Msann Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 I've been reading these boards for the past week obviously due to a break up. The more I read, the better I feel. But I also wanted to share something that I've seemed to notice in the threads. Many are hoping beyond hope to get their ex back. I'm there with you...I currently feel your pain and emptiness. But I look back on my past relationships and every single ex has come back. Some took a week, some a month, some 6 months. But, they've all returned. Many have not only returned but continued to return over and over. So, I feel like if my record is any indication, my current ex will too return. I take comfort believing that. But, I can say each time an ex has returned...I've moved on past the hurt and no longer wanted them. (Except 2) and those didn't work out. Many of these relationships were over a year, some 3. Some were only 2 months. But they all come back. Every. Single. One. The common denominator in all of them is that I didn't play games with them, try to make them jealous or burn bridges. Just wanted to share from my experience. 10/11 relationships have tried to return. If this one does, I'll decide from there. :-) Heads up. Life goes on. Sometimes you have no idea you were missing something so amazing. Good luck all. 1
whatnot Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 After my ex wife left I found out quite coincidentally that it was with another man she had been having an affair with for several months. I needed to know the truth. Without her knowledge (she doesn't know to this day) I hired a private investigator to piece it together for me. When I asked, "Do you all stay busy? " They answered quite emphatically, "Yes!". Curious, I asked, "What kinds of cases do you mostly handle?" They told me domestic cheating. I asked, "You mean there's that much of it going on?" They answered..."Yes. Most of our clients are the same couples coming to us over and over. They have been come to us for years. It's always the same couples."
SevenCity Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 I think your exes coming back has a lot to do with how you handled the breakup. If you were a complete ass I'm sure they wouldn't come back. I've had some ex'es come back and pushed them away (because I met someone new). The real question is, did they come back to genuinely reconcile after realizing your worth or was it just because they didn't find anyone better or miss your company - not to the point of wanting to reconcile?
whatnot Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 You've had alot of relationships!! I'm almost 60 and I've had 3 LTR's. How do you find the time???!!!
tomatome Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 It does depend on how you break up with them. Obviously I break up too nicely for my own good. I had a really bad break up with someone back in 2012; really tore my heart out but as it was LDR between two different continents, I suppose it was only natural in the end. She eventually married the guy she dated after me. Anyway, three years later she ambushes me outside my office, saying "Hi! Aren't you going to hug me?" It was an odd conversation in which she apologized for the things she had done in the relationship. Haven't heard from her since. I was actually kind of frightened. Even with the most recent relationship (search for it!), the ex texts me one morning three weeks after break up to say, "I feel more relaxed now. Want to meet up this afternoon?" I was kind but said I have other plans.
Trinity7 Posted July 14, 2016 Posted July 14, 2016 Same here Msann! It's a strange phenomenon.. lol. But yah, every ex has come back around, one was years and years later, the others within a year. Without fail, it's never until you're really over them though. I did give things a second go with one of them, but it didn't feel right anymore and I ended it quickly. My current ex may break this "coming back around" streak though.. lol. He's pretty stubborn But it's all good, I wouldn't take him back anyway!
juniorrocha Posted July 14, 2016 Posted July 14, 2016 My ex was my first relationship so far. Things were kinda messy at first, but now we are okay with each other; in fact, I'm feeling great and soft as a feather. Been 2 months since the initial break up and a month ago we got back together, but only lasted 5 days. She dumped me saying she doesn't believe things would work - deep inside, I also knew that. Now I don't know whether she will return or not, but I believe IF that ever happen, it will be in a long time from now. I have no intention of taking her back again though.
serendipity90 Posted July 15, 2016 Posted July 15, 2016 I think it's quite dangerous to believe they're always going to come back to you. You have to live your life as if they're not going to.
Boomerangmagnet Posted July 15, 2016 Posted July 15, 2016 See my username. Every one of mine has attempted to come back.
CatDog80 Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 Of my 3 long term relationships, they all come back. Sometimes over and over. The short relationships are a different story. If I date someone for a month or 2, then it ends, it's pretty much a done deal.
bubbaganoosh Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 There's a reason for a break up. With that said, a few months or years aren't going to change that person so getting back together can assure you of one thing. The problems you had before will rear it's ugly head again. Maybe not in the same way it did before but old habits are hard if not impossible to break. Why go back for a rematch when the last time you got your head handed to you. Chances are it will be handed to you again but with a lot more bumps, bruises and scars.
SevenCity Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 There's a reason for a break up. With that said, a few months or years aren't going to change that person so getting back together can assure you of one thing. The problems you had before will rear it's ugly head again. Maybe not in the same way it did before but old habits are hard if not impossible to break. Why go back for a rematch when the last time you got your head handed to you. Chances are it will be handed to you again but with a lot more bumps, bruises and scars. Agreed. I think unless people make changes the fate will be the same. Sometimes a breakup is the push people need to make changes.
Charlie99909 Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 Please, don't give me hope. I'm already a shut in as it is. I don't want to think she can come back and make me feel better. The more I get to know people, the more I appreciate my dog.
Bialy Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 I just recently got out of a relationship two weeks ago because we had been in a grey area for several months - if not years. He finally found someone, they've been dating for about 7 months now... he is still receptive about keeping contact. I guess some exes see things nostalgically when things don't end on completely horrible terms. For me, my only fear is that at some point if I'm in a relationship with someone I love, I don't want to receive a random message from this ex. It would just stir up emotions. Things are still raw - hopefully with time these raw feelings will completely subside. For now, some days are better than others.
SevenCity Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 Please, don't give me hope. I'm already a shut in as it is. I don't want to think she can come back and make me feel better. The more I get to know people, the more I appreciate my dog. Don't get your hopes up. When they do return it is rarely because they want to work things out. Even the dumpers have feelings and miss you. It's usually not enough to negate the reasons why they left in the first place. I recall this one girl who I was madly in love with. She ghosted me so I went NC. I ran into her on the train on the way home from the city and we got to talking and even kissing. This had no bearing on us getting back together and all it did was get my hopes up and make it more painful. A dog's love is true unlike a human's. All they ask is you feed, water, and walk them. They want nothing but your love and affection. They will not leave you, hold things against you, lead you on or stab you in the back. An old friend of mine said it best "When you get home from work, who is waiting for you at the door when you walk in? Your girl or your dog?" So true.
barky2 Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 Of course they come back. But for what? To dangle a carrot to see if you'll bite? To fill the void after their next relationship after you fails? To be an emotional tampon? Every single one of mine have come back, some 10+ years later, even including my first love. Who cares. Nothing ever changes, unless there's significant time gap between the relationship, both parties grow,mature and know what a real relationship is. The problem is people will come on this thread praying for hope, hoping to read a story that they'll love happily ever after. The problem is, for the majority it won't work out like that....to a point. The point.... Finding someone else who they'll love, not the same, but more and have a real relationship. I was with my ex for 10 years, 15-25, I'm now happily engaged and we have two boys. I don't love my fiancé like I loved my ex, it's different. It's a complete love. We don't fight, we don't bicker, there's no jealousy. And my relationship with my ex was all of those things. So do they come back? Sure. But are you going to stand around and wait for it? Why the hell would you. Better yourself, learn, grow, take something from the relationship and just let go. Magical things happen when you do that. Barky 1
carhill Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 While I guess life is more colorful and interesting if/when exes, or oneself, returns to a previously ended relationship, I can't add any such experiences to that column, once all of my relationships, and marriage, were over, they were dead and gone, both for myself and the ladies involved. The closest I came to 'always returning' was a stupid interaction I had with a MW as a dopey young guy where I returned a couple decades later to revisit it. Dumb idea but it did cure me of such dumb ideas. Life is like that. That wasn't a relationship though, since we were never exclusive and committed. Perhaps that's instructive.
Charlie99909 Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 Don't get your hopes up. When they do return it is rarely because they want to work things out. Even the dumpers have feelings and miss you. It's usually not enough to negate the reasons why they left in the first place. I recall this one girl who I was madly in love with. She ghosted me so I went NC. I ran into her on the train on the way home from the city and we got to talking and even kissing. This had no bearing on us getting back together and all it did was get my hopes up and make it more painful. A dog's love is true unlike a human's. All they ask is you feed, water, and walk them. They want nothing but your love and affection. They will not leave you, hold things against you, lead you on or stab you in the back. An old friend of mine said it best "When you get home from work, who is waiting for you at the door when you walk in? Your girl or your dog?" So true. That's the thing, she came back. She was the one telling me how much she missed me. Then, she left me again. I'm at a point where I'm just working, going to the gym, keeping busy, and none of it help. I look at her picture and she's just another face to me, but inside I have no drive for a relationship. I miss holding someone and the physical intimacy we had. But when I talk to other women, I'm still empty because of her. I'm shocked at how fast time has flown because of all of this. I'm even more shocked how that part of me is dead. I never thought I'd like this in my whole life.
Charmed22 Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 Not true. My only ex never came back Its been a year and I haven't even seen him since he left. Oh and the relationship was 5 and a half years. No I never cheated or betrayed him. He left me due to him no longer being happy in the relationship. We fought a lot and no longer saw eye to eye on important issues. For a week after the breakup I begged him to fight for us, instead he blocked me On everything. I am still blocked to this day. we have a lot of mutual friends but i haven't seen him and neither has my close friends. I may be blocked on social media but my number and email is still the same so he knows how to get ahold me if he wanted to. I also have his best friend and his mother on my Facebook. I'm sure it's possible they have given him updates on my life so I don't think there is a need for him to get ahold me. I wouldn't take him back anyways.
Lauwatchthestars Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 Sharing my experience here - not sure if I should start a new thread. After 10 months of silence, my ex (he dumped me) texted me right the moment when I had moved on with my life and also started fancing someone new after a year's zero interest in guys. The message per se didn't express much emotion or anything, he had just basically heard rumours that I'm moving to the city where he lives and asked me if that was really happening. I got pissed off because it's clear that if you're not my FB friend any more and also I haven't told you about the move, the reason is I don't want to tell you about my life, so why do you even ask?! I decided not to reply, but the sad thing is I find myself wondering why he wants to know.
CatDog80 Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 It looks like most of the time an Ex from an actual relationship will consider coming back. But most of the time whatever caused the breakup isn't resolved, so it doesn't last. I have seen a case where a couple was together more than 10 years, broke up for a year and then got back together and that stuck. In that case they did resolve the problem. One person didn't want to get married, but they did get married shortly after getting back together. And recently a friend broke up with his gf due to wanting to move out of the gf's parents house. He moved out and she didn't go with him. A few months later he moved back with the gf. But their break up may have been more like taking time apart or being on a break.
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