NTRT88 Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 So I just received the below letter from my ex after almost a year of not talking and I am wondering what it means!!??! A quick backstory on us: I knew him for a few years before we got together. We had mutual friends and lived in the same town. He moved away and when I went to visit him and a friend we got together. Things moved fast between us. I asked him to move home and live with me. A couple days after he got here I ended up telling i didnt want to live with him. to make a long story shot i ended up pushing him away and treating him pretty badly until we eventually broke up a few weeks later. Letter from Ex I know it has been a long time since we spoke. When things ended with us it seemed you just wanted me out of your life. I understand that may be your way of dealing with things and I have tried to respect that and have stayed away. We all have our own ways with dealing with things. This is mine. So with that, I will say what I need to here and that will be the end of it. I do not expect you to respond. I do not expect anything of you or from you and I will leave things alone from here on out. I spent a long time trying to understand and process everything that happened between us. When I moved home to find someone that didn’t love me anymore I was completely crushed. I won’t go through all the details but the weeks after I got home and everything that had transpired was a very painful time for me. I know feelings don’t change overnight. I had to accept that yours had changed for me before I moved home. I was upset that you would let me make these major life changes knowing that and also by the way things were handled once I was home. Admittedly, no matter how it was handled I was going to be heartbroken but it just felt like there was not a lot of care taken with my feelings. At times it felt like you were trying to hurt me. That was the hardest part to understand in it all. I would come to accept that your feelings had changed but it was a lot harder to understand why you handled it the way you did. By the time I came to get my stuff from your house I knew you didn’t feel the same for me anymore. I was confused and didn’t understand what happened but I knew it was over. At this point, I hoped I would just see the girl I knew one last time. I had hoped I would see someone who, even though didn’t love me anymore, cared enough for me that she could sympathize with the pain I was in. I thought if I could just see some sign of sadness from her I would know she had cared and I wasn’t a complete fool for moving home to be with her. I wouldn’t see any of it that day and then it was over. I left hurt and confused. I was broken. I felt alone. Clearly, this breakup was difficult for me. It wasn’t because of the move and everything else involved it was because of how much I loved you. I had feelings for you long before you ever came to Ohio and I am sure that was no secret. It’s hard to explain but I always felt a connection to you. Obviously you were beautiful but there was something else about you. You were different than everyone else around you. I felt drawn to you. So when we finally connected when you came to visit I knew this was my chance. There was over a half a dozen states and a 1000 miles between us but there was no way I was going to let that stand in my way. I would have traveled any distance to be with you. The months that followed were some of the happiest times of my life. I fell completely in love with you. You were beautiful, smart, funny, and a long list of other complimentary adjectives that would make anyone feel lucky to have you. It was so much more than that though. When we were out at a bar or restaurant you would always clean up like you were the one working. If there was live music somewhere you made sure to go over and tip the band. When the old guy with the bad Italian mafia accent would not leave us alone you entertained it the entire time. Sometimes when you were nervous, like parallel parking, you would hum quietly to yourself. You were such a good aunt to your niece and there for your sister. You were loyal to your friends; sticking up for them when need be. You sometimes messed up words and would get a little awkward about it. You would grab my arm and wrap it around you when we were walking. You would want me to call you in the morning and at night, “just to hear my voice”. You would sometimes jump to my side of the table when we were at a restaurant. I could go on and on but the point is that it was all the small details that made me fall in love with you. It was all these things that made me know that as all the superficial things in life faded away my love for you never would. When you told me you loved me in the pool that day my heart was so full. I had loved you so much. Everything finally made sense to me. It seemed as though all the twists and turns life had taken me on was so that very moment could happen. I had everything I needed. I wanted for nothing. I was complete. In the aftermath of it all, I was able to take a step back from everything and step into your shoes and I think I was able to understand a little more of what you may have been going through. I realized that you couldn’t help not being in love with me anymore than I could help being in love with you. Love isn’t a word; it is a connection, it is a feeling and you didn’t have it anymore. I realized that by the time you discovered this it was probably too late in the process of me coming home. I am sure you felt overwhelmed and burdened by this and not sure what to do. If the roles were reversed, I am not sure I would have either. While, I wish things were handled differently I also realize that I didn’t deal with every situation perfectly either. I made my share of mistakes along the way and I am sorry. You had to do what was best for you and I want you to know that I understand that. In the end, the irony of it all is we were so close when we were distant and so distant when we were close. As much as I had wanted to, I couldn’t figure out how to travel over the final distance.
frustratedguy11 Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 your ex is apiece of crap, i didnt read what you wrote, but i can tell you just from the title, when an ex sends you a letter in means that they want YOU to be there but THEY dont want to be there. they take advantage of you because they want you to be there saftey net. they are confuesed and might start seeing their mistake. or bad choice. find a new partner. and let them know that its too late, you can do better
JewelD Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 It's pretty detailed and clear what he is saying. The question is, why are you concerned about deeper meanings? Do you still like him? Sounds like he's in a fragile place. He's definitely not over it and he doesn't 'understand why you did it' or he would move on and not write you a long letter seeking 'closure'. Since you're the one who treated him badly, technically the ball is in your court. If you wanted him back, I'm almost certain he'd be open to it. However, if you pushed him away because you sincerely didn't want him, it's best to leave the situation alone.
SevenCity Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 (edited) your ex is apiece of crap, i didnt read what you wrote, but i can tell you just from the title, when an ex sends you a letter in means that they want YOU to be there but THEY dont want to be there. they take advantage of you because they want you to be there saftey net. they are confuesed and might start seeing their mistake. or bad choice. find a new partner. and let them know that its too late, you can do better Wait, what???? Unless I got too much sun today, you are WAAAY off base. Short story (correct me if I'm wrong). - they started dating and she encouraged him to move 1000 miles in with her and when he got there she said GTFO. OP - you really broke this guy. He loved you in a way that not many men love a girl. He would have moved heaven and earth for you. And you kicked him out. The letter was meant as closure for him. From what it said you didn't seem to give a rats ass about his feelings. When he picked up his stuff you could care less the pain you caused. To make someone move for you then kick them out and not show any feelings is heartless. You didn't deserve him. I'm a guy and this letter almost brought me to tears as I've known love like that. Leave him alone, don't contact him, hope the next guy cares about you half as much as this one. I've been a scumbag to women in my past but I would never have done what you did to this poor guy. Edited July 16, 2016 by SevenCity 7
JewelD Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 Wait, what???? Unless I got too much sun today, you are WAAAY off base. Short story (correct me if I'm wrong). - they started dating and she encouraged him to move 1000 miles in with her and when he got there she said GTFO. OP - you really broke this guy. He loved you in a way that not many men love a girl. He would have moved heaven and earth for you. And you kicked him out. The letter was meant as closure for him. From what it said you didn't seem to give a rats ass about his feelings. When he picked up his stuff you could care less the pain you caused. To make someone move for you then kick them out and not show any feelings is heartless. You didn't deserve him. I'm a guy and this letter almost brought me to tears as I've known love like that. Leave him alone, don't contact him, hope the next guy cares about you half as much as this one. I've been a scumbag to women in my past but I would never have done what you did to this poor guy. That's incredibly rude to say seeing as we're given VERY little information about what happened between them. Not to mention you don't even know the OP. She's not your ex. Give it a rest.
SevenCity Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 That's incredibly rude to say seeing as we're given VERY little information about what happened between them. Not to mention you don't even know the OP. She's not your ex. Give it a rest. Did you read the letter? She asked him to move, said no thanks, when he got there and didn't even show compassion when he got his stuff. THAT is rude. I would have said the same thing if he did it to her. 3
JewelD Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 Did you read the letter? She asked him to move, said no thanks, when he got there and didn't even show compassion when he got his stuff. THAT is rude. I would have said the same thing if he did it to her. You're filling in details that were not offered by the OP. We don't know what exactly happened or her reasons for doing so, although it's irrelevant. She posted asking what the letter meant, not what you think about her choice not to live with the man.
bubbaganoosh Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 It's obvious that the man had some things to get off his chest and the only way he could do it was through a letter. It was his way to get some closure in his life. You don't need to reply to him. He isn't asking for any but just a bit of advice from a guy with a ton of hash marks running down his arms. You treat people the you want to be treated. You hurt the guy in a big way and I have no doubt that if the shoe was on the other foot, you would feel the same way he does. In the future, it would be a good idea to make sure you know what your getting yourself into. You asked him to move in with you and when he gets there he finds out that it was for nothing and you didn't have it in you to at least have a drop of sympathy for the guy. Both of you learned a valuable lesson. He's going to be a much guarded person for years to come and this will always be in the back of his mind until he meets his maker. You need to learn how to treat people better and I have a feeling that the only way you'll understand will be if or when it happens to you. Karma comes in all different shapes, sizes and forms. Just make sure you don't repeat your mistake because the only thing that will happen is you'll get a taste of what he is experiencing. 2
SevenCity Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 You're filling in details that were not offered by the OP. We don't know what exactly happened or her reasons for doing so, although it's irrelevant. She posted asking what the letter meant, not what you think about her choice not to live with the man. Fair enough. I will retract my statement until I have more details from the OP. Based on what was posted though my feeling hasn't changed.
LD1990 Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 You're filling in details that were not offered by the OP. We don't know what exactly happened or her reasons for doing so, although it's irrelevant. She posted asking what the letter meant, not what you think about her choice not to live with the man. She posted her situation on a public forum, he can respond however he sees fit as long as it's within the rules. You're the one turning it into an argument with your pointless remarks: "Not to mention you don't even know the OP." Oh, no way!? Is it a requirement that everyone who responds needs to personally know the OP? She gave plenty of details. She asked this guy to move 1,000 miles away to live with her. Then when he makes this huge life change, she told him "nope, don't wanna live with you anymore." Then she treats him like garbage until they break up. NTRT88, the letter means that this guy is still hung up on you, because despite the fact that you completely screwed him over, he sent you a letter a year later apologizing to you. 6
JewelD Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 She posted her situation on a public forum, he can respond however he sees fit as long as it's within the rules. You're the one turning it into an argument with your pointless remarks: "Not to mention you don't even know the OP." Oh, no way!? Is it a requirement that everyone who responds needs to personally know the OP? She gave plenty of details. She asked this guy to move 1,000 miles away to live with her. Then when he makes this huge life change, she told him "nope, don't wanna live with you anymore." Then she treats him like garbage until they break up. NTRT88, the letter means that this guy is still hung up on you, because despite the fact that you completely screwed him over, he sent you a letter a year later apologizing to you. It was rude and besides the point of the OP's post. Nobody on here knows her, which is why it's rude to say "you should hope the next man cares about you half as much". As though she is undeserving of love for ending a relationship. If he's free to post rude comments, I'm free to call them out as rude. Moving tf on.
SevenCity Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 It was rude and besides the point of the OP's post. Nobody on here knows her, which is why it's rude to say "you should hope the next man cares about you half as much". As though she is undeserving of love for ending a relationship. If he's free to post rude comments, I'm free to call them out as rude. Moving tf on. I didn't say anything about her undeserving. What I said is not a lot of guys fall for a girl this strong. You're free to your opinion, as I am to mine.
LostOnes05 Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 your ex is apiece of crap, i didnt read what you wrote, but i can tell you just from the title, when an ex sends you a letter in means that they want YOU to be there but THEY dont want to be there. they take advantage of you because they want you to be there saftey net. they are confuesed and might start seeing their mistake. or bad choice. find a new partner. and let them know that its too late, you can do better Reading is fundamental people!!! How can you call the guy a piece of crap without reading the post? He moved to be with her and SHE cut him out and from the sound of it wasn't so nice in doing so (she admitted that). You have to think about this...this guy moved away from friends, maybe family, job, his comforts, totally uprooting his life and she does him like that a few days after he gets there. If you can agree that she did the right thing, that's a pretty scary notion man. Why is it that people in "we" situations look for ways to justify a "me" attitude? She got uncomfortable, cold feet, whatever it was and instead of discussing her feelings with him BEFORE he moved, she let him live a pipe dream that only led to the gutter.
Author NTRT88 Posted July 16, 2016 Author Posted July 16, 2016 When he came to get his stuff I didn't have time to talk. I had to go to work and I was aggravated. You really think this letter means he still has feelings for me?
LostOnes05 Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 It was rude and besides the point of the OP's post. Nobody on here knows her, which is why it's rude to say "you should hope the next man cares about you half as much". As though she is undeserving of love for ending a relationship. If he's free to post rude comments, I'm free to call them out as rude. Moving tf on. It's not so much ending the relationship, but how she did it. If she even had an inkling of a feeling that she didn't want to maintain a relationship with him anymore, why let him make such a drastic change to his life? This isn't SIMCITY and you don't get to hit a reset button. This man loved her enough to move his entire life to be with her and within DAYS she threw him a changeup. And then she admittedly treated him poorly to rush the process. If someone did this to you would you think they are deserving of your love? Probably not so much. And the more I read it, the worse it sounds that someone would have the stones to pull something like that on someone they supposedly cared about at some point.
SevenCity Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 When he came to get his stuff I didn't have time to talk. I had to go to work and I was aggravated. You really think this letter means he still has feelings for me? Aggravated why? Was he not moving quick enough? And why do you care if he still has feelings for you? Leave him be. Let him heal. 1
JewelD Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 When he came to get his stuff I didn't have time to talk. I had to go to work and I was aggravated. You really think this letter means he still has feelings for me? Absolutely. If he was over it, he would not take the time to write that long detailed letter. But he seems to be in a weak place. Usually if somebody dogs you out, you're angry at them. He's trying to rationalize it to make you feel okay with it. I have written this kind of letter, basically taking the fault for what my ex did, trying to sound mature but it was really just in the hopes that he would decide he wanted to be with me again. If you do have feelings for him, I would still wait before reaching out to contact him. Let him work through his emotions.
Author NTRT88 Posted July 16, 2016 Author Posted July 16, 2016 Aggravated why? Was he not moving quick enough? And why do you care if he still has feelings for you? Leave him be. Let him heal. I meant to finish that before I posted it.........I was aggravated because he had had once slept with one of my close friends. They were drunk and it only happened once years before we got together but still.........I didn't know that when we got together.
Author NTRT88 Posted July 16, 2016 Author Posted July 16, 2016 Absolutely. If he was over it, he would not take the time to write that long detailed letter. But he seems to be in a weak place. Usually if somebody dogs you out, you're angry at them. He's trying to rationalize it to make you feel okay with it. I have written this kind of letter, basically taking the fault for what my ex did, trying to sound mature but it was really just in the hopes that he would decide he wanted to be with me again. If you do have feelings for him, I would still wait before reaching out to contact him. Let him work through his emotions. I couldn't be with someone who was with my friend. It's too weird.
JewelD Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 I couldn't be with someone who was with my friend. It's too weird. I see. He definitely should have disclosed that information. I'd feel a little strange about it, too, if it was a close friend of mine. Does he know that's why it ended? Not that he needs to know if he already doesn't.
Author NTRT88 Posted July 16, 2016 Author Posted July 16, 2016 I see. He definitely should have disclosed that information. I'd feel a little strange about it, too, if it was a close friend of mine. Does he know that's why it ended? Not that he needs to know if he already doesn't. No he doesn't. He would ask what was wrong and try to talk to me about what was going on but I never told him. I just pushed him away.
JewelD Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 No he doesn't. He would ask what was wrong and try to talk to me about what was going on but I never told him. I just pushed him away. Understandable. Even if he knew, it's not like he could have done anything about it. I'm surprised he hasn't come to that conclusion himself. Does he not know that's your friend or something? Regardless, seems like a situation best left undisturbed.
Author NTRT88 Posted July 16, 2016 Author Posted July 16, 2016 Understandable. Even if he knew, it's not like he could have done anything about it. I'm surprised he hasn't come to that conclusion himself. Does he not know that's your friend or something? Regardless, seems like a situation best left undisturbed. He knows we are friends. I am pretty sure he thought I knew all along. He was great and I did love him and I do miss him. Do you think I overreacted about this? Should that really matter?
JewelD Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 Depends on what you did to him exactly as far as treating him badly. But I don't think you overreacted by deciding to end it if it made you uncomfortable. But it sounds like you're unsure if you did the right thing. Is there anything he could have done to make you feel better about it? You could have told him it bothered you, but would it have changed anything anyway if you can't be with someone who slept with your friend?
JewelD Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 He knows we are friends. I am pretty sure he thought I knew all along. He was great and I did love him and I do miss him. Do you think I overreacted about this? Should that really matter? But I don't think any of it really matters unless you want to be with him now.
Recommended Posts