metaversus Posted July 11, 2016 Posted July 11, 2016 Was seeing a guy for a few months who I started having feelings for. Seemed like it was going well, but then I had an anxiety attack (in private), because I was scared he would not be able to reciprocate (a bit of ptsd I believe.) Made a mistake and told him about the anxiety attack, but my intuition was on point. He told me he cares about me and that I am 'dear' to him, but he would never want a relationship with me. I likely scared the crap out of him, but regardless he seemed sure of his 'friend-zone' feelings. Now I'm trying to distance myself from him (No Contact). The problem is I promised I'd help him find a new job. He's a musician with a miserable job working graveyard shift as stock help. He's not skilled in the area of job hunting and it's an area where i excel. He could definitely use the help. So I'm wondering if I should still help him? I care about him very much, and it seems like he cares about me too, just not in the way I wish he could.
Zahara Posted July 11, 2016 Posted July 11, 2016 I think you should stay NC. If you weren't feeling so caught up about him, then it would be fine to help him but not at the expense of your emotional and mental wellbeing. Maybe you can create a list of employment resources such as your contacts or employment agencies/websites and send it to him but then you need to step away and NC. He's a grown man and he needs to start learning how to maneuver and manage his own life. If he had never met you, how do you think he'd be managing? At some point he needs to learn. He's not your responsibility. Infact you should be focusing on your own issues. 6
juniorrocha Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 Couldn't agree more with Zahara. Since you're involved, it seems like it will only hurt you more or raise false hopes he'll see you in another way. Let him go, he will be fine.
Giggles666 Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 You're probably emotional right now, you might not be aware of it but it sounds like you want to hold on to any strings he is offering. Move on, he's a grown up and can find his own work. You need to move on and stay moved on.
ExpatInItaly Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 No, don't help him. You don't need to. He's a big boy, he can find work on his own. Staying in touch for whatever reason will only hurt you in the end, as you have feelings and he doesn't.
Miss Clavel Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 he's working. even if it's not in a job he likes. he doesn't need you to rescue him. he's not in a shelter and he's made it clear you are not the "one". let someone else do the work. sure as hell, you pick him up, clean him off, spruce him up and he'll ride off without you. let him go, soonest.
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