Henvin Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 Hi, i'm a 24 male dating a 24 female. We've been dating for a month now and we have good chemistry. We were doing fine but recently she's been acting strange and she recently revealed to me that she still likes her ex. Though she still likes her ex, she also tells me she also likes me and that she's confused. The last time I texted her was in regards to this topic specifically she confronts me on how much I really like her because she has this feeling that i'm a player. We also both admit we want each other but she says us dating isn't right yet. It's been a week or so since then, i'm not sure if I should contact her or wait for to contact me? Or should I do another course of action? I know my situation doesn't look good but any advice would be appreciated.
JewelD Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 Wait for her to contact you. However, bear in mind that she might only choose you because her ex rejects her. That might always be a point of friction if you were to have a relationship at some point in the future. I think you're better off just seeing her casually with no expectations or ending it altogether. When exes are involved and past feelings, things tend to get messy very fast. 2
Versacehottie Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 Wait for her to contact you. However, bear in mind that she might only choose you because her ex rejects her. That might always be a point of friction if you were to have a relationship at some point in the future. I think the statement above is VERY well put! Keep low expectations or give it some time and space. I have a slightly different stance on the future. Listen, people almost always have something that they are just finishing up, or where their heart is still not quite open. So the timing is not perfect just now. Don't push for a relationship right this second BUT the timing may be better in the future (after some space and time). This doesn't always or necessarily mean you are "second" choice, only that the person is finally ready to move on--sometimes with TIME that is for the PURE reasons we hope they chose us; or sometimes it will have you thinking or feeling like it was primarily because things didn't work out with the previous guy. Good luck
Ami1uwant Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 Wait for her to contact you. However, bear in mind that she might only choose you because her ex rejects her. That might always be a point of friction if you were to have a relationship at some point in the future. I think you're better off just seeing her casually with no expectations or ending it altogether. When exes are involved and past feelings, things tend to get messy very fast. My feels night is different here...... I think this came up because she has had some recent contact with the ex and they may have talked about possibly dating ( like he coming back yo her) She likely still has feeling for him. She does need to figure things out. OP...stay back, no contact send font wait for her. She comes back to you then decide when or if that happens.
Author Henvin Posted July 16, 2016 Author Posted July 16, 2016 How long should I wait though? I know I should resist but I have this itch to contact her to see where our relationship is going
Bialy Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 She's wasting your time. If she hasn't contacted you, you're the backup guy. Don't be anyone's backup guy! You are not her first choice and what she is doing is ****ty. She was just using you as a distraction and probably as a way to get her ex jealous, to get back with him. 1
SevenCity Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 Who broke up with whom? Did she dump him? I read soemthing yesterday that is applicable. You are her shiney new toy, he is her trusted teddy bear. She's torn between what could be and what was. If you like her, then run because you will get hurt. If you don't care and just want sex, play the situation to your advantage. As far as waiting, why would you? She's not waiting. I can assure you she's been talking to her ex the entire time she isn't talking to you. You should be out finding a girl who doesn't think of you as plan B.
Author Henvin Posted July 17, 2016 Author Posted July 17, 2016 A detail in my situation is that she told her ex about me that she likes someone else. What could be the meaning of this?
Versacehottie Posted July 17, 2016 Posted July 17, 2016 A detail in my situation is that she told her ex about me that she likes someone else. What could be the meaning of this? She is clearly playing you each off each other. And likes the attention (and drama). Expect more. That is the meaning of this^^^^
Author Henvin Posted July 17, 2016 Author Posted July 17, 2016 She is clearly playing you each off each other. And likes the attention (and drama). Expect more. That is the meaning of this^^^^ Lol the games women play
Author Henvin Posted July 17, 2016 Author Posted July 17, 2016 I know you guys said I should just wait for her but I want to be given like a deadline cause I wanna make one last ditch effort because I can't stop thinking about her. I wanna have closure to know if it's really gonna end
longjohn Posted July 17, 2016 Posted July 17, 2016 She still likes her ex.. get out of there! I had a date once with a beautiful lady, very intelligent honestly kind of out of my league. Then she says "you remind me of my ex" and suddenly I seen why she went out with me. My brain said go, my loins cried stay at least 30 seconds. I left after the first date. There was no way that would work, she wasn't ready. Your gf isn't ready she'd might even have the grass is greener syndrome.
salparadise Posted July 17, 2016 Posted July 17, 2016 She is clearly playing you each off each other. And likes the attention (and drama). Expect more. That is the meaning of this^^^^ Yup. And accusing you of being the player. ...I want to be given like a deadline cause I wanna make one last ditch effort... She likes the catbird seat. She'd love to be at the center of this little tug-o-war she's trying to set up. Problem is, you're likely to lose... and humiliate yourself in the process. You need to turn the tables and at least walk away with you cajones intact. It's also the best chance you have of coming out on top. Take on an air of indifference and tell her that you're just not interested in engaging in these little games with her and her ex. Say something along the lines of, "I think we're done here. If you ever get free and clear give me a jingle and see if I'm available." And walk away with you cajones. In doing that, you've taken away her power and asserted yours. It's a better ending than waiting for her to reject you (a completely powerless position). Who knows, she might even be attracted to that assertiveness enough that it would be a tipping point. But you have to actually be ready to walk. She'll probably smell fear if you try to fake it. 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted July 17, 2016 Posted July 17, 2016 Forget deadlines. If there is ANY word or action/behavior that shows she has a connection to an ex....................END IT. Already she's looking at you as the other/second option. You are being played....as of now. 1
leogirl876 Posted July 17, 2016 Posted July 17, 2016 That's a big red flag! If she's telling you she still likes her ex then you're probably a rebound and she will probably end up getting back together with him. Even if they don't get back together (maybe he doesn't want her back) it's not healthy to enter a relationship with someone who's not fully there and thinking about someone else. Don't be the backup guy. Backup guys don't get respect from the woman they're with and what man wants that? Take back your power and walk away nicely! Just tell her you think she's great, but you're looking for someone who's ready for a relationship (or whatever you're looking for) and you're not looking for someone who's still hung up on their ex.
Versacehottie Posted July 17, 2016 Posted July 17, 2016 Yup. And accusing you of being the player. She likes the catbird seat. She'd love to be at the center of this little tug-o-war she's trying to set up. Problem is, you're likely to lose... and humiliate yourself in the process. You need to turn the tables and at least walk away with you cajones intact. It's also the best chance you have of coming out on top. Take on an air of indifference and tell her that you're just not interested in engaging in these little games with her and her ex. Say something along the lines of, "I think we're done here. If you ever get free and clear give me a jingle and see if I'm available." And walk away with you cajones. In doing that, you've taken away her power and asserted yours. It's a better ending than waiting for her to reject you (a completely powerless position). Who knows, she might even be attracted to that assertiveness enough that it would be a tipping point. But you have to actually be ready to walk. She'll probably smell fear if you try to fake it. Yes THIS is the deadline!!! Today, change your stance from passive to active AND take an attitude on of indifference until she proves she is worthy of your attention. This works miracles on people like her because it is all about her ego (which would make her a terrible partner, but I digress). BTW, guys that are doing what you ask for OP (with the deadline) are "desperate". It's not attractive and will drive people away from you. Listen to yourself, you are putting an arbitrary time limit (or want to) onto when she needs to give you an answer. And hanging on until that moment. Also to "push" for an answer by some arbitrary time has no basis for what is really going on with her/the relationship. It's funny how you wouldn't get that this is sabotage. It's as simple as.....if her current state of mind is one in which she feels fine talking about other guys romantically to you, then she is not in a position to be in a relationship with you now. The "deadline" is past. It's based on what is going on in your relationship/her head. You should be offended she would do this and be doubting any future with her--yet instead you are rushing IN. Wrong. Pull back, be indifferent since that is what she is showing you. That's how you force a decision from her. Not with words. Good luck 1
Author Henvin Posted July 18, 2016 Author Posted July 18, 2016 Update: I ended up contacting her and she tells me she's been waiting for me to message her ever since. Long story short, I got her really emotional and I walked away but I also told her that when she figures things out, she can come back to me. She got really emotional and she said that when that day comes, she hopes I'll still be the same guy when we first met. She also refused to say goodbye to me at which point she says she'll always be there for me. After she said that, I don't know what to say to her, I just left the conversation at that. Not sure if I should reply or not. I'm just really emotional right now cause this is the first time I've walked away from someone that I like who I also liked me back
Bialy Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 You've officially cemented yourself as backup guy. You've given her a free pass, basically. She doesn't have to worry about you entering the picture while she pursues her ex. She gets to have her cake and eat it too. Don't be anyone's beta doormat.
bubbaganoosh Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 A detail in my situation is that she told her ex about me that she likes someone else. What could be the meaning of this? The meaning of this is your swimming upstream with this girl. She hasn't got over her old BF and your a fill in. Now ask yourself this. Is that what you want or do you want to date a girl who is free and clear? You can sit and wait and if she calls you, then what? No promise that you can get back with her. My advice is to move on. She isn't ready for another relationship while trying to get over the one she was in.
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