Wave Rider Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 Since most of my dating experience has been within Mormonism, I'm pretty familiar with dating expectations within that culture. But now that I'm not a Mormon anymore, I'm not totally clear on some of the etiquitte expectations. For example, opening doors. Am I expected to open doors for women - car doors, building doors, etc.? In Mormonism I was usually expected to open car doors and other doors for her, but do people who aren't Mormon expect that? I feel so awkward now when I take a woman out and we get in the car, because I feel like I'm supposed to be chivalrous and open the door for her, but at same time I know that she can do it herself, so I feel weird doing it. What are the expectations at the end of the date? In Mormonism, I would walk her to the doorstep, we'd say thank you, we'd give each other a hug (which was often kind of awkward) and then I'd leave. The hug at the end was a cultural expectation; most all Mormons would do it and I think that most of them felt awkward about it. But what do I do now? If I walk her to the doorstep and she really likes me, then she'll probably invite me in and we might end up making out. But if she does't invite me in, what should I do? Should I just say thank you and walk away? Should I give her a high-five? What should I do?
dpass Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 With door opening, pulling out their chair, etc. all women are different. Some like it, some don't. When in doubt, do it IMO. If they don't like it they will tell you or do it themselves. The car is easy when she gets out, if she expects you to open the door she will wait instead of jumping out. Always open building doors unless she gets there before you can, same with car doors. If she doesn't like it, she will tell you. Do not give a date a high five, that's how you ruin it. If the date went well, kiss her. A hug is acceptable as well, but generally a kiss is expected on the first date. If a woman invites you inside her home, she expects sex - not making out. 1
Lady2163 Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 Wolfish grin....come see me, young man and I'll show you what to do.... :-) Okay, it's getting late and I'm getting punchy. It is still okay to open doors for a woman. If there are double enhance doors, she may hold the second set for you. Some men will let me do this, others reach over my and hold the door open for me again. I'm easy with either way. Car doors - since many are remote now I think that has changed a bit. Unless you're driving a big ass truck and she's five feet tall you probably don't need to open the door and help her in and out. Even as a woman, if I was driving someone else, I used to unlock their door first. Just being polite. As for the rest of your queries....you know what? Just be honest. Tell,the woman exactly what you said here. Maybe not focus so much on being a Mormn or an ex-Mormon, but I'd just tell her the truth. Walk her to the door and lay it all out. "I don't quite know what to do. I'd like to see you again. I'd like to kiss you good night (only if this is true)."
BaileyB Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 I definitely think it depends on the girl. And the moment. It's always nice when a guy opens a door. But sometimes, if I get there first, I will just open the door and hold it for my boyfriend. No big deal. Car doors are a little different. I once dated a guy who insisted on opening the car door for me all the time. It made me uncomfortable - I am a very independent woman and it felt very patronizing. With the guy I'm currently seeing, he does it occasionally if he happens to walk with me to the car... And that is nice. It is just the natural thing to do in that moment... It doesn't feel forced like with the other guy. You will figure it out. There is no right or wrong answer. Good luck. 1
Author Wave Rider Posted July 12, 2016 Author Posted July 12, 2016 A hug is acceptable as well, but generally a kiss is expected on the first date. Do other people agree with this? I was not aware that this was the expectation. I'm all for it, though. If a woman invites you inside her home, she expects sex - not making out. Oops, I guess I missed that cue last time, because she invited me in, and we made out. It is really wrong for me to not want to have sex on the first date? high five! That's hilarious. The high-five at the end of a date is a way of saying, "Not if you were the last man/woman on Earth!" There seems to be quite a bit of disagreement on whether or not do open doors and pull out chairs for women. I've been doing it, but I feel weird about it, like the whole chivalry thing is a superficial role-play that we're doing because we think we're supposed to, not because we really want to. But I also feel like a jerk if I don't do it, so I don't know what to do on that.
kailah Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 I'd give a guy major bonus points for being chivalrous. I love it, and most men don't do it anymore. My ex said it was "stupid" and "women are able to do it themselves". Yes, we are. But some like when it's done for us. Doesn't have to be all the time, but sometimes it's really nice. You don't have to have sex on the first date. If you don't want to then don't do it. There is no rule that you have to do it. If the woman doesn't like it chances are you wouldn't be sexually compatible anyway. If you aren't ready for a kiss or don't feel like the timing is right, a hug is fine in my opinion. You just want there to be some sort of sign that you like her.
smackie9 Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 What you described is not a cultural thing....it's just good manners. We like flowers too....nothing too fancy.
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