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It's been a month but I never felt I was in the honeymoon period, will this ever be l

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takenawayfrom Member

takenawayfrom

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I really like her company, I look forward to seeing her, we have lots of the same interests, our family backgrounds are similar, she makes me laugh, we can talk for hours, I'm super comfortable around her, I think she's hot, we've been having sex since 2 weeks in and it's probably the best sex of my life, but for some reason I'm not feeling butterflies when I see her and it's getting me down.

 

I don't know whether it's because she's the first girl I've gone out with who actually is really really into me too, as in, she would spend every day with me if it we didn't also have other things on, and tells me how lucky she feels to be with me all the time. In the past I've always felt like I have to win a girl over with fun dates and good ideas but with her, while we do awesome stuff together she would do anything with me.

 

I feel like I'm almost leading her on, because I don't feel the same about her as she does me, but at the same time I really enjoy seeing her, I don't know if I will ever grow to love her without that initial excitement, and she's really great but it's terrifying me that I won't ever love her, because I really want to love her! I feel like if I'm not able to love her I must be broken or something.

 

TLDR feel like we've never had a honeymoon period, at least from my side and I don't know if this will grow or if it will matter if it's never there.

mizunomead Established Member

mizunomead

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just to make sure i understand this....so, you enjoy her company, you two talk easily, your comfortable around her, you look forward to seeing her. your physically attracted to her, the sex is great, and your freaked out because of what exactly???

there are different schools of thought on here obviously. personally, if your physically attracted to her, the sex is great, and you two are mentally on the same wavelength then that sounds pretty darn good to me.

  • Like 1
Larryville Established Member

Larryville

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Sounds to me that you are suffering from some depression issues or you are hung up on someone from your past.

 

Of course what you wrote is going to “sound good” to them because we don’t have all the details. Without knowing or understanding what is going on in your life at this moment nobody here can give you any rational or logical advice. What is going on with you is MUCH deeper.

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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I really like her company, I look forward to seeing her, we have lots of the same interests, our family backgrounds are similar, she makes me laugh, we can talk for hours, I'm super comfortable around her, I think she's hot, we've been having sex since 2 weeks in and it's probably the best sex of my life,

 

You can build a life time with someone on this...

 

 

Not on butterflies.

 

 

Butterflies are over-rated. First butterflies aren't love. It's a state of infatuation that prevents you from making good judgement call that's why you often experience butterflies with the wrong people for you.

 

I agree that you sound like someone not over someone else.

  • Like 5
smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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Everything can be in place but still no real chemistry. I have a friend that had this happen to. Everything was great when they met but never felt anything even after about 2 months,... he ended up dumping her. She was in love, he was not. He felt so bad, but you can't force feelings.

Larryville Established Member

Larryville

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Everything can be in place but still no real chemistry. I have a friend that had this happen to. Everything was great when they met but never felt anything even after about 2 months,... he ended up dumping her. She was in love, he was not. He felt so bad, but you can't force feelings.

 

Yes and I need to add for heavens sake if you are not into her do her a favor and don’t string her along. Nothing worse than wasting someone’s time, feelings and effort. Be honest with yourself and her. At least have an in depth discussion.

GunslingerRoland Established Member

GunslingerRoland

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I don't see butterflies and chemistry as the same thing really. I never had butterflies with my wife because I was instantly so comfortable with her when we met. But we had chemistry and there is passion that is still there after almost 2 decades.

  • Like 5
Ami1uwant Established Member

Ami1uwant

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Everything can be in place but still no real chemistry. I have a friend that had this happen to. Everything was great when they met but never felt anything even after about 2 months,... he ended up dumping her. She was in love, he was not. He felt so bad, but you can't force feelings.

 

 

The OP seems to be ferl8ng something.

 

As others have said...butterflies should never be used as. Judgement.

 

Buytterflies come from infatuation and uncertainty.

 

Everything seems to be going well. An issue that could come up and needs to be looked at is compatzbility. This is in being able to live t9gether. Fir example being of the same religious views. There are tons of examples that make people realize they can't live t9gether as a couple.

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takenawayfrom Member

takenawayfrom

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Sounds to me that you are suffering from some depression issues or you are hung up on someone from your past.

 

Of course what you wrote is going to “sound good” to them because we don’t have all the details. Without knowing or understanding what is going on in your life at this moment nobody here can give you any rational or logical advice. What is going on with you is MUCH deeper.

 

Well I'm definitely not depressed. I'm not hung up on anyone although my ex did break up with me, and I'm still annoyed that she did (not sure that will ever change), but I'm not in contact with her, I don't want to get back with her, and I don't think about her very much, so while that might be putting a slight damper on things...I've dealt with much worse.

 

Yes and I need to add for heavens sake if you are not into her do her a favor and don’t string her along. Nothing worse than wasting someone’s time, feelings and effort. Be honest with yourself and her. At least have an in depth discussion.

 

Well I am 'into her', she's great, in loads of ways she's brilliant, if I was to break up with her then aside from a couple of tiny things that I don't care about then I could not say what I would look for in someone else that she is lacking. Its just that in the past I've felt a physical rush when I've been around my girlfriends in the early stages, and with her I just don't. Emotionally I care about her deeply, there's definitely chemistry between us its just I don't physically feel an adrenaline rush when I'm around her or butterflies or anything.

Edited by takenawayfrom
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takenawayfrom Member

takenawayfrom

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You can build a life time with someone on this...

 

 

Not on butterflies.

 

 

Butterflies are over-rated. First butterflies aren't love. It's a state of infatuation that prevents you from making good judgement call that's why you often experience butterflies with the wrong people for you.

 

I agree that you sound like someone not over someone else.

 

 

This gives me hope!

 

There is a chance that I'm not 100% over my ex, I mean, I basically am, I'm far happier now than I was with her, I don't really think about her, I'm in no contact with her, and I don't like to compare but the girl I'm seeing now is far more interesting and more attractive in fact she's probably the best girlfriend I've had in terms of how easy she is to be around and how good a companion she is. But I guess there is a small part of me that is hurt by my ex because she broke up with me and so I do still have some resentment over that.

 

That's a shame, wonder what I can do to get around that....or if it will just go with time.

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takenawayfrom Member

takenawayfrom

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I don't see butterflies and chemistry as the same thing really. I never had butterflies with my wife because I was instantly so comfortable with her when we met. But we had chemistry and there is passion that is still there after almost 2 decades.

 

We have a load of chemistry going on, its like nothing I've ever experienced to be honest, when I'm around her I'm just so happy and giddy all the time, the thing that's missing is any kind of physical feeling.

Larryville Established Member

Larryville

Posted
Posted

Well TAF if you are being sincere then you should be cool. People forget and especially much younger people who don’t know or understand dating before the advent of online dating.

 

Remember relationships grew out of necessity, our parents, grandparents before them did not get these “butterflies” upon meeting. Was just basically is this a guy or gal I can “mate” with and raise a family with? Was more matter of fact. Society has been brainwashed and movies perpetuate that BS “butterflies” thing as a necessity.

 

Not knowing what your intentions are or if you are looking long term but generally relationships that “don’t” have these butterflies initially last longer as G said:

 

You can build a life time with someone on this...

 

Because the feelings are more legit, controlled

 

Me was one woman I met more than a year ago, easily the best woman I had ever met online (minus ex wife) She blew me away, even more than the butterflies thing and to be completely honest because of how blown away I was with her likely came on too strong and scared her off. Lesson learned to keep my cool and be more level headed if someone as good as her ever comes along again.

 

If you are into her you should be cool. However will say again, communicate with her openly and honestly.

katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

Posted
Posted (edited)

Butterflies are what you feel when you are kept "on edge." Not knowing quite how she feels.... feeling like you have to "chase" her to win her.

 

You are in a perpetual state of wondering, highs and lows.... when she responds you're on a high, when she doesn't, a low.

 

In your mind, that means, try harder. This intrigues you, excites you!

 

That's butterflies.

 

With this girl, there is no wondering. She doesn't keep you "on edge," there is no anxiety, no feeling like you have to chase.... you know you have her...and in YOUR mind, this translates to = no spark, no excitement, no butterflies, meh.

 

It sounds to me like you are the type of guy who is attracted to the chase, the challenge of winning a woman, getting her to respond positively to you.

 

Combined with all the wondering and not knowing quite how she feels.... this is a winning exciting combination. THAT's the butterflies.

 

You don't have that with this girl... you KNOW you have her. So you're bored, just not feeling it, even though on paper (as they say) everything is perfect.

 

No butterflies.

 

JMO

Edited by katiegrl
  • Like 3
Lorenza Established Member

Lorenza

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It is not normal to feel butterflies as the relationship builds up as it is actually a sign of certain anxiety. You only get them when you're uncertain, overly excited and nervous. Isn't your goal to feel good and relaxed with your partner?

  • Like 1
BaileyB Established Member

BaileyB

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Butterflies are over rated... A relationship should exist on so many other thanking than butterflies. It sounds like you have something worth pursing... Don't throw it away because you are searching for something that doesn't exist.

 

You make the butterflies when you are together by investing in the relationship. That's when the real magic happens. Good luck to you.

Dark Horse Established Member

Dark Horse

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Trust me man, you don't want too many butterflies. Just ask my 20 year old self, he was so crazy about this one girl, holy firetruckin shoot!

 

You'll think about her 24/7, you'll be so drugged up on love potions you you will lose your appetite (bad thing if you're skinny af), you will even listen to shtty over-produced love songs!

 

 

 

Sex must be great though, i'm super jealous man. All I can do is master bait :'( PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE GOD! Please introduce a female in my life! I'm begging you! Please send a pretty girl into my life!

 

 

still waiting...

 

 

and waiting...

 

 

 

i'm waiting a very excessively long excessive time!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Well, that didn't work...

 

 

-sigh-

 

back to visiting one of my top 5 visited website that starts with a P

Edited by Dark Horse
Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

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Butterflies are what you feel when you are kept "on edge." Not knowing quite how she feels.... feeling like you have to "chase" her to win her.

 

You are in a perpetual state of wondering, highs and lows.... when she responds you're on a high, when she doesn't, a low.

 

In your mind, that means, try harder. This intrigues you, excites you!

 

That's butterflies.

 

With this girl, there is no wondering. She doesn't keep you "on edge," there is no anxiety, no feeling like you have to chase.... you know you have her...and in YOUR mind, this translates to = no spark, no excitement, no butterflies, meh.

 

It sounds to me like you are the type of guy who is attracted to the chase, the challenge of winning a woman, getting her to respond positively to you.

 

Combined with all the wondering and not knowing quite how she feels.... this is a winning exciting combination. THAT's the butterflies.

 

You don't have that with this girl... you KNOW you have her. So you're bored, just not feeling it, even though on paper (as they say) everything is perfect.

 

No butterflies.

 

JMO

 

 

But....

 

I have had butterflies even when men were consistent.

 

I feel butterflies when I CARE.

 

I feel butterflies when I WANT the text to be from him. I still feel it 1 year in with my boyfriend despite living together.

 

Butterflies is not limited to the ellusive nature of the people who are just not that into us the same way we are into them.

Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

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It is not normal to feel butterflies as the relationship builds up as it is actually a sign of certain anxiety. You only get them when you're uncertain, overly excited and nervous. Isn't your goal to feel good and relaxed with your partner?

 

Yes but the people who you are SUPER into DO make you full of nerves.

 

 

It is not normal or desirabke as you get to know each other of course-- since a sign of true chemistry is also being comfortable aroubd one another.

 

But make no mistake---- it is so important for me to feel butterflies for the first date or so because they are ALWAYS felt when I care the most about the outcome; the less I am into them initially, the less butterflies....

 

So for me----- butterflies correlate to the initial chemistry. And the stronger the fireworks snd instant feeling upon first meeting a person------ the more into them I feel snd the more nervous butterflies I get.

 

The beautiflul part is---- when the butterflies largely subside and you learn that you have struck gold ---- by finding a mate who you not only fall hard for.... yet also feel comfort and serenity with.

 

I personally cannot fall as hard in absence of the initial butterflies. And men never end up falling head over heels in absence of butterflies. Although women can be madly in love without ever experiencing a honeymoon.

 

Look. Men fall in love differently. Men find it .....very hard to feel that "feeling" that a woman is " the love of their lives" in absense of the honeymoon stage.

Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

Posted
Posted
Butterflies are over rated... A relationship should exist on so many other thanking than butterflies. It sounds like you have something worth pursing... Don't throw it away because you are searching for something that doesn't exist.

 

You make the butterflies when you are together by investing in the relationship. That's when the real magic happens. Good luck to you.

 

He admitted that he felt butterflies with all his other girlfriends.....

 

So basically, he fell head over heels for them as opposed to with this girl, whereby it is a more logical measured approach.

 

The holy grail of relationships is commensurate love----- the natural passion and initial butterflies, intimacy and committment. Basically, you want to fall head over heels and get to experience the infatuation stage before getting to the comfort stage, with a mate who ends up being compatible.

 

The absence of the honeymoon stage can be detrimental since most of us HAVE fallen head over heels before---- when things get comfortable, it pays to reminice over the initial butterflies.

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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He admitted that he felt butterflies with all his other girlfriends...

 

So basically, he fell head over heels for them as opposed to with this girl, whereby it is a more logical measured approach.

and where are those girlfriends now?

 

The holy grail of relationships is commensurate love----- the natural passion and initial butterflies, intimacy and committment. Basically, you want to fall head over heels and get to experience the infatuation stage before getting to the comfort stage, with a mate who ends up being compatible.
That is love by Leigh_87. Not all couples in love have experimented infatuation at first.

 

The absence of the honeymoon stage can be detrimental since most of us HAVE fallen head over heels before---- when things get comfortable, it pays to reminice over the initial butterflies.

 

To me butterflies and honeymoon phase are 2 separate things. After 8 months with my boyfriend we are still in the honeymoon phase but I have never experience infatuation (butterflies) with him. I grew in love with him because my eyes were wide open and I could see the man for who he is. Like OP I am excited and always looking forward to seeing him, he is the only man in my head and my heart, I am devoted to him and would lay down in the middle of a highway for him. As per you that is not a deep love because I did not go through butterflies?

 

OP: When you say you are excited at the thought of seeing her, what do you call that?

  • Like 1
katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

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Posted

 

Butterflies is not limited to the ellusive nature of the people who are just not that into us the same way we are into them.

 

I never said they were....

katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

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He admitted that he felt butterflies with all his other girlfriends.....

 

 

Right, because he had to chase them. They may have been VERY into him, but nevertheless, he never felt quite sure (for whatever reason).

 

He felt "on edge" with them....

 

NOT with this girl. He is sure of her. No anxiety, no wondering. No excitement when he sees a text come in from her.

 

No butterflies.

Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

Posted
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and where are those girlfriends now?

 

That is love by Leigh_87. Not all couples in love have experimented infatuation at first.

 

 

 

To me butterflies and honeymoon phase are 2 separate things. After 8 months with my boyfriend we are still in the honeymoon phase but I have never experience infatuation (butterflies) with him. I grew in love with him because my eyes were wide open and I could see the man for who he is. Like OP I am excited and always looking forward to seeing him, he is the only man in my head and my heart, I am devoted to him and would lay down in the middle of a highway for him. As per you that is not a deep love because I did not go through butterflies?

 

OP: When you say you are excited at the thought of seeing her, what do you call that?

 

Your love IS just as deep, Gaeta!

 

You are female.

 

I do not believe men fall in love the same way as we do.

 

I do believe MEN need the initial wow factor, spark and to fall head over heels. Or else they never DO get that sense of meeting the " love of their life"

Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

Posted
Posted
Right, because he had to chase them. They may have been VERY into him, but nevertheless, he never felt quite sure (for whatever reason).

 

He felt "on edge" with them....

 

NOT with this girl. He is sure of her. No anxiety, no wondering. No excitement when he sees a text come in from her.

 

No butterflies.

 

With men, I firmly believe that MEN, and not necessarily us girls, DO need to experience limerence in order for them TO fall in love properly.

 

What happens if men are lucky is; after that initial stage where the girls seem unobtainable, they realise that the girl IS in fact, into them and they live happily ever after.

 

Half the time, thinking a woman is elusive is in mostly due to the fact the guy is infatuated and wants her so badly, that despite the girls keen interest, the guy in question still FEELS LIKE the girl is not as into him as he is into her.

 

My bf went through it. I was plenty into him, but the fact he CARED so much made it feel like I was not totally available.

 

It is ALWAYS when we do not want someone with our heart, that they seem oh so available due to us not wanting them that badly with our heart and heads....

katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

Posted
Posted (edited)

I really like her company, I look forward to seeing her, we have lots of the same interests, our family backgrounds are similar, she makes me laugh, we can talk for hours, I'm super comfortable around her, I think she's hot, we've been having sex since 2 weeks in and it's probably the best sex of my life, but for some reason I'm not feeling butterflies when I see her and it's getting me down.

 

I don't know whether it's because she's the first girl I've gone out with who actually is really really into me too, as in, she would spend every day with me if it we didn't also have other things on, and tells me how lucky she feels to be with me all the time.

 

In the past I've always felt like I have to win a girl over with fun dates and good ideas but with her, while we do awesome stuff together she would do anything with me.

 

^^With respect to the OP's situation and lack of butterflies, the above is very telling.

 

He associates that butterflies feeling with having to win a girl over... to work for her love and attention.

 

His mind is always in high gear, always working... planning fun dates, etc.

 

This is what maintains his attraction and keeps that butterflies feeling alive.

 

As soon as he becomes too sure of her, that he doesn't have to work for her, WIN her (his words), the butterflies feeling disappears.

 

With this girl, he never felt it because he never felt he had to work for her attention, or "win" her.

 

I am NOT suggesting it's that way with all guys. Obviously not.

 

But it is with HIM, as evidenced by his own words in the above post.

Edited by katiegrl
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