insert_name Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 (edited) I don't chat to random girls. It just isn't me. Perhaps that is why I am still deathly single at 36. I only break this rule when I am given absolutely caegorical signals that the girl is interested, which I can count on the fingers of one hand how many times that has happened in my 36 years. Tonight was one of those nights. Lots of eye contact and smiling. She seemed to be willing me to say something and break the deadlock. For my part she seemed exactly what I was looking for looks wise, nice smile, long dark hair and hour glass figure I sort of mumbled something about the music and she laughed and played along. I said the same thing to her diminutive, not very attractive friend to include her in the loop. She replied with a really aggressive "YOU WHAT?!". I repeated what I said in a joking manner and again, yet even more forcefully, "YOU WHAT?!?!". I gave up and continued talking to the other girl, who really seemed to be digging my schtick. Then, just as I was about to go for the exchange of numbers her friend saw what was goijg on and swooped in, dragging her off to the toilet. I kept a casual eye on the toilet door and after what seemed like an eternity they emereged and the ugly and aggressive friend was heading for the exit door, dragging her friend in tow. That was that. I couldn't, and still can't, believe how bad my luck is. The very rare occasion where a girl invites me to talk to to her and her friend blows the whole thing out of the water. I guess I am posting this partly in the hope of maybe getting an answer as to why girls do this and partly to vent. Why sabotage an innocent bit of flirting and attraction? But whatever answer I get won't give me back that opportunity. Damn, life sucks sometimes. Ah well, keep on keeping on etc :/ Edited July 16, 2016 by insert_name
JewelD Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 The friend didn't sabotage anything, the girl wasn't interested. When I was out at clubs with my friends, we would save each other from men we didn't like hitting on us all the time. Sometimes you have to escape to the bathroom bc it's the only place men can't follow you. The hope there is that they will give up and go somewhere else by the time you come out. If that girl wanted to talk to you, she would have. 6
TheBathWater Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 You left out what you actually said. That could be important. Assuming it's not though, I always think the best strategy is to win over whoever is the leader of the group. Make her your accomplice, develop inside jokes, wink, etc... get her on your side to tease the one you're interested in.
TheBathWater Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 The friend didn't sabotage anything, the girl wasn't interested. When I was out at clubs with my friends, we would save each other from men we didn't like hitting on us all the time. Sometimes you have to escape to the bathroom bc it's the only place men can't follow you. The hope there is that they will give up and go somewhere else by the time you come out. If that girl wanted to talk to you, she would have. I didn't even think of this, but it could also apply.
SevenCity Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 The friend didn't sabotage anything, the girl wasn't interested. When I was out at clubs with my friends, we would save each other from men we didn't like hitting on us all the time. Sometimes you have to escape to the bathroom bc it's the only place men can't follow you. The hope there is that they will give up and go somewhere else by the time you come out. If that girl wanted to talk to you, she would have. Not true. I've seen many a jealous girl pull this move. I remember in my youth meeting a girl on the dance floor and starting to fool around with her and her friend literally grabbed her arm and dragged her away. Girl seemed to like me just fine. It happened in other cases as well. OP - Girls are the exact opposite as guys in this regard. As a guy I've had to stay at clubs for HOURS because one of my friends met a chick. It's part of the guy agreement - you can only leave once he finishes or goes home with her. Sucks but that's what guys do. This is why you need a wingman. His sole purpose is to give her friend attention so she doesn't feel left out. Women are selfish like that. The same girl who claims she is looking out for her friend would not give a rats ass if she found mr dreamy that night. That sucks bro. Have you tried online dating? 1
Author insert_name Posted July 16, 2016 Author Posted July 16, 2016 The friend didn't sabotage anything, the girl wasn't interested. When I was out at clubs with my friends, we would save each other from men we didn't like hitting on us all the time. Sometimes you have to escape to the bathroom bc it's the only place men can't follow you. The hope there is that they will give up and go somewhere else by the time you come out. If that girl wanted to talk to you, she would have. As per my opening post, I only talk to girls when I am given strong signals. Believe me, I don't chat to just anyone just to see what happens and when I do strike up conversation it is about as non-pushy as it can get. The girl could wuite easily have moved away of her own accord without needi mg her friend so I have very little doubt she wasn't interested on some level. Her friend didn't like me even though what I said was playful and totally inoffensive. In fact I find the whole idea of her having to go to the toilet to get away from me hilarious. Seriously, I am totally not like that! Easy come easy go etc. Women. Smh
JewelD Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 Not true. I've seen many a jealous girl pull this move. I remember in my youth meeting a girl on the dance floor and starting to fool around with her and her friend literally grabbed her arm and dragged her away. Girl seemed to like me just fine. It happened in other cases as well. OP - Girls are the exact opposite as guys in this regard. As a guy I've had to stay at clubs for HOURS because one of my friends met a chick. It's part of the guy agreement - you can only leave once he finishes or goes home with her. Sucks but that's what guys do. This is why you need a wingman. His sole purpose is to give her friend attention so she doesn't feel left out. Women are selfish like that. The same girl who claims she is looking out for her friend would not give a rats ass if she found mr dreamy that night. That sucks bro. Have you tried online dating? And you would know because you and your gf's have pulled this move before? It is VERY true. Basic laws of attraction. If a person likes you, they will make sure you leave with their number, if not with them. Some men just like to believe it's a friend ruining their chances when they really didn't have any to begin with. Men in social settings like clubs and bars are notorious for not taking 'no' for an answer. and some women are just very kind and don't want to hurt your feelings. They ALLOW themselves to be dragged away by a friend. My friends have done it for me and I've done it for them. But trust, if it was someone we honestly wanted to talk to, we would not allow ourselves to be pulled away without giving u our number. Either way, she's a grown woman, if her friend has that much power over her to stop her from talking to you if she truly wanted to, it wouldn't have gone anywhere anyway. 2
Author insert_name Posted July 16, 2016 Author Posted July 16, 2016 You left out what you actually said. That could be important. Assuming it's not though, I always think the best strategy is to win over whoever is the leader of the group. Make her your accomplice, develop inside jokes, wink, etc... get her on your side to tease the one you're interested in. The DJ had buggered off and cut a track short right in the build up so the next guy could get on the decks and everyone looked disappointed so I just made a wisecrack about how I was going to storm the decks in protest and would she back me up. Just a load of rubbish to open a dialog. She seemed to take it as the playful nonsese that it was. What you said was what I was sort of thinking, although not as overt as that. Basically I thought i would be rude to keep her friend out of the joke and keeping her onside would be a good idea if it went anywhere with the girl I was chatting to. She was so ridiculously aggressive it was unreal.
JewelD Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 As per my opening post, I only talk to girls when I am given strong signals. Believe me, I don't chat to just anyone just to see what happens and when I do strike up conversation it is about as non-pushy as it can get. The girl could wuite easily have moved away of her own accord without needi mg her friend so I have very little doubt she wasn't interested on some level. Her friend didn't like me even though what I said was playful and totally inoffensive. In fact I find the whole idea of her having to go to the toilet to get away from me hilarious. Seriously, I am totally not like that! Easy come easy go etc. Women. Smh I didn't say you were being pushy, I'm telling you how the tactic works because you asked why women do this. That's why. and you're not pushy and yet you noticed them go into the bathroom and then come out and head towards the exit. and you kept a 'casual eye' on the bathroom for an 'eternity' til they came out. That's not creepy at all. 2
Author insert_name Posted July 16, 2016 Author Posted July 16, 2016 Not true. I've seen many a jealous girl pull this move. I remember in my youth meeting a girl on the dance floor and starting to fool around with her and her friend literally grabbed her arm and dragged her away. Girl seemed to like me just fine. It happened in other cases as well. OP - Girls are the exact opposite as guys in this regard. As a guy I've had to stay at clubs for HOURS because one of my friends met a chick. It's part of the guy agreement - you can only leave once he finishes or goes home with her. Sucks but that's what guys do. This is why you need a wingman. His sole purpose is to give her friend attention so she doesn't feel left out. Women are selfish like that. The same girl who claims she is looking out for her friend would not give a rats ass if she found mr dreamy that night. That sucks bro. Have you tried online dating? Yeah that is my rationalising of it too. The friend had a beef with her getting with a guy, probably didn't want to be left out. Whilst I think she was interested on some level of course of she wanted me to have her number she probably would have made sure of it, so it is what it is. Yeah I have unfortunately tried online dating, mainly because as I say I am quite reserved in real life and will only act when it feels like I can't lose, which ain't often! My friends all tell me to get off OLD and meet someone in real life which is why tonight sucks so hard. Ah well...
SevenCity Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 Yeah that is my rationalising of it too. The friend had a beef with her getting with a guy, probably didn't want to be left out. Whilst I think she was interested on some level of course of she wanted me to have her number she probably would have made sure of it, so it is what it is. Yeah I have unfortunately tried online dating, mainly because as I say I am quite reserved in real life and will only act when it feels like I can't lose, which ain't often! My friends all tell me to get off OLD and meet someone in real life which is why tonight sucks so hard. Ah well... It's a numbers game. Not all girls are going to show flashing red lights and lip licking I know what you mean as I tend to keep to myself but have approached many a woman when I saw the sign. OLD didn't work out?
Author insert_name Posted July 16, 2016 Author Posted July 16, 2016 I didn't say you were being pushy, I'm telling you how the tactic works because you asked why women do this. That's why. and you're not pushy and yet you noticed them go into the bathroom and then come out and head towards the exit. and you kept a 'casual eye' on the bathroom for an 'eternity' til they came out. That's not creepy at all. I get the tactic stuff, but you make it sound like she needed rescuing! If you are right and they really saw that as the context then really they should stay in doors and never go out again because if they can't cope with having an inconsequential bit of banter with me then they really won't get very far in life to the point of being scared of their own shadow. Oh and absolutely everything is considered creepy these days. Creep shaming is weak sauce.
CryForNoOne Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 The friend didn't sabotage anything, the girl wasn't interested. When I was out at clubs with my friends, we would save each other from men we didn't like hitting on us all the time. Sometimes you have to escape to the bathroom bc it's the only place men can't follow you. The hope there is that they will give up and go somewhere else by the time you come out. If that girl wanted to talk to you, she would have. I'm a guy and I totally agree with this. At best she had mild interest but not enough that her friend was able to easily influence any inclination she had to stay. 2
CryForNoOne Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 (edited) I don't chat to random girls. It just isn't me. Perhaps that is why I am still deathly single at 36. I only break this rule when I am given absolutely caegorical signals that the girl is interested, which I can count on the fingers of one hand how many times that has happened in my 36 years. I have a friend that approaches more girls in 10 minutes than you have in your entire lifetime. There is something to be said for discretion, but you're at the opposite extreme. Meeting women at bars or clubs is a numbers game. Unless you look like a total stud, most women won't give you any of the obvious signs you're talking about. You need to initiate with innocent banter and their reaction will tell you within seconds if they are interested or not. But standing there waiting for them to break the ice will honestly only end up with you being hit on by drunk or fat chicks. Edited July 16, 2016 by CryForNoOne
Author insert_name Posted July 16, 2016 Author Posted July 16, 2016 It's a numbers game. Not all girls are going to show flashing red lights and lip licking I know what you mean as I tend to keep to myself but have approached many a woman when I saw the sign. OLD didn't work out? Hahaha flashing red lights and lip licking are about all I will respond to I've just seen too many of my friends get burned over the years with girls who might/might not have been giving signs and so for me it just really isn't worth the hassle sometimes just to get shot down in a bitchy manner. OLD has been hit and miss. Quite a few first dates, one night stands, nothing that ever seems to go anywhere. The girls are often multi-dating and move on when it starts getting serious with the other guy. It would be awesome to factor in a wingman for situations like tonight but all my friends are settled down and the ones that aren't prefer to play online games on a Friday night. We had a work social tonight and after that wrapped up there was a club night I really wanted to go to as I am a big fan of one of the DJs so I called in for an hour and then as per my opening post this girl appears next to me and starts beaming at me and fluttering her eyelids with heavy eye contact. Maybe that wasn't a sign after all
JewelD Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 I get the tactic stuff, but you make it sound like she needed rescuing! If you are right and they really saw that as the context then really they should stay in doors and never go out again because if they can't cope with having an inconsequential bit of banter with me then they really won't get very far in life to the point of being scared of their own shadow. Oh and absolutely everything is considered creepy these days. Creep shaming is weak sauce. Figuratively speaking, she did. If a girl is too polite or afraid to say no, friend to the rescue, the way it should be. Did she think you were going to kill her? No, but she did want an excuse to leave without bluntly hurting your feelings. Watching a bathroom for women to come out after an eternity IS creepy. You don't think they saw you and jetted for the exit? Generally if a girl disses you, you move on to the next one and continue mingling. They went in the bathroom to get away from you. and you were still watching. Not everything is creepy, but that is. 4
Author insert_name Posted July 16, 2016 Author Posted July 16, 2016 I have a friend that approaches more girls in 10 minutes than you have in your entire lifetime. There is something to be said for discretion, but you're at the opposite extreme. Meeting women at bars or clubs is a numbers game. Unless you look like a total stud, most women won't give you any of the obvious signs you're talking about. You need to initiate with innocent banter and their reaction will tell you within seconds if they are interested or not. But standing there waiting for them to break the ice will honestly only end up with you being hit on by drunk or fat chicks. I totally agree and can't argue with that at all. I need to get out of my shell a lot more. I guess my problem is that while I can be quite witty and gregarious with my friends I can't bring that part of me out when I chat to strangers. So that is part of the reason why I keep to myself unless the girl seems to be really trying to make me notice her like tonight.
Author insert_name Posted July 16, 2016 Author Posted July 16, 2016 Figuratively speaking, she did. If a girl is too polite or afraid to say no, friend to the rescue, the way it should be. Did she think you were going to kill her? No, but she did want an excuse to leave without bluntly hurting your feelings. Watching a bathroom for women to come out after an eternity IS creepy. You don't think they saw you and jetted for the exit? Generally if a girl disses you, you move on to the next one and continue mingling. They went in the bathroom to get away from you. and you were still watching. Not everything is creepy, but that is. Well I wasn't staring at the door! The hallway to the bathrooms was literally right next to the DJ booth and as I was standing facing the DJ, as everybody else was, it was actually hard NOT to notice who was coming and going! I don't get why I would have elicited that reaction based on how she was looking at me and smiling, if anything I was trying to mind my own business because I was on my ownn and there because I liked that particular DJ. Seems really odd that she does that, I make a joke about the DJ just buggering off which she laughed at and continued talking to me about after I spoke to her friend and that then leads to her needing to be rescued without hurting my feelings. I obviously had a 1 second audition and failed! Should have continued to just mind my own business, which I will do next time.
TunaCat Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 If the girl was genuinely interested in you, she would not have allowed her friend to pull her away from you. She would have stood her ground (metaphorically speaking) and made sure you knew she was interested in you. Verdict is in: She just wasn't into you. 2
preraph Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 Not true. I've seen many a jealous girl pull this move. I remember in my youth meeting a girl on the dance floor and starting to fool around with her and her friend literally grabbed her arm and dragged her away. Girl seemed to like me just fine. It happened in other cases as well. OP - Girls are the exact opposite as guys in this regard. As a guy I've had to stay at clubs for HOURS because one of my friends met a chick. It's part of the guy agreement - you can only leave once he finishes or goes home with her. Sucks but that's what guys do. This is why you need a wingman. His sole purpose is to give her friend attention so she doesn't feel left out. Women are selfish like that. The same girl who claims she is looking out for her friend would not give a rats ass if she found mr dreamy that night. That sucks bro. Have you tried online dating? Men love to blame it on the friend. Girlfriends know when their friend is actually interested or when they're just being polite or are too drunk to be making any decisions. In 63 years I've never seen "the friend" do anything that wasn't already agreed upon between the two. Jealousy is a joke. You flatter yourself. Some girls are reluctant to tell a guy no, and their friends will bail them out, but rest assured she had a signal from the one the OP was interested in OR she knew her so well that she knew for sure she wasn't interested because she knows her type. OP, waiting for unequivocal proof a woman is interested is your problem, not her friends. It's not attractive. Just because she was outgoing enough to look people in the face and smile doesn't mean she singled you out. I look at and smile and sometimes chit chat with just about everyone I encounter in a day, but I'm not looking for a boyfriend at all. I'm just a friendly person. 4
Author insert_name Posted July 16, 2016 Author Posted July 16, 2016 If the girl was genuinely interested in you, she would not have allowed her friend to pull her away from you. She would have stood her ground (metaphorically speaking) and made sure you knew she was interested in you. Verdict is in: She just wasn't into you. Her friend did drag her away, I notice most people are picking up on all the other details and putting a negative spin on them apart from that one detail which is being glossed over- probably because it is quite a positive detail for me to take from.it and I am not supposed to take any positives from this. But that being said I do agree that if she was *really* interested she would have found a way to get away from. her friend and give me.her number. Fair enough. 1
JewelD Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 Well I wasn't staring at the door! The hallway to the bathrooms was literally right next to the DJ booth and as I was standing facing the DJ, as everybody else was, it was actually hard NOT to notice who was coming and going! I don't get why I would have elicited that reaction based on how she was looking at me and smiling, if anything I was trying to mind my own business because I was on my ownn and there because I liked that particular DJ. Seems really odd that she does that, I make a joke about the DJ just buggering off which she laughed at and continued talking to me about after I spoke to her friend and that then leads to her needing to be rescued without hurting my feelings. I obviously had a 1 second audition and failed! Should have continued to just mind my own business, which I will do next time. Well you said yourself you kept an eye on the door. But people smile all the time, doesn't necessarily mean anything. It's just easier and less awk than mean mugging someone. You didn't fail an audition, for all you know, this woman had a boyfriend anyway. Bars/clubs are not the best places to meet people in a romantic sense. It's for booty calls and hooking up most of the time. Or just getting drunk and having a good time.
Author insert_name Posted July 16, 2016 Author Posted July 16, 2016 Men love to blame it on the friend. Girlfriends know when their friend is actually interested or when they're just being polite or are too drunk to be making any decisions. In 63 years I've never seen "the friend" do anything that wasn't already agreed upon between the two. Jealousy is a joke. You flatter yourself. Some girls are reluctant to tell a guy no, and their friends will bail them out, but rest assured she had a signal from the one the OP was interested in OR she knew her so well that she knew for sure she wasn't interested because she knows her type. OP, waiting for unequivocal proof a woman is interested is your problem, not her friends. It's not attractive. Just because she was outgoing enough to look people in the face and smile doesn't mean she singled you out. I look at and smile and sometimes chit chat with just about everyone I encounter in a day, but I'm not looking for a boyfriend at all. I'm just a friendly person. So that never happens then? Sounds like the sisterhood are trying to spin a certain narrative here being so matter of fact when ultimately no-one can know what any of them were thinking. Certainly there was no need for her friend to be so rude, something had obviously got stuck in her craw. Jealousy is a possibility that can't be ruled out, no?
Author insert_name Posted July 16, 2016 Author Posted July 16, 2016 Well you said yourself you kept an eye on the door. But people smile all the time, doesn't necessarily mean anything. It's just easier and less awk than mean mugging someone. You didn't fail an audition, for all you know, this woman had a boyfriend anyway. Bars/clubs are not the best places to meet people in a romantic sense. It's for booty calls and hooking up most of the time. Or just getting drunk and having a good time. I didn't think my every word would be pored over and scrutinised. Sorry, I'll bear that in mind for next time.
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