Heartbroken

[Swerve09]

I am a 50 yr old male who has been in a three yr marriage with the woman of my dreams. Well a month ago she left me for a 21 yr old. I thought we had the perfect relationship we were best friends and lovers. I am still passionately in love and have sunk into deep depression. She just left and blocked me and my family from her life. All I do is cry no sleep lost 30 pounds in 30 days thinking of giving up

[SevenCity]

Don't give up man. Seek professional help.

 

It's tough now but you fell in love witha lie. She is not the woman you fell in love with. You fell in love with a farce.

 

Before doing anything rash, think of the people it will affect. She's not worth it

[Swerve09]

I understand but I'm struggling mightily. How could I have not known heck I was happiest when we were together. The kindness and love she showed was all a front. I am overwhelmed with grief that's why I'm here

[spiderowl]

I'm sorry to hear what has happened. I think the other poster is right - she was not the woman you thought she was. It's a shock to find that out but try and think of it as an opportunity to find someone genuine. I know that it hurts like mad at the moment but give yourself time to get over this. If it feels like you never will, I can tell you you will. I have felt like that too and now I look back and wonder what it had such an impact and that I had a lucky escape from a guy that was showing signs of being abusive.

 

I don't think break-ups are accidental. I think they happen to protect us from someone who was wrong for us.

[Swerve09]

I know I'm in bad shape. She severed all ties with me and my family. All the I love you text and sweet things are now vacant in my life. I have never been in love like this before. I just can't believe it was all a lie. She fooled us all and I have custody of my daughter and she is heartbroken as well. I pray the pain leaves soon. I miss her even though see ripped my heart out. I must be crazy!

[Swerve09]

I am a very manly man I mountain climb hike run but this has turned me into someone I hate. How can a person who you love so much be so cruel and why was I so blind. Lord forgive me!

[spiderowl]

Has she always had an unpredictable side to her? I do believe people are made up of several characters (multiple personalities) and that if you meet someone who has more than one strong personality as part of them, there is a risk they will act in that character which may not be the part of them that you love.

 

I know you must be hurting badly now. Cry, talk to friends, post on here, see a counsellor, focus on your child, and gradually things will get better. One day you will wake up and won't be hurting. You will start to really dislike her and wonder why you ever felt what you did for her. It takes a little while for this to develop and overcome the grief but it will do. Hang on in there!

[Swerve09]

You hit the nail on the head wow! She used to be called Nikki and changed her name to Adrienne she said Nikki was very promiscuous and bad. When she left she said she tried to be a good wife and mother but the fact is I'm a whore and that's all I'll ever be and you deserve better I begged for counseling and she said you get counseling

[Satu]

Sorry that you're hurting so.

 

 

Below is something I put together for myself, but some of it might be useful for you.

 

 

1. Recognise that you are in the crisis phase, You are very hurt, but the intensity of your feelings will reduce.

 

2. Don't suppress your feelings, or tell yourself that you shouldn't be feeling what you're feeling - that never helps.

 

3. Externalise your feelings by writing them down, talking to a trustworthy person, or using any other mode of expression that feels right.

 

4. Remind yourself frequently, that you can and will have a good life without this person.

 

5. Remind yourself frequently, that you can and will love again.

 

6. Take care of your body:

 

Eat enough and eat healthily.

Drink enough water. Thats 2 litres a day for a male.

Get a bit more rest than you think you need. If you can't sleep, just lie down.

Do some easy exercise - nothing too strenuous.

If you feel physically unwell go to see your doctor.

If you are on any prescription meds, take them as prescribed.

 

7. Do not allow yourself to become socially isolated or withdrawn.

 

8. Establish Total No Contact with your ex.

 

*No direct contact.

*No sending or receiving of messages.

*Block any means she might use to contact you.

*No replies to anything that gets through your blocks.

*No indirect contact through third parties.

*De-friend or delete from all social media.

*No monitoring of her on social media.

*No 'little birds' feeding you news.

*Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying.

 

9. Keep up with all your responsibilities and things you have to do.

 

10. Do not use alcohol or drugs in an attempt to self-medicate.

 

11. Post here often.

 

 

Take care.

[Swerve09]

Thank you so much. I have had no contact for a month though I have trolled. You know I appreciate all of your help and advice. When I tell you I got it bad I mean bad! I'm an emotional wreck and I know it's over I just have never loved so deep. As much as I wanted to spend the remainder of my life with her I can't. I face the harsh reality of her being with someone else.

[Captivating]

Hi Swerve,

I am so sorry that you are in pain. You are experiencing the withdrawal, which is at the same spot of the brain where drug withdrawal supposed to be at...

Be patient, it will get better!

I don't think that she was honest with her own feelings.

Do you think that she is a narcissist ?

Love bombing at first, builds you up, uses you for her plans, then when you are useless she breaks you down etc. Did she take advantage of you financially ?

 

Would you please watch this video ? This guy ( and others) has a lot of videos on narcissistic people.

I think it is a very helpful video :

 

The way she moved on it is not normal. The way you feel is completely normal !

Let yourself cry, face the pain, it is ok. We can all relate to your situation, we have all been there IT SUCKS ! We agree.

It is an emotional roller coaster but slowly things will get better.

In a couple of months you will see her and the whole situation more clearly, she will be off of the pedestal.

So try to occupy yourself with the usual stuff you enjoy, hiking, spending time with your daughter etc.

Your ex is clearly lacking empathy and compassion to shut you out of her life undeserved. Even if she left you she could be friendly or civil.

SO....it is her loss, not yours !

[Swerve09]

You got her down pat. The mirror and my money her best friends. Always talking about how hot she was and constantly needing attention even jealous of my children. My word you folks are very smart. What a fool I was

[Captivating]

Swerve,

You are better off without her !

Your brain and heart is still in the relationship with her, constantly thinking of her all day. You start to analyze the last couple of weeks over and over, trying to find answers just like the guy says in the video.

Everything reminds you of her the places you guys went to, the songs you were listening to ... etc.

You know it might take you a year or two to gain clarity of the situation and of her...but you will get there, don't worry.

If she IS a narcissist..... just know that these guys are master manipulators, she will do the same crap with the new guy, just uses him.

 

Intense love bombing, they get sexually involved fast with their unsuspecting "prey"..... as part of their manipulation, this is how they gain control and it gets you hooked.

 

After the relationship is done, you start to question yourself what you did wrong.

 

NOTHING Swerve, these people are messed up.

Don't ever consider taking her back ! There are so many nice people out there.

[Nowty V]

How can a person who you love so much be so cruel

 

Your Amygdala may be leading you a merry dance, there are 2 each about the size of an Almond. Sugar coat it,appreciate love.

 

You have choices, Power over Perception = Choice in Action.