What was the hardest/most difficult decission you've ever made (if don't mind share)

[thestaircase]

Hello. Hi, if you don't mind sharing, what was the hardest/most difficult decission you have ever made? Whether it decission regarding family, love/marriage/relationship, health, work/career, anything..

Thank you very much for your time sharing your stories/experience.

 

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I guess I go first. Sorry, warning: LONGGG post ahead.. I know everyone time is precious, so please skip it if you don't have a few minutes to spare. And sorry for my Not so good English grammars, English is my third language.

 

The hardest/most difficult decission I have ever made--I was force to chose between my parents or the guy who is now husband. My mom force me to chose between her and my dad, or my husband. And I chose my husband.. Yup, I'm a very Unfilial daughter, I chose a guy over my parents.

 

My mom make it loud and clear that if I married him, she will completely cut me off. I fully know this and I still chose him, I'm a very Unfilial daughter.. My mom disown me off after I got married.

She said I make her "Lose Face", because I married my husband. Not only make her lose face to family, but also make her lose face to the Chinese community where she lives. She feels embarrassed and shameful about me.. She just hate me so much, she doesn't want anything to do with me.

I have No regrets that I chose my husband.. But it just hurts and hurts so much. In the Chinese culture, parents and family is VERY VERY important. And my parents disown me, I feel that a part of me is missing.

 

It just hurts and hurts and hurts alot. When she is my mother--the woman who gave birth to me, bring me to this world. But belittle me, insult me, spit in my face and call me dirty. Said I'm dirty and full of shame.. In her eyes, I'm nothing but just a dirty and shameful girl. My mother call me dirty, I'm dirty because I sleep with him--the guy who lawfully is my husband.

 

It hurts alot that my own mother is ashamed of me. She said she rather not gave birth to me.

It hurts alot that she my mom but called me 'Dirty'. She also called my future children dirty.. According to her words, my future children are equally 'Dirty' and shameful just like me--their mom.

She also said DO NOT ever bring those dirty grandchildren back to see her.

She make it very clear that when I'm pregnant, don't bring my dirty stomach back to see her, I'm not welcome nor is my dirty stomach.

 

I grief alot.. I grief that my future children won't have a maternal grandma like other people children. I grief when I see other people children have their maternal grandma love them, but my children? My children don't have that blessing.

In my mother eyes, according to her words--my children equally 'Dirty' and shameful just like me.. Children are innocent, I don't know why my mom have the heart to call my future children dirty, and call my stomach dirty. She make it very clear that when I'm pregnant, don't ever bring my dirty stomach back to see her.

 

It hurts alot alot, my mom always call me dirty.. I'm not dirty, my future children is not dirty. The guy I sleep with is my husband; we married, he is my husband. Why my mom insult me, spit in my face and call me dirty? It hurts so much.

If you ever have anyone spit in your face before, you know exactly how it feels.. I'm sorry but to me it is one of the worst thing that you can do to someone. I find that my mother spit in my face is worser damage (emotionally) than she slap me in my face. I rather have she just slap me in my face, to me that would be less painful than she spit in my face.

 

I have zero family support. I have No family to turn to.. Family here I mean immediate family, my blood family. I'm not an orphan, I Know I have an immediate family, but it like I don't have any.

 

In the Confucianism Chinese culture, Unfilial is the top top biggest sin, lighting will hit those who unfilial to their parents. In our culture, we strongly believe that if you unfilial to your parents, when you have your own children, your children will be unfilial back to you.

I married the guy that my parents make it loud and clear that they disapproved. Despite knowing that they will completely cut me off if I married him, and I still chose to married him.

I'm willing to let my parents disown me, I chose a guy over my parents.. In my Chinese culture, that is a big No-No, that is considered unfilial in Confuciansim culture teaching.

 

I know lightning will hit me one day, I know Karma will get me one day for being an unfilal daughter. I know when I have children, my children will be unfilial back to me. I deserve it.

But I feel sad for my husband, he doesn't deserve that. He always been a filial son, he very filial to his mother. He doesn't deserve his children be unfilial to him.

 

My mother always give me a very hard time and TREMENDOUS pressure.. Everyday I struggle inside, torn between him and my parents. All the pressure my mom giving me, it just so much pressure from my mother.

 

I know my parents disapproved my husband, I know married him my parents will disown me. I tried really really hard not to love him, I tell myself I can't love him. But doesn't matter how hard I try, I myself inside know that I love him.

As much as I hate myself for chose him over my parents. As much as I hate to admit, but I love him. I grow to love him more everyday.. My feelings for him was dradual developement feelings. I Know for sure I love him, and now I'm at the point where I don't even know if I can function correctly without him in my life.

 

He is an awesome husband. He loving and caring, and a devoted husband. He ridiculously patience, patience and patience. He treats me really really well, he loves me in every possible way that he can. He loves me alot alot, perhaps even way more than I love him.. I feel blessed to have him as a husband. I have zero regrets this lifetime.

I have no regrets that I chose to married him. And as unfilial as it sounds--I have no regrets that I chose him over my parents.

 

Eversince I married him. All I have to do is cook him (he loves eat Chinese food), and help wash dishes. And be his wife. (All he ask me for is cook him homemade food so he have food to get when he comes home from work. And ask me to be his wife).

After dinner he the one that clean the kitchen; after done clean the kitchen he join help with the dishes too.

He do laundry. He do cleaning around the house, do maintenance. He do all the vacuum, mopping, sweeping, take out the trash, housework things he do.

He the one that that scrub and clean the toilet bowl, do all the bathroom cleaning. Never once he let me clean the toielt or clean the bathroom.. Same with laundry; he won't let me do laundry, in our house it him that do laundry. He said he 'wants' to do our laundry; not just his only but do mine and his together.

He said things like clean scrub the toilet--cleaning toilet/bathroom, an ddo laundry. Those are 'his' jobs--the husband job. He specificly said he wants to be the one that do it.

 

He worries and secure everything from emotionally to financially, so I can live a stable steady and comfy life.

He work hard to secure our future. To make sure we always be in a comfortable fiancial position, make sure we have extra money in saving.. He work his butt off, just so I can live a comfy life without have to worried about financial.

Thank you to him, I live a comfy life without much to worried (emotionally or financially). Thank you to him, a girl with only a High school diploma (No college degree) who work $10 an hour minimum wage job like me can live a stable and comfy life.

 

He treats me really really well; I have no regrets married him. I have no regrets this lifetime.. It just I don't get my mother, I don't get why it so hard for my mother to accept him; she disapproved him SOLELY because of his ethnicity. It just so Unfair to him, seeing how my mother discriminate against him.

NEVER once my mother care enough to meet my husband.. She very very unreasonable. She doesn't even care to know his name, let alone his jobs or who he is as a person. NEVER once she care enough to met him. She said alot of hurtful words. She discriminate against him and disrespect him when she never met him before, not even once. How fair is that to him? Why so Unfair to him?

 

I grief and grief over my mother alot.. I wish there will be a beautiful day where my mother will stop discriminate against him, stop disrespect him, and accept him. There will be a beautiful day where my mom can see him for his heart, for who he is as a person instead of his ethnicity.

I wish that there will be a beautiful day where my husband will have a MIL that accept him and respect him like other people DH out there. There will be a beautiful day where my future children will have a "maternal" grandma like other people children out there.

I wish there will be a beautiful day where my mother will no longer ashamed of me, no longer ashamed of my marriage. There will be a beautiful day where I have a mother who will love me unconditionally like how other people mother love them..

BUT I know wish is just wish, I know this lifetime I don't have this blessing, I just never meant to have mother who love me like other people mother out there love them.. I really admire all of those out there who have a mother love you; I admire you so much, you just don't know how much I admire you.

[preraph]

I'm so sorry that your parents do not want you to live your own life. Here is what I say to you and please take it to heart:

 

Your parents had their own life to live as they chose. If they chose to turn it over to their parents to manage, that is on them, not you. If they decided to follow tradition, that is their choice because it was their lives to live as they wanted to.

 

This is your life. It is not theirs. They do not get to have two lives, their own and yours. If they choose to disown their own offspring because you choose your own path and choose to make your own life and make your own decisions and find your own happiness, then they are selfish and narcissistic and don't know the meaning of love.

 

You must not let them guilt you into living their lives for them. You must not do that to your future children, if you have them. Life is not a gift if you don't let your child become the person he or she truly is and follow their own path.

 

Now, your question about hardest decision. One was knowing that the logical next step in my career would be to go to work in the same company with a man I had had a very messy breakup with and was very broken up about. I got physically ill when that realization hit me. I worked with him for 10 years. It was hell a good bit of the time emotionally. But decades later we manage a delicate friendship.

 

The others are when I have to decide when to have my pets euthanized, when the right time is. Deciding is worse than doing it.

[gaius]

Probably to abandon my grandmother to a vile, borderline abusive nursing home and move out of state. She basically got herself put there through her own poor decisions but she was one of the few who actually loved me when I was growing up. And now she's alone and ****ting in a diaper, confined to a wheelchair when she really doesn't have to be. Nobody talks to her, they don't even really bathe her that often from what I hear, she sits staring at a wall in a hall all day. That was always her biggest fear in life too. The woman who did the most for me and I couldn't even save her from her worst nightmare.

 

At the end of the day though I didn't have the legal standing or resources to do anything about it so I left. Once in a while I'll see an old lady at the store hobbling along with her cart that will remind me of her and it just makes me want to break down in tears. We do what we have to in life though I guess.

[preraph]

I get it Gaius. I have been guardian or power of attorney to three elder relatives and did everything I could to keep them in their homes as long as possible, but my dad's mind degenerated long before his body did and he was in a secure nursing home for many many years. My mother had enough money to stay in her home but when I fired the Social Services-recommended home health crew, they retaliated by ordering my mother go into a home. It broke my heart and was just wrong. She could have been fine in her home with better home health care which we were willing to pay for privately. Now I hate social services.

 

It's all very hard decisions we have to live with, but in the end most of us can only do what we can do and no more.

[MrDuck]

I believe you get one life and the only way to do justice to it is to live boldly. To be brave enough to go get the world you want and to leave it better.

 

I believe that which has given me confidence to make some big decisions in my life..

I bought a one way plane ticket at 16 and didn't come back for 4 and half years. But that was an easy decision, i had no one but a dad who drank, I had no opportunities, i was heading for a dead end if id stayed. So I went.

 

I met a girl and I followed her cause why not? She introduced me to volunteering and I travelled the world doing just that.

 

She was the best friend i'd ever had, but in a romantic relationship.. we just didn't work! When she got pregnant I knew i wanted my son, raising him as a single dad was of course life-changing but i never wavered, i just wanted to be everything to him my dad never was to me.

 

None of those things people always assume were difficult decisions actually were.

The hardest decision I ever made was to come home..

I had settled down, I had a steady job and home, working on a game reserve in Africa. I felt like i belonged. My son was happy.

I was coming up to needing to sort a new visa which i was hoping i would get and stay out there.

Then i got a facebook message to say my youngest half brother was in hospital and it was pretty touch and go.

I have two younger half brothers, as kids I hardly ever saw them, I lived with my dad, they lived with their mum & stepdad. You could never say we were close, they weren't my playmates, my best friends, or my partners in crime. The older one and me never really got on anyway, I thought he was up himself, (and i must of meant it at the time) and he thought i was a bit of a jerk (which i probably was). We hadnt been in contact since id gone travelling, they never even met my son.

Still i found out he was in hospital and short story is, i decided to come home.

Hardest decision i ever made.. i was scared i guess, my life was going no where here before and i was afraid it would go the same way if i came back. I thought there was nothing for me here, i thought there was nothing for my son here.

There was a million reasons for me not to go back.. but I couldn't ignore the feeling i was avoiding something.. running away maybe..

I went away and i became a better man.. but does it really mean a thing unless i could go back and still be a better man?

I was proud of the life i was living and the good I've done, but i wasnt proud of the life i'd left at home and i guess this part of me always felt like i needed to try to.. i dunno.. go back.

 

I'll never forget the look on the older of my younger brothers' face walked into the hospital.. his jaw hit the floor like a cartoon haha!

 

When i made peace with them i realised we actually had more common ground that i ever knew. I even live with my bros now! The funny thing is its weird because the 'family' that I thought I didn't have (and if i'm honest I wanted), had been there all the time.. I just didn't see it!

Id miss my bros like crazy now, they're my best friends, my playmates and my partners in crime!

I've made a home here, i've got family and a good job and a great girlfriend! I think thats something to be proud of.

[losangelena]

The hardest decision I've ever made was to step away from my religious faith. It was also the best decision I ever made. I realized (after a couple of years), that my notion of "God" had been extremely messed up, and I was using a relationship with him to avoid taking responsibility for my own life. It was hard because it was scary, and because it was controversial amongst my family and friend group; I lost a lot of support. However, the positive outcomes include an increased sense of agency and a decrease in anxiety. I also finally feel like my life has some forward momentum, which it never had before.

[GunslingerRoland]

My mom force me to chose between her and my dad, or my husband. And I chose my husband.. Yup, I'm a very Unfilial daughter, I chose a guy over my parents.

 

You didn't choose "a guy" over your parents, you chose your husband over your parents as any one should. I'm not an expert on Chinese culture, but I'm pretty sure once you are married your first duty is to your husband and children, not your parents anymore.

 

 

Anyway for myself, the really tough choices in my life have been made for me, I don't think I've had to choose anything that was truly life altering all on my own...

[Springsummer]

OP...your post makes me cried. Even though I almost have the exact opposite problem as you - I have problem finding love. I can feel for you. It goes to show there are always these and that problems in life.

 

OP, I think at this point all you need to do is forget about your mom. Live your life as you believe in. and don't believe the so called Chinese 'karma'. you don't deserve that. Love is love.

[sandylee1]

Hi Stairs,

 

I remember you and your story.

 

I ended a relationship (my first love), because I didn't think my parents would be welcoming to him, as he wasn't from the same country as me. My mum said my dad wouldn't be happy about it, so I broke up with him. But I missed him so much and we got back together. I still ended it, but the second time was my own decision.

 

Another one I recall, was leaving a relationship with a really nice guy who loved me, because he wasn't quite ready for the serious type of relationship in my timelines. I had finished college and was working, he was still in college, but he was a very genuine guy in every sense.

[thestaircase]

Thank you so much for everyone replies--sharing your stories/experience, and your kind and supportive words to me. I really appreciate it, it means alot to me. Thank you. I click 'like' all the replies. Thank you.

 

I'm Chinese.

My husband he come straight from Sierra Leone, West Africa.

I love him, his skin color is irrelevant to me. I just feel unfair, so unfair that my mother disapprove him solely because of his ethnicity. It just so unfair to him.

I just don't get my mother. Me and her are also people of color--we are yellow. We Chinese (Asian), we are yellow--we are also colored people. Why can't I love him? Why can't I love a guy who lawfully is my husband? He is a colored person, so what? I'm also a colored person myself.

It so unfair that my mother discriminate against him, it juts so Unfair Unfair to my husband.

 

okay, I know ALOT of Chinese (Asian) women married White men. And Chinese parents accept it fine.

But my husband is NOT White. My husband come from West Africa.

A Chinese girl and an African guy, it just not acceptable in the China/Chinese culture. If anyone been to China before know this. If anyone know Chinese culture know this. Chinese parents just don't take it so well when their daughter go married a African guy, simple as that.. It not simple as love is enough to Chinese parents. It all about their 'face'. My mother said I make her "Lose Face", she said she ashamed of me and ashamed of my marriage.

You can ask any Chinese parents and they will tell you. I'm sure I'm not the only Chinese girl who have parents disapproved their daughter date/married a African guy.

 

It just so much pressure from my parents. But I love him.

 

I know my parents disapproved my husband, discriminate against my husband. But I love him, what can I do?

And he is an awesome husband. He treats me really really well, I'm damn blessed to have him as my husband. If married him means my mother disown me, then let it be, I have no regrets.

 

I married him with nothing too. There was No engagement ring. I didn't have an engagement ring. It was me that specificly said I don't want an engagement ring.. There was No wedding reception. No honeymoon. I didn't even get to wear a wedding dress, no wedding cake, nothing.

In all fairness to him.. It was "me" that chose Not to have any of that.

And I didn't want a wedding reception. Because frankly, there was No point of me to have a wedding reception when there nobody on my side of the family going to show up.. I asked myself, what's the point of have a wedding reception when nobody on the bride side of the family going to show up? You know what I mean?

 

Both my parents refused to give me their blessing, both refused to show up to my wedding ceremony.. Even till this day my parents still haven't accept my husband nor accept my marriage.

 

-----------------------------------

 

My husband he knows all about my mother disapproved him, discriminate against him and disrespect him.

He knows all about my abusive childhood, (my mother verbally and emotionally abuse me in my childhood). He doesn't mind my emotional childhood baggage.. He doesn't care that my mother discriminate against him.

He accepted everything about me.. He accepted that this is our situation/circumstances. He face the situation and make the best out of it.

 

There No hate in his heart, there No resentment.. NEVER once I heard him say a word criticize my mother. NEVER once I heard him say a disrespectful word, a negative word or a bad word about my mother. NEVER once he complain a word about our situation/circumstances.

But then he never complain anyways. I Never heard him complain a word about his life, his jobs or anything life throw at him.. He said complain won't change anything. Don't run away, face the situation and make the best out of it.

 

The one that complain alot is me.. I just don't have the level-headed and the ridiculously patience level like my husband.

Heck, I'm still yearning for my mother to accept him, when deep down inside I know that she will never accept him.. From met him--to acquaintance to friends--to dating--to marriage--even to this day; NEVER once my mother care enough to met him, she just won't accept him at.all, she just won't change her view/mind. What make I think she will suddenly change her mind now?

 

Past or present, he treats me really well. He loves me unconditionally.. He really patience, and really understanding of my abusive childhood. And understanding of my culture.

All he asked me for is promise to Communicate with him, talk to him. We will face all the hardship together.. My family disapproval of him, our huge cultural difference, whatever hardship throw at us; he believe we can make it. As long two people loves each others, two people willing to communicate with each others, willing to make the effort to work it out together.

 

He strongly believe in communication. Talk it out together, and solve the problem together.. He wants me and him--both put in the effort to communicate to each others.

He likes to face the problem, communicate it through and solve it. He strongly against the silent-treatment route.

To him love/marriage go side by side with communication.. Don't rug-sweep problems, face it and work it out together. Don't run away from the piles, it will just build up more and more. I dunno, I guess he the type of guy that big on communication.

 

Eversince I met him--from acquaintance to friends--to dating--to marriage--to this day; it been peaceful and loving, completely drama-free, zero drama.. Marriage also have been peaceful and loving. Heck, we don't even fight or argue.

Thank you to his patience and effort that hold this marriage stable and peaceful. He ridiculously patience, patience and patience, and still ridiculously patience.

My mother did said she will open her eyes wide and watch my marriage with this guy she disapproved, watch my marriage fail miserably.

 

My mother make it very very clear, deep down inside I know I have no hope left. But subconciously I'm still yearning for the day she will accept my husband.. I just hope before this life of mine is over, my mother can accept him. Or at least try to, at least give once change to met him.

I feel terrible for him. The more of an awesome husband he is, the more terrible I feel.

 

I said in my OP already. It just me grief, I grief and grief over my mother alot.. I wish there will be a beautiful day where my mother will stop discriminate against him, stop disrespect him, and accept him. There will be a beautiful day where my mom can see him for his heart, for who he is as a person instead of his ethnicity.

I wish that there will be a beautiful day where my husband will have a MIL that accept him and respect him like other people DH out there. There will be a beautiful day where my future children will have a "maternal" grandma like other people children out there.

I wish there will be a beautiful day where my mother will no longer ashamed of me, no longer ashamed of my marriage. There will be a beautiful day where I have a mother who will love me unconditionally like how other people mother love them.

BUT I know wish is just wish, I know this lifetime I don't have this blessing, I just never meant to have mother who love me like other people mother out there love them.. I just wish that I have a mother who love me like other people mother love them, is that too much to ask?

Is that too much to ask? I just feel so Unfair. I know life isn't fair, but I feel so unfair that my own mother treats me like this.

Edited July 19, 2016 by thestairs

[thestaircase]

I grief and grief over my mother alot.

The relationship between me and my mom is very strain, I never have a good relationship with my mom. Not even in my childhood, in my childhood she verbally and emotionally abuse me.

I love my mother alot, but we just don't have a good relationship. And she not close in distance to me, she lives 1 hour drive away, (1 hour by car on freeway I don't think it close distance).

I don't mind drive 1 hour on the freeway to come back home to visit my father. But my mom just make it extremely hard for me, she always lecture me of how dirty I am and keep insutling me.

 

Despite I never had a good relationship with my mom, but before she didn't hate me to the point that she would completely cut me off. (She began to disown me after I married my husband).

At least before she let me drive back to visit my dad, let me phone home and talk to my dad see how he doing. I do miss and love my father very much, (the father that never abuse me in my childhood)... Frankly, I don't care how my mother treats me. I just want to visit my old father, or at least let me phone home. I always feel that I'm a very unfilial daughter. If one day he passed away due to old age, I will forever regrets that I didn't see him often enough when he was still alive.

 

My mom pretty much force me to chose between her and my dad, or my husband. And when I chose to married my husband, she disown me.. She make it extremely hard for me and give me tremendous pressure. I know she wants me to leave my husband (she discriminate against him and just won't accept him as a son in-law).

 

Because I'm still married to my husband, she keeps make it harder and harder for me. I know the longer and longer I stay married, the more and more pressure my mom going to give me.. But No, I will not leave my husband just to make my mom happy. Why do I have to leave the guy who lawfully is my husband? I love him.

She make it loud and clear that she does not welcome me drive back to visit my dad anymore. She does not welcome me to step foot in to the house to visit see my dad. And don't ever phone back home to talk to her or ask how my dad doing, she doesn't want anything to do with me.. Yes, she that much ashamed of me.

What further hurts is my dad never stood up for me. Eventhough my dad doesn't bluntly said all the hurtful words like my mom. But he never care enough to stood up for me, that is no difference as letting me know that he agree with what my mom do.. I guess my own father is ashamed of my marriage and ashamed of me too.

 

I know my mom is ashamed of me, ashame of my marriage, I know she embarrassed about me..

I don't mind she belitlte me or say hurtful things to me. I don't mind she point her finger at me and lecture me. Heck, I don't even mind she spit in my face.. She is my mother, she gave birth to me--she bring me to this world; I know this and I will never forget this. All I want is she let me visit my dad, let me see my dad.

 

I love my dad so much, eventhough my dad is 15 years older than my mom but his health is decent for his old age. I'm fortunate to have the blessing that my father is still alive and healthy, I thank God everyday for this blessing.

Last month on Father's Day, I want to see my dad very much. I don't mind drive 1 hour on the freeway to come back home to visit my father, if I can just see my dad for few minutes so I can ask how he doing. But my mom won't let me.

 

My mom make it loud and clear that she not welcome me to step foot in to the house to visit see my dad. Last time she open the door and said why do I still drive back to visit? She call me dirty, she not welcome me.. I know it her house, she have every right not to let me step foot in.

I don't mind stand outside the if that means I can talk to my dad. But my dad won't step out and talk to me.. I guess my own father is ashamed of my marriage and ashamed of me too.

 

The only way she let me step in the house to see my dad is if I sit there and let she belittle me, insult me, lecture me of how dirty I am. Sit there and hear all the hurtful words she said about my husband, her comments about my husband it just so hurtful.

I don't mind she call me dirty, put me down, belittle me.. But I really can't handle sit there hear she said all the hurtful comments about my husband, all the hurtful discriminate words she has against him. I just can't do it.

I really want to see my dad, but I just can't sit through her lecture, because I will cry. I don't want to cry every time I visit my dad, I don't want to hear the hurtful words my mom lecture me every time I visit my dad.

 

I know she is my mother, she gave birth to me, she bring me to this world..

I don't blame my mom for disown me, I only blame myself for chose my husband over my parents, I blame myself for being an unfilial daughter.

Anyways, the only way left is for me is phone home. I do try attempt to phone home, hoping I can talk to my dad. But every time she picks up she call me Dirty and say hurtful things, and won't let me talk to my dad.. I don't know if I should keep attempt to phone home. Phone home last hope I have left trying to maintain contact with my father.

My dad know my cell phone #, but he never care enough to phone me. I guess it pretty clear that he ashamed of me and ashamed of my marriage; he just doesn't say bluntly out the hurtful words like my mom.

 

I really dont' know what to do in my situation, I feel that both my parents have abandon me. I mean my mom make it very clear that she will disown me if I married my husband. I fully know this and I still chose my husband over my parents, so I only have myself to blame.

I know the relationship between me and my mom is unmendable, there no hope between me and my mom; I have accept that. But then I also lost my father, he on my mom side, even my own father abandon me too. I really don't know what to do in my situation.. What would you do? My mother so unfair to me, it just so unfair that she treats me this way, she is my mother--why my own mother treats me this way?

Edited July 19, 2016 by thestairs

[GunslingerRoland]

You need to figure out how to stop caring so much about this, like you said she was abusive to you as a child, and she's still abusive to you today. She's racist and hateful, I think you need to let it go. Maybe she'll mature over time, but don't hold your breath waiting.

 

 

Focus on your marriage with your husband. Have your own family. Make good friends who are like family to you...

[Haydn]

Probably to abandon my grandmother to a vile, borderline abusive nursing home and move out of state. She basically got herself put there through her own poor decisions but she was one of the few who actually loved me when I was growing up. And now she's alone and ****ting in a diaper, confined to a wheelchair when she really doesn't have to be. Nobody talks to her, they don't even really bathe her that often from what I hear, she sits staring at a wall in a hall all day. That was always her biggest fear in life too. The woman who did the most for me and I couldn't even save her from her worst nightmare.

 

At the end of the day though I didn't have the legal standing or resources to do anything about it so I left. Once in a while I'll see an old lady at the store hobbling along with her cart that will remind me of her and it just makes me want to break down in tears. We do what we have to in life though I guess.

 

We don`t always agree Gauis. But you had a shot at happiness. Sometimes you have to take those shots.

[No_Go]

One of the hardest decisions for me so far was to leave science/academia... It has also been a liberating decision - I felt like I was living in a cult on occasion (all my friends, jokes, experiences were science-related... taking a weekend off the lab was almost an unforgivable sin at some point...). I still have some regrets but... I may go back to that path one day, refreshed and improved.

 

Another probably bigger hard decision: to leave my country. Shockingly, this was less of a shock then the career switch... Now, 9 years later I have no regrets... Although sometimes I wonder what my life would be if I was surrounded by my family and childhood friends.

[katiegrl]

Breaking my RL/engagement... after six years together, after bf became heavily involved with coke and meth... addicted.

 

Promised rehab, then reneged and started using again.

 

I lost all faith and trust at that point... and had to end it.

 

But still loved him at the time.... which made it the hardest decision I ever had to make.

 

But now in retrospect, it was the best decision as I have moved on and know there is another man out there who is better for me (and probably a better woman for him too).

Edited July 19, 2016 by katiegrl