Mouse5 Posted July 15, 2016 Posted July 15, 2016 So here's my story. Been talking with a man for over three years, we've met, fallen in love and made plans for our future together. He's getting divorced to be with me and his wife is moved out. Suddenly, he wants to know if kids are for him and I have a 16 yo, not a younger one that he is drawn to. His ex was adamant about no kids becaise they'd wreck her body. We're both over 30 and I've always encouraged him to find his answers, so he took me saying that he should investigate this to mean he should date a woman exclusively (he tells her) with a 5 yo son. We still see each other, cuddle, kiss, go to sleep together at night when I'm there, talk daily and share intimate pics/texts. We still love each other very much and are great partners. Both from damaged childhoods, anxiety survivors and have a deep understanding of each other. He thinks this gf he's with won't work out, but doesn't know. Her family life is appealing, she lives in his hometown and is close to his sister. I live across the country and can get there infrequently. The physical distance makes it hard for him to keep us in his head very strongly. We're in love, no questions, but he's still trying to see if this family life is for him. I've put away a lot of our dreams and hopes to give him time to see if this family thing is for him. I love him enough to let him go if it is and to be happy for him. I desire his happiness and that he can find out what he wants. I know that I don't want anyone else and I'm waiting to see what happens. Do I let him go? Am I holding him back from finding happiness with this woman? We live in each others heads and he's very torn. Help?
GorillaTheater Posted July 15, 2016 Posted July 15, 2016 Seems to me that you're in second place again. Is that a spot you're happy with? 1
ChickiePops Posted July 15, 2016 Posted July 15, 2016 You had an affair with him. You've taught him that you are ok with him being in more than one relationship at a time, and also that you're ok with being the less important one. He will probably always think of you as a side dish rather than the main course. 4
preraph Posted July 15, 2016 Posted July 15, 2016 All this dating the woman's kids seems a little disturbing. No one should be letting him meet the kids anytime soon, for one thing. And his interest in them would raise my brow. He's probably just manipulating you, but you know what, maybe his wife didn't want to have kids with him for a very good reason.
Michelle ma Belle Posted July 15, 2016 Posted July 15, 2016 I can't help but find the title of your thread ironic given that a true soulmate wouldn't behave this way. I agree with the posters above, you're the creator of your own circumstance because, affair aside, you've allowed him to treat you like a second class citizen. And so he continues. Let him go. 3
Quiet Storm Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 It's likely that he doesn't see you as someone he wants a legitimate relationship with. Many cheating men lose respect for a woman who agrees to be in an affair with them. It's hypocritical, but they don't care. When a woman accepts less than what she deserves, it usually doesn't make him appreciate you for being so accommodating. Instead he will often devalue you, because you continue to love a guy who won't give you what you need. Your post speaks of love and soulmates, but the reality of the situation contradicts that. I think this guy has made it so your expectations are too low...he's not good for you. If you don't think you're worth it, then he won't think you're worth it. And by sticking by his side through all of this, you send the message that you are OK with being the other woman. A man that loved you, would have your best interests at heart. I know you love him, but he really is not worthy of your love. Try and detach from him and look at this logically- he's never going to be all yours, and why would you want him anyway? Take love out of it and think about his character- is the kind of guy you really want a future with? 2
Mr. Lucky Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 We still love each other very much and are great partners. I'm curious as to how you this to be true? You've never been in a stable and exclusive relationship with him, there's always been a wife or GF (both of whom he lied to about you) involved. So while you may care deeply for him, what makes you think he feels the same about you? Mr. Lucky
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