Author crazyquestions11 Posted July 12, 2016 Author Posted July 12, 2016 You're in denial. That IS persistent. If a person says no, or that they are busy and you keep suggesting days, you are being persistent. Doesn't matter if its with friends (he has friends? why does he need her to come so desperately then? It's not like he's alone in a foreign country then) or one-on-one, it's clear he really wants to spend time with her. That whole, come over and take off your clothes thing isn't every man's game. Some like to play it cool at first. I agree. But at this point she is assuming he doesn't have many friends over there since he moved there too. All his pictures have been with friends who went to visit him in his city. So we aren't sure if he's connected in the city yet, so she might actually just be an old face in a new city, and vice versa. Either way, this is her last week in the country, and besides sleeping or out shopping with her relatives, she's always in touch via text. She also is either always at home or if she goes out 99% of the time with relatives.
Author crazyquestions11 Posted July 12, 2016 Author Posted July 12, 2016 She's not isolated, she's with her relatives. Everybody gets bored, doesn't mean it's time to go on a date with a dude and try to call it something else. See at this point, I'm not denying that it doesn't FEEL like a date, but I would really think that it isn't until proven otherwise. Perhaps your definition of a date defines differently than mine. Consider being out in the countryside for over 2.5 months and being bored at home daily with crappy internet connection. Suddenly an alum sees you were in the same district in the same country out of all places. What would you do? I'm not trying to justify her actions, rather I'm trying to imagine how it'd feel being in her shoes. I'm thinking after complaining about being bored, etc. It would change your mindset a bit and you would jump at the first opportunity to go out and not live the same exact routine every day with the same people. In this case, I don't think it would be 100% a date.
Lorenza Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 If a person you're meeting has a different sex organ between their legs - it's a date!
JewelD Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 If a person you're meeting has a different sex organ between their legs - it's a date! If you told your boyfriend you didn't want to go and you still gave him your number and went, yup, probably a date. It's not like they're good friends and she wanted to go, that'd be an entirely different situation.
BeholdtheMan Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 It could be she's a familiar face in an unfamiliar place and that's about all there is to it. I think you're overthinking this. Really gullible
Author crazyquestions11 Posted July 12, 2016 Author Posted July 12, 2016 Well at this point it's been 5 hours in so there's really nothing I can do but hope for the best LOL
Author crazyquestions11 Posted July 12, 2016 Author Posted July 12, 2016 If you told your boyfriend you didn't want to go and you still gave him your number and went, yup, probably a date. It's not like they're good friends and she wanted to go, that'd be an entirely different situation. Remember I said that I partly was at fault because I told her to go. I wasn't expecting her to actually go through with it and she tells me "well you told me to!" so I kind of screwed up there but I said that only because I didn't want to be controlling and didn't want her to be bored at home and complaining.
JewelD Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 See at this point, I'm not denying that it doesn't FEEL like a date, but I would really think that it isn't until proven otherwise. Perhaps your definition of a date defines differently than mine. Consider being out in the countryside for over 2.5 months and being bored at home daily with crappy internet connection. Suddenly an alum sees you were in the same district in the same country out of all places. What would you do? I'm not trying to justify her actions, rather I'm trying to imagine how it'd feel being in her shoes. I'm thinking after complaining about being bored, etc. It would change your mindset a bit and you would jump at the first opportunity to go out and not live the same exact routine every day with the same people. In this case, I don't think it would be 100% a date. If it was someone I didn't really know and had no interest in knowing, and my SO didn't like it, I wouldn't go. Point blank. I'd read a book, talk to my family, paint a picture, go sight seeing on my own, exercise. and you said she only has a week left, she handled it fine before, what's another week of just chilling with her family? If she was bored and wanted to go, why didn't she just tell you that? She told you she didn't want to go at all. You can believe what you want to believe but if any of these scenarios felt right to you, you wouldn't have asked to see messages and you wouldn't have asked people what they thought. You have a gut instinct, go with what it tells you the first time. It's usually right. Unless you're paranoid, but only you would know that.
Author crazyquestions11 Posted July 12, 2016 Author Posted July 12, 2016 So basically. Red alerts. She just got home lol and told me it was fun, and it was normal at first and then he got flirty. She said he told her him and his gf broke up. She paid for a drink at a bar for him, and he paid for dinner and cab. I really don't like the sound of this. However, he did ask about me and stuff and toned it down after she mentioned we were together. 1
Lorenza Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 If you told your boyfriend you didn't want to go and you still gave him your number and went, yup, probably a date. It's not like they're good friends and she wanted to go, that'd be an entirely different situation. And here I am sitting here and thinking that a date is when you meet someone while having a romantic interest in him/her and apparently a date is when you don't want to meet someone and do it anyway I once met a guy I didn't really want to meet. Just because I was bored to death during summer, while my boyfriend was away on exchange studies and friends visiting home countries. Literally went out with him to talk to another human
JewelD Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 So basically. Red alerts. She just got home lol and told me it was fun, and it was normal at first and then he got flirty. She said he told her him and his gf broke up. She paid for a drink at a bar for him, and he paid for dinner and cab. I really don't like the sound of this. However, he did ask about me and stuff and toned it down after she mentioned we were together. And that's why you always go with your gut. Now you know what he was after. He wanted it to be a date.
Lorenza Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 And that's why you always go with your gut. Now you know what he was after. He wanted it to be a date. Yeah, but still not a date if she didn't want it to be a date. Not her fault. 2
JewelD Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 Yeah, but still not a date if she didn't want it to be a date. Not her fault. Yes, it is, many of us on here said it was a date because it sounded like a date. We didn't even get any texts or know anything about this guy and we could clearly see it looked and sounded like a date. Maybe she's very clueless, but she knew it bothered OP and she went anyway. This entire situation would not have happened had she said no, like she supposedly wanted to. It's certainly not the other dude's fault. He asked her out on a date and she said yes.
VeveCakes Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 She knew what it was, she probably wanted to see if she felt anything with this guy. Sorry but women are not that naive. If you have a Bf you don't really have a need to go or for meals with a stranger, who then pays your cab and meal. Guys are slick, some don't care if she has a bf. They will play the friendly "come if you want" vibe then lay it on thick once they get to know the girl. I have to laugh at the commenters, as if they all wouldn't be so annoyed if their SO went out to eat with a stranger. Yeah right. 1
Author crazyquestions11 Posted July 12, 2016 Author Posted July 12, 2016 So a bit more detail. She met him at the metro station, and he asked if she minded going to the apartment for a few minutes so he could get out of his suit. She said she didn't really want to but he said just 5 minutes. She sat outside in his living room and waited and a few minutes later they were on their way again to go get food. He paid for her food. They talked about me and about his now ex-gf and her plans for the future, and about school, etc. They went to a bar. She didn't drink but she paid for his drink because she told me she didn't want for him to pay for the food to "even it out" and not make it a date. When they were crossing a street, he tried to put his hand on her back for a second but she walked faster and to the front of him and he stopped. They went walking to go browse around and she told me she bought some little books and stuff. Then she said I gotta go and headed to subway but he offered to get a cab. So he said he didn't want to subway and get the cab to drive to the metro and he paid for that since he was using the cab anyways. He asked if they could hang out again in a few days and she didn't want to be mean (once again) so she said, "haha maybe". But she said in her head that meant "no" and that if he asks again it'll be "I'm busy". Now she's home and she said she had fun but he was a little flirty.
rester Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 So a bit more detail. She met him at the metro station, and he asked if she minded going to the apartment for a few minutes so he could get out of his suit. She said she didn't really want to but he said just 5 minutes. She sat outside in his living room and waited and a few minutes later they were on their way again to go get food. He paid for her food. They talked about me and about his now ex-gf and her plans for the future, and about school, etc. They went to a bar. She didn't drink but she paid for his drink because she told me she didn't want for him to pay for the food to "even it out" and not make it a date. When they were crossing a street, he tried to put his hand on her back for a second but she walked faster and to the front of him and he stopped. They went walking to go browse around and she told me she bought some little books and stuff. Then she said I gotta go and headed to subway but he offered to get a cab. So he said he didn't want to subway and get the cab to drive to the metro and he paid for that since he was using the cab anyways. He asked if they could hang out again in a few days and she didn't want to be mean (once again) so she said, "haha maybe". But she said in her head that meant "no" and that if he asks again it'll be "I'm busy". Now she's home and she said she had fun but he was a little flirty. It sounds like she handled it well although going into his apartment may have not been the best decision. I wouldn't be upset about any of this. Sounds like you trust her and she told you details and she has no interest in anyone but you. If I were in your shoes I wouldn't be concerned about any of this. It also sounds like she is good with her boundaries, and that's a huge plus. 1
PogoStick Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 It could have easily gone the other way: he was friendly and didn't try anything at all. We laughed about that one school teacher we had...blah blah. And then you wouldn't get to do the smug "told you so!". I'm actually meeting up with a girl I went to school with 20 years ago, and barely knew at the time. She's moving back to our hometown post-divorce. I'll be in town a few days visiting my mother. I only have 10% intention of having sex with her (that's really low, I usually have way higher intentions ). Truthfully, I'm curious to hear about her years and the places she's lived since she's coming from a city I was thinking about moving to. I'm also willing to be a caring and compassionate soul to a person going through a rough time. I don't think either of us consider it a date.
Author crazyquestions11 Posted July 12, 2016 Author Posted July 12, 2016 It sounds like she handled it well although going into his apartment may have not been the best decision. I wouldn't be upset about any of this. Sounds like you trust her and she told you details and she has no interest in anyone but you. If I were in your shoes I wouldn't be concerned about any of this. It also sounds like she is good with her boundaries, and that's a huge plus. I agree, but I still just got upset at her and accused her of "testing the water" but I quickly shifted blame to the situation and the guy. Phew. She said you should trust me 100% and I am not hanging out with a guy one on one again, single or not. It could have easily gone the other way: he was friendly and didn't try anything at all. We laughed about that one school teacher we had...blah blah. And then you wouldn't get to do the smug "told you so!". I'm actually meeting up with a girl I went to school with 20 years ago, and barely knew at the time. She's moving back to our hometown post-divorce. I'll be in town a few days visiting my mother. I only have 10% intention of having sex with her (that's really low, I usually have way higher intentions ). Truthfully, I'm curious to hear about her years and the places she's lived since she's coming from a city I was thinking about moving to. I'm also willing to be a caring and compassionate soul to a person going through a rough time. I don't think either of us consider it a date. LOL, post-divorce tho.
Author crazyquestions11 Posted July 12, 2016 Author Posted July 12, 2016 (edited) Given the situation, the only way to get over it really is just to trust her. And I do. I've just never been put in this situation before but I'm glad she handled it well. She said she would never cheat, and that even text flirting is cheating. She didn't do any of the above, and was simply the receiving end and rejected his approaches. I shouldn't be worried then if what she says is all true right? Edited July 12, 2016 by crazyquestions11
VeveCakes Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 Ok so why is she leading him on? How about - I'm sorry I have a boyfriend and I think you might have gotten the wrong impression. I am not interested in hanging out further. How is that mean? What's mean is lying and leading someone on. I don't know your gf, you know her better than us... but I get the vibe she is telling you this so you continue to trust her while she gets her attention filled by this man. She might be telling half truths. 3
kendahke Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 Really gullible Hardly. Just something you don't understand.
kendahke Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 Given the situation, the only way to get over it really is just to trust her. And I do. I shouldn't be worried then if what she says is all true right? so which is it? She's either trustworthy or she's a bald faced liar. Pick one.
Author crazyquestions11 Posted July 12, 2016 Author Posted July 12, 2016 so which is it? She's either trustworthy or she's a bald faced liar. Pick one. Obviously, I'm not going to assume she's a bald faced liar. Ok so why is she leading him on? How about - I'm sorry I have a boyfriend and I think you might have gotten the wrong impression. I am not interested in hanging out further. How is that mean? What's mean is lying and leading someone on. I don't know your gf, you know her better than us... but I get the vibe she is telling you this so you continue to trust her while she gets her attention filled by this man. She might be telling half truths. I don't know, that I couldn't explain. However, I do think it has something to do with the fact that their entire conversation revolved around what she was doing after graduation, talking about his ex, and talking about me and how she was going to visit me. Perhaps she said haha maybe as a way to say "no thanks"? Because obviously he knows we are dating. She wouldn't be hanging out with him anymore though for sure. I say for sure because I trust her word. For her, "haha maybe" is a lot easier than saying "No" I don't think she led him on at all. Moving quickly away from a guy who tried to put his hand on your back while crossing the street? Talking about me in convos and telling him we've been dating for 2 years? Talking about careers? She did say he was a nice guy, but she would not hang out again. Most of it sounds totally harmless. That's what I want to believe
VeveCakes Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 Leading him on by saying maybe - she left the door half open and he knows about you - so he is still pursuing her knowing you exist, and in his mind she is still open to the possibility of hanging out again. If he's as rich as you say you are merely a speed bump in his dating world. She should have said - I'm not interested. You are very sweet, if a little naive. It's good she won't see him again, hopefully she won't be messaging him either. 1
kendahke Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 Obviously, I'm not going to assume she's a bald faced liar. I shouldn't be worried then if what she says is all true right? this question puts the lie to your statement about what you don't assume. again, pick which it is. Either she is or she isn't.
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