Ally2121 Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 Hello, I'm looking for some advice. Me and my ex had been together just shy of a year and a half. He is 28, i am 27. We get on very well, we both love each other. We live a bit further apart but i have plans to move down to live with him. I'm currently saving for that right now which has meant working a lot more than i need to, which has cut our days together down a bit but i make sure to take holidays and get my days off together etc A few days ago he came up to mine and told me, in his head, he felt when he was in a relationship, it removes the possibility of anything happening. He meant, to a degree, meeting someone else. He then told me after that he had no desire for a relationship and wanted to be alone for the rest of his life. He's always been very involved in the relationship and quite open. He has done this to other women since he was younger but has never went back to them. He said he had thought i was different but he realised that he may have been wrong as this commitment fear has creeped back in, he said he feels that it may happen later on down the line so that he should just end it now. The next day, he texted me saying he regrets it hugely. Now we are back to talking a little However, as much as i want this to work, it now feels different. He has hinted and nearly dumped me before several times. He seems to act like nothing has happened, like it hasn't hurt me but the other day, i was in agony, i couldn't stop crying and now i feel, if i get involved with him again, i am setting myself up for more pain. After he dumped me, i was trying to look on the positive side and started realising, maybe this won't be so bad.. How do i approach this? I feel like the trust is gone and that my feelings have changed a bit. When i think of us together, it now feels like it would be awkward. He wants to carry on like everything is ok but i see him differently, i just don't know what that difference is.. I spoke to his parents the night this happened, they said he was an idiot and were hoping he would realise how stupid he had been. I need to protect myself and i am not sure how. Has anyone been through anything similar? Has any advice? I want him, i want to be with him for the rest of my life. I can't look at another man but i am so worried about being hurt. Thank you!
PegNosePete Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 i feel, if i get involved with him again, i am setting myself up for more pain A totally normal reaction. This behaviour pattern seems to be quite normal for him. You said he has done it to other women, he's done it to you, and he's almost done it several other times as well. Chances are, if you get back together, it will happen again sooner or later. The best predictor of future behaviour, is past behaviour. 2
stillafool Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 He's very unstable when it comes to relationships so I would not move in with him beause it will be a waste of money. Suppose after you start living together he pulls this stuff, you will be in a pickle.
Nadine123 Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 Hi Ally If I was you, I would run. Dont even think of moving in. I just posted about a really similar position. Broke up, wanted me back, changed his mind, ditched me at airport, wants me back, its a never ending cycle. I know your heart is telling you to stay with him but you will probably regret it when he leaves you for good and you are the one there devastated. Im in the same position right now.
Author Ally2121 Posted July 13, 2016 Author Posted July 13, 2016 Nadine, i'm sorry to hear that. I will have a look at your post. I'm very confused. I thought i would post to ask about it. I have a feeling it won't change, especially as this isn't the first time..
LostOnes05 Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 Move on...push and pull is for children playing tug of war on a playground.
Giggles666 Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 I would have a talk with him explaining why you will be running away from him. I think it may help you move on easier than just running, but that is just how I would do it. Cut the cord now and say what you have to so it does not drag out. No way I would move in with this guy, you're going to regret it and as someone said be in a pickle.
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