mikeylo Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 How true is that ? In my marriage, I love my wife more than she does.While she has some qualities that I lack and that makes up for her 'less' love towards me.She believes she loves me more than I do ,lol. In the end, even though we both believe that we love more than the other, it balances out. But there is usually an imbalance in how much one loves the other.Love is a broad blanket that includes who is more forgiving, accepting etc. What do you peeps say? 1
xxoo Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 But there is usually an imbalance in how much one loves the other.Love is a broad blanket that includes who is more forgiving, accepting etc. What do you peeps say? If you go by that definition, my husband has always loved more. He's taught me how to be accepting, by accepting me so completely from the beginning. But I don't know if I'd equate that with a measure of love. My passion and attachment has always been at least as strong as his, if not stronger. Some of these things are just character traits. He's accepting. I'm needy, haha. The love is simply "all". I've always loved him with all I have, and my capacity to be accepting has developed over the years. 1
Shepp Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 (edited) I kind of agree with xxoo, it all hinges on your personal idea of what love is really, how you measure it. Have you heard the song - thats how i feel! I think i've really proved my love for my wife. I think a lot of people probably thought i was wayyyyy more into her. Because i supported her and stood by her and waited for her and didn't give up on us. I'd of walked through fire for her, i still would. But she'd say the very reason she was hesitant at the start of our relationship is because she felt such a strong sense of attachment. And that girl probably loves more deeply that anyone i know.. Ultimately i think in any relationship you want to feel love and know you are loved, otherwise it all seems a bit flat, imho. Edited July 12, 2016 by Shepp
GoodOnPaper Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 It's a double-edged thing. When I was single, I was always the one more interested. The plus side was that my infatuation really motivated me. The down side was that I could never feel any stability - they always seemed to have one foot out the door and every one of them monkeybranched to another guy at some point. With my wife, she was the one more interested. Mirror image - without the initial infatuation, motivation has always been the challenge while I can relax on the stability front. I don't think one situation is better than the other. You have to decide what you need more at your particular point in life. The infatuation-driven motivation is powerful - there are one or two of my old GFs whom I would have married even knowing that it wouldn't have lasted. Of course the ideal thing is for both partners to have the head-over-heels infatuation along with desires for an LTR, but I think attracting partners was just too much of a struggle for that to be in the cards for me.
newheart Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 Interesting. My situation is probably a little more extreme ... so, in my former marriage as well as my 9 year relationship afterwards, both definitely loved me more, and I believe I intentionally entered into this. I short changed myself by this, though. While it eased my own anxiety and insecurities to be a part of a relationship where I didn't need constant reassurance because they loved me more, I also robbed myself of how wonderful it feels to be truly in love. I 'loved' them or things about them, but I didn't ever gaze at them from across the room and think to myself, "Damn, I love that man." Now, I am in a relationship where I just might love him more than he loves me, I am not sure since it is still new-ish. And because of this, it is a constant struggle with my insecurities, but I need to work on those regardless. In addition, while it is challenging, the feeling of pure joy of loving him makes it worthwhile. Damn, I am sappy!
newheart Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 I love my wife more than she does.While she has some qualities that I lack and that makes up for her 'less' love towards me.She believes she loves me more than I do ,lol. In the end, even though we both believe that we love more than the other, it balances out. I think you are on to something with it balancing out ... and since she believes she loves you more, maybe she does in her own way and it is just not as easily expressed?
dichotomy Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 I did at first - now she does. I prefer the current situation.
xxoo Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 I 'loved' them or things about them, but I didn't ever gaze at them from across the room and think to myself, "Damn, I love that man." This made me think. There's that feeling if "I can live with you". And then there's that feeling of "I can't live without you." I had a whole lot more of the second than the first, which came out as arguments and trying to change things about him. He's always had both. I don't think that means one of us loved the other more. 1
SammySammy Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 I did that. My ex-wife loved me far more than I loved her. Had two other relationships where the women loved me more than I loved them. Was miserable in all three. I always felt that I could do better. The rejection those women felt was intense and I don't feel any of them ever forgave me. The shoe has been on the other foot though. I know what it feels like to be the person who loves more. To know they always had one foot out the door. Wondering if they should be looking for someone "better" than me. I wonder if I was fooling myself in both situations. Wonder if I should have just poured myself into the relationship I was in rather than trying to compare love. I feel like I cheated myself both ways. 2
NTV Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 I did that. My ex-wife loved me far more than I loved her. Had two other relationships where the women loved me more than I loved them. Was miserable in all three. I always felt that I could do better. The rejection those women felt was intense and I don't feel any of them ever forgave me. The shoe has been on the other foot though. I know what it feels like to be the person who loves more. To know they always had one foot out the door. Wondering if they should be looking for someone "better" than me. I wonder if I was fooling myself in both situations. Wonder if I should have just poured myself into the relationship I was in rather than trying to compare love. I feel like I cheated myself both ways. That's really profound! And demonstrates a whole lot of internal thought.
carhill Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 Kind of hard to qualify and quantify love, IME. It's more like a fluid of indeterminate scope and subject to change at any time. 1
Gloria25 Posted July 14, 2016 Posted July 14, 2016 I don't enter into a RL based on whether he or I like who more. I go into relationships cuz what that person does for me....like, is he good looking, good in bed, fit, smart, got his stuff together....cuz IMO, that's what RLs are about - which is, do each other have what each other is looking for? Do we gave things in common? IMO, getting into a RL with someone I'm hoping is so down on their luck that they'll never leave me (or vice-versa) is sad, IMO. I want someone to be with me cuz they like "me"...my smell, my looks, my brain, etc....not cuz they think that I'm gonna cling on them cuz in their mind I can't do any better (or vice-versa).
JAbba2gEther Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 How true is that ? In my marriage, I love my wife more than she does.While she has some qualities that I lack and that makes up for her 'less' love towards me.She believes she loves me more than I do ,lol. In the end, even though we both believe that we love more than the other, it balances out. But there is usually an imbalance in how much one loves the other.Love is a broad blanket that includes who is more forgiving, accepting etc. What do you peeps say? I have been married for just over 16 years. When I first decided to become engaged, I decided to read a book called the 'Five love languages'. This really assisted me in my understanding of what was to come in my future marriage. I had an affectionate mother who hugged me endlessly. I thought that this was what every woman wanted - touch. I was sadly disappointed in my third year of marriage when my wife, who also had read the book about the five love languages, told me physical touch was not her primary love language. I then had to realise that the way I communicated love to her was not as important to her as, say, a word of encouragement, a sacrificial offer of help at the right moment, or even a strategic gift placed given where her friends can see she was appreciated. The five emotional love languages, according to this book, is words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service and physical touch. I read a series, "learning to speak your spouse's love language" and love to share the link for you blokes and gals to discover - Learn to Speak Your Spouse's Love Language | Focus on the Family
holyrolypoly Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 It depends on what "loves you more" means. My husband by most metrics could be said to love me more. He's pretty clingy and always wants to be with me. He has said he hasn't felt this strongly about any other partner in the past. Yet, he is insecure and has low self-esteem. He often doesn't think I show him the love, affection, and physical attention he needs. Because of this, he had an EA, and after talking to him about it, he seems susceptible to it again, and even a PA. He can't get enough attention, touching, or sex. Every time we have a heated argument, he runs crying to his family or friends because it feels like the end of the world to him. One of the people he used to call crying was his ex, which is one factor in the EA.
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