First OLD of the summer experience

[mortensorchid]

I signed up on POF just for another try at it again. I now have a few rules and regulations with my website activity (I have many codes/rules I live by and this is yet another chapter, haters who are reading this):

 

1) Weekends - I do not sign onto the website over the weekend because I have other things to do, so Friday - Sunday afternoon/evening I do not check messages or respond to any received.

 

2) Wait time - Say I have received a message from someone (even if it's just a "Hi how are you" type message and I respond with "I'm alright, how are you?" only), if he has not responded within 24-48 hours, it's done. Any later than that he's treating it like a video game / chat room where he's just talking to people.

 

3) Appear / Disappear - If all of a sudden he reappears after a week or two of not talking to me, he's bored or something didn't happen with someone else the way he wanted and now he's back thinking this will happen.

 

I got an email from someone on the website after we had not communicated in a week or so saying he was away for a bit. I responded appropriately saying hope he had a nice time (and nothing else). It's all nonsense.

[Redguitar35]

It is all nonsense. I've been toying with the idea of writing a book about how horrible online dating is. I think there are things the dating sites and apps could do to make the online dating experience a little less horrible than it is if they really wanted to. Every date I get online flakes couple hours before the first date. Here's what I propose with regard to flaking, ghosting, etc. I think there needs to be some kind of rating system or point based feedback on these dating apps that keeps track of how many dates a person cancels, no shows, ghosts or flakes. If a user has a high number of cancelled dates, it'll raise a flag/show on their profile. "This person is flakey. Steer clear!" That way, folks know flaking or ghosting has consequences or at least folks know whether to avoid that person. That might cut down on the flakiness that gives OLD a bad rep. There needs to be some kind of mechanism for making sure these apps are only used by people who are serious about finding someone. Maybe limited the number of contacts a person can have per week/per month.

[Redguitar35]

It's so ironic, the bad thing about online dating is the people who use it.

Edited July 16, 2016 by Redguitar35

[lilmissjava]

I wonder if a useful tool like a rating system on OLD would weed some of the flaky people out. You know on like eBay they have that rating system...good seller/buyer etc.

 

5 star would be the perfect opportune date. Sets date in timely manner, provides a reason to see/not see each other again etc.

 

^ I suppose this might not work if someone really liked the other person and would rate them low based on the lack of mutual attraction or just to hurt the other for future dating prospects if he/she wasn't interested in carrying on the dating process. Immaturity is omnipresent.

 

1 star would mean the guy/girl is flaky, spends too much time emailing back and forth, never setting dates etc, ghosting.

 

In a perfect world, I would use it lol.

[Shining One]

I wonder if a useful tool like a rating system on OLD would weed some of the flaky people out. You know on like eBay they have that rating system...good seller/buyer etc.

 

5 star would be the perfect opportune date. Sets date in timely manner, provides a reason to see/not see each other again etc.

 

^ I suppose this might not work if someone really liked the other person and would rate them low based on the lack of mutual attraction or just to hurt the other for future dating prospects if he/she wasn't interested in carrying on the dating process. Immaturity is omnipresent.

 

1 star would mean the guy/girl is flaky, spends too much time emailing back and forth, never setting dates etc, ghosting.

 

 

In a perfect world, I would use it lol.

I've actually suggested something similar to Match and a few other dating sites. My review suggestions cover earlier things like:

• Sends articulate initial messages
  
• Responds to initial messages
  
• Average response time
  

[Teknoe]

It is all nonsense. I've been toying with the idea of writing a book about how horrible online dating is. I think there are things the dating sites and apps could do to make the online dating experience a little less horrible than it is if they really wanted to. Every date I get online flakes couple hours before the first date. Here's what I propose with regard to flaking, ghosting, etc. I think there needs to be some kind of rating system or point based feedback on these dating apps that keeps track of how many dates a person cancels, no shows, ghosts or flakes. If a user has a high number of cancelled dates, it'll raise a flag/show on their profile. "This person is flakey. Steer clear!" That way, folks know flaking or ghosting has consequences or at least folks know whether to avoid that person. That might cut down on the flakiness that gives OLD a bad rep. There needs to be some kind of mechanism for making sure these apps are only used by people who are serious about finding someone. Maybe limited the number of contacts a person can have per week/per month.

 

OLD kinda bites, I have discovered. Unless you're a good looking guy with high status I find it difficult to get a third date. Girls are being messaged 20-50 times a day. Too much window shopping and you're too disposable in their eyes that it's hard to progress beyond date two unless you really hit it off.

[King Me]

1) Weekends - I do not sign onto the website over the weekend because I have other things to do, so Friday - Sunday afternoon/evening I do not check messages or respond to any received.

 

2) Wait time - Say I have received a message from someone (even if it's just a "Hi how are you" type message and I respond with "I'm alright, how are you?" only), if he has not responded within 24-48 hours, it's done. Any later than that he's treating it like a video game / chat room where he's just talking to people.

 

Video game or chat room? What if he has a "weekend rule" like you do?

 

Appear / Disappear - If all of a sudden he reappears after a week or two of not talking to me, he's bored or something didn't happen with someone else the way he wanted and now he's back thinking this will happen.

Just an idea here, but lots of people are connecting with lots of other people in online dating. If somebody is giving some time to a person, seeing if anything is developing, and it doesn't, it's likely that they will then contact someone else they found interesting. It doesn't mean that they "think this will happen."

 

I'm not against you having rules and boundaries that work for you, but basically you are requiring a man who doesn't know you - hasn't even met you, in fact - to show an unusual devotion to you. You just might be shooting yourself in the foot.

[SevenCity]

Surely some people have had success with online dating? My sister met her husband on it as did a girl I used to work with.

 

I do hear a lot of the guys are creeps though only looking for sex.

[Weezy1973]

Video game or chat room? What if he has a "weekend rule" like you do?

 

Just an idea here, but lots of people are connecting with lots of other people in online dating. If somebody is giving some time to a person, seeing if anything is developing, and it doesn't, it's likely that they will then contact someone else they found interesting. It doesn't mean that they "think this will happen."

 

I'm not against you having rules and boundaries that work for you, but basically you are requiring a man who doesn't know you - hasn't even met you, in fact - to show an unusual devotion to you. You just might be shooting yourself in the foot.

 

Yes exactly. I think the goal is to actually meet someone, and then decide after the meeting whether or not you want to go on an actual date. All the stuff prior to that first meeting is meaningless.

[leogirl876]

OLD kinda bites, I have discovered. Unless you're a good looking guy with high status I find it difficult to get a third date. Girls are being messaged 20-50 times a day. Too much window shopping and you're too disposable in their eyes that it's hard to progress beyond date two unless you really hit it off.

 

Men do that too! Met a guy on eHarmony, went on 2 dates and then sorta has done the fade out and given me mixed signals. I get what the mixed signals mean, but don't continue to text or call me if you 're not interested. Men can be just as flaky! I'm not crazy about OLD, there seems to be so many superficial people out there who only care about themselves and don't think about how their actions affect other people. For many people, it's all a game to them.

[Teknoe]

Men do that too! Met a guy on eHarmony, went on 2 dates and then sorta has done the fade out and given me mixed signals. I get what the mixed signals mean, but don't continue to text or call me if you 're not interested. Men can be just as flaky! I'm not crazy about OLD, there seems to be so many superficial people out there who only care about themselves and don't think about how their actions affect other people. For many people, it's all a game to them.

 

Never said men didn't either

 

But I think it's safe to say the average female gets more messages in a day than the average male. And the lesser a man is from a 10 the harder it is to get a message out of the blue. Meanwhile, women probably get at least 3 messages randomly a day and 3 is being very generous. I'm lucky if I get 3 messages out of the blue in a YEAR.

 

And FTR, I personally give my dates a fair shake. If I feel a possible connection then I don't start looking for "greener grass."

[Philosopher]

I've actually suggested something similar to Match and a few other dating sites. My review suggestions cover earlier things like:

• Sends articulate initial messages
  
• Responds to initial messages
  
• Average response time
  

 

I have often too thought some kind of system where you could rate your fellow dates would be a good idea as it would help people avoid those who are flaky, have no real intention of meeting up, etc.

 

The problem is though I cannot see any way to stop such a system being abused. For example you may send out an articulate first message, reply fairly promptly to subsequent messages and set up a date reasonably quickly. In short you should get a high rating. However when you go on the date you conclude they was no chemistry. They then get their revenge by giving you a very low rating on the dating site.

[Dis]

Hun, I think you're going in to OLD with the wrong attitude and perspective...its almost like you are expecting nothing good to come of this...why go into anything with that kind of attitude???

 

Dont get me wrong, I've done OLD for about 9 months (I'm not dating currently though) so I know first hand how awful it can be...but I think it would be a great idea for you to have a healthier perspective so it doesnt wear you down so quickly

 

I think with OLD, we can all expect to be disappointed, to have our hearts broken...and to be flaked on

 

But on the other side of the token...many people have great success with OLD. So you can also expect to meet new people, have some good dates, maybe find a bf if you give it enough time...people get married to people they meet on OLD...it does happen

 

This is your second thread with a negative approach to OLD...I'm just afraid your shooting yourself in the foot with this kind of attitude...I think the reason for this is you're trying to protect yourself from disappointment...and I 100% understand that

 

But if your only looking for the negatives...you'll never see the positives

 

Try to have some hope hun

[longjohn]

I've actually suggested something similar to Match and a few other dating sites. My review suggestions cover earlier things like:

• Sends articulate initial messages
  
• Responds to initial messages
  
• Average response time
  

 

Match, are you serious? That site is pure junk from my experience. I signed up and what I found is lots of fake profiles that poke/nudge/like you but ever respond to any messages ever and it won't matter how well you've crafted a nice witty message. Quite a few ladies on that site for some reason only wanted Mr Perfect.. if I wasn't 6ft, athletic, blond hair/dark hair with blue eyes making 70k a year they didn't want to waste their time! Actually in the time I spent on Match only a handful of ladies bothered to take the time to respond and those that did were on the free dating sites too! Match is the only dating site I've used where I've never once gotten a message from a lady first. I felt like I got cheated out of some money with Match, never again.

 

OP avoid POF it's full of time wasters and low life's. Not all are but a heavy majority are and most wouldn't know the truth if I slapped them in the face with it sideways. Give OKCupid a go I've actually had more good dates there vs any other site that I'm currently aware of.

[Dis]

Match, are you serious? That site is pure junk from my experience. I signed up and what I found is lots of fake profiles that poke/nudge/like you but ever respond to any messages ever and it won't matter how well you've crafted a nice witty message. Quite a few ladies on that site for some reason only wanted Mr Perfect.. if I wasn't 6ft, athletic, blond hair/dark hair with blue eyes making 70k a year they didn't want to waste their time! Actually in the time I spent on Match only a handful of ladies bothered to take the time to respond and those that did were on the free dating sites too! Match is the only dating site I've used where I've never once gotten a message from a lady first. I felt like I got cheated out of some money with Match, never again.

 

OP avoid POF it's full of time wasters and low life's. Not all are but a heavy majority are and most wouldn't know the truth if I slapped them in the face with it sideways. Give OKCupid a go I've actually had more good dates there vs any other site that I'm currently aware of.

 

I agree with you about match...total waste of time...and money

 

All the men on there were far from what I was looking for...alot of overweight guys for some reason...alot of dads....men in their 40's and 50's. Not knocking those men but they just werent what I was looking for.

 

I never got one date out of match whereas I got lots of dates from okcupid and pof

 

I respect your opinion about pof but I didnt think it was that bad...it was pretty much the same thing as okcupid but alittle more low rent

 

I would however stay the hell away from tinder....finding something serious on there would be next to impossible...its more a form of amusement than anything else

[No_Go]

I'm not sure about this rules OP... My BF of 16 months had to 'nudge' me after a week to respond to his invite for a date. I haven't given him my phone number until after the date ... But here we are now.

 

I mean why would you expect someone that you haven't even met to be soo devoted to you that they'll respond promptly (in 24-48 h)? It is not only expected, it is normal that they are talking to other people as well, going on other dates, having other priorities in life until they meet you and decide to eventually make you one (of their top priorities).

 

OLD is just a media that helps you find a partner faster... If I was relying only on real life dates, it would take me months (I'm quite introverted, don't drink at all so bars are no no, and my outings out of work were few and far in between... With OLD is a matter of days to a week to fin a BF).