just peachy Posted July 11, 2016 Posted July 11, 2016 So last night after a long time i had a dream about him. It was something about me going through a friend's Facebook (i don't have fb) and randomly looking for him, until i found him and clicked on a video. He was smiling in a beach somewhere with another girl, this girl apparently had a son and she was talking such great things about him and about how wonderful he was etc.. i woke up immediately with such pain in my chest and cried for the first time in a long time. I thought i was stronger. Seeing his face in my dream again after so long it just hurt all over again. It felt as though it happened yesterday, it was horrible. I hope this never happens again but I'm sure it will, i just hope he has the same dreams about me, and sees me smiling and happy and moving on, i wish the dream was the other way around, he isn't wonderful and who ever ends up with him i feel bad because i feel like i cleaned him up for the next girl. Like i literally did get the good the bad and the ugly and now the next girl will only get the good and never see the ugly side of him. I feel like in relationships, we live and grow and learn, and i feel like i made it better for the next girl its a horrible feeling. I still feel the pain lingering after that stupid dream, i miss him now and i hate so much that i do! 2
Jersey born raised Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 If he is smart you did make him better. The thrust of your thread should be how did he make you better, and what you learned to watch out for. 1
Magicmountain Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 I think it's a mistake to think of people as better or worse. All relationships are temporary. Don't misconstrue that. Your next relationship may last you until old age. But the relationship itself will change over the course of its life. You and the person you are with will mean different things to each other at different times. You still have a relationship with your ex. And you always will. You must decide if you wish to define that relationship now by resentment and jealousy. If so, it will be a frustrating thing. Why frustrate yourself? 2
guest569 Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 Mine creeps up on me in my dreams too.. just when I think I have forgotten him and made progress. It can be very painful having these dreams and feels like a set back. 1
Trinity_84 Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 who ever ends up with him i feel bad because i feel like i cleaned him up for the next girl. Like i literally did get the good the bad and the ugly and now the next girl will only get the good and never see the ugly side of him. Love, just because you think this doesn't mean it's true. People usually don't just change overnight. If he did, then be happy there's one less stray ugly person roaming the world! Whoever comes into your ex's life will see who they truly are in due time. Whatever that might be now (just as ugly,m uglier or less ugly). As much as it is true that people are constantly changing, some people's traits are very much ingrained and they come out sooner rather than later. But I would just suggest thinking "it was just a dream" and if he is happy with someone else, then good for him! The world needs more happy people. Be happy not FOR HIM, but for the Universe. 2
Author just peachy Posted July 31, 2016 Author Posted July 31, 2016 Love, just because you think this doesn't mean it's true. People usually don't just change overnight. If he did, then be happy there's one less stray ugly person roaming the world! Whoever comes into your ex's life will see who they truly are in due time. Whatever that might be now (just as ugly,m uglier or less ugly). As much as it is true that people are constantly changing, some people's traits are very much ingrained and they come out sooner rather than later. But I would just suggest thinking "it was just a dream" and if he is happy with someone else, then good for him! The world needs more happy people. Be happy not FOR HIM, but for the Universe. Very well said, thank you! You are absolutely right, sometimes our thoughts can be our own worst enemies, we can't control them but we sure let them control us from time to time. I just miss him still and its terrible that i do, being single doesn't help either. I guess what bothers me is that i fear people won't see his true self and only i got to see it. 1
asphyxis Posted July 31, 2016 Posted July 31, 2016 Very well said, thank you! You are absolutely right, sometimes our thoughts can be our own worst enemies, we can't control them but we sure let them control us from time to time. I just miss him still and its terrible that i do, being single doesn't help either. I guess what bothers me is that i fear people won't see his true self and only i got to see it. My ex online is super witty and outgoing. In real life, has has extreme insecurities at his core. I believed that if I reassured him enough, I could make him understand. Instead over time, our arguments got ugly and I no longer felt I could post anything on Facebook without a fight. It was almost as walking on eggshells constantly because of his jealousy. I've come to realize that it is entirely him, on his jealousy part. He let it rule him instead of letting us talk through it. There's other parts of him that were red flags that i chose to over look. I've had dreams that have played off it, and dreams where he is happy. I do want him to be happy, even if it's not for me. I just know that lioe everyone else, unless he changes, it'll be the same issues for him later down the road.
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