Austinhat Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 I met this girl we became friends but both agreed that we were attracted to and liked each other. She would call me a lot crying about fighting with her ex whom she was trying to be friends with. He treated her terribly and I was always there for her. Eventually she decided that she didn't want to even be friends with him because of how bad he treated her. So after a few weeks me and her started seriously dating. She talked about moving in with me, how lucky she would be if she got to keep me, how happy I made her.. Etc. I was so good to this girl. Never argued. Treated her like gold. One day she posts a picture of us on social media and somehow he sees it and... You guessed it.. He contacts her, tells her how sorry he is, how he misses her and wants to do all the things she wanted him to do when they were dating. So she starts acting shady with me, passes it off as stress and eventually the truth comes out and she tells me she still has feelings for him and needs space. She asks me to take the pictures I had up of us down because they make her feel horrible. After a week of "space" (I'm convinced they spent time together). She tells me that he asked to start over again and that she's going to do it. Looking back I probably should have said ok and left it there but as you can imagine I was hurt so I told her I could believe that she would do this after everything we said to each other and after all I did for her and after he treated her so poorly... Weak move I know but I was hurt. After that night I turned my phone off for a week and went no contact. The next Friday I turn my phone back on to a message saying that she knows I don't want to speak to her anymore but do I want her to mail me my stuff. I tell her no she can keep it and then she proceeds to ask me how I'm doing. I tell her I've been ok and she says she's just been ok too, I ask why just ok and not great? I get no response.. even though I'm hurt and angry, deep down inside me I care about her and for some reason I want her back. The following day, in an effort to be an adult about things and show maturity, I text her telling her that I forgive her for what happened. I still hurt a lot but I forgive her. She tells me thanks and that it means a lot to her and she's genuinely sorry because she knows she hurt me. I respond telling her she's welcome and there's no hate from me on my side. I'm mad at her, I want to punch her ex in the throat, but I don't have it in me to hate her. I get it I was the rebound Was telling her that I forgive her a weak move? Did I mess up things for myself by doing this? Or does it show that I'm being a man about this? Should I continue to go no contact?
JewelD Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 I wouldn't have wasted my time telling her I forgave her. You're obviously still upset about it and told her that to make her feel better and less guilty about being a jerk to you. Things were messed up from the jump. She was in a bad emotional state when you guys started talking so those feelings between you two may have been real but she was looking for a replacement for her ex. That's all. She used you to make him jealous. But really, it doesn't matter what she thinks of you at this point. She blew you off for her ex. You trying to talk to her still isn't going to do anything but exacerbate the situation. Go NC. Indefinitely.
Author Austinhat Posted July 16, 2016 Author Posted July 16, 2016 Thanks for the response, my aim definitely wasn't to make her feel better and less guilty. It was more for me to be the mature one. You're right though, she was using me. And it hurts to hear that but it's probably true 1
SevenCity Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 Thanks for the response, my aim definitely wasn't to make her feel better and less guilty. It was more for me to be the mature one. You're right though, she was using me. And it hurts to hear that but it's probably true Funny how being the jerk tends to pay better dividends. That sucks bro - you sound like a nice guy and didn't deserve this. But you went out with class and for that you should be commended.
bubbaganoosh Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 Leave it alone and move on. She wanted her ex and she got him. Warts and all and no doubt the guy wont change on bit so when that goes belly up and she contacts you again, you have a choice to either fall back in the same rut or don't look back. Your choice.
Author Austinhat Posted December 11, 2016 Author Posted December 11, 2016 I just wanted to let you guys know that you were exactly right. I know I'm like 5 months late but this girls ex never changed and she came crawling back begging me to get back with her. No exaggeration. I'm dealing with a similar situation once again with an ex popping back up but I feel wiser and stronger now. still hurts but with time I'll get over it and I'm sure as most of these cases go, the guy won't change. What is it with these exes popping back up and these people thinking it'll work after the 11th time??
dumbass2 Posted December 11, 2016 Posted December 11, 2016 "What is it with these exes popping back up and these people thinking it'll work after the 11th time??" I have the same question for the people that got dumped and make the choice to get hooked back in. Stay strong
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