor communicators I recently dated a guy like this for 2 months. I stuck around..hoping he would getting better at communicating...what a waste of time that was...good thing I ended it before I invested more time Whenever it is I start to date again...I will have no tolerance for guys that talk at me instead of talking to me...from my experience....guys like this dont change their communication styles What you see with this guy is what you get hun...if I were you...I'd be onto the next 2
Tayla Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 so the chap lacks engaging communication skills. Definite deal breaker. Hope you exited quickly, no sense in wasting your time in such a painful environment. What did you learn about yourself when sitting there listening to him? 2
Author leogirl876 Posted July 16, 2016 Author Posted July 16, 2016 so the chap lacks engaging communication skills. Definite deal breaker. Hope you exited quickly, no sense in wasting your time in such a painful environment. What did you learn about yourself when sitting there listening to him? My problem is, "I'm a people pleaser" and don't know how to gracefully leave, so I end up staying much longer than I should or want to. I'm always afraid of offending someone or hurting their feelings and ignoring my own. What's a good way to exit and put boundaries?
todreaminblue Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 if you ask a guy ten questions...and do it turn around.....play a question and answer game if you feel the conversation is one sided...steer teh conversation onto topics you find interesting and get his perspective.....engage the guy who talks about himself...if you feel he is taking the lead and steering it into monopoly...take back the lead...ask him things you want to knwo about him....playing question games is a playful way i guess ...of taking back the lead...by leading the conversation where you want it to go you can involve yourself in the conversation.....and honesty also helps..be honest with him about monopolising the conversation because it can be likely to be just nerves.....he or they(the guys you date) mightnt even realize....best wishes...deb 1
Tayla Posted July 17, 2016 Posted July 17, 2016 My problem is, "I'm a people pleaser" and don't know how to gracefully leave, so I end up staying much longer than I should or want to. I'm always afraid of offending someone or hurting their feelings and ignoring my own. What's a good way to exit and put boundaries? Here are a few I have used: "pardon me as I excuse myself, seems that three's a crowd and your already having a date with yourself- ". Bye bye! "Yeah so I just realized this date is lacking something, my desire to continue!, bye" Being direct is key. It's doubtful you can offend an ego driven person... They have no social gage outside themselves. 3
joseb Posted July 17, 2016 Posted July 17, 2016 Here are a few I have used: "pardon me as I excuse myself, seems that three's a crowd and your already having a date with yourself- ". Bye bye! "Yeah so I just realized this date is lacking something, my desire to continue!, bye" Being direct is key. It's doubtful you can offend an ego driven person... They have no social gage outside themselves. Ouch! I admire your directness. I used to be very like the OP, and although I'm better these days, I'm not sure I could be that direct unless they really were horrible. I've used a simple "I'm meeting a friend later" to cut a date short, they probably know its a ruse but still. 3
basil67 Posted July 17, 2016 Posted July 17, 2016 It's not just the guys you date. Hubby and I have noticed this trend increasing across genders in various social situations. 3
basil67 Posted July 17, 2016 Posted July 17, 2016 My problem is, "I'm a people pleaser" and don't know how to gracefully leave, so I end up staying much longer than I should or want to. I'm always afraid of offending someone or hurting their feelings and ignoring my own. What's a good way to exit and put boundaries? A good way to exit? "Yawn. I have an early morning tomorrow and I really must be going". Basically, just lie your way out. 2
BaileyB Posted July 17, 2016 Posted July 17, 2016 It's not a bad thing when they do this... Makes your decision really, really easy... They eliminate themselves from the screening proces;)
Author leogirl876 Posted July 17, 2016 Author Posted July 17, 2016 It's not a bad thing when they do this... Makes your decision really, really easy... They eliminate themselves from the screening proces;) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! True!!!
gorf Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 My problem is, "I'm a people pleaser" and don't know how to gracefully leave, so I end up staying much longer than I should or want to. I'm always afraid of offending someone or hurting their feelings and ignoring my own. What's a good way to exit and put boundaries? Well it depends. Is it his bad communication skills or no? Maybe he's nervous and doesnt know what to ask. Maybe you didnt say enought about you so he doesnt know what to ask. I dunno. If hes being nice, and you are a people pleaser, then enjoy the date. If you are not having fun and see it going nowhere, and hes not being nice but being a tool talking about himself.. then maybe just laugh and say "wow, you are totally into yourself!" and sip your drink. Then see what he says. Or just leave.
thguy Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 A guy should talk very little on a date. Let her do eighty percent of the talking. 1
Author leogirl876 Posted July 18, 2016 Author Posted July 18, 2016 A guy should talk very little on a date. Let her do eighty percent of the talking. Thank you!!! Now you're acting like a real man! It's feminine energy to talk, that's what women do. When a man just talks and talks and doesn't ever allow me to say anything, even when I try, he then brings it back to him, that tells me he's not masculine and/or a narcissist.
thguy Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 Thank you!!! Now you're acting like a real man! It's feminine energy to talk, that's what women do. When a man just talks and talks and doesn't ever allow me to say anything, even when I try, he then brings it back to him, that tells me he's not masculine and/or a narcissist. I wish I could pull it off, but I usually end up talking almost as much as her, to my detriment. I don't monopolize conversations or anything like that. But I reveal too much about myself too quickly which is a big time turnoff to women. I have got to get better at shutting up and showing less emotion. Too much talking and too much emotion are feminine.
phineas Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 (edited) Thank you!!! Now you're acting like a real man! It's feminine energy to talk, that's what women do. When a man just talks and talks and doesn't ever allow me to say anything, even when I try, he then brings it back to him, that tells me he's not masculine and/or a narcissist. LOL! 90% of the women I meet yammer on about the most inane crap. I have to talk because I'll either fall asleep or my ears will start bleeding. Edited July 18, 2016 by phineas 3
Author leogirl876 Posted July 18, 2016 Author Posted July 18, 2016 LOL! 90% of the women I meet yammer on about the most inane crap. I have to talk because I'll either fall asleep or my ears will start bleeding. How bad to you wanna get laid?
stillafool Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 A guy should talk very little on a date. Let her do eighty percent of the talking. Now see, I'm a woman and feel that way about men. I'd rather know all about the man before I reveal much about myself.
Larryville Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 it is a very bad sign when a man fails to take an intrest in who I am I find it odd that when people start threads and list a bunch of perceived “red flags” I almost never see “respect” listed by anyone. Ladies almost nothing signifies a man’s true lack of interest in you (as a complete person) as when he shows no interest in who you are, almost never asks anything about you, not who you are, what your likes, dislikes, hopes dreams anything of substance. If a woman has a first date with a dude and he asks NOTHING about you, it is pretty much all downhill from there, clearly does not respect you nor will he ever. 3
callingyouuu Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 But if he doesn't tell you all his accomplishments and famous friends right away, how else will you know how awesome he is?! 1
Ami1uwant Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 I have a question.... Are the guys just talking about themselves or are the woman asking questions so they are responding ???? If it's that then the guys shouldn't be bashed. I have been on dates where I ask the woman questions and all I get are short ended replies that don't yield to conversation..not even questions in return from her. If I get that 3 times in a row the date is effectively over. 1
SwordofFlame Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 Women should do 80% of the talking? Oh man...if it were only that easy? I usually attract introverted women who don't talk anywhere near as much.
Larryville Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 Are the guys just talking about themselves or are the woman asking questions so they are responding ???? If it's that then the guys shouldn't be bashed. I have been on dates where I ask the woman questions and all I get are short ended replies that don't yield to conversation..not even questions in return from her. If I get that 3 times in a row the date is effectively over. Fair point, because a great number of women either were raised in an environment where their opinions, thoughts or feelings did not matter and thus as they grow up they either find it difficult to talk about themselves or frankly don’t know how to talk about themselves. In addition if they were in fairly long term relationships where the men they dated did not give a $hi* about their thoughts or opinions they grew silent. I've had women tell me straight up that if they had dads the dads rarely talked to or communicated in any meaningful way. Or had no prominent male role models in their early lives (not necessarily dads) I can tell these types almost right away, from initial email exchanges or early phone calls. For example have dated a few nurses and I might ask, what is your nursing specialty? I know a lot of nurses and my daughter is a nurse, I have worked in hospitals and worked for a nursing education department (I’m not a health care professional BTW, audiovisual, computer graphics, videographer) but I know quite a bit about health care stuff. Many can’t explain specifically what they do. When I run into these type of women who can’t articulate what they do career wise (notice I said career NOT job) for me a red flag, because if they can’t communicate about themselves effectively will have communications issues in the long run. The reason why asking about background and understand how someone (men or women) were raised and who were their relationship role models growing up.
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