Girlfriend and I just went long distance, and she arranged to meet a guy alone..

[mr_dave]

Okay, so I met my Italian girlfriend online in October whilst she was on a study abroad year here in England. That recently finished, and so she returned to her home country for a bit before last week moving on to Australia, where she won a scholarship to study until November. I am scheduled to visit her in October for a few weeks.

 

She is living in a city beginning with 'M' in the south, you can probably guess where it is. Our relationship has been great so far, she's very very loving and affectionate, and I've stayed with her family in Italy twice, I'm the first guy she's introduced to them. (I'm 27, she's 23)

 

In the week or so she's been in Oz we have continued to speak regularly and affectionately on Skype. She's done a few touristy things so far, but is fairly bored as her classes haven't started yet and the weather isn't great.

 

Here's where the problem starts; She say's she has been looking online for groups and events to go to to make new friends, and so posted in a facebook group for new residents of that city explaining her predicament.. Immediately two Indian guys send her friend requests and she tells me about them. We have a joke about it, because in her experience Indian guys have been incredibly forward, almost as much as Italians..

 

Fast forward a day or so and she tells me "Oh I'm meeting up with one of them tomorrow" (the one who runs the facebook group)

I was surprised, and asked when, and what they were going to do?

She told me that they were going to meet at seven (It's winter in Australia so it's night time) and that he would take her to see some penguins near/ at the seaside. So basically she's agreed to meet a stranger (albeit an identifiable one on facebook) at night time to go to a potentially deserted beach in a country/region she doesn't know.

 

I couldn't believe it! I said how dangerous this could potentially be, say he calls some of his friends and then she's alone with four or five guys she knows even less, at night, and is trapped there? How many female travellers go to India and end up being gang raped?

To which she replied with the assertion that she was statistically less likely to be raped by this stranger than she was by myself (her boyfriend) or members of her family! I wish I were making it up....

She said she would be safe, but hours after our lengthy argument and me imploring her to used meetup.com or something (there are literally hundreds of daily events in her city, language exchanges etc) she said she had cancelled on him and was just alone in her room. We haven't spoken since.

 

Am I right to be annoyed? I feel that I can't really win, I told her how I felt about it, but I don't want to forbid her and give her something to rebel against, yet it's pretty unacceptable IMO to meet guys alone when you have a boyfriend, especially if she has no idea of his motives.

I would bet my house that this guy is thinking about getting his end away having easily got a meeting with a woman whose boyfriend is 10000 miles away..

 

What are your thoughts good people of loveshack?

 

PS nationality of GF changed for anonymity...

[VeveCakes]

She is being incredibly unsafe meeting strangers at night and not in public. She needs to smarten up.

[smackie9]

I agree with you she is putting herself in a compromising situation, and it's not appropriate to be meeting someone, a total stranger, alone. BUT I do feel she's thinking you are painting her out to be a child, one who can't be trusted, etc. That would be upsetting for sure.

 

IMO this could have been discussed in a more mature way to get your point across with out getting everyone's feathers all ruffled. Being young, some times they are oblivious to the dangers...like they have tunnel vision. Anyways there must be a way to get through to her to make better choices, like finding a girl or two that will be attending the same uni. The school would definitely have some kind of a meet and greet for new students or something on social media she can network with.

[mr_dave]

I agree with you she is putting herself in a compromising situation, and it's not appropriate to be meeting someone, a total stranger, alone. BUT I do feel she's thinking you are painting her out to be a child, one who can't be trusted, etc. That would be upsetting for sure.

 

IMO this could have been discussed in a more mature way to get your point across with out getting everyone's feathers all ruffled. Being young, some times they are oblivious to the dangers...like they have tunnel vision. Anyways there must be a way to get through to her to make better choices, like finding a girl or two that will be attending the same uni. The school would definitely have some kind of a meet and greet for new students or something on social media she can network with.

 

I have suggested those potential avenues for meeting new friends, but she doesn't really want to meet fellow students as she feels many are immature and primarily interested in drinking to excess...

 

I'm not against her having guy friends at all, but ones she has previously taken care to vet..

[hippychick3]

I totally agree with you. That was very irresponsible of her to arrange such a meet up with a total stranger. You had every right and reason to be concerned and voice your concerns.

 

If she were reasonable and more mature, she'd understand where you're coming from and have her own reservations.

[smackie9]

I have suggested those potential avenues for meeting new friends, but she doesn't really want to meet fellow students as she feels many are immature and primarily interested in drinking to excess...

 

I'm not against her having guy friends at all, but ones she has previously taken care to vet..

Good lord she is really making excuses. Not everyone is into binge drinking. She's fluttering around the idea to play while she's away...you know get free meals and have her entertainment paid for.

[JewelD]

Is she completely against having female friends? There's a few similar threads on here and for whatever reason, a lot of women are using these sites to meet men.

 

and the way you phrased it sounds like you were mostly concerned about her cheating rather than her putting herself in danger.

 

I got seriously drunk at a bar with some friends once (including a male friend) and my bf at the time said, "I can't believe you did that. What if you had gotten so drunk that you thought that guy was me and had sex with him?" Very little concern over the fact that I could have died of alcohol poisoning, just concern that I might have cheated on him.

 

But what she's doing is dangerous. I'd be more worried about her being robbed, assaulted, or raped than her meeting a stranger and just choosing to have sex with him. If that's what she wanted, she probably wouldn't have brought it up to you at all.

[mr_dave]

Is she completely against having female friends? There's a few similar threads on here and for whatever reason, a lot of women are using these sites to meet men.

 

and the way you phrased it sounds like you were mostly concerned about her cheating rather than her putting herself in danger.

 

I got seriously drunk at a bar with some friends once (including a male friend) and my bf at the time said, "I can't believe you did that. What if you had gotten so drunk that you thought that guy was me and had sex with him?" Very little concern over the fact that I could have died of alcohol poisoning, just concern that I might have cheated on him.

 

But what she's doing is dangerous. I'd be more worried about her being robbed, assaulted, or raped than her meeting a stranger and just choosing to have sex with him. If that's what she wanted, she probably wouldn't have brought it up to you at all.

 

I appreciate you taking the time to reply, but at no point did I mention her cheating. I did mention words such as danger, stranger, rape, gang-rape, and talk about the guy's intentions for meeting, all of which are to do with her jeopardising her personal safety, and not her possibly cheating....

[JewelD]

Well you did mention cheating at the end of your original post. That she shouldn't be going out with strangers when she has a boyfriend if she doesn't know their motives. That these men are looking to hook up with a woman whose bf is miles away. So are you 'annoyed' because she's meeting strangers who might harm her or because you think she'd cheat on you?

 

Honestly, I'd be more concerned with her lack of safety 101 skills in general. It's just poor judgment as far as looking after herself in a foreign place.

[longjohn]

I hate to say it but ladies at 23 are just not dating material in general. There's always an exception to the rule but this isn't one of them. Have you thought about meeting a lady closer to your own age that's already learnt the basics of not putting themselves into stupid positions on the other side of the planet. I mean she's there and your somewhere else far, far away. Be honest with yourself if she want's a bit on the side down under she's going to have it and you'd be none the wiser. For that reason, the fact she's young and still stupid I'd not invest anymore time into this.