impasse Posted July 14, 2016 Posted July 14, 2016 I've had a rule that I wouldn't sleep with men off the bat. It seems to chase men away just as fast as telling them I am 32 with 6 children. The guys that I've gone on dates with or talked to say they expect sex quickly and don't have time to wait around. I went on a first date, it went well. He's 39, 4 kids of his own. He called for a second date at his house, last Friday (8th). I knew that meant sex and agreed. Of course sex happened. He called me the next day and said he had a great time but I haven't head from him since. I called him once and texted him once. Lost cause?
Michelle ma Belle Posted July 14, 2016 Posted July 14, 2016 Define what "off the bat" means? Sleeping with him on the second date kinda sounds like "off the bat" to me... 3
Author impasse Posted July 14, 2016 Author Posted July 14, 2016 Define what "off the bat" means? Sleeping with him on the second date kinda sounds like "off the bat" to me... I probably could have worded that better. I meant, I didn't ever and didn't want to have sex in the first few dates. That wasn't working at all so I made the choice to break that rule once.
Michelle ma Belle Posted July 14, 2016 Posted July 14, 2016 I probably could have worded that better. I meant, I didn't ever and didn't want to have sex in the first few dates. That wasn't working at all so I made the choice to break that rule once. Ah okay. Well, I liked that he called you the next day which is a pretty classy move but the fact that he hasn't been in contact with you since, despite you reaching out to him is far from classy and doesn't look good. Personally, I wouldn't waste any more time or energy chasing someone who seems to have gotten what he wanted and has moved on. You might want to go back to your rule after all. Or at least use it as a vetting process to weed out the ones who only want sex and nothing more. Good luck.
Methodical Posted July 14, 2016 Posted July 14, 2016 I'd take a pass on him. Sounds like he called the next day so he wouldn't be viewed as the scum of the earth, and now he is fading/ghosting. I mean, nearly a week has passed since having sex with him, and his only response has been a morning after call, with no response to a call and text from you. Time to go back to Plan A and stick to your rules. 1
Dis Posted July 14, 2016 Posted July 14, 2016 Oh hun, I'm sorry. I know that cant feel good I think this one is lost cause hun...I'd wipe the slate clean and start fresh I think what you did was....you crossed your own boundaries to accommodate the men you date I dont think we should ever lower our standards or change our expectations when it comes to dating...even if we're not having much luck I think you knew you were making a mistake but you went through with it because a part of you told you to settle for less than you were comfortable with because of the discouragment you've been feeling...chalk it up to a lesson learned hun You dont need to settle...there are men out there who dont expect sex on the second date...what you need to do is be patient and have hope that as long as you keep trying, you'll always have a chance to succeed Best of luck to you hun
smackie9 Posted July 15, 2016 Posted July 15, 2016 Are you using OLD? Most guys that are on there are just using quick sex.
funnyman7878 Posted July 15, 2016 Posted July 15, 2016 I'd take a pass on him. Sounds like he called the next day so he wouldn't be viewed as the scum of the earth, It was her decision to sleep with him on the second date and before being exclusive. I don't see how there is an expectation from his side that just because he slept with her she was owed a relationship or a third date. Perhaps he felt the sex wasn't to his liking, perhaps he felt he had no interest in her besides sex... if she wanted a relationship before sex then it was her responsibility to communicate that clearly to him. 1
dpass Posted July 15, 2016 Posted July 15, 2016 Best guess.... he found someone else that either doesn't have as much baggage or was better in bed. Or both. If he just wanted sex, he wouldn't have called you the next day. You wouldn't have even been on his mind. I don't care how busy someone is, they have time to send a quick text that says they are busy and will call you x.
JewelD Posted July 15, 2016 Posted July 15, 2016 If you date men who say "I want sex quickly. Don't have time to wait around", then you already know what you're going to get. They can wait for a relationship but they need their sex ASAP? That's because it's all they want. Maybe a FWB thing. I don't think you should have caved on your rule just because you think you need to do that to keep a guy interested. You really don't. I don't date men anymore, but when I did, it was pretty clear to me that having sex very early, like 1st or 2nd date, was a sure way to set the tone of your relationship as FWB. IF that. Most will take sex if you offer it, but you're letting this person get extra close and personal without knowing them very well. If you just want sex and don't care, by all means, go for it. But if you want to take the relationship to the next level, definitely hold off for a little. and if a man doesn't have time to 'wait around' to have sex with you, send him to Mcdonalds for a happy meal because you're not a drive thru sex service. 1
katiegrl Posted July 15, 2016 Posted July 15, 2016 (edited) The guys that I've gone on dates with or talked to say they expect sex quickly and don't have time to wait around. Don't have time to wait around? Good lord ... if a man ever said that to me, I would politely excuse myself and walk out. Immediately. If we were on the phone and he said it, I would tell him I appreciate his honesty, but no thank-you... hang up, block, delete, next. Aim higher, and choose wisely. ETA: I had sex with my ex the first night we met, and we were together for six years. So if it feels right, go for it, but what those other guys said to you was just plain rude and showed NO class! Also indicates that ALL they want is sex. If you want that too, then again go for it, but it sure doesn't sound like it. Never compromise your values for a man or for anyone! Edited July 15, 2016 by katiegrl
Methodical Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 It was her decision to sleep with him on the second date and before being exclusive. I don't see how there is an expectation from his side that just because he slept with her she was owed a relationship or a third date. Perhaps he felt the sex wasn't to his liking, perhaps he felt he had no interest in her besides sex... if she wanted a relationship before sex then it was her responsibility to communicate that clearly to him. Which is exactly why I said she should go back to Plan A and stick to her rules. He was upfront about wanting sex early. Consenting to his preference doesn't necessitate expectation. Rather than getting his rocks off and disappearing, he called her the next day. A courtesy call, IMO. For whatever reason, he hasn't responded to her calls and texts, so more than likely there isn't mutual interest. But, he didn't walk away without another word as tho she were a piece of meat.
sunshine2 Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 This has happened to me and Im sure others on this board. If a guy pushes for sex too soon, thats all he wants. Just don't fall for any of that BS of, I won't wait around. I say Great, then theres the door! I've learned from my mistakes. Thinking he is interested in you because he wants sex does NOT mean he is into you or wants a relationship. This goes both ways, women do this too. Take your time getting to know them first. Of course there is no guarantee even after 5-10-20 dates they will stick around either, but hopefully you will feel better about making the choice to sleep with someone who seems like they are on the same page as you. You have to set your boundaries and stick to them. If you just want sex then fine, if you want a relationship, be very clear and watch the actions. Make sure to use protection too! 1
longjohn Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 Hate to say it but sounds like a case of "Pump & Dump" and I hate to put it like that. It's a really $hitty thing to do to anyone. Some guys just want sex, I know guys can push heavily for it. Those guys really need to use hookup apps or find a fwb. As a guy I tend to just take sex off the table (well sometimes on the table lol) until a few dates in. I'd rather get to know the person and see if there's a chance of a relationship growing there before getting quite that connected. Plus sex tends to have a different response from ladies vs us men and I try to be cognisance of that. 1
joseb Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 Hate to say it but sounds like a case of "Pump & Dump" and I hate to put it like that. It's a really $hitty thing to do to anyone. It's only a really $hitty thing to do if he led her on with future talk or what not. For all he knows, she was as happy to have a little fling as he was. And it's also entirely possible that he might have been interested in longer term but they didn't click sexually so he's not pursuing it. 1
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