thoughting Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 Hi all, I am only about a week and a half out of a almost six year off and on again relationship. Coping with the situation has not been easy so far, and I know I have so far to go. The end of the relationship was not my decision, and I still don't totally see the sense in it, but it's happened. I feel like I am already maxing out my friends and family just needing them to be there for me, talk to me, etc. To top things off, I'm doing an online degree right now, so just practically I am spending a lot of time alone (and being able to concentrate on classes is just not happening easily right now). The end of the relationship has also forced me to live at my mother's for now, which at least means I'm not completely on my own, but she will be going away for an extended period soon. I am really worried I'm going to turn to more unhealthy coping mechanisms, like trying to jump right into a new relationship to try and fill the void that my ex has left. I don't want to move into any relationship (and probably an unhealthy one) because I miss my ex so much. I know that's no way to really heal. I'm already exercising in the park every day and going to exercise classes. I've started counselling, am reading self-help books and journaling. My friends are being good and trying to go out with me or include me in activities. What else can I do in these lonely moments where I feel his absence so profoundly and just want to feel that connection with someone again? I want to search it out, but also know I'm clearly in no place to even be having that kind of crazy thought.
idiot 274 Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 focus on your school work and working out. I have learned so much about myself in the past month and a half since she left. I've learned about who I realy am on the inside and what makes ME happy. Focus on school, and with what time you have aside from that look inside yourself and find what you like And do it.
Trinity_84 Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 Something that always worked for me is "quality over quantity". That means that I don't date just because I feel lonely. I can be single for years on end. I just do my own thing, and when someone really worthy of my space comes along, well great! I think first you need to mourn your recent relationship. No one likes being used as a rebound, or as an emotional crutch. And it's also not fun dealing with people's baggage. Work on your self esteem, your studies, keep hanging out with your friends (try not to burden them with break up talk all the time...you can use this place for that ) Good luck. 1
bummer Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 Go hookup and relieve some of that tension. I found it hurt more to try and be intimate right away than to just wait. Lesson learned, but it was important I tried and found out the hard way. It did momentarily make me feel better to know I was still desirable. Jump on tinder and just swipe away. Talk if you want, or just enjoy the fact there are hundreds of men who want to meet you and let the matches pile up. No shame in a modern day ego boost. 1
Author thoughting Posted July 13, 2016 Author Posted July 13, 2016 I don't really think I could go hook up with anyone right now anyway, to be really honest. The whole idea of being physically intimate with anyone else makes me want to cry. I could see myself finding someone interested and trying to start a relationship slowly though, and I know, I don't want to be using anyone as an emotional crutch or rebounding, really. I just miss what I had, and want to see the possibility of a future again. I know there is all of that out there again for me someday, it's just hard now. I know I have to get back to just being me and doing the things I like again. It's been six years and you do sort of get lost and forget some of those things you used to do that made you happy on your own, or even how you were ever happy on your own. Maybe I need to get involved in more activities yet. Things to think about, and I could see myself starting a lot of threads and posting a lot here as I try to figure it out. He also has a bunch of my stuff (and of course we were long-distance so it's not easy to get back). He just said he'd ship it and is refusing to communicate with me. So I just feel so in limbo like I don't know what's going on. He hasn't told me what he's sending, when he is sending it, nothing. Everyday I'm waiting to see whether a box shows up, and have stupid hope that he might be rethinking things when I don't get it. It's just a crappy place to be right now.
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