Piddle Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 This is how life pans out for my typically. I meet a guy, we see each other around, work hobby whatever. I start to like guy once I start warming up and then start making opportunities to hang out and talk to him more. Guy and I then become best buds. I hang around hoping guy will make a move, guy never does. At some point guy gets a girlfriend, we continue being friends. I cannot tell you how many times this has happened to me. I have a ton of male friends. Some better than others but with most of them we would hang out one on one. With my better friends we will do regular dinners, calling a lot, texting every couple of days (all instigated mainly by them as when I realise they're not interested like that I try and distance myself but they normally keep getting in touch and we end up staying friends). With my other not so good friends they will normally get in touch every 6 months or so, we'll go to a bar, talk for a couple of hours and then I get in a cab and go home. So what the heck am I doing wrong? Why do 90 % of the guys I like end up being 'buds' with me. And with a few of them I'm like their best female friend. A bit about me. I think I'm attractive. I do lack confidence which is why I never make a move on guys myself and anyway by the time I would get around to doing it the friendship has gone too far down the friend route. I am feminine, I am not a sport loving, sweatshirt wearing tomboy, I wear dresses, have long hair, am feminine. And we never talk about 'guy' things. And objectively none of these male friends have been super good looking either so it's not like I'm reaching for the hot guys I have no hope with. What am I doing wrong? Why do guys never ever make a romantic move on me?
basil67 Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 Do you flirt? Do you give hints to show you're a sexual woman? I'm wondering if you've turned that side of you off and so the guys aren't seeing you that way.
smackie9 Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 I have a feeling you intimidate them. Guys don't make an effort to just "be friends". They all probably have an interest but either they feel they are not getting the right signals from you and or they think you are too good for them. I went through a stage like this. I wore great out fits, looked sexy, spent a ton of time looking my best and I couldn't figure out why no one was asking me out on dates or even approaching me. Someone finally came up to me and told me why....they even over heard conversations that I looked too expensive, and I probably would only date buffy muscular men that drove expensive cars. I was shocked and angry. All that effort to attract thinking I was doing the right thing :/ I changed my strategy....I started asking guys out on dates, and it was awesome. It was all well received. If I was single to day I would do it again. 1
mizunomead Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 My guess is that somehow your throwing out the wrong vibe, your not giving off the im here and available vibe, your giving off the lets be friends vibe. Guys could be intimidated also, may have something to do with it. Often times alot of men are intimidated to approach someone they may feel is out of their league. Guys are used to getting rejected most of the time when they approach a woman. BTW, feminine, long hair, dresses. I love that look. Work on your self confidence a bit too. Some guys like me pickup on lack of confidence pretty easily and its a no go. Other men might be good with it. Main thing i think though is to flirt a bit. Make sure the guy knows that your interested in him. Give him a neon sign. Us guys can be a litttle....well, ok alot dense on picking up on signs that a girl might be interested. Get your point across. Reel that guy in without him even realizing your doing it.
SwordofFlame Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 I think I'm attractive. I do lack confidence Isn't this contradictory?
Zippy2000 Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 You sound exactly like me when I was younger. Id be near and try to be friendly to the opposite and hope theyd like me. However a friend one day told me not to do that as they will just see you as friends. Im older now and I like to give the opposite sex cues or green lights to go ahead. I send little signals like flirting or arm touching. To get to the point. I ask them early when I first meet them if there are seeing someone,a nd near the end if we get on. I ask for their number. Unfortunately what you are doing is you are friend zoning yourself.
phineas Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 I have a feeling you intimidate them. Guys don't make an effort to just "be friends". They all probably have an interest but either they feel they are not getting the right signals from you and or they think you are too good for them. I went through a stage like this. I wore great out fits, looked sexy, spent a ton of time looking my best and I couldn't figure out why no one was asking me out on dates or even approaching me. Someone finally came up to me and told me why....they even over heard conversations that I looked too expensive, and I probably would only date buffy muscular men that drove expensive cars. I was shocked and angry. All that effort to attract thinking I was doing the right thing :/ I changed my strategy....I started asking guys out on dates, and it was awesome. It was all well received. If I was single to day I would do it again. Ya know, I'm in fairly good shape, not even close to a 6 pack, stil got luv handles but I lift. I keep my hair trimmed regularly and match my clothes along with wearing clothes that fit. I actually have my crap together and not desperate, clingy, ect. OK, i'm a slob. but i'm working on that. LOL! I've been told by a few female friends when they were drunk that they arn't good enough for me and i've had dates tell me i'm very good looking and must be a player or man-whore because i'm single, then they come up with stupid reasons not to date me. It's like I can sense the insecurity coming off them when I find them very attractive and see they have something to offer relationship wise but, I end up getting bailed on for the 2nd date. And so many times women i've met in person & online seem genuinely excited to go out with me only to flake the last min. I've never had a 2nd date where the first date didn't end in sex and it was the women who were pushing for the sex every time. It is getting frustrating. I honestly did WAY better with women when I was 40lbs heavier. So maybe I understand this? Smackie, I may send you link to one or two of the pics i use on my dating profile. I want to know what you think.
ManyDissapoint Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 I don't really agree with the other posters. It sounds like you don't know how to flirt. If you are going to hang out with a guy you like, you can dress a bit sexier, maybe show a bit of cleavage and give him typical flirty behavior. Light touching, laughing, hair touching. Depends on the type of guy you're going after but if a woman is doing that it's already equivalent to a guy 'making a move'. Heck where I come from women don't even give you that these days. I would be very grateful that any woman actually made my life easier with more clear signals.
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