smackie9 Posted May 24, 2016 Share Posted May 24, 2016 I met my husband's father first and that was about 2 weeks after our first date. Link to post Share on other sites
acrosstheuniverse Posted May 24, 2016 Share Posted May 24, 2016 I tend to do it pretty fast just because it's not a huge deal in my family. Whenever I visit my folks I often take a friend with me, in my current R we met each other's parents after about three months, but in the past I've been over with a FWB just because we were hanging out and I needed to go pick something up, I've been over with friends, and partners. They're pretty liberal so wouldn't bat an eyelid if I went round and had a FWB with me, though obviously if it's a formal 'meet the parents' get together it's planned in advance and we sit and have dinner. The conversation usually goes 'I've started seeing someone, I was thinking of coming over with him if you'd like to meet him?'. If we were the sort of family where meeting parents meant marriage was on the cards obviously it'd be a bigger deal, but for most of my friends and I, once you start seeing someone exclusively it's really no big deal within the next few months to take them with you when you visit. It doesn't mean you're talking marriage and babies, just that you're now partners and so do things together. My ex and I got together a month before my mother died so he met the whole family round her deathbed and at the funeral fast but that was a crazy situation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 24, 2016 Share Posted May 24, 2016 Half a month later and I still didn't bring it up. I still think it's the right call. I am also in therapy to curb the anxiety. Finally found a therapist I click with! Good to hear you are getting help for your anxiety. I had a 4 year relationship in which I was cheated on repeatedly over the entire relationship. I never mention it to a new boyfriend. What purpose would that serve. I hurt so bad from that betrayal and cheating it took me 3 years to make peace with it. Now I feel no one can hurt me like this again. If I have survived this I know I will survive anything and be just fine. When you get anxious just ask yourself, how is being worried going to change anything? and let it go. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 24, 2016 Share Posted May 24, 2016 My boyfriend met my parents on our 5th month. We made a trip to go visit them. If they had been living local I would have waited past 3 months. If I had introduced to my parents every man I dated 1 month they would have spent all of their free time meeting my dates. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted May 24, 2016 Share Posted May 24, 2016 You're not ready to be in a relationship. You seriously should do the therapy first before engaging a new man in a relationship. You're too prone to self-sabotage right now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 24, 2016 Share Posted May 24, 2016 I never made a point of introducing somebody to my parents or meeting theirs. It happened when it happened because it was organically convenient at the time. Some were sooner; some were later. I met DH's family relatively quickly considering they all live all over the country. They happened to be in town so I was introduced. DH met my parents about 3 weeks in. If you ever read my posts about the guy I dated for 12 years, I met his parents on our 1st date. They just happened to be there. Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted May 24, 2016 Share Posted May 24, 2016 I've been married for two years now and I still haven't met my husband's parents. I supposed that's because they're dead. Link to post Share on other sites
deadparrot Posted May 24, 2016 Share Posted May 24, 2016 My boyfriend and I met in early June, he met mine in early August (we all live in the same city), I met his in late September (his parents live about 5 hours away, so it involved a weekend trip and a bit more coordination). Link to post Share on other sites
SilverAccount Posted May 24, 2016 Share Posted May 24, 2016 Maybe you need to take some time, you're not ready i dont think. Link to post Share on other sites
Author abby_tx Posted June 16, 2016 Author Share Posted June 16, 2016 You can read my old threads or I'll give a quick summary. I met a guy online 2 months ago. Instant chemistry online. Instant chemistry in person. Became exclusive almost immediately because we hit it off so well. I had initial reservations as he's 4 years younger. Fast forward 2 months and things have kept getting better. I am in my early 30's and have never felt this kind of connection or had something progress in this way despite having had a 7 year relationship and a few 3 month ones. It is hands down the best relationship of my life. We don't live together, but occasionally stay the night at one another's place. When he's holding me, with his hands wrapped in mine, kissing my forehead I feel such an overwhelming sense of peace and love for him. Not just then but these are the moments it's a struggle to hold it in. It is a feeling I've never quite felt and I'm bursting at the seams wanting to share it with him. In the beginning of our relationship, we would have a few too many drinks and talk about how much we liked the other person. Just a casual "Whoa you're amazing! How are you single!" But now that we're an 'official' couple there's less talk and more action and while the action is all positive and reassuring, I REALLY wish he'd say "I love you" before I did. I guess my question is do I tell him now? Do I wait for him to tell me? Is it too early for either of us to say anything? Is there any urgency? Because he's younger I do hold back a bit because I don't want him to get scared away. Should I just let all hell break loose and tell him I'm in love with him? Another thing is I have yet to have the "What do you want in life?" chat. I've felt so on the same page as him that I didn't think we needed to but that sorta seems unwise. TLDR: I'm in love and want to shout it from the rooftop but am afraid. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 'occasionally stay the night'? Link to post Share on other sites
Author abby_tx Posted June 16, 2016 Author Share Posted June 16, 2016 'occasionally stay the night'? Yeah. We both have fulltime jobs so we mostly stay at our own homes, but 2-3 times a week, we'll spend the night at one another's house. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 Isn't 2-3 nights every week 'regular' rather than 'occasional'? Link to post Share on other sites
Author abby_tx Posted June 16, 2016 Author Share Posted June 16, 2016 Isn't 2-3 nights every week 'regular' rather than 'occasional'? To me 'occasional' means no happening nightly, but I can see how you'd interpret it that way. Link to post Share on other sites
mammax3 Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 I think it's lovely that you have such warm, loving feelings towards him. Maybe a side step into the convo might be something a little less direct but still conveying your deep emotions... like 'i could so easily fall in love with you' ? or some other such language that fits your personality? Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 Will him not saying it before you change the way you feel about him? I think you should probably say something to him about you're really enjoying his company and like spending time with him. Like you said, you don't know what his life plans are, so that's the conversation to have with him first--where he sees his life in 3-7 years, blah blah... Depending upon his answer, you may want to allude to wanting him to be a bigger part of your life. Link to post Share on other sites
blackcat777 Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 4 years is no big deal! Especially if you're early 30s. My boyfriend is 8.5 years younger and I'm pretty sure I blurted an ILY during sex. Anyway, we're still together. It's great to work on communication and talk about this stuff, though. I like Kendahke's response. I don't think it's wise to hold out on sharing strong feelings, whether they're good or bad... just for the sake of authenticity to yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author abby_tx Posted July 12, 2016 Author Share Posted July 12, 2016 Ive been with my boyfriend three months and things are awesome. We've met families and friends and talk several times daily. I THINK we want the same things but we never truly discussed it while sober. We did say "I love you" while drunk and declared how once we met, we were done for. But fast forward to today. My last few relationships have ended at three months and i feel this need to see where's he's at and what he wants in life. I don't know how much of my past to bring in or what to say. He's coming over in a couple hours to talk. He wouldn't say anything over the phone. Link to post Share on other sites
Vado Posted July 12, 2016 Share Posted July 12, 2016 Don't put to much pressure on it by labeling the relationship, let it flow natural. Are you guys already exclusive? If not and that's what you want, you can bring that up if the moment is right. But don't see it as a must-do, if the atmosphere isn't right, ask him next week. Link to post Share on other sites
Author abby_tx Posted July 12, 2016 Author Share Posted July 12, 2016 Don't put to much pressure on it by labeling the relationship, let it flow natural. Are you guys already exclusive? If not and that's what you want, you can bring that up if the moment is right. But don't see it as a must-do, if the atmosphere isn't right, ask him next week. We've been exclusive since our second date. We were pretty into one another. Link to post Share on other sites
lana-banana Posted July 12, 2016 Share Posted July 12, 2016 He wouldn't tell you anything over the phone? That seems worrisome. What was his tone like? Did you initiate the conversation or did he? Link to post Share on other sites
Author abby_tx Posted July 12, 2016 Author Share Posted July 12, 2016 He wouldn't tell you anything over the phone? That seems worrisome. What was his tone like? Did you initiate the conversation or did he? I initiated it. He thought we were on the same page so me wanting to talk surprised him. He did say it's not a conversation for the phone. Link to post Share on other sites
lana-banana Posted July 12, 2016 Share Posted July 12, 2016 I initiated it. He thought we were on the same page so me wanting to talk surprised him. He did say it's not a conversation for the phone. Honestly? It sounds like he thinks you're planning to break up with him. I would start by reassuring him that's not the case at all---and for heaven's sake, buy him dinner or do something nice to apologize. I know you mean well, but it's not fair to say "we need to talk" and then let him wallow in dread and self-loathing for a few hours. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BikerAccnt Posted July 12, 2016 Share Posted July 12, 2016 I initiated it. He thought we were on the same page so me wanting to talk surprised him. He did say it's not a conversation for the phone. I would bet he thinks YOU are going to break up with him. That's usually what "we need to talk" conversations are about. You need to be clear with him what you really want to talk about. Don't let your insecurities scare him, or you, off. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted July 13, 2016 Share Posted July 13, 2016 And, I want to add, i thought we (us) talked about this before: you don't NEED to make any reference to your "past" to justify whatever is going on now--good or bad or whatever you are scared about. That's baggage. If he scares you about something or you feel insecure about something, just directly ask him for the facts or in least needy way possible to clarify, expand, explain his position or reassure you. I think it's important to give every relationship a clean slate...and cannot for the life of me think of why someone would spend two seconds referencing their past relationships as they relate to their current one. It's damaged, baggage and melodramatic. You are so much more than any "hurt" you experienced in your past relationship. To carry it around as reasoning for whatever you do or think, kinda shows that it controls you or you are burdened by it--neither of which are very attractive qualities to the other person. And I can hear you saying that you don't want to hide yourself from this person, but you don't need to be someone who is "stuck" in the past either, letting IT control YOU. And yes I agree, not the best to say "we need to talk". yikes. Anyway on another note, glad it is still going well Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts