Jeannie Posted June 29, 2005 Posted June 29, 2005 I took him back and now he's dumped me - all those times he begged for me to give him another chance and that he couldn't let a day go by without waking up thinking of me and how he knew I was "the one". I took him back - I tried loving him but it just didn't work. Suddenly he dumped me - I'm stunned. The past day I actually went into Fatal Attraction mode - I was so shocked he ended it and refused to talk to me I was trying everything to get him to answer my phone call. He just laughed at me. I went by his house to pick up my things and he just smiled and laughed - handed me my things and said "Take care!". How can someone suddenly just turn it off and say "The end - you lose!". Two years time wasted......I should have never taken him back the first time. I'm feeling like such a total fool - he conned me into taking him back so he could dump me and have the final say......... and hurt me like hell. I'm rejected and feeling like such a FOOL. How do you ever get over this? I've been crying for hours - I can't eat.....I'm just sick he ended it like this after all the times I took him back so we could work it out. He intentionally did this to hurt me like hell. I'm in pain.......ANYONE PLEASE HELP - Tell me it's gonna be ok. I blame myself so much for ever taking him back - if I was smart the first time I wouldn't be going thru this again.
Clone Posted June 29, 2005 Posted June 29, 2005 Yes, it will take time to get over it, but now you know the pain like the rest of us. It's a mental game. He now has the control when he dumped you. For example, when my ex dumped me she looked good to go like a week later and we went out for 6 years. Here I am 6 months later, just getting back on my feet. Well, good luck to you and I'm sure you will make it through this.
curiousnycgirl Posted June 29, 2005 Posted June 29, 2005 2 years wasted - I DON'T THINK SO!!! I would think that at the very least you've grown and learned a lot in those 2 years. Not the least of which is what you will no longer accept from a man. You don't indicate how long after you gave him a second chance he pulled his 180 on you - but sounds to me like good riddance to bad rubbish. I recognize that right now it doesn't feel that way at all - but I assure you it WILL get better and you WILL be fine. In fact you will be even better without that manipulative, evil (if he's finding this humorous, he's evil) loser in your life!!! Clearly you are a warm giving person and deserve waaay better than he can ever possibly give you - and you WILL find someone worthy of you.
Sweets1919 Posted June 29, 2005 Posted June 29, 2005 Hi Jeannie, I totally understand what you are going through. Last November I found my boyfriend (now ex) was two-timing me (had another girlfriend, not just a fling)....but we "worked through it", he was so "sorry" and seemed to genuinely care that he had hurt me and I took him back. Next thing I know it is April and he is blowing me off to go party and do who knows what for five days....I decided I could not tolerate the behaviour and ended it. I could not see how the guy who was crying and so much wanting me back only 5 months before could change to not wanting to see me or return my calls...after all, my feelings were still very much alive. But such is life and it ended...and it did hurt a lot. Although what you are going through is hard to deal with and difficult to understand, you have to trust that it is for the best and this is the way things are meant to be for you to learn the lessons you need to learn in your life. You even say you won't take someone who is an "ex" back in the future...that is a positive learning. Maybe you have learned to not put up with crappy treatment for two years (or even two months or weeks!)...because you know you deserve better than that. I have a good book called "In the Meantime" and it is about being in that somewhere area between relationships, between fulfillment when you find yourself doing crazy things to hang on to just even something!! Don't blame yourself for taking him back, Jeannie....you did it for your reasons and now you may have more insight into what you do or do not want in your life. A few good quotes from the book are: "You didn't know what to do , that's why you did what you did" "The only way to discover what you want is to spend some time in what you don't want" "It is dangerous to believe that everything that shows up in your life is the path to what you want" It WILL get better Jeannie. Be thankful you have not taken him back 5 more times and are 7 years into the relationship....or 12 years in or 20 years in....it would be an injustice to yourself to settle for something less than you deserve. It would be sad for anyone to be 10 years down the road still in the same crappy relationship looking back at NOW saying "if only I'd just left it at 2 years invested and moved on...now I'm 12 years in and NOTHING has changed...I knew it all in 2005 and should have just left it at that, instead of trying to make the relationship work that was not going to"....
ggallin13 Posted June 29, 2005 Posted June 29, 2005 Originally posted by Jeannie I took him back and now he's dumped me - all those times he begged for me to give him another chance and that he couldn't let a day go by without waking up thinking of me and how he knew I was "the one". I took him back - I tried loving him but it just didn't work. Suddenly he dumped me - I'm stunned. It always seems to come as a shock. Sucks. The past day I actually went into Fatal Attraction mode - I was so shocked he ended it and refused to talk to me I was trying everything to get him to answer my phone call. He just laughed at me. I went by his house to pick up my things and he just smiled and laughed - handed me my things and said "Take care!". He sounds totally vindictive and you should be glad to be rid of him. It sounds as if he hurt you on purpose, as you say. How can someone suddenly just turn it off and say "The end - you lose!". I don't know anyone who can. Be glad to be rid of him. Two years time wasted......I should have never taken him back the first time. I'm feeling like such a total fool - he conned me into taking him back so he could dump me and have the final say......... and hurt me like hell. I know it's cheesy, but don't look at it as time wasted! You had to have learned something from the experience, and after reflection you can avoid people like him in the future. Focus on the fact that it was only two years and you didn't marry him or have kids with him. I'm rejected and feeling like such a FOOL. How do you ever get over this? I've been crying for hours - I can't eat.....I'm just sick he ended it like this after all the times I took him back so we could work it out. He intentionally did this to hurt me like hell. He's the bad one, not you, and while you feel like a fool you aren't one. Don't beat yourself up for trusting people, just learn from it so you get better at choosing whom you can trust. And whatever you do, don't take him back after this! It wouldn't surprise me that right as you are getting over it he'll call. People like that seem to have a sixth sense about these things. Weird. I'm in pain.......ANYONE PLEASE HELP - Tell me it's gonna be ok. I blame myself so much for ever taking him back - if I was smart the first time I wouldn't be going thru this again. "Pain is weakness leaving the body." You'll get through it, and you'll find the person who you deserve and you'll be amazed that this cad could make you feel like this.
Author Jeannie Posted June 29, 2005 Author Posted June 29, 2005 Thanks everyone - your posts help tremendously. I'm doing ok - I know it's over and can accept it. I realize that it's mainly shock I'm going thru because he acted so cruel and went out of his way to laugh and put on a show when I picked up my stuff. No one was at his house but he was trying to portray that he was having a good ol' time and ha, ha, ha. I just looked at him like he was off his rocker. And his "Take care hon!".... All that was just a put-on. I've always seen right thru him and know when he overacts he's covering up his insecurities. He's gotta act that way to protect his ego. For all I care he can claim victory - he ended it, he broke up - whatever........ If he's proud of ending it like that so be it. He always bragged that when he ended relationships in the past he was "ruthless". (He told me this when we first started dating) and I always remembered it - now he proved it. I think it's good this happened and I saw him for who he really is - a skanky loser. I've been too nice and have taken him back too many times. Not anymore. He killed any feelings I had left for him. He's dead to me now.
Author Jeannie Posted June 29, 2005 Author Posted June 29, 2005 I sat and bawled my eyes out last night - I figure it's better to just accept my feelings and deal with the loss now and get it over with. I needed a good cry. At least I know I was a decent person thru all this. I never tried acting like an a$$ - I didn't get crazy and scream at him or call him names. I simply accepted his break up and got my things and left - being as polite as possible. While he stood there laughing at me - I just kept my cool and walked away. I didn't beg or plead to work things out - I just agreed with him and let it go. I didn't want to break up but I wasn't going to beg and plead or have a meltdown in front of him. What is sad is I know he was simply trying to puff his ego and put on a show and get the satisfaction of having the last say.....but deep down it wasn't what he really wanted. Now that I have my things and my phone calls will end and I will go on with my life - he'll miss me and one day pop up again. This time I won't be so nice and sweet. I'll be demonic! (I'm saying this in humor..). What comes around goes around - I'm a firm believer people like this end up hurting themselves more than they try to hurt others. When time passes he'll miss that I'm no longer there putting up with his crap. But by then I'll be over him completely and on to better things. I am having to program myself to STOP when I start thinking about the past or when I have those anxiety attacks like "What if no one else ever loves me!!!!". That's the hardest part - trying to control all my thoughts. I'm thinking about it all too much - need to get my mind off it. Thanks for your help folks.
ggallin13 Posted June 29, 2005 Posted June 29, 2005 Great to hear you are doing better. You're right, he'll get his when the time comes, it is almost a Natural law. From your description of your behavior when you picked up your stuff you RULE and did the exact right thing and should be proud of yourself!
Author Jeannie Posted June 29, 2005 Author Posted June 29, 2005 Thanks ggalin13 - I appreciate your kind words. I appreciate your comment about the pain being weakness leaving the body. That's a good way to look at it. When I get those pains and waves of hurt I just pretend it's grief and loss that I'm purging from my system and there's only so much of it - once I get it all out it'll be gone and I'll feel better. It's odd - a couple of weeks ago I was stuck in a low-paying part-time job with toxic coworkers. I prayed to God to get me away from all the toxic and negative people in my life and out of that awful part-time job into a new job that pays well and has benefits. Not only did I interview and land a really good paying job (I start this Friday) but my relationship ended. No more negative toxic people in my life! Kinda wild it all happened at once and so fast. God answered my prayers - it's kinda like be careful what you wish for - WHAM! God gave it to me. I just didn't expect it all to happen so fast! It's hard to swallow all this change but I know it's all good. Just a bit scary - my stomach has been doing flip flops. Ending a relationship and starting a new job all in one week. YIKES!
lindya Posted June 29, 2005 Posted June 29, 2005 I just didn't expect it all to happen so fast! It's hard to swallow all this change but I know it's all good. Just a bit scary - my stomach has been doing flip flops. Ending a relationship and starting a new job all in one week. YIKES! That certainly is a lot to cope with. Often happens that all the changes that need to occur in your life do so in a short space of time. It's a lot to re-adjust to. It sounds as if you have good insight as to why your ex behaved like such a prick. Not a nice experience at all, but a sharp learning curve that will serve you well in the future. Ruthless people deserve equally ruthless responses... indeed, they seldom respect anything else. I hope you bear that in mind if ever this creep ever happens to want any sort of favour from you in the future.
Author Jeannie Posted June 30, 2005 Author Posted June 30, 2005 Lindya - wise words - and boy I can tell you that as upset as I was I'm coming out of my heartbreak COMA pretty quickly. I'm wide awake to the fact that being with my ex was unhealthy. Having anything to do with him again would be masochistic on my part! I learned my lesson well and there are no 3rd chances. Life goes on and I gotta keep my head clear and move forward. I won't make the same mistakes again.
cubbbb Posted June 30, 2005 Posted June 30, 2005 He just laughed at me. I went by his house to pick up my things and he just smiled and laughed - handed me my things and said "Take care!". >>>>>>>>>> --------------------------------------------- He was just laughing to keep from crying Inner self defense mechagnism.. Didn't know how to handle his emotions, and it came off that way..
Author Jeannie Posted June 30, 2005 Author Posted June 30, 2005 That's what I think or he was trying too hard to act like he wasn't upset - thus laughing and putting on a show. I saw right thru it though - and he only looked that much more ridiculous and ugly. He could have hurt me more by being nice and saying "goodbye" like an adult. Instead my last image of him is "what a loser".
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