Sara1989 Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 I been online dating, on and off for the past year. I say I had over 20+ first dates. I would say there were four men I were dating for span of (1 month, 1 month, 3 months, 2 months) three of them I ended and one the most recent the other guy ended. The other dates are just usual, maybe couple dates ended mutual rejection, rejection by him etc. I am currently going through an extremely bad spell of dating, i cannot get the second date. It seems impossible at the moment. The last five guys i dated, they will ask me out on an second date but then fade. 2 of them asked me out at the end of the first date, 1 of them contacted me to watch a film at mine (said no and he faded, fine get that one) The other guy, we arranged a day but he wouldn't really say a time or a place. We text but it ended up fizzling out. The other guys, would text me after the date or i would text them thanking them for a nice time and they would ask me out again. Again nothing would come of it. Most recent is a guy i posted about on here couple days ago...this hurts as I did like this guy and thought we got on well. We had a lunch date, I texted him and he texted back and quickly set up another date for this weekend, complimented me. Great right? well contact was not great with him, i texted him last night which he did not reply to until this morning. And...he has cancelled the second date!! another rejection...he said he had a panic attack yesterday, now got tonsillitis and properly wont be able make our date but we can reschedule for next week. Only sent couple texts when he said he let me know if he feel better to make the date and speak soon. Just feels like a brush off...what am i doing wrong? Do you think my pictures are too nice? they are all recent but maybe they are too nice? I am nice, talkative on the dates. I get you don't click with everyone but it keeps happening...this never used to happen so much, its been constant recently and i feel i am just a confident booster for these guys...oh yes she said yes to another date, i am attractive but i don't want see her again
Author Sara1989 Posted July 13, 2016 Author Posted July 13, 2016 This is the number one issue men seem to have when meeting women online. Pics do not represent the woman we are meeting. Between using angles to make her look better, or the many different filters and crap on phones that pretty much completely change what a girl looks like. If you are taking pics like this, then yeah, guys might be disappointed when meeting you, and opt out of date 2. Otherwise, you can chalk it up to those guys just being your typical online flakes. I don't use any of that filter crap but yes maybe I should have another relook at the pictures I am using. What i don't get is why these guys ask me out again, contact me and compliment me then just fade?
4x4storm Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 I don't use any of that filter crap but yes maybe I should have another relook at the pictures I am using. What i don't get is why these guys ask me out again, contact me and compliment me then just fade? Well ask yourself why did you reject all those other guys? But maybe it's the other way around this time
Zippy2000 Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 This is what its like with OLD. I ve been doing it on and off fo 10 years! Only had one long term relationship out of it and one short term. Im a bloke and musg have had 20 first dates. I dont get a lot of messages and the ones who do message me either fade or disappear and ghost. Nothing worng with that but it makes the other person think what have I dont wrong? Just like you are thinking now. Its not you but a reflection of the men you are meeting and with OLD everyone think they can do better. I d ask you to take a break from dating. May be for say 6 months and get back into again, or time time off to meet people in the virtual world.
phineas Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 I don't use any of that filter crap but yes maybe I should have another relook at the pictures I am using. What i don't get is why these guys ask me out again, contact me and compliment me then just fade? Can they see your body in your pics? Or are they all top down forehead and cleavage shots? This annoys me when women do it and I won't even message them be ause I learned they are hiding their "athletic body". 2
leogirl876 Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 What online dating site are you using? If it's Tinder or POF, forget it. If it's eHarmony, then that one is a little better, but yeah, it seems OLD people are flaky in general. It could also be they were dating multiple people and decided to get serious with one of those other people. I just joined eHarmony and went on 2 dates with this one guy, but he's not the only guy I'm talking to. I have a date lined up with this new guy Saturday. No matter what, keep it moving if the guy's aren't putting in enough effort. The guy I went out on 2 dates acts kinda like a game player, I don't have time for that, so keeping it moving!
stillafool Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 Show full body photos and a close up of your face. These should give them an honest image of you.
Ami1uwant Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 I don't use any of that filter crap but yes maybe I should have another relook at the pictures I am using. What i don't get is why these guys ask me out again, contact me and compliment me then just fade? Im a guy...these are my thoughts.... I think they think you are a n8ce person and you are attractive yo some but maybe not to others. Remember...never assume you are the only one they are dating. More likely the cancelled 2nd has to do with them being more involved with someone else. Bigger question...you seemed to have multiple dates with guys that then ended after 1-3 months. Why has this happened?? If the guys are pulling away maybe there is something in your personality that is turning them off.
King Me Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 I'm a bit bemused by the persistent idea here that it's because your pictures look nicer than you do in person. Seriously, they probably just aren't interested. I don't mean to be harsh, but that happens in dating. A lot. For whatever reason, whether it's physical attraction, personality chemistry, interests, liking someone else better, the great majority of contacts from OLD come to nothing. You are not alone! 2
Zippy2000 Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 People are allowed to change their minds but it is rude to fade or ghost. These people arent worth fighting for if they dont have the decency to sa,y "Thank you, I had a really good time but youre not what Im looking for". Its just dating ettiquette. Italso helps the other person move on much quicker becuase they have been rejected. I had a woman I was speaking to for over a week by text. Asked when she was available however she never was, and I told her straight that I wasnt looking for a "pen friend" and I was not going to invest time and energy without gettimg a date. She replied again....."I ll get back to you". If they are NOT keen on meeting you then its time to move on. I havent heard from this woman for over a week and a half now. Total time waster!! People can come and go as they please with OLD as there so many options. Ive started to look fir women in real life when my ex girlfriend I met on teh net cheated on me and was speaking to other guys behind my back. Forget about these people and find someone who likes you as you are. You will find him, but it ll take time and lots of it.
Larryville Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 Do you think my pictures are too nice? they are all recent but maybe they are too nice? I’m not understand this, Too nice? Pics don’t have to be “nice” just honest. This is the number one issue men seem to have when meeting women online. Pics do not represent the woman we are meeting. Between using angles to make her look better, or the many different filters and crap on phones that pretty much completely change what a girl looks like. If you are taking pics like this, then yeah, guys might be disappointed when meeting you, and opt out of date 2. Can they see your body in your pics? Or are they all top down forehead and cleavage shots? This annoys me when women do it and I won't even message them be ause I learned they are hiding their "athletic body". Show full body photos and a close up of your face. These should give them an honest image of you. (as stated above) Lady I met OLD who ONLY takes pics with phone above her head looking down slight cleavage shot. When met in person as stated above not even close to the body I imagined. Not honest and if I meet someone and they are pretty significantly different than profile pics that is an immediate turnoff. I might reply to texts and be nice for a time and maybe meet again but dudes know not going anywhere. Things like someone’s teeth (in person), body language or quirks, (someones voice one time) dress or style upon meeting can affect how a guys feels about a woman upon meeting. Too many women try to conceal things in profile pics or are totally clueless of surroundings and background you can’t discount that. Pics with dogs, cats, old bf’s, kids also affect. You don’t have to have dozens of pics just a few basic, simple honest current pics. In an era where phones have 16MP cameras and app that help take really great pics and yet folks are posting seriously distorted, unfocused, dark pics is amazing to me. But again as said sometimes folks are just not interested and why just does not matter.
Author Sara1989 Posted July 13, 2016 Author Posted July 13, 2016 I’m not understand this, Too nice? Pics don’t have to be “nice” just honest. (as stated above) Lady I met OLD who ONLY takes pics with phone above her head looking down slight cleavage shot. When met in person as stated above not even close to the body I imagined. Not honest and if I meet someone and they are pretty significantly different than profile pics that is an immediate turnoff. I might reply to texts and be nice for a time and maybe meet again but dudes know not going anywhere. Things like someone’s teeth (in person), body language or quirks, (someones voice one time) dress or style upon meeting can affect how a guys feels about a woman upon meeting. Too many women try to conceal things in profile pics or are totally clueless of surroundings and background you can’t discount that. Pics with dogs, cats, old bf’s, kids also affect. You don’t have to have dozens of pics just a few basic, simple honest current pics. In an era where phones have 16MP cameras and app that help take really great pics and yet folks are posting seriously distorted, unfocused, dark pics is amazing to me. But again as said sometimes folks are just not interested and why just does not matter. I have upper torso pictures but no, no obvious cleavage pictures and it states on my profile I'm average size, which is what I am. The guys this has happened to, I have messaged as my profile been private the past month. I am taken a 6 month break, not that it maters as I taken breaks before and same thing usually happens but only takes one right person eh. If I do rejoin, I retake all my pictures
SwordofFlame Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 I have upper torso pictures but no, no obvious cleavage pictures and it states on my profile I'm average size, which is what I am. The guys this has happened to, I have messaged as my profile been private the past month. I am taken a 6 month break, not that it maters as I taken breaks before and same thing usually happens but only takes one right person eh. If I do rejoin, I retake all my pictures Not everyone has the same definition of average. Some can be a little unreasonable. 2
Author Sara1989 Posted July 13, 2016 Author Posted July 13, 2016 What age are you? I am 26 years old.
Larryville Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 Not everyone has the same definition of average. SOF you are correct, since there are people from all over on this site I’m certain everyone’s opinion of “average” is wildly different. What part of the US you are from matters, race/ethnicity, income, lifestyle the idea of “average” in Iowa for example would not be the same as California. Someone in Europe or Asia their idea of average would of course be different. For me it is NOT weight, HWP and overall heath. You can be someone thin, but be seriously unhealthy, skin looking jacked up, bad smile and some people just don’t translate well in person.
Ami1uwant Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 I have upper torso pictures but no, no obvious cleavage pictures and it states on my profile I'm average size, which is what I am. The guys this has happened to, I have messaged as my profile been private the past month. I am taken a 6 month break, not that it maters as I taken breaks before and same thing usually happens but only takes one right person eh. If I do rejoin, I retake all my pictures The fact you have dated people multiple times says to me you aren't misrepresenting yourself nor are you very ugly. The average is going to be a vague term. As I asked in my prior post..what happened with the ones you dated 1+ months? The fact is not everyone you are dating will turn out as a relationship. People are multidating so they may feel a bigger connection to someone else. The other issue..How are you on a first date???? Maybe you show off something that says no interest??
MissBee Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 I have no idea why you or others have arrived at the diagnosis that this has something to do with your pictures or your looks. It might, but it also might not. Unless you feel like your pictures don't look like you or if you feel they weren't attracted to you, then I wouldn't just run with this as the for sure reason. Some people are flakes online just because and in some ways it's better if they leave after the 1st date than ghost or fade after 4 or 5. Getting a a second date, while I understand it is a milestone, esp if you haven't progressed further so far, isn't the end all be all. Second dates don't mean a man is there for the right reasons or that he won't eventually fade, so I wouldn't internalize too much of the blame and make this all about you and what you look like. How are the dates? You say you're talkative etc, but how are they? How do they act? Is there chemistry? You have to be able to guage how mutual things feel (part of chemistry is that it takes two, not just one person's feelings). Do the dates feel awkward, platonic, or more romantic, is there any sexual tension, are they attentive? If they aren't then them flaking means they probably weren't all that into you.
Author Sara1989 Posted July 13, 2016 Author Posted July 13, 2016 The fact you have dated people multiple times says to me you aren't misrepresenting yourself nor are you very ugly. The average is going to be a vague term. As I asked in my prior post..what happened with the ones you dated 1+ months? The fact is not everyone you are dating will turn out as a relationship. People are multidating so they may feel a bigger connection to someone else. The other issue..How are you on a first date???? Maybe you show off something that says no interest?? Two guys I dated for one month the attraction wasn't there but kept trying to see if it would come. One guy I dated for 2 weeks, we nearly had sex and he faded like two days after that! One guy I dated for 3 months, he didn't want an relationship and I was trying push him into that instead letting things flow?. I ended it One guy one most recent, dated 6 weeks and I ruined it by behaving like a bitch on our last date and was quite insecure about his ex which properly made me look bad. He ended it. I had a one night stand with a guy after the 6 week guy...so yes my dating history. Lot rejection from first dates, mutual rejections etc
Larryville Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 I have no idea why you or others have arrived at the diagnosis that this has something to do with your pictures or your looks. Some people are flakes online just because and in some ways it's better if they leave after the 1st date than ghost or fade after 4 or 5. Getting a a second date, while I understand it is a milestone, esp if you haven't progressed further so far, isn't the end all be all. Second dates don't mean a man is there for the right reasons or that he won't eventually fade, so I wouldn't internalize too much of the blame and make this all about you and what you look like. Lot rejection from first dates, mutual rejections etc I had to think about this for a bit. First who are bigger “flakes” Men or women? A flake: n. An unreliable person; someone who agrees to do something, but never follows through. I have never been “flaked on” or have “flaked” myself. If the above is the definition I’m not going to agree to do something then back out and nobody has done that to me. IMO this boils down to the vetting process, someone having good intuition and vetting folks before you even go on the first date is important. Every meet and greet I have ever agreed upon I went to meet with “good expectations and or intentions” not to just go out for the heck of it or because I was bored or curious. While I make decent money I’m not going to piss away money just for curiosity sake. This is the difference between men and women, women can afford to just say “hey what the heck, I’ll meet him” free drinks, coffee whatever when they likely knew that had no interest in the dude upon accepting the meet and greet.
phineas Posted July 14, 2016 Posted July 14, 2016 SOF you are correct, since there are people from all over on this site I’m certain everyone’s opinion of “average” is wildly different. What part of the US you are from matters, race/ethnicity, income, lifestyle the idea of “average” in Iowa for example would not be the same as California. Someone in Europe or Asia their idea of average would of course be different. For me it is NOT weight, HWP and overall heath. You can be someone thin, but be seriously unhealthy, skin looking jacked up, bad smile and some people just don’t translate well in person. Yeah, midwest corn fed women can be fuller figured. cali - yeah average is probably no athletic & not overweight. I personally go by BF levels. bingo arm, chin count ect. I get pissed when women are overweight but put down athletic because they goto the gym once a week.
phineas Posted July 14, 2016 Posted July 14, 2016 I had to think about this for a bit. First who are bigger “flakes” Men or women? I have never been “flaked on” or have “flaked” myself. If the above is the definition I’m not going to agree to do something then back out and nobody has done that to me. IMO this boils down to the vetting process, someone having good intuition and vetting folks before you even go on the first date is important. Every meet and greet I have ever agreed upon I went to meet with “good expectations and or intentions” not to just go out for the heck of it or because I was bored or curious. While I make decent money I’m not going to piss away money just for curiosity sake. This is the difference between men and women, women can afford to just say “hey what the heck, I’ll meet him” free drinks, coffee whatever when they likely knew that had no interest in the dude upon accepting the meet and greet. I've had women send me unsolicited nudes and sex talk me then flake. I've had women call me regularly and tell me how excited they are to meet then flake. I've had women text me they were 10 mins. away. and.... you guessed it, they flaked. I've learned to treat dates like going to the bottle return place. It don't mean bank until it actually happens.
BluEyeL Posted July 14, 2016 Posted July 14, 2016 (edited) First, make sure you have accurate and full body pictures. Not just upper torso. That's very important. I'm size 12 US and when I was dating it was clear to me that people weren't surprised at how I looked when they met me on a first date. Then, if that is covered, I have a hunch that you may talk too much on the first dates . I might be wrong, I'm saying this based on my own experience. On the dates I was more outgoing and talked a lot, I didn't get a call back. On the dates I asked more questions and let the guy talk 75% of the tone, I always got a second date . Through trial and error I finally perfected a system that afforded me an 100% call back for a second date for one year straight. It involved talking less and asking more questions, confidence and mimicking body language. You may want to think about your talking and see if there might be something there. Edited July 14, 2016 by BluEyeL 1
Author Sara1989 Posted July 14, 2016 Author Posted July 14, 2016 First, make sure you have accurate and full body pictures. Not just upper torso. That's very important. I'm size 12 US and when I was dating it was clear to me that people weren't surprised at how I looked when they met me on a first date. Then, if that is covered, I have a hunch that you may talk too much on the first dates . I might be wrong, I'm saying this based on my own experience. On the dates I was more outgoing and talked a lot, I didn't get a call back. On the dates I asked more questions and let the guy talk 75% of the tone, I always got a second date . Through trial and error I finally perfected a system that afforded me an 100% call back for a second date for one year straight. It involved talking less and asking more questions, confidence and mimicking body language. You may want to think about your talking and see if there might be something there. Hmm yeah I think I do need a full body shot, I am a healthy weight but my upper torso is smaller than my lower half which is where my weights goes to. I wonder if I'm bit negative on my date, I tend to spill about my bad relationship with my ex (child father) on my dates. Say he is not great with contact, he onto his second girlfriend already etc. One date looked very unimpressed I been married etc (but that one seemed v judgmental)
SwordofFlame Posted July 15, 2016 Posted July 15, 2016 Hmm yeah I think I do need a full body shot, I am a healthy weight but my upper torso is smaller than my lower half which is where my weights goes to. I wonder if I'm bit negative on my date, I tend to spill about my bad relationship with my ex (child father) on my dates. Say he is not great with contact, he onto his second girlfriend already etc. One date looked very unimpressed I been married etc (but that one seemed v judgmental) Why are you talking about past relationships on first dates? I would next you too.
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