chebell Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 Hello! So, me (21) and my boyfriend (22) have been dating for almost a year. I have met his family and we're doing great when we're together, but there are some things... I have anxiety and he knows it, he knows that I over think and analyse things too much. Actually my anxiety has gone worse lately because I overthink so much, but I don't want to be naive, too. He had his Facebook relationship status "single" until I asked him about it last week. He then put it on "invisible". We went to vacation last month for a week and he didn't post anything on Instagram or Facebook, although I did and he hasn't untagged or hide anything from his profile. Then he went on a vacation with his male best friend and he tags him in all of his photos (even where his best friend is not on the picture). Yesterday I told him that I started taking antidepressants since my doctor said I have some symptoms of depression. So I also told this to my boyfriend and he was kinda worried and said that he hopes it was not because of him. I didn't say it to him, but I feel like it actually kinda is. And right after I told him that, he posted a photo on Instagram and tagged him again. Also, it's not because I'm ugly or something. I'm fit and have healthy lifestyle, I take care of myself, work on multiple jobs, support him in every way and I have many guys who admire me. I can't come up with any reason why he would be ashamed of me. These kind of things just make me so anxious, although they are not big things, right? I feel so happy when I'm with him, but when I'm not then I start questioning so many things. I don't want to confront him about this tagging thing, cause I know that would sound crazy. What should I do? Should I just let it go? Thank you!
Vado Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 Just ask him. How are the photos of him and his best friend. Are they doing cool manly stuff? A lot of guys don't like the lovely, adorable sweethart romance kind of pictures. I don't know what kind a pictures you post of you and bf on facebook, but if it's a lovely picture, make one of you doing cool stuff with him, he'll post it earlier on his facebook account. 1
Author chebell Posted July 12, 2016 Author Posted July 12, 2016 Just ask him. How are the photos of him and his best friend. Are they doing cool manly stuff? A lot of guys don't like the lovely, adorable sweethart romance kind of pictures. I don't know what kind a pictures you post of you and bf on facebook, but if it's a lovely picture, make one of you doing cool stuff with him, he'll post it earlier on his facebook account. I haven't put any lovey-dovey photos of us anywhere. He's not even on those photos, but I tagged him since we have been together when these photos are taken. He took many photos of me and the landscape etc, and he didn't put anything on social media. Now he takes pictures there of landscape etc and tags his best friend there.
crazyquestions11 Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 Not to add to your anxiety, but does he let you see his texts in his phone? I smell something fishy going on. I knew a guy who was like how you describe, and kept a few girls in his circle. Eventually they realized they were all being played. Make sure he's not hiding something from you. On the other hand, I'm the opposite. I love putting pictures of my girlfriend, but she doesn't really love putting pics of us. I have to push her to do it. This isn't to say she hasn't done it before, but she wouldn't do it just out of nowhere without some pushing. She says she just isn't used to it.
Lorenza Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 I hate social medias. It creates problems where there really aren't any. If someone's actions on Fb gives you anxiety, stay away from it. Not everyone likes to post lovey-dovey pictures and updates. I haven't posted a single picture of my boyfriends from my last two long-term relationships. It's just awkward if the relationship doesn't work out and you have to go through your albums deleting pictures with your ex or changing status and letting everyone know what's happening. Anxiety sucks, but come on, don't let something as insignificant as FB and IG get you to a point where yoi need medication. Your guy doesn't do anything wrong refraining from being too public with your relationship.
Vado Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 I haven't put any lovey-dovey photos of us anywhere. He's not even on those photos, but I tagged him since we have been together when these photos are taken. He took many photos of me and the landscape etc, and he didn't put anything on social media. Now he takes pictures there of landscape etc and tags his best friend there. Than why don't you start to make a cool photo fo the both of you, tell him: let's post this on facebook and do it. You get your answer very soon how your relationshipstatus is.
Lorenza Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 Not to add to your anxiety, but does he let you see his texts in his phone? I smell something fishy going on. I knew a guy who was like how you describe, and kept a few girls in his circle. Eventually they realized they were all being played. Make sure he's not hiding something from you. On the other hand, I'm the opposite. I love putting pictures of my girlfriend, but she doesn't really love putting pics of us. I have to push her to do it. This isn't to say she hasn't done it before, but she wouldn't do it just out of nowhere without some pushing. She says she just isn't used to it. Just so you know (and I said it in the other thread) - being able to read other people's texts is an exception, not a rule. Majority of people won't tolerate that. You're awfully insecure. Pushing your gf to upload pictures of you two? That's just ridiculous.
smackie9 Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 How about this.....stop checking his social media. Problem solved.
Author chebell Posted July 12, 2016 Author Posted July 12, 2016 I wouldn't care so much if he wouldn't tag his friend everywhere. It just feels to me that he wants to keep me hidden. And also what else concerns me is that we've been almost 1 year together and his relationship status was single the whole time until last week when I confronted him about it. Although he had changed some other information during that time on his profile. My relationship status is "in a relationship" and he just put it on invisible.
crazyquestions11 Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 Just so you know (and I said it in the other thread) - being able to read other people's texts is an exception, not a rule. Majority of people won't tolerate that. You're awfully insecure. Pushing your gf to upload pictures of you two? That's just ridiculous. Again, she doesn't mind. I like people to know that we are in a relationship so things don't happen like what just happened today. I never pressured her to change her relationship status because that's just silly, but I don't mind the occasional picture or two. Regardless, please stop guilt-tripping people over things you think they might need to work on. I appreciate all the advice, but I cannot help but feel like your comments are often quite hostile though you may mean the best.
Lorenza Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 Again, she doesn't mind. I like people to know that we are in a relationship so things don't happen like what just happened today. I never pressured her to change her relationship status because that's just silly, but I don't mind the occasional picture or two. Regardless, please stop guilt-tripping people over things you think they might need to work on. I appreciate all the advice, but I cannot help but feel like your comments are often quite hostile though you may mean the best. I'm neither hostile nor guilt-tripping. Too bad you feel that way, but you don't have to be reading my posts either. I don't like people using their insecurities to control and manipulate other people's actions and that's what I express in my posts. I have been with someone controlling my every move and it's definitely not a positive experience. Not saying you're like that, but that's the vibe I'm getting. Feel free to ignore my posts.
smackie9 Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 I wouldn't care so much if he wouldn't tag his friend everywhere. It just feels to me that he wants to keep me hidden. And also what else concerns me is that we've been almost 1 year together and his relationship status was single the whole time until last week when I confronted him about it. Although he had changed some other information during that time on his profile. My relationship status is "in a relationship" and he just put it on invisible. If you are unhappy with the way he is behaving then just breakup with him. Why be with someone that makes you feel insignificant. And if won't do that then just make your relationship status invisible too and hide all photos of him. I bet he won't even care.
VeveCakes Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 Your relationship is in the real world, not online. If you want to test it though, just post something on his wall that is cute and loving and see if he leaves it up.
crazyquestions11 Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 I'm neither hostile nor guilt-tripping. Too bad you feel that way, but you don't have to be reading my posts either. I don't like people using their insecurities to control and manipulate other people's actions and that's what I express in my posts. I have been with someone controlling my every move and it's definitely not a positive experience. Not saying you're like that, but that's the vibe I'm getting. Feel free to ignore my posts. My girlfriend knows I'm a bit insecure, and it's not going to go away in a day or two, so she is fully supportive to give me any information that would help me overcome it slowly. Not knowing anything is not going to help me become more secure. I do not control every move, although I can see how you get that assumption about me. And you don't have to like me, because I don't necessarily like the way I am either. I'm just trying to improve like everyone else. And it's too bad you're automatically assuming things about yourself. If I say your post(s) are somewhat hostile to me, they are somewhat hostile, but not necessarily unwelcome. End of discussion. It is my opinion. I'm glad you share your perspective though.
ExpatInItaly Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 OP. this is the same boyfriend from your previous thread, I gather? The one who didn't bother to mention he was going away for three weeks until the night before he left, because he was worried you'd be upset? Look, normally I would say social media is a bit meaningless and not indicative of a person's level of interest. But this coupled with the information in your previous thread does make this situation seem a bit off. I think you need to have a very honest conversation with him, face-to-face. Find out where you stand in his life, and how he sees the future of your relationship. It seems to me that you are avoiding this conversation because you are worried you will hear something you don't like. 1
basil67 Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 It isn't kinda his fault that you're needing medication. It's your fault for staying in a relationship which doesn't suit your needs. There is no bigger sign that a relationship is not working!! 1
Mjm1014 Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 Sorry to break it to you, and I hope I'm wrong, but this doesn't sound good at all from my standpoint. Btw I'm 29/m. I've dated plenty of women to know that when this sort of thing comes up, things are about to get extremely complicated. Usually they tell me they are just friends or she casually knows the guy and it actually turns out to be a date-and usually I ended up on the curb. First off, don't listen to her about "not wanting to hang out" with him. What is she suppose to say to you? Of course she will tell you that! Second, since she doesn't know the guy, she could easily blow him off without worrying about seeing him again, or she could have told him she has a boyfriend. Even if she's being 100% honest with you, she's opening herself up to possible feelings she may get from being around this guy, and she knows that..he prob likes her so she either likes him or is leading him on at best. I'd voice your concerns and put your foot down. Plus if he's a stranger, she has no business meeting him with the way the world is these days unless she's in it for something else. Good luck. Think twice about this trust me.
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