The ugly and aggressive friend

July 16, 2016

I didn't think my every word would be pored over and scrutinised. Sorry, I'll bear that in mind for next time.

You can believe what you want. You have women who have done this telling you why we do it but you'd rather believe the scenario that her friend was jealous and stopped her from giving you her number because that situation does a little less damage to your ego.

But being honest, that happens about as often as men blocking their friends from women they want. You don't like the answer, but you did ask. It happens to plenty of men. You didn't know her so I wouldn't take it personal.

July 16, 2016

My first thought was that the girl had a boyfriend at home and that her buddy dragged her away because of that.

When someone flirts, it doesn't necessarily mean that they are interested. And don't forget that girls do look out for each other if one gets themselves in a situation which they shouldn't have.

Anyway, it's not that your luck is bad. I think you just have to look for love in different places. What does your social group look like? Do you have a mixed group? Could you meet someone through a party?

July 16, 2016

If the friend was ugly she was likely jealous.

Pretty girls have ugly friends because it makes them look even prettier. A lot of them do anyway.

I prefer to have pretty friends.

July 16, 2016

You can believe what you want. You have women who have done this telling you why we do it but you'd rather believe the scenario that her friend was jealous and stopped her from giving you her number because that situation does a little less damage to your ego.

But being honest, that happens about as often as men blocking their friends from women they want. You don't like the answer, but you did ask. It happens to plenty of men. You didn't know her so I wouldn't take it personal.

Well I do find it quite common on this board, particularly with men, that the female posters will go for the negative narrative that does nothing for the guys ego.

Look at preraphs rsther aggressive 'it can't be jealousy, don't flatter yourself' - is that tone really necessary? She is basically saying 'don't go thinking you can take anything positive from this, sonny Jim!'.

I find it quite interesting that posters who, with fairly inconclusive evidence and who weren't even there can be so categorical and narrow minded, refusing to comtemplate any other outcome when there is no evidence to rule it out and quite compelling evidence why it might be so. So preraph has never known it amongst her circle of friends in 63 years so it never happens? Riiiight, what is that logical fallacy argument about how "it can't be true because it never happens to me!!!1"

I don't actually want my ego fluffed here, I would just like the posters to display more of an open mind. It really is fascinating how most don't seem able to do that, homing in on the negatives as if their life depends on it and details about toliet doors whilst strangely managing to miss observations like she had to be dragged away by the friend. Funny huh?

Edited July 16, 2016 by insert_name

July 16, 2016

Well I do find it quite common on this board, particularly with men, that the female posters will go for the negative narrative that does nothing for the guys ego.

Look at preraphs rsther aggressive 'it can't be jealousy, don't flatter yourself' - is that tone really necessary? She is basically saying 'don't go thinking you can take anything positive from this, sonny Jim!'.

I find it quite interesting that posters who, with fairly inconclusive evidence and who weren't even there can be so categorical and narrow minded, refusing to comtemplate any other outcome when there is no evidence to rule it out and quite compelling evidence why it might be so. So preraph has never known it amongst her circle of friends in 63 years so it never happens? Riiiight, what is that logical fallacy argument about how "it can't be true because it never happens to me!!!1"

I don't actually want my ego fluffed here, I would just like the posters to display more of an open mind. It really is fascinating how most don't seem able to do that, homing in on the negatives as if their life depends on it.

Interesting...

Welcome to Loveshack. It's not always about making you feel good, it's about giving people real and honest advice. You can't always have both.

Would you be telling us to keep an open mind if we all agreed with you and said her friend was definitely jealous?

Nobody on here was there but you but you asked for advice.

There's no conspiracy of women on here trying to make men feel negative, although it's usually something negative that happened that brings us all to this site in the first place.

Just telling you the MOST likely situation. I mean, it's also possible she had a horrible case of diarrhea and really had to go or she's a part time super hero who had to go fight crime with her sidekick, but is pondering unlikely situations really going to help anyone?

July 16, 2016

My first thought was that the girl had a boyfriend at home and that her buddy dragged her away because of that.

When someone flirts, it doesn't necessarily mean that they are interested. And don't forget that girls do look out for each other if one gets themselves in a situation which they shouldn't have.

Anyway, it's not that your luck is bad. I think you just have to look for love in different places. What does your social group look like? Do you have a mixed group? Could you meet someone through a party?

Thanks for being rather more constructive than some of the others in this thread.

My social group sucks cus all my friends are settled down, hence why I find myself in a club on my own. Would obviously prefer not to do that but sadly my life seems to be a crusade against traditional couple/group activities- eating at restauarants on my own, going to clubs on my own etc. It isn't nice but I damn well do it because I don't want other peoples perceptions keeping me at home.

My friends occasionally throw parties but they are either couple oriented or the ones that aren't consist of people from.work only and I work in a small office of about 30 people so there isn't really much scope there. If I am going to meet someone it is going to be through my own endeavour it seems. I drive my friends wild with the constant requests to take photos of me for my OLD profile. Its so emasculating...

I do have a big problem in the sense that some of the things I am interested in are not really things you can do meet ups for- like being a fan of club style music, and music production (which involves many hours on my own moving midi parts around a timeline!). I feel like taking up something like mountain climbing but on the other hand it all feels a bit cynical as I don't have a real yearning to do it, it is just a great way to expand my social circle.

July 16, 2016

Welcome to Loveshack. It's not always about making you feel good, it's about giving people real and honest advice. You can't always have both.

Would you be telling us to keep an open mind if we all agreed with you and said her friend was definitely jealous?

Nobody on here was there but you but you asked for advice.

There's no conspiracy of women on here trying to make men feel negative, although it's usually something negative that happened that brings us all to this site in the first place.

Just telling you the MOST likely situation. I mean, it's also possible she had a horrible case of diarrhea and really had to go or she's a part time super hero who had to go fight crime with her sidekick, but is pondering unlikely situations really going to help anyone?

No but there is no need to sound like you are taking great delight in being negative is there? It does come across like it is a case of chalking one up for the sisterhood at times. And like I say why so categorical? You can say one outcome is the most likely, surely?

And yes I would point that out- I pride myself on my objectivity, didn't I agree that it is likely that she was interested, but not enough. Really boosting myself up there aren't I!

I guess what I am getting at is that there aren't a lot of constructive replies going on here. Basil's wasn't very positive but was rather more constructive- fair play.

Edited July 16, 2016 by insert_name

July 16, 2016

You can believe what you want. You have women who have done this telling you why we do it but you'd rather believe the scenario that her friend was jealous and stopped her from giving you her number because that situation does a little less damage to your ego.

But being honest, that happens about as often as men blocking their friends from women they want. You don't like the answer, but you did ask. It happens to plenty of men. You didn't know her so I wouldn't take it personal.

I'm not buying this all that much. I've had situations where I've talked to a girl, getting on great and a friend pulls her away. Neither of them had looked at each other so unless they have telepathy there is no way she told her to "rescue" her.

Sure, sometimes it goes that way, but I think just as often it's a bored or jealous friend.

And as for men blocking friends? Yes that happens too.

The old "all's fair in love and war".

OP don't sweat it. Approach more girls. If you wait till you "know" then you are wasting 90% of your chances.

July 16, 2016

I'm not buying this all that much. I've had situations where I've talked to a girl, getting on great and a friend pulls her away. Neither of them had looked at each other so unless they have telepathy there is no way she told her to "rescue" her.
Sure, sometimes it goes that way, but I think just as often it's a bored or jealous friend.

And as for men blocking friends? Yes that happens too.
The old "all's fair in love and war".

OP don't sweat it. Approach more girls. If you wait till you "know" then you are wasting 90% of your chances.

"B..b..b..but that can't be true because....penis!"

Cheers, I'm going to take your advice and just try the old getting to know people just because, guys too. Try and become a people person. I guess I worry that people will think I'm an idiot or somethi ng but what the hell- if they don't like me when I am just trying to be friendly (like wi 99th the douchey friend tonight) then that is their issue- I just need to keep at it til that way of thinking becomes second nature. Easy, right?

July 16, 2016

"B..b..b..but that can't be true because....penis!"

Cheers, I'm going to take your advice and just try the old getting to know people just because, guys too. Try and become a people person. I guess I worry that people will think I'm an idiot or somethi ng but what the hell- if they don't like me when I am just trying to be friendly (like wi 99th the douchey friend tonight) then that is their issue- I just need to keep at it til that way of thinking becomes second nature. Easy, right?

If you just want advice from other men and people who will tell you what you want to hear, put that in the thread title.

IJS, it must be a little ego motivated as the outcome is the same for both scenarios anyway, she wasn't interested enough to give you a number.

and what I shared was my honest opinion from experience. Nobody on here knows you to be committed to trying to hurt your feelings.

July 16, 2016

I know the advice here can be kind of harsh hun...but thats LS for you..at least you took a chance right???

Coming from a woman's perspective...it really could be any number of things.

Her friend might have been jealous....cant rule that out

Maybe she just got out of a bad relationship and her friend felt the need to safe guard her in a sense

I know as woman, my gf's def look out for me in these situtations and they would have no problem grabbing me away from a guy I wasnt interested in...but who knows maybe thats not what happened here

I think what you can take away from this is...your brave! lol You went to a club without a friend in tow? That takes some guts. Wish I could do that!

I just turned 30 and all my friends are settled down too. I def wouldnt go to a club by myself though...I'm alittle too shy for that...but good for you putting yourself out there

You can run through the list of possible reasons why this woman took off but I think its more constructive to realize you'll never know why and just keep doing what your doing...being bold and taking chances!

July 16, 2016

If you just want advice from other men and people who will tell you what you want to hear, put that in the thread title.

IJS, it must be a little ego motivated as the outcome is the same for both scenarios anyway, she wasn't interested enough to give you a number.

and what I shared was my honest opinion from experience. Nobody on here knows you to be committed to trying to hurt your feelings.

You are being quite obtuse- I already explained all I want is for people to come at this with an open mind. I don't want to be told what I want to hear at all, I just find it interesting that some posters here can be so categorical (and bloody minded). I have accepted negatives from other posters who have offered them in a far more constructive way than you and preraph in particular who come across like you enjoy giving me the negative spin.

Look at disillusionment's post- actually offering positives about the situation rather than being all "you're ugly, she hates you". Not difficult, is it...or perhaps it might be, for you.

Edited July 16, 2016 by insert_name

July 16, 2016

You do know that when someone leaves to go to the bathroom it is REALLY weird to 'watch the toilet door' for them to come out... right? The socially acceptable response is to just go and talk to other people. When they come out they can approach YOU if they so choose.

July 16, 2016

You do know that when someone leaves to go to the bathroom it is REALLY weird to 'watch the toilet door' for them to come out... right? The socially acceptable response is to just go and talk to other people. When they come out they can approach YOU if they so choose.

Crikey, read the thread- I clarified that bit.

Strewth. You guys kill me.

July 16, 2016

My first thought was that the girl had a boyfriend at home and that her buddy dragged her away because of that.

When someone flirts, it doesn't necessarily mean that they are interested. And don't forget that girls do look out for each other if one gets themselves in a situation which they shouldn't have.

Anyway, it's not that your luck is bad. I think you just have to look for love in different places. What does your social group look like? Do you have a mixed group? Could you meet someone through a party?

This was my first thought as well.

When you are interacting with strangers, you have to keep in mind that you don't know anything about them and the reasons they do things. It's quite common for women to be silly when out together, and running to the bathroom is part of that. They were being silly together, and likely the woman you liked was not available after all.

Interact with more women, and you'll take each interaction less seriously. As you should.

July 16, 2016

Thanks for being rather more constructive than some of the others in this thread.

My social group sucks cus all my friends are settled down, hence why I find myself in a club on my own. Would obviously prefer not to do that but sadly my life seems to be a crusade against traditional couple/group activities- eating at restauarants on my own, going to clubs on my own etc. It isn't nice but I damn well do it because I don't want other peoples perceptions keeping me at home.

My friends occasionally throw parties but they are either couple oriented or the ones that aren't consist of people from.work only and I work in a small office of about 30 people so there isn't really much scope there. If I am going to meet someone it is going to be through my own endeavour it seems. I drive my friends wild with the constant requests to take photos of me for my OLD profile. Its so emasculating...

I do have a big problem in the sense that some of the things I am interested in are not really things you can do meet ups for- like being a fan of club style music, and music production (which involves many hours on my own moving midi parts around a timeline!). I feel like taking up something like mountain climbing but on the other hand it all feels a bit cynical as I don't have a real yearning to do it, it is just a great way to expand my social circle.

If you're a fan of club style music, why not organize events? Or be involved in the event production in a socially-visible way. Man the t-shirt stand. Flirt with all the ladies that come up to get a free t shirt.

July 16, 2016

The friend didn't sabotage anything, the girl wasn't interested. When I was out at clubs with my friends, we would save each other from men we didn't like hitting on us all the time.

Sometimes you have to escape to the bathroom bc it's the only place men can't follow you. The hope there is that they will give up and go somewhere else by the time you come out.

If that girl wanted to talk to you, she would have.

Nah, I would kick a "friend" like this to the curb if she tried to drag me out of such a situation. I mean, really? What kind of sad display was that with the ladies?

July 16, 2016

Not true. I've seen many a jealous girl pull this move. I remember in my youth meeting a girl on the dance floor and starting to fool around with her and her friend literally grabbed her arm and dragged her away.

Yeah, this is a female version of C-blocking. It's sheer jealously when they do this and their friend is afraid to object for fear of loosing that aggressive, ugly friend.

July 16, 2016

Yeah, this is a female version of C-blocking. It's sheer jealously when they do this and their friend is afraid to object for fear of loosing that aggressive, ugly friend.

Nah, they giggled the whole way. I'm certain of it.

Just girlfriends being silly. No harm meant from it.

July 16, 2016

Well I wasn't staring at the door! The hallway to the bathrooms was literally right next to the DJ booth and as I was standing facing the DJ, as everybody else was, it was actually hard NOT to notice who was coming and going!

I don't get why I would have elicited that reaction based on how she was looking at me and smiling, if anything I was trying to mind my own business because I was on my ownn and there because I liked that particular DJ. Seems really odd that she does that, I make a joke about the DJ just buggering off which she laughed at and continued talking to me about after I spoke to her friend and that then leads to her needing to be rescued without hurting my feelings. I obviously had a 1 second audition and failed!

Should have continued to just mind my own business, which I will do next time.

Lucky for you the business had great placement of its chairs, furniture, and DJ booth was near the entry HALL to the bathrooms.

Otherwise, it would have been "creepy"

I mean seriously, if a woman has to spend THAT much time in the bathroom to "wait it out" until, hopefully, this man goes away, they might as well stay home. I wonder if you tallied up the time spent in bathrooms to avoid men at clubs/bars, it would equal the same amount of time best well spent staying at home?

But unfortunately, they came out, said "OH F**K, he's still there!" and made a mad dash to the exit. I wonder, did they wait around in the parking lot until you left, or do you think they left the establishment altogether? lol

I wonder how many trips to the bathroom women make in one night to avoid men? If you tally up that time, I wonder what it would come to as it may equal an evening of just staying at home. lol

July 16, 2016

Nah, they giggled the whole way. I'm certain of it.

Just girlfriends being silly. No harm meant from it.

Don't men know we have a secret code for 'get me out of here'? Like kicking under the table or something? Sign language? A certain look?

My BF and I did it all the time.

July 16, 2016

This was my first thought as well.

When you are interacting with strangers, you have to keep in mind that you don't know anything about them and the reasons they do things. It's quite common for women to be silly when out together, and running to the bathroom is part of that. They were being silly together, and likely the woman you liked was not available after all.

Interact with more women, and you'll take each interaction less seriously. As you should.

Yeah got to agree about taking it too seriously, with the hindsight in the afternoon of the night before I can see that I should have just shrugged it off really and I will bear that in mind in future. I now feel a bit daft that I let it get under my skin a bit at the time.

As I said above I'm going to try and change my mindset to just trying to be friendly with people just for the sake of being friendly without getting too wrapped up in it. If anything comes of it then great and if not, well, that is the way it goes.

July 16, 2016

Nah, they giggled the whole way. I'm certain of it.

Just girlfriends being silly. No harm meant from it.

To add to the anecdotal evidence offered by others this morning I recalled a time many years ago when a friend of mine was hitting on a girl in a club, she seemed really receptive...until her mate stormed in and dragged the girl away to the bathroom or whereever rather like last night. It later transpired that this girl was taken and her friend saw it as her duty to save the other girl from doing something she would later regret. As an addendum to this anecdote that girl who cared so much about her friend's morality later cheated on her boyfriend with me. Swings and roundabouts eh? For the record I pushed her off me in my hotel room and told her I couldn't go through with it, it just wasn't right. So I am certainly not the creepy sleaze that I was painted earlier in the thread!

So yeah, it could be anything really, why last night happened the way it did. Certainly not an open and shut case on any particular outcome though I feel.

July 16, 2016

If you're a fan of club style music, why not organize events? Or be involved in the event production in a socially-visible way. Man the t-shirt stand. Flirt with all the ladies that come up to get a free t shirt.

Thanks for the suggestion- the club scene is difficult to get involved in though as more than a paying customer, the clubs all have their own staffing manning things like merchandise stalls - it isn't like it is for bands where they often hire fans to run their merchandise stall for the night.

If you are a male in club land you are usually either a DJ, a promoter or a punter. Being a DJ is self explanatory, being a promoter in the particular genre of music I like is a tough hustle to get into because you typically need the funds behind you to underwrite any potential losses on ticket sales. If you start up a new night you will often face underhanded tactics from more established promoters to scupper your night so they don't lose market share. It is a cut throat world and not something I would particularly like to get into at this point in time. I wish I had in my younger days though!

Edit: There is also one other type of opening- that of bar staff in the clubs themselves. This is something I could do, I daresay it is quite social. My job is really demanding as it is, factoring in my nights at weekends spent serving in busy clubs would be really tough. I might have to give it some thought though all the same.

Edited July 16, 2016 by insert_name

July 16, 2016

To add to the anecdotal evidence offered by others this morning I recalled a time many years ago when a friend of mine was hitting on a girl in a club, she seemed really receptive...until her mate stormed in and dragged the girl away to the bathroom or whereever rather like last night. It later transpired that this girl was taken and her friend saw it as her duty to save the other girl from doing something she would later regret.

Its actions like this that keep women chronically single. It's a form of self-sabotage.

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