Nikki1986x Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 (edited) My boyfriend and I are both 29. We met when we were 14 on the first day of high school. We were pretty good friends throughout HS. We both had a thing for each other but we were never available at the same time. After school I moved away for a few years but we had always kept in contact. After returning home years later, we decided to hang out (both single now) and we really hit it off. The relationship has been great.. we do so many things together, there's complete trust, so much love, etc. Now almost 3 years later and I am here asking for advice... My bf has always had anger issues. He's went to therapy a bit, takes more walks to cool off, etc. It's never been a big issue until last night. We got into a petty disagreement and he flew off the deep end... he ripped our bedroom door off the hinges and tossed it down the steps, punched 2 holes in the walls, and just trashed the place. To top it off, he got into my face telling me if I did anything he would choke me out and kill me. Eventually, after police were involved, he went to a hotel. Last night I was completely done with him. He scared me and hurt me deeply. Now he wants me back (of course) but I am confused.. You see, my bf lost his license and few years ago due to speeding on his motorcycle. He almost has all of the fines paid off and is eligible to get it back once fully paid. He was working a job he hated so 2 years ago I got him a good job at my company. He has poor health (Crohns disease, Lyme disease, arthritis in back). Neither one of us has any family to fall back on and honestly no friends. It's just us.. and we were always happy that way. My problem is... I cannot tell if he wants me back to secure his job, living situation, and the fact I have my own car... or if he really loves me. He's homeless at the moment and pretty broke. He could afford a hotel 1 more night (tonight).. What do I do? I do love him and he's the only guy I've ever trusted. He was really good to me and made me smile and happy. I always felt loved. Now I can't tell if he's just scared of the situation he's in.. or if he truly loves me and wants me back. Obviously there will be stipulations if I take him back... anger management classes, over time at work to pay for all of the damages, etc. I am so confused and hurt. I was done but now my heart aches.... what do I do? Edited July 13, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator paragraphs ~6
Zahara Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 (edited) My problem is... I cannot tell if he wants me back to secure his job, living situation, and the fact I have my own car... or if he really loves me. That's your problem? Well, your real problem should be if the next time he decides to put his fist in something, it maybe your face. Someone that goes off the deep end that way over petty stuff, at some point will channel that aggression and rage to you. Love? Find a better definition of what love is because the one in your head is toxic. Choke and kill you? Yes, that's what you call love. When you say the relationship is great, so much love and trust followed by he has anger issues -- I find it hard to believe. I am so confused and hurt. I was done but now my heart aches.... what do I do? Let your heart ache. Go through the pain and get to the other side. Do not go back to him. He's a 30 year old man. You're not his mother, caretaker, wife, etc. He needs to learn how to manage his life on his own without you being an enabler. Edited July 13, 2016 by Zahara 3
Author Nikki1986x Posted July 13, 2016 Author Posted July 13, 2016 Thank u for your response. Let me ask, out of pure curiosity, what if he did go to anger management and it helped him? Is it not worth the try? I'm not taking his side by any means.. just curious of opinions
Zahara Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 (edited) Thank u for your response. Let me ask, out of pure curiosity, what if he did go to anger management and it helped him? Is it not worth the try? I'm not taking his side by any means.. just curious of opinions You end it and you let him find his way, on his own, with his own fortitude -- this way he will be doing it for himself because HE wants to make improvements in his life rather than the possibility of him doing it to appease you or to manipulate you into staying by going through the motions. You don't stand by him and put your life on hold while he gets his life together because at this point it almost seems that you will only become or you actually are an enabler. A product of an abusive father, there was always the promise to get better, get help but it always fell short. It was temporary and he would go back to his old ways. It would always fall apart. Start your life new. Meet men that you do not have to fix, and while we all have issues -- rage and violence is not something that anyone should be putting up with or sitting around for change. Those should be absolute dealbreakers. Edited July 13, 2016 by Zahara 1
whatnot Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 I cannot imagine a scenario where I would not take a death threat seriously.
Redhead14 Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 My boyfriend and I are both 29. We met when we were 14 on the first day of high school. We were pretty good friends throughout HS. We both had a thing for each other but we were never available at the same time. After school I moved away for a few years but we had always kept in contact. After returning home years later, we decided to hang out (both single now) and we really hit it off. The relationship has been great.. we do so many things together, there's complete trust, so much love, etc. Now almost 3 years later and I am here asking for advice... My bf has always had anger issues. He's went to therapy a bit, takes more walks to cool off, etc. It's never been a big issue until last night. We got into a petty disagreement and he flew off the deep end... he ripped our bedroom door off the hinges and tossed it down the steps, punched 2 holes in the walls, and just trashed the place. To top it off, he got into my face telling me if I did anything he would choke me out and kill me. Eventually, after police were involved, he went to a hotel. Last night I was completely done with him. He scared me and hurt me deeply. Now he wants me back (of course) but I am confused.. You see, my bf lost his license and few years ago due to speeding on his motorcycle. He almost has all of the fines paid off and is eligible to get it back once fully paid. He was working a job he hated so 2 years ago I got him a good job at my company. He has poor health (Crohns disease, Lyme disease, arthritis in back). Neither one of us has any family to fall back on and honestly no friends. It's just us.. and we were always happy that way. My problem is... I cannot tell if he wants me back to secure his job, living situation, and the fact I have my own car... or if he really loves me. He's homeless at the moment and pretty broke. He could afford a hotel 1 more night (tonight).. What do I do? I do love him and he's the only guy I've ever trusted. He was really good to me and made me smile and happy. I always felt loved. Now I can't tell if he's just scared of the situation he's in.. or if he truly loves me and wants me back. Obviously there will be stipulations if I take him back... anger management classes, over time at work to pay for all of the damages, etc. I am so confused and hurt. I was done but now my heart aches.... what do I do? what do I do? -- Let's see . . . My bf has always had anger issues he ripped our bedroom door off punched 2 holes I did anything he would choke me out and kill me. Eventually, after police were involved, he went to a hotel. He scared me and hurt me lost his license He's homeless He's went to therapy a bit I do love him and he's the only guy I've ever trusted -- Well, that sure has gone out the window hasn't it? If you still do trust him after this, you have a bigger problem than he does. Take him back with stipulations -- anger management, overtime to pay damages? -- Paleeze. "He went to therapy A BIT". It didn't work because he wasn't dedicated to the "project". He doesn't want you back, he wants his chauffeur, his meal ticket, his roof back. This guy is one step away from physical abuse. He's already check off verbal abuse and menacing . . . Don't be a doormat or a co-dependent partner. Even if you were married to him, I wouldn't tell you to "work" with him, etc. This is a dealbreaker. Let him fend for himself. You focus on you and your own bright future and be a woman who has boundaries and sticks to them and is a strong, independent, secure woman in her own right. A valuable woman that will attract a man who is equal to the task of having a good woman like you in his life. This guy is a project. You don't want a man project, you want a man who is already put together. 1
Giggles666 Posted July 14, 2016 Posted July 14, 2016 Lose him, you do not want to enable a guy like this. Maybe years from now after he takes anger management and proves he has worked on himself you can be friendly with him. When guys snap like that, it's just too dangerous. When I say friendly it's simply because you go way back and have never seen this before. No way I would allow him back near you, no way I would ever date him again. Also the police did not do anything more than take him to a hotel?
Recommended Posts