chumly Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 I know this is going to probably sound a bit strange but I would love to get others input on this... To try and make a long story short, I have always been insecure about my looks and in particular the size of my teeth. They are quite big are not really in harmony with the rest of my face. This has been a source of pain and insecurity for me all of my life. I also have a rather long thin face too and a slightly weak chin and this just adds to the problem. Anyway, I found out after doing some research and visiting an orthodontist that I have a condition called "Long face syndrome". It is not a severe case but one that causes me insecurities nevertheless. This is a condition brought on as a child due to mouth breathing. Apparently this act somehow changes the shape of the mouth and throws off the balance of the face. but Thankfully it can be corrected via corrective jaw surgery!! and the before and after pics of people who have had this done are nothing short of amazing!! however, the surgery is very expensive and time consuming. i would need braces for a year first. The whole process can take 2 years before completed. However, I am determined to get this surgery and correct this problem i have though no matter what the cost! In the meantime, I am so insecure about my looks when dating. I feel like my teeth are all people will see. I thought about waiting until i get this corrected but that wont be until 2 years from now at least. That would be a long time to live in such a lonely way. I also thought about telling people i date so they know that i plan on doing something about it but i am not sure if i bring it up if it will draw attention to my teeth more?? however, maybe it would be good to let them know that I am aware of my problem and plan to correct it, at least this way they know that i wont look this way forever. I do post pics of myself on dating sites so most that are interested in me will already be aware that i have big teeth but i wonder if it will look worse in real life when they meet me?? anyway, just wondering what others thoughts are on the topic? do u think it would be better for me to tell them that i am going to get this fixed? or would that be just drawing attention to the problem? any thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated. thanks in advance.
frus69 Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 Are you the one who's accusing a guy you talk OLD being shallow/superficial? And you are here being equally shallow/superficial? Anyway back to your question, no I won't tell. Makes you look insecure
Maggie888 Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 I would not bring it up unless u got to a stage of like date #3 or really even further. Otherwise its gonna come across really oddly if brought up early 1
phineas Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 Long face is what middle ages royalty suffered because they inbred to keep the line "pure". That said, i'd just stop dating until you have your work done since any guy you do end up dating along with his family & friends will be WTF?!?!?!?!? because you will essentially look like a different person. on a side note, if a guy does get into a relationship with you then the whole surgery thing seems kind of dumb since you decided you needed it to get a BF. 1
Author chumly Posted July 13, 2016 Author Posted July 13, 2016 Are you the one who's accusing a guy you talk OLD being shallow/superficial? And you are here being equally shallow/superficial? Anyway back to your question, no I won't tell. Makes you look insecure thanks for the advice but i am not really sure how this post indicates that I am shallow or superficial. I have a flaw that I am determined to correct and not sure if i should let people know about it. I dont understand how that makes me shallow or superficial?? but thanks for the advice anyway. 1
Author chumly Posted July 13, 2016 Author Posted July 13, 2016 Long face is what middle ages royalty suffered because they inbred to keep the line "pure". That said, i'd just stop dating until you have your work done since any guy you do end up dating along with his family & friends will be WTF?!?!?!?!? because you will essentially look like a different person. on a side note, if a guy does get into a relationship with you then the whole surgery thing seems kind of dumb since you decided you needed it to get a BF. actually i am getting the surgery for me to feel better about myself and not to just get a boyfriend. I have had bfs before. thanks for the advice though. i will give that some thought..u r right that i will look so different when finished. maybe i can just be friends with people for now. thanks again
Author chumly Posted July 13, 2016 Author Posted July 13, 2016 Long face is what middle ages royalty suffered because they inbred to keep the line "pure". That said, i'd just stop dating until you have your work done since any guy you do end up dating along with his family & friends will be WTF?!?!?!?!? because you will essentially look like a different person. on a side note, if a guy does get into a relationship with you then the whole surgery thing seems kind of dumb since you decided you needed it to get a BF. by the way, is that true about royalty trying to keep inbred?? I am of british decent to that would be kind of funny if true..lol
No_Go Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 Woah, so she should stay alone until they remove her braces?? No way.. I don't think the difference will be that drastic anyway. It is just jaw repositioning. Eyes, nose etc key identification features will be identical - just shorter face and nice teeth. OP don't tell anything initially. Just date as you will if you're not getting procedures done. I had most of my dates in my lifetime in the year when I had adult braces on - I don't remember anyone being disturbed by that. It's lik glasses - who cares?! Long face is what middle ages royalty suffered because they inbred to keep the line "pure". That said, i'd just stop dating until you have your work done since any guy you do end up dating along with his family & friends will be WTF?!?!?!?!? because you will essentially look like a different person. on a side note, if a guy does get into a relationship with you then the whole surgery thing seems kind of dumb since you decided you needed it to get a BF. 1
Dis Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 Are you the one who's accusing a guy you talk OLD being shallow/superficial? And you are here being equally shallow/superficial? Anyway back to your question, no I won't tell. Makes you look insecure She's not being shallow or superficial...shes insecure about her looks...thats a normal and understandable feeling to have...esp with dating. I think it would be wise to exercise some compassion as this seems to be a sensitive issue for the OP chumly...I would go forward with your plans and try not to focus so much on dating for awhile. You're about to go through a pretty big transition which might make dating alittle difficult But if you feel you'd still like to date (you know yourself better than anyone) I dont think it would give the right impression telling your dates about the surgery right off the bat. So I'd hold off on telling a guy unless things get very serious If a guy wants to go out with you...he knows what you look like...and hes probably fine with it...otherwise he wouldnt be out with you right? I know you're pretty fixated on your looks hun...and looks are one component of dating...but its not the end all be all factor Keep your chin up hun and I wish you all the best moving forward 1
JewelD Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 I wouldn't say anything about it. If they had an issue with the way you look now, they wouldn't agree to go on a date with you in the first place. 1
Author chumly Posted July 13, 2016 Author Posted July 13, 2016 She's not being shallow or superficial...shes insecure about her looks...thats a normal and understandable feeling to have...esp with dating. I think it would be wise to exercise some compassion as this seems to be a sensitive issue for the OP chumly...I would go forward with your plans and try not to focus so much on dating for awhile. You're about to go through a pretty big transition which might make dating alittle difficult But if you feel you'd still like to date (you know yourself better than anyone) I dont think it would give the right impression telling your dates about the surgery right off the bat. So I'd hold off on telling a guy unless things get very serious If a guy wants to go out with you...he knows what you look like...and hes probably fine with it...otherwise he wouldnt be out with you right? I know you're pretty fixated on your looks hun...and looks are one component of dating...but its not the end all be all factor Keep your chin up hun and I wish you all the best moving forward thankyou so much for your compassion and understanding as well as the great response! I really appreciate it! I will do my best to feel good about myself in the meantime..thanks again:D
Dis Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 thanks for the advice but i am not really sure how this post indicates that I am shallow or superficial. I have a flaw that I am determined to correct and not sure if i should let people know about it. I dont understand how that makes me shallow or superficial?? but thanks for the advice anyway. It doesnt make you shallow or superficial hun...not at all. I've noticed some people on the internet are quick to criticize and fail to offer compassion in sensitive situations...this speaks to their character not yours Ignore any insensitive comments you may recieve....people that are truley happy with their lives will offer you support and/or advice rather than counterfactual criticism 2
Hoosfoos Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 First of all, good for you for getting the procedure done. I hope it is a great success for you. I wouldn't say anything. Just get it done and resume dating when you're all healed. 2
Author chumly Posted July 13, 2016 Author Posted July 13, 2016 NoGo and JewelD...thanks so much for the response on that as well! I really appreciate it:) I suppose telling people would also maybe be a decision based on the relationship and circumstance with the person and how comfortable I felt with telling them. My thinking was that by telling them they might at least realize that I am looking to improve that and kind of view me as a work in progress sort of speak as opposed to having no plans to change it at all. However, the downside of telling them would be that i might be bringing focus to something that might have gone unnoticed otherwise. Chances are my teeth probably look worse to me than anybody else. well, anyway, thanks for the thoughts and responses on here. it is good to get others opinions on this. Thanks again;) 1
Author chumly Posted July 13, 2016 Author Posted July 13, 2016 It doesnt make you shallow or superficial hun...not at all. I've noticed some people on the internet are quick to criticize and fail to offer compassion in sensitive situations...this speaks to their character not yours Ignore any insensitive comments you may recieve....people that are truley happy with their lives will offer you support and/or advice rather than counterfactual criticism Thankyou so much for your kind words of understanding once again. Yes, that is so true what you have said! I was quite taken back by that persons response to me and I was kind of hesitant about posting my situation on here for fear of that kind of response. However, I am so glad I posted it now since I have gotten some great help from you and others on here already. I truly wish I had others to talk to about this kind of thing this way i would not have to post like this but like I said, I am grateful for people like you that are so helpful! Thanks for defending me. I really appreciate it! 1
Author chumly Posted July 13, 2016 Author Posted July 13, 2016 First of all, good for you for getting the procedure done. I hope it is a great success for you. I wouldn't say anything. Just get it done and resume dating when you're all healed. Thanks so much! That is very sweet of you to say! I a very happy, actually thrilled about this and keep looking at before and after pics on the internet to inspire myself!! I am just so happy to know that i dont have to live like this forever and that there is an alternative out there. I cant wait for the day that I can smile and not feel like I have to cover my mouth in shame! that will be a day of great joy for me! Thanks so much 1
Dis Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 thankyou so much for your compassion and understanding as well as the great response! I really appreciate it! I will do my best to feel good about myself in the meantime..thanks again:D Np hun! Theres also a big chance people arent looking at your teeth as much as you think they are. We tend to hyperfocus on the things we're insecure about...thats normal Try to work on building confidence while your getting the sugery done...I know its tough but you seem like a very sweet, upbeat person...you should expect to recieve what you give...nothing less I also think personality can add to attraction in a huge way...looks arent nearly as important as we think they are 1
Author chumly Posted July 13, 2016 Author Posted July 13, 2016 Np hun! Theres also a big chance people arent looking at your teeth as much as you think they are. We tend to hyperfocus on the things we're insecure about...thats normal Try to work on building confidence while your getting the sugery done...I know its tough but you seem like a very sweet, upbeat person...you should expect to recieve what you give...nothing less I also think personality can add to attraction in a huge way...looks arent nearly as important as we think they are Thanks so much for your very kind words and inspiration once again! You are probably right..I think I notice it more than anybody else. I actually have even had people compliment my teeth but I guess I just feel like I would look so much better with this surgery so I am almost impatient to have it done now..lol;) I feel like once i get it done that will be the real me and the way I am now is just a flawed version if that makes any sense..lol. I feel like I cant wait to be me! I guess I should just be grateful that there are ways to fix the problem at this point and just look to the future ahead with hope! anyway, thanks again and you are right..looks arent everything. I will work on letting my personality shine in the meantime! Thanks again for being so helpful here and supportive! I really appreciate it! 1
phineas Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 (edited) by the way, is that true about royalty trying to keep inbred?? I am of british decent to that would be kind of funny if true..lol Yep. https://owlcation.com/humanities/The-Habsburg-Jaw-And-Other-Royal-Inbreeding-Deformities-and-Disorders Saw a documentary on it. Some had jaws so narrow they could barely chew. But back on topic just about every time someone dating improves themselves, they decide they can do better and leave their partner in the dust. Whether its weight loss or boob implants they are usually gone. Edited July 13, 2016 by phineas 1
Tribble Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 I wouldn't bring it up while dating personally. One thing to be aware of though is, if you get a bf through dating, they will have to support you through this and they might (probably will!) love the way you look and not want you to change. So that's something to consider. Also, off topic a little, make sure you really think this through. I know you're focussed on the end goal but it is a physical change only. It won't change who you are and magically fix any issues you have. Also, don't underestimate the risks and the process to get to this end goal. I had jaw surgery when I was younger. Given my time again, I would not have had it done. It was incredibly painful, I had my jaw wired shut and I couldn't eat solid food for 6 months. And my teeth aren't perfect now. They have naturally shifted and I'm so conscious of it because everything I went through felt like a waste. I could go on and on about it haha. But my only point is, go into this will a clear head and get ALL of the information. The risks, what if it goes wrong, after care etc. Don't just throw all in because you want what you see as an imperfection to be fixed. No-one is perfect, so called imperfections can be seen as beautiful. 1
Lorenza Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 Awesome that you're getting surgery, hope it goes well and heals fast We live once and should be able to look the way we want. No, don't tell anyone, unless you're already talking about very personal and intimate topics. Otherwise it will just sound like TMI. Just do you and don't worry about how it will affect your dating life - the ones who like who you really are will wait it out until your braces will be off etc. 1
SoulCat Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 Good for you for doing the research, and deciding to go ahead with the corrective procedure if that is what you want to do. I do however think that you are somewhat hyper focused on your teeth, seeing as you regard them as a flaw. Others may just see them as something that gives your face distinction, character. You mentioned in an earlier post on this thread that you've had boyfriends before, so clearly it wasn't an issue for them. 1
brothers343 Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 OP let me tell you what would freak me out......if i was to ask you on a date and while we are trying to get to know each other, you come out and tell me that your going to change your look becouse your confidence is shot. My point is if someone asks you out right now then apparently they were interested in you and not what you look like. This can be a double edge sword. How do you know that you will get asked out when you change your appearance??? I do hope you get your dream and feel better about yourself. I hope your doing it for yourself and not anyone else, becouse that should be the first rule of changing yourself. Do it for you. 1
Miss Peach Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 I wouldn't bring it up that you're doing it unless you start to get serious with someone. IME men usually will ask you out if they find you attractive. So you know he finds you attractive already. There's no need to highlight you don't find yourself attractive. 1
blackcat777 Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 (edited) I think making a decision to get any kind of plastic surgery not long after being devastated by rejection (the fact a stranger didn't like your pictures) is not a wise decision, and I say this from the heart. Do things you love, date yourself, and focus on feeling happy from within. When you regain your state of inner peace, make a sober decision. People who chase physical alterations as if they will bring happiness can end up locked in a cycle of self-hatred and more alterations. I've seen it. I'm in the beauty biz. If you need to feel better in the short term, you can always change your look... get a haircut that will flatter the shape of your face, change your hair color, get your lashes done, go shopping, something fun that will shake things up but will not require a huge investment with permanent consequences. Fill your free time doing things you love. Nothing will boost your self-confidence and self-love more quickly. Take a dance class, get bath bombs and indulge in an amazing bubble bath. Spend time in nature, with family and friends. Just get back into feeling pleasure in your own world. Do this OVER and over and over again until you wake up feeling great! Then come back to such a serious decision... Guys pick up on this stuff, too... a girl who has a full and interesting life and digs what she does. It sends out awesome vibes and attracts the kind of people that are good for you. Edited to add: there are sooooooo many tricks with makeup you can do (highlighting and contouring) to shift the appearance of facial features. A lot of salons will offer a makeover + makeup tutorial. I'm just worried you're doing something drastic in the pain of rejection, so I think it's important you address that pain before making a decision. I know this because I wanted to make a LOT of decisions that were counterproductive to my wellbeing in the pain of a breakup before. Plastic surgery is forever. You can revisit that decision in 3-6 months. It's best made from a place of love (this is the best thing for me), rather than pain (this will bring me something I don't have). Edited July 13, 2016 by blackcat777 1
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