akhan42 Posted July 11, 2016 Posted July 11, 2016 Long story short. Girlfriend and I started as FWB. Transitioned to relationship after 6-8 months, then have been exclusive 6-7 months. She said she needed time to think whilst on holiday. Five week break commenced. Rang her instigated catch up to which she was excited. Would not have wanted to catch up that same night- but she asked whether it was possible. She tried to cancel, I told her it was too late as I had already left. She needed to go to airport and I said I would drop her. Picked her, stopped at drive through for food. She reacted badly to something I said. She immediately went cold rang her brother and said she no longer wanted to see me. Said she had been trying to break up with me etc. This stand-off lasted 1.5/2 hours. She said she did not love me anymore, to which I replied: I respect your decision. I was however insistent on remaining friends- which she was adamant she did not want. I said I will leave if she can promise me that this will not be the last time I see her. She wanted me to leave- but this drive through was in the middle of nowhere. So I said I will leave when your brother comes or you get a taxi. Her brother did not turn up, so then she said she was going to hitchike and started walking off. I had to follow eventually as it was an extremely dark and dangerous road. 10 minutes in she caved. I had told her several times before I would just drop her at the hotel and leave- to make sure she was safe. Drove to hotel- got her room- leaving- she insisted we talk- said her actions did not mean she does not love me. Says she is suffering from depression and needs to work on herself. Lights go off and we have amazing sex. Post-sex, I needed to leave. She insisted again that I stay till the morning. Morning arrives and she acts if we are together again and tells me she loves me and will see me when shes back. I know shes back tonight but no texts/calls. This happened on Friday, shes been on a friends hen do for the weekend and is back today. Perhaps she just needs time to think?
BC1980 Posted July 11, 2016 Posted July 11, 2016 That certainly sounds like a mess. I don't think I would say she is giving mixed signals. I think she caved in and let you stay the night because you were so persistent. You insisted on being friends and followed her in your car. If she wants to walk off and hitch hike, she can make that decision. She can take responsibility for her decisions. Though I admit, that is insanely stupid of her. Still, it's not your responsibility to chase her down to change her mind. I think she truly wants to break up with you, but you are making that difficult for her. If you walked away and never spoke to her again, she would be okay with that. She might even be relieved. I think she told you she would call you to avoid what happened when she tried to break up with you and said she didn't want to be friends. I think she acted lovey and said she would call to get you off her back, so she could escape. She never had any intentions of calling you. 1
Author akhan42 Posted July 11, 2016 Author Posted July 11, 2016 Thanks BC1980. I agree with you but she insisted that I stay to talk at the hotel. I had no intention of staying and wanted to drop her and go as I should have been back(was late in the morning). I had no interest in staying at the hotel etc- I just wanted to remain friends. And as a good friend I felt I should ensure she reached safely. Also there were clear signs she enjoyed the sex, she instigated, said she missed it and wanted more so she is still attracted to me. I have a feeling she just does not know what she wants at the current time.
Neel Posted July 11, 2016 Posted July 11, 2016 @akhan42 I also believe that currently she does not know what she wants. I bet she must be quite confused, and more to add, in a war with herself. Also by remaining friends, on the one hand, you can stabilize the connection, however on the other hand you may not be able to be in the love field with this person. It can strike back.
BC1980 Posted July 11, 2016 Posted July 11, 2016 I have a feeling she just does not know what she wants at the current time. One night does not equal a relationship. I can guarantee you that she knows she wants out of the relationship. She is confused about the terms afterwards. Can she still be FWB with you? That's probably a question that she is thinking over. "Confused"= She wants out but is trying to figure out how to go about it. No one is confused. It's very easy and wonderful to commit when you know it's the right thing. My suggestion is that you block and go NC. Any further contact with her will lead to more heartbreak on your part. I have a feeling you are going to go against this and will learn from experience. 1
whatnot Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 As soon as I read this... Morning arrives and she acts if we are together again and tells me she loves me and will see me when shes back. I knew what the last paragraph was going to say without having to read it. If you're a man of your word you tend to believe others are too. One or two false alarms and you know what you've got. No point in fighting it. Sorry to hear. Hang in..
shewilltryherbest Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 I think you already know the answer to this. Like you, I'm going through something similar and it's so easy to get caught up in the fantasy of what we do want. If I were you, I'd establish NC and go from there. Every day get a little easier - even though it doesn't seem like it. Go for a walk, get some exercise and hang out with friends - get a different perspective,
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