Am I Overreacting About Texting?

[Tabby_Cat]

So I got out of a relationship six or so months ago and have been having some anxiety getting back into the dating game. I started seeing this guy that I met through mutual friends. I feel like he is getting overly needy and clingy but need some outside opinions.

 

On our first date we spent maybe four hours together, it went well, I drove home and all was good. 30 minutes after the date he texts me and says he had a great time, and wants to take me on another date. I agreed, he then continued to text me the rest of the night. Our date was set for 3 days after our first date. He texts me now every single morning with a good morning beautiful text, and texts me while he's working, tells me every day how excited he is to see me, and texts up until he goes to bed at night. I started getting a little overwhelmed and things got worse.

 

Two days before our second date he asks me to go on a third date. I kind of wanted to say, let's see how the second goes first but didn't want to be rude so hesitantly agreed but set no actual day for the date. He also invited me to come to his place the following weekend, and started saying things like I wish you lived closer to me, we live about 45 minutes from each other.

 

So the day before our date he texted me in the morning as usual but I did not respond as I had a super busy day at work. I check my phone later in the evening, he sent me another text in the afternoon, and then one in the evening asking if everything was okay. I responded with "oh yes I was just super busy today, sorry!" and he says that he started to think he had done or said something wrong. Again I reassured him that I was just busy with my life, he continues to text me into the night.

 

Morning of our date he texts me and says good morning and adds at the end "message me back when you can". I waited 3 hours to respond, giving myself some space, and when I did he texted me right back as usual. Is he overly needy or am I overreacting?

Edited July 14, 2016 by Tabby_Cat

[Ami1uwant]

I think you are overreacting a bit.

 

He is interested in you.

 

If he didn't text at all you'd think he wasn't interested in you.

 

Him mentioning a third date...the time I'd see this come up before date 2 would be to see an event that you need to plan and have tickets to.

[Tabby_Cat]

Thanks for the reply! I get that he likes me it's just too much constant texting I think. Like every ten minutes I get a text.

 

And he started saying things like "I am excited to wake up in the morning just because I get to talk to you", and that's a nice compliment but is freaking me out about because I feel like those are very strong feelings for after just one date!

 

Maybe it's just me lol.

[Ami1uwant]

Thanks for the reply! I get that he likes me it's just too much constant texting I think. Like every ten minutes I get a text.

 

And he started saying things like "I am excited to wake up in the morning just because I get to talk to you", and that's a nice compliment but is freaking me out about because I feel like those are very strong feelings for after just one date!

 

Maybe it's just me lol.

 

It depends on what his background is.....like say you are the first person he has dated in the last 10 yrs after his divorce he hasn't relearned how to ride the bike.

 

 

Him responding quickly could have a lot to do with the job he has. If he works at a computer and isn't tied to the phone then he could reply quicker than someone who is constantly moving around snday has no chance to text.

 

Maybe he is more into you then you him?? What if the roles were reversed and you had a thing for a hot guy you had just dated...

[Tabby_Cat]

That's true, and those are all good points. I think part of the reason I'm a bit nervous is because I do know a bit of his history from his ex, and apparently he had a previous woman he was dating cheat on him, so he and his last ex had to work through some issues of paranoia/jealousy.

 

Plus he just got out of a long term relationship only two months ago and kind of jumped right into it with me.

[Teknoe]

So I got out of a relationship six or so months ago and have been having some anxiety getting back into the dating game. I started seeing this guy that I met through mutual friends. I feel like he is getting overly needy and clingy but need some outside opinions.

 

On our first date we spent maybe four hours together, it went well, I drove home and all was good. 30 minutes after the date he texts me and says he had a great time, and wants to take me on another date. I agreed, he then continued to text me the rest of the night. Our date was set for 3 days after our first date. He texts me now every single morning with a good morning beautiful text, and texts me while he's working, tells me every day how excited he is to see me, and texts up until he goes to bed at night. I started getting a little overwhelmed and things got worse.

 

Two days before our second date he asks me to go on a third date. I kind of wanted to say, let's see how the second goes first but didn't want to be rude so hesitantly agreed but set no actual day for the date. He also invited me to come to his place the following weekend, and started saying things like I wish you lived closer to me, we live about 45 minutes from each other.

 

So the day before our date he texted me in the morning as usual but I did not respond as I had a super busy day at work. I check my phone later in the evening, he sent me another text in the afternoon, and then one in the evening asking if everything was okay. I responded with "oh yes I was just super busy today, sorry!" and he says that he started to think he had done or said something wrong. Again I reassured him that I was just busy with my life, he continues to text me into the night.

 

Morning of our date he texts me and says good morning and adds at the end "message me back when you can". I waited 3 hours to respond, giving myself some space, and when I did he texted me right back as usual. Is he overly needy or am I overreacting?

 

Yikes, he seems like a stage 5 clinger. The excessive good morning texts and planning a 3rd date before the 2nd one... you are more than within your reasonable bounds to be a little overwhelmed. Just reading that I felt suffocated!

 

It's obviously affecting you and you know you can't keep dealing with this. It sucks but you might need to have a talk with him. Just tell him you like him but the abundance of texting is starting to overwhelm you. See how he responds and go from there.

 

I'm surprised at the posters saying you are overreacting.

 

There's NOTHING overreacting about your posts. Most people would feel overwhelmed with that high intensity level of texting!

[TunaCat]

I'm surprised at the posters saying you are overreacting.

 

Me too! This much communication early on would freak me out. I don't know if it would necessarily be a deal-breaker or a complete turnoff, but holy crap it would drive me insane.

 

And to ask you on a THIRD date before you've even had the second.

 

No way are you overreacting.

[MLP11]

Me too! This much communication early on would freak me out. I don't know if it would necessarily be a deal-breaker or a complete turnoff, but holy crap it would drive me insane.

 

And to ask you on a THIRD date before you've even had the second.

 

No way are you overreacting.

 

Instead of overreacting, talk to him about how you feel. Don't make it come off as attacking him but maybe ask him politely for some space, although you are still interesting. You just want to take things slowly.

 

I feel like if we all communicated our wants and needs better, we'd all be so much more happy

[TheBathWater]

I think his gut was right when he was wondering "if he did something wrong." He was blowing up your phone, and you know it!

 

You need to point blank tell him that you like him but are overwhelmed with the texting. There's an old saying: There needs to be space between 'I' and 'You' for 'Love' to be there.

 

If space is an issue for him, find out why and see if the two of you can figure out a way so that he is able to still feel good between dates and you can too. Obviously, the longer you wait to talk to him about this, the less you're going to want to at all and just end things with him.

[TheBathWater]

Me too! This much communication early on would freak me out. I don't know if it would necessarily be a deal-breaker or a complete turnoff, but holy crap it would drive me insane.

 

And to ask you on a THIRD date before you've even had the second.

 

No way are you overreacting.

 

I agree 100%. I'd be pretty freaked out too.

 

In fact, I WAS! I remember posting about something very similar to this months ago, and most of the board jumped down my throat about it.

[MLP11]

I think his gut was right when he was wondering "if he did something wrong." He was blowing up your phone, and you know it!

 

You need to point blank tell him that you like him but are overwhelmed with the texting. There's an old saying: There needs to be space between 'I' and 'You' for 'Love' to be there.

 

If space is an issue for him, find out why and see if the two of you can figure out a way so that he is able to still feel good between dates and you can too. Obviously, the longer you wait to talk to him about this, the less you're going to want to at all and just end things with him.

 

Yeah, this is definitely needy behavior. I know I can be needy in relationships as a man which can be embarrassing but it is something I am working on. I however wouldn't go so far to do what he is doing. Instead of texting all the time, I try not to text much during the day and simply call the girl I am dating at the end of the day.

[basil67]

Instead of overreacting, talk to him about how you feel. Don't make it come off as attacking him but maybe ask him politely for some space, although you are still interesting. You just want to take things slowly.

 

I feel like if we all communicated our wants and needs better, we'd all be so much more happy

 

I couldn't agree more.

 

This seems to be otherwise going well, so tell him how you feel about the texts. Something like "I'm really enjoying getting to know you, however I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed by all the texts. Perhaps we could just chat during the evening"

 

If he can't cope with your boundaries, THEN you've got a problem. But at present, lack of communication is the biggest issue.

[katiegrl]

OP, bless your heart for still being interested in this guy after all that.

 

It's too much. Suffocating.

 

But if you want to hang with him, just be honest.

 

Tell him you need for him to slow his roll, and relax!

 

Again, it's too damn much.

[Michelle ma Belle]

Guys are damned if they do and damned if they don't :/

 

Whatever. You're call but perhaps you should hold judgement until your next date. See how that goes THEN decide whether you can and want to move forward and if so, communicate what you want and don't want. If not, then so be it.

[preraph]

So I got out of a relationship six or so months ago and have been having some anxiety getting back into the dating game. I started seeing this guy that I met through mutual friends. I feel like he is getting overly needy and clingy but need some outside opinions.

 

On our first date we spent maybe four hours together, it went well, I drove home and all was good. 30 minutes after the date he texts me and says he had a great time, and wants to take me on another date. I agreed, he then continued to text me the rest of the night. Our date was set for 3 days after our first date. He texts me now every single morning with a good morning beautiful text, and texts me while he's working, tells me every day how excited he is to see me, and texts up until he goes to bed at night. I started getting a little overwhelmed and things got worse.

 

Two days before our second date he asks me to go on a third date. I kind of wanted to say, let's see how the second goes first but didn't want to be rude so hesitantly agreed but set no actual day for the date. He also invited me to come to his place the following weekend, and started saying things like I wish you lived closer to me, we live about 45 minutes from each other.

 

So the day before our date he texted me in the morning as usual but I did not respond as I had a super busy day at work. I check my phone later in the evening, he sent me another text in the afternoon, and then one in the evening asking if everything was okay. I responded with "oh yes I was just super busy today, sorry!" and he says that he started to think he had done or said something wrong. Again I reassured him that I was just busy with my life, he continues to text me into the night.

 

Morning of our date he texts me and says good morning and adds at the end "message me back when you can". I waited 3 hours to respond, giving myself some space, and when I did he texted me right back as usual. Is he overly needy or am I overreacting?

 

There's nothing wrong with you. He's insecure and needy and desperate, none of which are attractive features. You told him you're busy, so he should back off. Next he'll be tracking your movements. You need to tell him directly that you don't like or have time for recreational texting and ask him to only text if it's important and save the chitchat for the dates -- if you keep going out with him, which I suspect you won't for long.