Is he interested in me, or not?

[PersonaPersona]

Recently, I met this guy on a dating app, and we've been talking and going on dates for about three months now, we're exclusive at this point. Ever since, I've really started to like him. He has the nicest eyes, the cutest smile, and seeing him or hearing his name just gives me butterflies in my stomach. You know, the normal crush symptoms! Get this though, this guy has never been in a real committed relationship. He is 28 years old, and has never been with a man for more than a few months, (yes, I'm a guy), and it just surprises me that someone his age has never been in one. I've never met his friends, I've never been told about any of them, I only know a few family members that he's mentioned, but I haven't even met those yet. When I introduced him to my friends at my birthday party recently, he didn't even bother socializing with anyone BUT me, and that raised a huge red flag to my friends.

 

In terms of getting to know him, I've only gotten some of what I feel like is a lot. I know that he's tried to look for something serious, failed, and went into hooking up with guys on apps like Grindr and so on, and went back to looking for something serious because he got tired of the empty feeling after meaningless sex.

 

What is always on the back of my mind when I'm with him is whether or not he's actually interested in me or my body. Does he just want me for sex, or because he actually wants to get to know me? – that's what I keep asking myself. It's killing me.

 

A few weeks ago, something broke my heart a little. I have introduced him to my best friends, I've opened up to him, so I thought it would be the time for me to take the next step. I asked him if he wanted to make us a commitment – A.K.A. be my boyfriend. His reply was basically, "Not yet. I haven't thought about this being serious." and it completely threw me off. I was here all this time thinking that as time passes by, it begins to get a little more serious after the honeymoon phase, while he was just enjoying my company.

 

Today, he took me out to the movies. I wasn't really feeling any of it because I started thinking about whether or not his intentions were genuine or not. And so I was upset, and you could note it visually by how quiet I was, my expression, and body language. None of these things triggered anything from him. I didn't get a "What's wrong?" or "You seem upset, are you okay?", he just went quiet and mirrored what I was doing.

 

I just don't get what this guys deal is! I respect him, I ask him how his days go, I offer ears to listen to whatever he has on his mind if he needs me, I care about him, if he ever needed me I'd be there – he knows all this! But I feel like all my efforts to show him that 'I' genuinely like him are in vain. But even then, it just seems like it's not enough or he just plain isn't interested in me the way I am in him.

 

It just hurts, and I apologize this for being so long. But I am getting so tired and impatient of running in circles trying to get answers from him. I've tried directly asking, and there's always an excuse. He'll say something like "You shouldn't be talking to me about this when I'm tired and falling asleep.", or "You just don't get it, that's not what I'm trying to say."

 

Please help! I'm sorry this is a mess, I'm trying to explain this the best I can!

[smackie9]

If he avoids discussing things with you, especially about where you stand, and isn't ready to be BF/BF, then it's probably never going to happen. He's never been is a real relationship because he doesn't have the emotional capacity do so. If I were you I would try one more time to have a serious conversation about where this is going and if you are just wasting your time. If you get face palmed again, then to save yourself from being anymore invested, walk away.

[JewelD]

I think you answered your own question. He's just not that into you. After three months of dating, you know whether or not you want to be in a relationship with a person.

 

People have no issue articulating what they want. When they don't want to hurt your feelings or they want to keep you dangling on the line until they can decide what to do with you, then they're at a loss for words and they always have excuses and apologies and vague ass lines.

 

He doesn't socialize with your friends, he doesn't ask you if something is bothering you, he won't answer your questions honestly, let him go. He's had three months to figure out his feelings for you, if he still can't decide, YOU decide for him and kick him to the curb.

[Sabella]

Ugh Persona, I'm so sorry you are hurting. I don't blame you for feeling that way though, what he said was hurtful since your feelings for him run so much deeper.

 

I think he is one of those emotionally unavailable type people and just doesn't have the capacity to love on the same level as you do. I truly think that even if he committed to you, you would not be happy with him. He just can't give you what you need emotionally. This is evident even now and you are so early in your relationship, should be the honeymoon phase and all loved-dovey!

 

Your friends are right about those red flags, and you are right too in your concern. Trust your instinct and friends on this one. Keep looking for someone who can give you the depth of love you deserve.

[leogirl876]

Sounds more like a narcissist to me. If he is, RUN!!!!!

[Zahara]

He has no ability to feel emotion with depth.

 

He is not open or receptive when it comes to communicating about the relationship because he has no emotional capability to go any deeper that surface level needs/wants, hence your gut/instincts honing in on the fact that you feel he only wants your body/sex. Trust it. That is why he shuts you off in every aspect of the relationship.

 

This isn't going to change. The only thing to do is to leave because he will never be able to give you anything more other than a facade.

 

As Leo mentioned, he does sound narcissistic and reminds me of a guy I dated. They don't change.