Deadmeat Posted July 11, 2016 Posted July 11, 2016 Hello. I never thought I'd be back in LS after finding what I thought was going to be the one! My relationship with B was short but very passionate. We established that we both really liked each other from the get go. She lives about 45 min drive and 1 hour train from myself which presented to be our first barrier. She was also going to school for an intensive course for 2 more years which presented the 2nd obstacle. We talked through these barriers early on and we both decided that we wanted a relationship. And so goes the best 4 months of my life. Full of happiness, joy and at long last someone to say goodnight to. One day after our long weekend trip she tells me that she's not ready for a relationship. She cites that wanting to focus on school as her primary reason. Also, the fact that we lI've too far apart which is causing the relationship (in her opinion) strain and just can't commit herself fully. I tried to speak to her logically and to try and work it out with her. I'd do anything for her. I also blurted that I loved her (first time) out of reaction. We both cried and I begged a little but in the end she did not want to pursue. I've been NC since and it's been 3 horrible days. I know that she has feelings for me but they are just not enough to keep the relationship. I want her back but I'm not sure what I can do at this point as pleading and begging will just push her away. I've decided to do NC for a month and reestablish contact again. I'm hoping that this time and space will give her a different perspective and hopefully give it another chance. Anybody have any thoughts? Thanks for reading. 1
LD1990 Posted July 11, 2016 Posted July 11, 2016 You're wasting your time with this plan to not contact her for a month. That's not no contact, that's a scheme to get her back. What is going to change in a month? She'll still be in this course. You two will still live far from each other. It sounds like she was clear with you about this. You should commit to real NC and move on, this one just didn't work out. 2
smudge21 Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 If you're using NC to win her back, then it will never work as you are not truly going no contact, you are instead just living in hope. NC is about you and your healing, not about them. It gives you time to find yourself and that inner happiness you had before someone came into your life. It makes you a stronger, better person and maybe, just maybe when/if the ex comes back, you're in a better position to decide what is best for you. Right now, you're willing to beg and plead to get her back and that is never a good place to be. All the power is with her and you run the risk of her losing respect for you or even accepting a "friendship" with her. NC will take all that away and make you think clearer, without those rose tinted glasses on. The choice is yours (and I know it's a tough one) but she's already made a choice for her life, so you need to make one for yours. Follow NC to the letter and see how you feel after those first 30 days.
Satu Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 It's not about the distance and her studies. She just doesn't want the relationship. If she did, those two things wouldn't be seen as insurmountable problems. Let it go. *No direct contact. *No sending or receiving of messages. *Block any means she might use to contact you. *No replies to anything that gets through your blocks. *No indirect contact through third parties. *De-friend or delete from all social media. *No monitoring of her on social media. *No 'little birds' feeding you news. *Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying. Take care. 3
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