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After 4 months of NC i decided to break it, but he blocked me

aryastark

By aryastark
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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aryastark New Member

aryastark

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Hi all, my ex-fiance of 3 years left me all of a sudden in March. He left me withour saying goodbye when I was in the office, my mom called me and told me that he left, brought all of his stuffs and didnt tell them that he's leaving. Of course I panicked, went off early from work, tried to contact him but he didnt respond to my texts, tried to call him but he shut off the phone. When I got home, i found his letter in our bed saying that he's just gonna go home and fix things with his family. I tried talking to his parents, his siblings but to no avail, i even sent him a letter but to no avail.

 

We were engaged for a year, a large part of our relationship was LDR, because he's working in a ship. In 2014, when he got back from duty, we talked about marriage, we bought a car, and planned that we're gonna get married when he comes back. But financial issues occured, apart from his family not liking me because they think we were doing thing quickly, like buying a car for us. When he came back here early this year, he wanted to get married pronto, but I wasn't really 100% sure yet because his family has grudge on us and i want that to be fixed first. That time we were both unemployed. So I told him we're going to your family when I get a job (his family is like 1 1/2 flight from the city) but fights occured every now and then, we were both stressed and him becoming too hard headed and easily angered. Days before he left we had a huge argument, he shouted at me "you're not my obligation, you'll see when my family sees me they will welcome me with huge smiles on their faces!! And i told you not to buy a car right? But you insisted because you're too ambitious!!" When it wasnt really my fault? He's the one who wants to buy the car and not me. Then on that weekend we woke up late, i told him to get up and i will buy food for us.. When i got home, he was in the toilet and i playfully told him can i use the bathroom? But he got all mad and yelling at me!! So i got really upset and told him "you're not my obligation (i just reciprocated what he said to me first :( ), go away if thats what you want to!" And he shouted "fine!! Just wait!". But after that, after that we spoke and i thought everything was fine again. :(

 

Fast forward, after he left, i tried to find him, calling his parents, friends etc, but NOTHING in response. After a month, he made another fb and posted a pic with his ex, so that really was the last straw for me. I decided to move on, but I couldnt really do it. From time to time i still wake up lonely, thinking about him, if he really meant what he said in the letter, i still had this feeling in my chest that maybe he just needs sometime. His ex just came to town for a visit, then i found out they got back together from a friend, but on ldr.

 

Today, i tried to messaged him on fb, i told everything that i feel, but instead of him answering, he blocked me. He began to add random girls but his ex isnt on his primary pic anymore. I dont know what to do now, should i just forget everything? How can he be so cruel. I know i wasn't the nicest gf on earth but how can he just throw away the 3 yrs we had? Wheres the promise he said that he's just gonna fix things with his family so we can have our own family in the future? I feel so betrayed. I cant believe a person who means everything to you suddenly will shut you down just like that. :(

 

 

Help.

Edited by aryastark
studentguy New Member

studentguy

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I'm so sorry to hear this. I think many people on this board have similar stories with their partners going cold all of the sudden. My ex girlfriend started becoming distand, still telling me she loved me and cared for me, then cheated on me in a most brazen way after 4 years.

 

I know you want closure and that you want him to tell you what was going through his mind and heart the whole time. You want him to apologize, want him to tell you that he really felt the wayt he told you he did and that what you had together was real. You want to know WHY he did what he did. I know because that's what I wish too. Sadly these expectations only lead to disappointment and more heartbreak than necessary.

 

Our exes decided to throw us out of their life. Decided to don't give a damn about us. The only right thing to do is to not give a damn about them now.

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Zahara Established Member

Zahara

Posted
Posted
I dont know what to do now, should i just forget everything? How can he be so cruel. I know i wasn't the nicest gf on earth but how can he just throw away the 3 yrs we had? Wheres the promise he said that he's just gonna fix things with his family so we can have our own family in the future? I feel so betrayed. I cant believe a person who means everything to you suddenly will shut you down just like that. :(

 

It's hard to forget but you should definitely move on.

 

Some people cope in ways that we can't explain. Maybe this is his way of avoiding conflict -- immaturity and cowardice. Don't project your value of the relationship on him -- he may have a very different view of those 3 years. Promises are words -- easily broken. Don't place that much value on it but focus on his actions.

 

Don't reach out to him again. Consider this over, grieve and start to move on from him. He's certainly not a prize or someone you deserve in your life. If anything, you dodged a bullet and thank goodness all this surfaced before you married him. Who knows what else this guy is truly all about.

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aryastark New Member

aryastark

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It's hard to forget but you should definitely move on.

 

Some people cope in ways that we can't explain. Maybe this is his way of avoiding conflict -- immaturity and cowardice. Don't project your value of the relationship on him -- he may have a very different view of those 3 years. Promises are words -- easily broken. Don't place that much value on it but focus on his actions.

 

Don't reach out to him again. Consider this over, grieve and start to move on from him. He's certainly not a prize or someone you deserve in your life. If anything, you dodged a bullet and thank goodness all this surfaced before you married him. Who knows what else this guy is truly all about.

 

I should have stuck NC, but idk theres always wishful thinking that maybe he's just waiting for me to contact him again. I was completely wrong.

 

All i feel right now is anger, i dont know what i did wrong why this is so sudden, we were planning things for our future together then the next day im all alone. And been left with so many questions. I feel like a fool. Ugh i really despise him right now. He's the most evil person i know and how could he do this to me when i sacrificed everything and stood up for him. :mad:

Zahara Established Member

Zahara

Posted
Posted
I should have stuck NC, but idk theres always wishful thinking that maybe he's just waiting for me to contact him again. I was completely wrong.

 

All i feel right now is anger, i dont know what i did wrong why this is so sudden, we were planning things for our future together then the next day im all alone. And been left with so many questions. I feel like a fool. Ugh i really despise him right now. He's the most evil person i know and how could he do this to me when i sacrificed everything and stood up for him. :mad:

 

Hun, don't be so hard on yourself. We've all been there. When you break NC, just get back on that wagon again and keep going. Sometimes it takes a few tries before we finally get it and this was what you needed, eventhough it hurt you. You can now close that door, without any question and move on.

 

Anger is normal. Anyone would feel betrayed and hurt if they had to go through this. The questions are the most difficult part but even if he had all the answers, it wouldn't change a thing.

 

Don't feel like a fool. His dysfunctions DO NOT define you in any way. It is a reflection of who he is, and it has nothing to do with you.

 

I read your other thread and it seems you sacrificed a lot and at a point almost playing the role of mother/wife -- sometimes we do that because we hope to be validated. Maybe there was something missing and you were over compensating in hopes that he'd love you more, appreciate you more or maybe it was your way to manipulate him into returning those loving gestures. Sometimes when you behave this way, people may take advantage of you and sometimes even lose respect for you, especially when they realize that you'll do just about anything to be with them.

 

When you see lack of balance, step back. It's isn't a signal to keep giving more. It's a signal to step back, reevaluate the relationship and figure out if you are deserving of someone that isn't investing effort and care into you or the relationship.

  • Like 3
Giggles666 Established Member

Giggles666

Posted
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//All i feel right now is anger, i dont know what i did wrong why this is so sudden, we were planning things for our future together then the next day im all alone. And been left with so many questions. I feel like a fool. Ugh i really despise him right now. He's the most evil person i know and how could he do this to me when i sacrificed everything and stood up for him.//

 

You did nothing wrong from the sounds of it, he just screwed you over it sounds like. I say this because usually folks have issues but they explain them face to face, especially when you are engaged. Some folks are just cowards and run from things.

 

It's hard not to feel like a fool, but you need to convince yourself he is the fool. Despising him right now is normal, and I would too if I was you. He ran out on you, is avoiding you and any responsibility and sounds like someone you should not be with.

 

I knw it's tough, I love someone that has no respect for me...the anger is normal and honestly can help you move on. The person you knew is gone.

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aryastark New Member

aryastark

Posted
  • Author
Posted

 

You did nothing wrong from the sounds of it, he just screwed you over it sounds like. I say this because usually folks have issues but they explain them face to face, especially when you are engaged. Some folks are just cowards and run from things.

 

It's hard not to feel like a fool, but you need to convince yourself he is the fool. Despising him right now is normal, and I would too if I was you. He ran out on you, is avoiding you and any responsibility and sounds like someone you should not be with.

 

I knw it's tough, I love someone that has no respect for me...the anger is normal and honestly can help you move on. The person you knew is gone.

 

 

I just dont understand why he can just ignore me. I mean i tried to reach out, its not like I was mad in the message, I just wanted to talk.. And to think i'm not the one to blame here, he's the one who left. After almost 4 months I thought things have calmed down and we can talk, and apparently it has hasnt. I just want us to talk.

 

Sometimes I get really angry at him but most times I still feel find myself crying. Most times I still cry and I dont understand why, its been 4 months. :(

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aryastark New Member

aryastark

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Hun, don't be so hard on yourself. We've all been there. When you break NC, just get back on that wagon again and keep going. Sometimes it takes a few tries before we finally get it and this was what you needed, eventhough it hurt you. You can now close that door, without any question and move on.

 

Anger is normal. Anyone would feel betrayed and hurt if they had to go through this. The questions are the most difficult part but even if he had all the answers, it wouldn't change a thing.

 

Don't feel like a fool. His dysfunctions DO NOT define you in any way. It is a reflection of who he is, and it has nothing to do with you.

 

I read your other thread and it seems you sacrificed a lot and at a point almost playing the role of mother/wife -- sometimes we do that because we hope to be validated. Maybe there was something missing and you were over compensating in hopes that he'd love you more, appreciate you more or maybe it was your way to manipulate him into returning those loving gestures. Sometimes when you behave this way, people may take advantage of you and sometimes even lose respect for you, especially when they realize that you'll do just about anything to be with them.

 

When you see lack of balance, step back. It's isn't a signal to keep giving more. It's a signal to step back, reevaluate the relationship and figure out if you are deserving of someone that isn't investing effort and care into you or the relationship.

 

 

I dont have another thread? But yeah you're right, I was somehow kind of ~strict gf because we had history before. But one year we were so happy, then this happened. :(

 

Thank you :(

Zahara Established Member

Zahara

Posted
Posted
I dont have another thread? But yeah you're right, I was somehow kind of ~strict gf because we had history before. But one year we were so happy, then this happened. :(

 

Thank you :(

 

I apologize, OP. That second part was a copy and pasted from a different post. My fingers were acting up! Ignore that part.

  • 2 weeks later...
DevotedBaker54 Member

DevotedBaker54

Posted
Posted

I'm so sorry you don't have the closure you are looking for! It's hard when you are not given a reason for your bf breaking up with you. He seems to be making his intentions pretty clear when he's ignoring and blocking you.

I think you deserve better! Someone who values you and can communicate with you! :)

jenko Member

jenko

Posted
Posted

I'm sorry that happened to you...

 

I think you need to face the facts. The way he left was too cold hearted, and prior to him leaving he seemed like he would get very upset with you. I think that was a sign that he was already over the relationship and maybe you just didn't see it. I know it's going to be hard, but you really shouldn't give someone like that anymore of your time.

 

He really REALLY isn't worth it. Go out with your friends, talk to your family and leave him alone. Just remember the way he treated you, and the facts. Fact is he left without even saying goodbye.

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