I want my girlfriend back......she dumped me.........found a new guy.

[markraine]

I'm 23, I met my last girlfriend in the Army. We spent a year in Iraq together and after we both got out, we formed a relationship, we were together for a year.

She broke up with me about a month ago, and a few days ago I found out that she's already found someone else. I want to get over her desperately, but we had

some fantastic times together. We lived together until she had to go back home to take care of her mom who has MS. I made some mistakes, allowed communication

to lapse at times, but I still love her, and though I want to be happy for her, she's had some guys mistreat her in the past, I feel selfish because of my feelings for her, and

I don't know what to do? I'm giving her space, I stopped calling her, I think it would be inappropriate for me to do that with her starting a new relationship, but I still

love her deeply, it seemed every part of our life was going well, in and out of the bedroom. We had some arguments, but nothing too serious. What hurts most if after we brokeup, she called me and told me that she still had a place in her heart for me, but it would be up to me to prove myself. I did what I could, I tried to focus on improving

myself, focusing on my own life, I called her when I could and now yet, she has some guy, and I don't know if I ever will have another chance with her? Any good advice? I'm really torn up about this, I can't focus in my college classes, I feel miserable, the only place where I am actually doing better is in the gym, where I take out my frusturations on

all those poor machines and dumbells. I want to think I can get her back, someway, somehow, but I also want to get over this pain, I want to stop feeling like this, I'm not a weak person and it makes me feel terrible to be like this. I appreciate any help anyone can give me, thanks!

[ConfusedInOC]

First off, welcome.

 

Secondly, take a deep breath and relax.

 

What do you think YOU need to improve on? Whatever it is, you need to turn your focus and attention on the only aspect of the relationship you can control.

 

YOU.

 

You can not control her. She's in a "typical" rebound relationship from what I can tell. She needed to get away from you, to think. Right now what you need to do is keep yourself busy and focused with hobbies and working on the aspects of YOU that YOU want to change.

 

You're doing the right thing by not bugging her. Let her know you can live without her, even if you feel you can't. This is a good chance for you to focus on yourself and your own needs. It sounds like you need a self-esteem boost.

 

Do you feel you're a doormat kind of guy? If so, I suggest buying and reading "No More Mr. Nice Guy" - Robert A Glover, and get started on focusing on what you can do to stop yourself from acting that way.

 

You really do need to focus on yourself and leave her to fix herself on her own. You can not "fix" or "change" her, she has to realize, on her own, that she wants you in her life. If you bug, pester or otherwise interfere in her life, you will only chase her away further (that means no begging, crying, pleading, etc.)

[markraine]

I just wonder what the chances of her ever coming back to me are? She was at the point where she was really the one desperate to make the

relationship work, and I made mistakes, I let the communication fall apart at times but I've let her know in no uncertain terms that there is a place in my heart for her, although I respect her decision and will give her the space she needs.

[ConfusedInOC]

Originally posted by markraine

I just wonder what the chances of her ever coming back to me are? She was at the point where she was really the one desperate to make the relationship work, and I made mistakes, I let the communication fall apart at times but I've let her know in no uncertain terms that there is a place in my heart for her, although I respect her decision and will give her the space she needs.

 

Give her time and space. She needs it to miss you.

Focus on YOU and work on making yourself better, stronger.

 

Will she come back? Who knows. No one can tell. But if you live your life for you, you might not care. If you live it for her, Ms. Right might come along and you'll miss the boat because you were focused on, perhaps, Ms. Wrong.

[markraine]

A big part of the reason why she broke up me is that she didn't think I could or would commit to her, at the time she was in Pennsylvania and I was in Arizona. However she didn't and still doesn't know that I was planning to move over there to be close with her. I wrote an application to a big university, but my

college fumbled the transfer papers, so I was rejected, but then they fixed in, and I was accepted. It still has the original application date as months before we broke up. I also had a job and everything lined up over there. Should I let know any of this now? If for nothing else, so at least she doesn't have the perception

that I'm the miss major a**h***?

[ConfusedInOC]

Originally posted by markraine

A big part of the reason why she broke up me is that she didn't think I could or would commit to her, at the time she was in Pennsylvania and I was in Arizona. However she didn't and still doesn't know that I was planning to move over there to be close with her. I wrote an application to a big university, but my

college fumbled the transfer papers, so I was rejected, but then they fixed in, and I was accepted. It still has the original application date as months before we broke up. I also had a job and everything lined up over there. Should I let know any of this now? If for nothing else, so at least she doesn't have the perception

that I'm the miss major a**h***?

 

Why did you withhold the information to begin with??

[markraine]

I wasn't sure if I was going to get accepted or not. I didn't want to raise her hopes and then crush her if I didn't get in. My school messed up my transcripts, so it took twice as long to get the acceptance letter. I only got it a week ago. She brokeup with me before I had a chance to tell her and though I wanted to wait until I got accepted to let her know, by that time she had already found some other guy. It seems like she is really rushing the relationship, looking to make up for lost time or something, so its definitely a rebound deal. It'll take some time, but eventually like all things, time will heal this too. I still think she is really special and I'd love to have another chance with her, to make things right, but thats up to God and is down the road a bit anyways.

[westernxer]

If she is rushing into her new relationship, you'll be the first to know about it.

 

Until then, you need to dig deep down and locate that dearly departed soldier. It's combat time, and your heart needs rescuing.

[ConfusedInOC]

Originally posted by markraine

I wasn't sure if I was going to get accepted or not. I didn't want to raise her hopes and then crush her if I didn't get in. My school messed up my transcripts, so it took twice as long to get the acceptance letter. I only got it a week ago. She brokeup with me before I had a chance to tell her and though I wanted to wait until I got accepted to let her know, by that time she had already found some other guy. It seems like she is really rushing the relationship, looking to make up for lost time or something, so its definitely a rebound deal. It'll take some time, but eventually like all things, time will heal this too. I still think she is really special and I'd love to have another chance with her, to make things right, but thats up to God and is down the road a bit anyways.

 

It's in God's hands now. Have faith.

 

Heal yourself now. That's all you can do. You can not control her actions. Well, I take that back.

 

If you pursue, beg, plead, cry or otherwise interfere, you will INSURE you have lost her.

[mixwell]

I agree with everyone else.. just worry about yourself.. Think of it this way.. If she wanted to be in contact with you then she would contact you. Nothin you can say or do right now is going to change her mind. This is something she has to choose for herself.. My advice would be to just move on and improve your life. That way IF she doesn't come back at least you weren't moping around getting nothing done.. if she does then you have still improved.. Either way its better for you. I know it sucks but you have to just stick it out and take it slow...

 

Hope things turn out for the best..

 

Peace

[markraine]

Would telling her that stuff matter now anyways? She was the one who was working more to hold up the relationship, I made a series of mistakes, but I want to know that if it would matter any telling that I received my acceptance letter from the university in Pennsylvania, though now obviously I won't be going, but that

I made the effort during our relationship, she thought I was being flaky and that I was satisfied with the long distance relationship thing, but I did go and send my transcripts to another university, I did line up a job over there and make preparations to move, however to her it must have seemed that I was just spinning my wheels since she didn't know about any of that stuff going on. I kind of wanted to make it a surprise, but the school paper-mixup killed the whole thing, and by the time I did get the papers, she already had broken up with me and found another guy.

[VirginiaBob]

"What hurts most if after we brokeup, she called me and told me that she still had a place in her heart for me, but it would be up to me to prove myself."

 

WTF!!! She wants you to prove yourself to her!? She's the one that dumped you out of the blue and she is the one spreading her legs for some other guy now, and yet you have to prove yourself to her? Screw that!! If anything, she is gonna have to do a lot of proving if she wants you to be any part of her life. Just ignore her. Good-riddance to this cvnt who over-values herself. Start screwing someone else as soon as possible.

[markraine]

In a couple of days it will be exactly 1 month since the last time I talked to her. She's sent me a few text messages, but for the past 2 weeks....nothing. At first I was really scared, but I'm doing more for myself, I'm taking care of myself, getting better and better day by day, feeling stronger and stronger. Plus I met this new girl that I've been talking to a lot recently, nothing serious, but she is quite gorgeous...funny....however its her personality however that has really surprised me, she is really unique and seems like a genuinely good person, it definitely has real possibilities. I left my ex an email describing all my thoughts and my need to move on a few weeks ago, she probably won't check her email until she gets back to classes in late August, by then, who knows what I'll be doing, or with who even Don't get me wrong, it is tough, and I struggle at times, but believe me, it is something that can be done. I figure one more month and I should be pretty good, especially if something does wind up starting with this new girl, she is a few years younger than my ex, but in a way, seems far wiser. To be honest I'm expecting my ex to wind up calling me anyday now, talking about "OH NO, I'm pregnant." At this point our ships our sailing off in different directions, and I like the way mine is going, because for the first time in a long time, especially considering I was in the Army for so long, for the first time in years, I'm in full control of my life and destiny, and with the help of God, my family, friends and all of you wonderful people here, I'm going to make it a good journey

[markraine]

Well after about 1.5 months of NO CONTACT, I'm doing quite well, quite happy, getting ready to go on vacation and who happens to call out of the blue??? Yep, you got it. Its been so long since I've talked with her that at first I wasn't quite sure who had happened to call me. It was kind of a shock, like talking to a ghost. She started out by saying hello......that she had left her boyfriend's ass, that he was useless. So I guess it was just a rebound for her. It took me aback how cheerful she sounded towards me, her voice had not sounded like that since we had broken up, but she was curious about everything, and kept repeating "I'm so glad that you're happy" to the point it started to sound artificial. I tried to stay relaxed, told her I was going to San Diego with some friends, asked her if she was going to Church today, we talked about the dog we used to have together and some other trivial things and then I politely told her I had to get going....which I really did, to meet some friends for lunch.

 

What do y'all think of this? Its been so long since I've heard from her, I just don't know what to think, for now I'm very much happy living my life without her, so I'll have to see what the future holds, but this is more genuine proof that NO CONTACT works, in

a. Helping you recover and get on with your life

b. If your ex doesn't hear from you for long enough, they usually get pretty curious.

 

 

I guess only time will tell what anyone of this means, but it has been a crazy morning so far, heh, I do think I handled it pretty well. I'm ready to go on vacation, I'll update more once I get back from San Diego and see what is going on

[Just_Alan]

Originally posted by markraine

I'm 23, I met my last girlfriend in the Army. We spent a year in Iraq together and after we both got out, we formed a relationship, we were together for a year.

She broke up with me about a month ago, and a few days ago I found out that she's already found someone else. I want to get over her desperately, but we had

some fantastic times together. We lived together until she had to go back home to take care of her mom who has MS. I made some mistakes, allowed communication

to lapse at times, but I still love her, and though I want to be happy for her, she's had some guys mistreat her in the past, I feel selfish because of my feelings for her, and

I don't know what to do? I'm giving her space, I stopped calling her, I think it would be inappropriate for me to do that with her starting a new relationship, but I still

love her deeply, it seemed every part of our life was going well, in and out of the bedroom. We had some arguments, but nothing too serious. What hurts most if after we brokeup, she called me and told me that she still had a place in her heart for me, but it would be up to me to prove myself. I did what I could, I tried to focus on improving

myself, focusing on my own life, I called her when I could and now yet, she has some guy, and I don't know if I ever will have another chance with her? Any good advice? I'm really torn up about this, I can't focus in my college classes, I feel miserable, the only place where I am actually doing better is in the gym, where I take out my frusturations on

all those poor machines and dumbells. I want to think I can get her back, someway, somehow, but I also want to get over this pain, I want to stop feeling like this, I'm not a weak person and it makes me feel terrible to be like this. I appreciate any help anyone can give me, thanks!

Wow, you just described my life perfectly.

Awesome news to hear you're getting along fine.

I'm in the same boat today, she loved (loves) me unconditionally but I was afraid to reciprocate that love, give her my heart, for fear of losing her and myself.

God be with you my friend.

Alan