PerryK Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 She told me that she doesnt want us to get back together, because she has everything she wanted now (thats a lie, you can tell she is deeply unhappy with her life at present). She keeps trying to message me though, sending me funny pictures like we used to when we were together. She comes up with random reasons to talk to me like "let me know how this goes" etc. She told me she wanted to phone me the other day because she missed me and wanted to talk, but she doesnt want to get back together. No idea how to accomodate this. Im just numb to the feelings now after how much i have been messed around by the girl. I was pretty perfect to her, everything i did was for her. Helping her with studies, helping her find work, doing her CV, teaching her courses so she can achieve the best, driving her to and from work even if it meant me waking up at 5am to pick her up and take her there. In the end she chose to cancelling our dream holiday, cancel the house I had just put a deposit down on (both costing me £1000 total) and move across the country to live with her friend because her friend said she would fall out with her if she didnt. This friend makes her pay for things for her, got her involved in drugs, encourages her to drink all night and skip work because "who cares its just a job". So she is living that life right now after walking away from me that offered her everything. She is now just a receptionist on 1500 a month, paying 700 rent, 300 bills and food and has a 3k overdraft she is paying interest on every month. She is being rejected for all credit cards and is racking up debt to live this life. She is clearly majorly unhappy. But why is she keeping trying to talk to me and then saying she just wants to chat, doesnt want to be with me etc?
Zahara Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 But why is she keeping trying to talk to me and then saying she just wants to chat, doesnt want to be with me etc? I'm sorry if this comes off harsh but it's because you present yourself as weak and dependent. She knows you have it bad for her and you can give her the attention she needs when she needs it. You're safe. A nice fallback when needed. Someone she knows that'll be there for her no matter what crap she throws at you and to her, that's a great benefit to have. Most would not tolerate that kind of treatment, but you will. Block her and move on. 2
juniorrocha Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 Because she knows you're a great guy and she wants to still have you around, even though she's made it clear that she doesn't want you back. So my question is: why even bother? She made her choices. Let her live them. And you go and live your life as well.
Author PerryK Posted July 12, 2016 Author Posted July 12, 2016 I am ignoring her, i just reply "ok" to everything she says. I deserve someone that can appreciate the guy that makes them better rather than go playing around with their life and messing everything up. I have realised this now and want nothing to do with her. I can't block her on the message app we used, the most i can do is delete her but it comes up still with message requests.
VeveCakes Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 Replying ok isn't ignoring her. It's her life to mess up, I don't know why people always think they know best for other people. Just block and move on... 1
Zahara Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 I am ignoring her, i just reply "ok" to everything she says. I deserve someone that can appreciate the guy that makes them better rather than go playing around with their life and messing everything up. I have realised this now and want nothing to do with her. I can't block her on the message app we used, the most i can do is delete her but it comes up still with message requests. "Ok" sends her a message that you are still available. And it shows her that eventhough she's messed you up, you're still there with an door open. Not sure what app you're using but most have block function. Or you can block her from your address book in your phone. Maybe that will keep her out. 1
Chi townD Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 I agree. When you reply, "Ok" what she is doing is pulling on the leash to see if the dog is still there. When you reply, it lets her know that the dog is still on the leash.
BC1980 Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 I was pretty perfect to her, everything i did was for her. Helping her with studies, helping her find work, doing her CV, teaching her courses so she can achieve the best, driving her to and from work even if it meant me waking up at 5am to pick her up and take her there. Actually, what you did turned her off. If you are overly devoted to someone, it comes off as needy and desperate. I know that's not how you meant to come off, but that's what happened. Most people actually don't want a person who does everything for them. It makes you look like you cannot live your own life. 1
Blanco Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 It also makes it look like you don't even have a life of your own to live. 1
lauri Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 Actually, what you did turned her off. If you are overly devoted to someone, it comes off as needy and desperate. I know that's not how you meant to come off, but that's what happened. Most people actually don't want a person who does everything for them. It makes you look like you cannot live your own life. I think this is a perfect summary of his actions. It's very weak to come off this way. A lot of people when going through a breakup (including myself), think of all the things they did to keep that person happy. A lot of us almost feel like they OWE us their love and loyalty for what we did. It's the hardest pill to swallow that they don't appreciate what we did for them. But, on the bright side, you at least are not investing your time and energy into someone who isn't right for you. You may feel that person is right, but if they were, they would've never ended this relationship. It takes two sides to make something work. Just remember this, no matter what, it isn't your fault. Your ex's only goal is to make sure you don't hate her or think she is a bad person....as far as I am concerned, once she has that validation she will be gone and stop speaking to you. Why are you going to spend anymore time and energy making her feel better when you've clearly outlined that you've done enough for her? She didn't feel it and she ended things with you. That is enough for me to know that it's right for you to focus on yourself (most importantly improve yourself) and heal. Block and delete her. 1
Recommended Posts