superobert Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 I'm 21, girlfriend 19, we both met at college. she had just transferred and was new to the school, after immediately hating her old school once she was enrolled there from the beginning, our relationship was natural and filled with joy. we'd spend plenty of time with each other, and I would say she was the one who relied on me more. she has had plenty of sexual encounters with guys in her past, and I was the first who truly displayed an interest in her, both physically and mentally. we had our first heart to heart two weeks into knowing each other, and from then on she was always enamored with me. for the 4.5 months we were with each other, I never treated her wrong, I simply did a few things every now and then that annoyed her, and rightly so. I put up with a few of her bad traits from the moment we knew each other, such as how naive she can be, as well as a little immature. but she was a giant, beautiful ball of sunshine that I needed in my life. So yeah, she was plenty enamored with me... keeping a list of everything we have in common, wanting me to come visit her family (two months into relationship), happily crying after sex on two occasions, making her "feel sexy", etc etc etc....I was the first guy to truly express an interest in her we get into june, and there was two rough days we had where she FINALLY expressed some of her concerns with me. mainly started because of the disdain I have for my hometown through a bad childhood, some of which I couldn't get over to this day. this is where the "thinking bad things are bound to happen" comes from. after both rough days (which were a week apart), we still ended the night on a good note, and woke up the next morning like nothing happened. although I knew what I had to do to improve myself and keep her in my life. however, on that second day, her dad had nearly caught us "doing the dirty" in her own house...bad decision...and my body language said it all. the next day, he talked to her, and then she was so convinced to want to break up with me because her family had this newfound dislike for me, whereas two weeks earlier, the whole family liked me and the mom loved me...CLEARLY the dad talked to her because he knew what was going on, but my girlfriend still doesn't believe that... we have rough convo that night, but talk for the next couple of days, in a happy manner the entire time. I MAKE THE PROPOSITION to not to talk for 3 days, she agrees. this also happens to be during a time where she's with her two sisters (24 and 18) for 2 full days....she comes back afterwards and her attitude is just completely different towards me. I learned later that she was throwing out so many hints while we hung out, because she wanted to let me down easy, not hurt my feelings etc....but i respected her enough to not call her out on how i noticed her change in behavior .... so we agreed after that point that we still need to go on a break..... but I knew something wasn't right from her body language, so on 4 separate occasions in a 17 day span, because of "going on a break" like we had intended, I texted her things that would provoke certain answers out of her so I could get what I needed to know or confirm my thoughts, only little by little....on that 4th day, she finally confessed to what I was waiting for. so then she wanted to avoid conversation but I said "ohhh no you don't" and we talked on the phone for an hour Sure, I had annoyed her during the past 14 days, but it's only because she was NEVER up front with me! she wanted to beat around the bush and play tricks on me, and I wasn't gonna wait until september to find out she gave up on me anyways while i'm working to improve myself AND win her back... so we talked on the phone, and the whole time, she's saying things to me and about me that I never would've imagined coming from her....saying it was a one time thing, calling ME the needy one when it was ALWAYS HER, telling me to shut up, laughing "in my face" .....it's like she conditioned herself to completely take out all the good memories from our relationship, and talking to me like I did her bad so the girl could never really think for herself, she's quite naive, and her family is the biggest influence in her life since she came from the womb.... it's entirely possible her family helped her believe that breaking up with me needed to happen, right? she changed her opinion on me SO DRASTICALLY over the course of one month, I can't see it any other way....also she was up front in saying that there's no guys in her life right now, but that will definitely change in the future anyways.... she's going to get back to college, and it'll be her "de facto" first semester... she's relying on her sister for her friends too, and they're living on opposite sites of campus (30,000+ students)...she thinks this can all just be a repeat of high school for her and everything is sunshine and dandelions...i'm thinking she's not going to have anybody to be by her side all the time, and she'll have to fend for herself once october-november comes around, at which point she'll talk to me... is that entirely wrong? can that hold some truth? I don't even want to get back with her in the future. I can sure do better than her too. she helped me believe in myself, and I'm pretty well off to begin with... most of what was wrong with me was just my social mentality from time to time, but again, I never did anything to wrong her. our relationship probably would've ended at some point. I had thought of breaking up with her in april, but I let that slide. It's just disheartening that: a) I saw so much potential in her, but clearly she isn't there b) someone so important in your life can do a 180 on you so fast... and she can't even admit anymore that I was a big piece of her life....
preraph Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 Sorry you're going through a confusing and bad time. Here's the thing. At your ages, people don't stay together usually because they are changing and maturing still and usually grow apart, number one. Number two, most young people don't want to be pinned down to a domestic life of being with one partner because that is the age people are meant to explore all the possibilities in every way. Lastly, it wasn't that sudden. She began talking to you about her doubts. Your behavior insisting on communicating when she didn't want to was very bad and you won't get away with that type of disrespectful behavior far into your 20s. It's a blatant disrespect for her to force yourself on her in any way when she's trying to break up with you. It will only cement her worst fears about you. You had a nice first love, but it's over. You will always have the memories, but only if you don't ruin them by continuing to cross the line.
LostOnes05 Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 Sorry you're going through a confusing and bad time. Here's the thing. At your ages, people don't stay together usually because they are changing and maturing still and usually grow apart, number one. Number two, most young people don't want to be pinned down to a domestic life of being with one partner because that is the age people are meant to explore all the possibilities in every way. Lastly, it wasn't that sudden. She began talking to you about her doubts. Your behavior insisting on communicating when she didn't want to was very bad and you won't get away with that type of disrespectful behavior far into your 20s. It's a blatant disrespect for her to force yourself on her in any way when she's trying to break up with you. It will only cement her worst fears about you. You had a nice first love, but it's over. You will always have the memories, but only if you don't ruin them by continuing to cross the line. I don't know...communication is an essential part of a relationship. You can't say I'm having concerns and then not want to address them through talking...that's immature and disrespectful. Sure you can't force someone to talk, but my philosophy is don't bring up anything you aren't prepared to discuss. So even if she said she had concerns but didn't want to discuss it, she would've said later on "well you never listen to my concerns and that's why I'm leaving the relationship". It's all a ploy because you would've been wrong either way in her eyes, once she (or her influences) decided you were out of there. You're still young and trust me, odds are this will happen again but now you know the signs and to get out early.
Author superobert Posted July 16, 2016 Author Posted July 16, 2016 Sorry you're going through a confusing and bad time. Here's the thing. At your ages, people don't stay together usually because they are changing and maturing still and usually grow apart, number one. Number two, most young people don't want to be pinned down to a domestic life of being with one partner because that is the age people are meant to explore all the possibilities in every way. Lastly, it wasn't that sudden. She began talking to you about her doubts. Your behavior insisting on communicating when she didn't want to was very bad and you won't get away with that type of disrespectful behavior far into your 20s. It's a blatant disrespect for her to force yourself on her in any way when she's trying to break up with you. It will only cement her worst fears about you. You had a nice first love, but it's over. You will always have the memories, but only if you don't ruin them by continuing to cross the line. I see where your mindset is at, however...she mentioned her concerns, and I was very open to what she said. In most parts, she was a) correct, and b) these things were quite easy to overcome. Once she mentioned her concerns, I vowed to act upon them, and I have ever since. She doesn't know what I even committed myself to! I never told her what I planned on doing to win her back (at the time that was the motive, now it's simply for myself because I know it'll all make me a better person) She said she believed/trusted me to make the changes. Then her dad talks to her the next day, and she wants to end it right then and there, which is awful since she's THAT influenced by her family's opinion, and failed to observe that the ONLY reason he talked to her, was because he nearly caught us doing the dirty, in their own home. That's means for ANY parent to not like the boyfriend, and she doesn't see that, particularly because she's 19 and slept with 15+ guys...I'm BY FAR the most serious. Her families biased opinions of me convinced her that I was nothing special, and she lost all hope in me. If she was more strong willed or able to think for herself, we wouldn't be here today, but maybe in the future. She STRICTLY told me "let's go on a break for the time being", to which I complied, while THE WHOLE TIME she wanted a break-up, and didn't even want to tell me how she really felt. the final time we talked last week, she told me the truth on all of that, and how she "thought I would get the hint"...If you're relying off hints to break up with your boyfriend (during the middle of a date, nonetheless) then that really displays your immaturity. So no, I never forced myself on her, because she left the door open for me to contact her by saying BREAK and not BREAK-UP. Also during the final time we talked, she told me "break and break-up are the same thing"....coming from the girl who never had a relationship before.... and she failed to mention this AT ALL over the past month...she TRIED to break-up with me, but I'm a type of guy in which blatant honesty (in any scenario of life) is the key to success and happiness, not to sugarcoat things. clearly we are two different people now that I look at her. talking to her last week cemented everything I assumed of her back when we met, most of which I brushed to the side. I never forced myself on her
Author superobert Posted July 16, 2016 Author Posted July 16, 2016 I don't know...communication is an essential part of a relationship. You can't say I'm having concerns and then not want to address them through talking...that's immature and disrespectful. Sure you can't force someone to talk, but my philosophy is don't bring up anything you aren't prepared to discuss. So even if she said she had concerns but didn't want to discuss it, she would've said later on "well you never listen to my concerns and that's why I'm leaving the relationship". It's all a ploy because you would've been wrong either way in her eyes, once she (or her influences) decided you were out of there. You're still young and trust me, odds are this will happen again but now you know the signs and to get out early. yeah, I had my doubts about her at the start .... immaturity, not being able to think for herself, reliance on me, the number of guys she's had sex with...I had thought during April to just break up with her. but then I wouldn't be where I am today, whereas if she didn't voice her concerns with me then I would not be in a better place. Because she was generally correct on what I should improve. Everything she said before her Dad talked with her, was always 100% supporting and caring for me. Then it's like she turned into something different once that moment happened, albeit she didn't agree with ANYTHING her dad said.....goes to show how weak she is I suppose If i did break up with her back in April, it would've been weak on my part because her flaws were nothing serious, and we both treated each other well and cared for each other deeply. on her side of things, much of the same, except she's much younger and has a much bigger family (in numbers + influence) than I do. she isn't her own person yet, in the least bit. So yeah, I probably would've been wrong in her eyes either way, and I'm glad the relationship did end. Mainly just shocked in the fashion of it, and how someone who was very important in your life can be easily manipulated
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