hotgurl Posted June 28, 2005 Posted June 28, 2005 Inspired by tiki's post i decided to post one of my questions. I have been with my B.F. for almost 4 years. Honestly this is not some much of a problem but a question. we have quite a large age gap and I was wondering if and of the ls'ers are in age gap relationships. I want to eventually get married. Children aren't an issue I have one and don't want more. He loves my daughter and is not really looking to have any kids. I guess I am just wondering if age gap relationships can work out, for the long hull.
Tony Posted June 28, 2005 Senior Moderators Posted June 28, 2005 There are BIG age gaps and small age gaps. What kind of difference are we talking here?
reservoirdog1 Posted June 29, 2005 Posted June 29, 2005 I can offer a few examples. My ex wife is 31. We have two small children. Her boyfriend is 55 -- the same age as her father. When she's 50, he'll be 74. One thing I've noticed is that she seems to "dress down" somewhat -- she's always been a fairly conservative dresser, but the way she's started dressing, doing her hair, etc. seems designed to make the age difference less obvious. I don't know if that's the effect she's trying to create or if it's just incidental. But I think what it does is stop people from looking at them and seeing a father and daughter. So for an age difference like that, maybe that's something the younger partner has to keep in mind? A close friend of my family is about 60. Her husband of 25 years is now about 85. He started going downhill about 8 years ago, and now suffers from advanced senile dementia. He lives in an extended care facility because she was going nuts having to tend to his every need, including changing his depends. Even then, she's out there with him almost every single day. So, I guess that means there are practical considerations to the presence of a considerable age difference. Or maybe love conquers all? Not sure anymore.
Author hotgurl Posted June 29, 2005 Author Posted June 29, 2005 The age gap is 19 years he is 45 and I am 26. I have thought about health issues later in life but I have many health problems now and he is very healthy and active. I am concerned bout sex though.
OGPriddyGurl Posted June 29, 2005 Posted June 29, 2005 I got married in May of this year - my husband and I have a 10 year age gap and if I didn't notice it before, I am noticing it now that we are married - I'm vivacious, energetic, outgoing and spontaneous. My husband is content, set in his ways, complains of ailments etc. I married my husband because he is a good man with a huge heart. My husband was intellectually stimulating and passionate - since we got married he has become a couch potato, dividing his time between tv and video games. Sexually we aren't compatible, he lacks stamina and passion. He claims that he's still trying to adjust to living with a woman (something he had never done before me).. When we first met he didn't act his age, however the month before and since we married I feel like he's become complacent and too relaxed and it's creating tension between us. I have always known that I would marry an older man but always tried to keep the gap between 3 to 5 years. At 32 years old, I felt that a man in his 40's wouldn't be able to keep up with me, would not have the same level of ambition and drive. When I met my husband he defied this stereotype - he was ambitious, energetic and funloving. Now I feel like he was just acting and this is the REAL deal and in the month that we've been married I feel like I was duped because he's changed so much. I think a relationship with a 10, 15, 20 year age gap are extremely difficult in the generational sense - it's hard to relate to someone who grew up in a different era. I couldn't imagine being with a man my father's age - my father is in his late 50's, set in his ways, and afflicted by chronic pain, moves at a much slower dilberate pace, has old world philosophies and theories about life and love. This is my second marriage, the first was with someone who was my same age. I felt like I wouldn't be able to learn from him - he lacked experience and direction - which ultimately created anger, animosity and abuse. I decided the next time around that I would be with someone who had direction, ambition and confidence. I guess I got what I asked for - but I feel like there's so much missing still.
mv2000 Posted July 16, 2005 Posted July 16, 2005 OG, I'm so sorry about the insane change your mate has shown. I myself am 9 years older than my wife and the exact opposite is true. I'm more social, like hanging out of the house more and have a need to *do* things, not watch things. She was vivacious, like to be out, do stuff when we dated, first year of marriage. But now? She's seriously older than me now mentally, actively, etc.!! Soooo... I wouldn't blame age in this. I would blame the lack of honesty and reality. Sorry....... hope things improve or you make a decision for yourself that's healthy for *you*. Age, in part, is a mental number. Some of my friends from college still consider me to be in my early twenties... not necessarily because I'm immature, per se (though I have been known to still act out poorly), but because of my life outlook. I"ve not had any kids, I've not completely "settled down" in the sense of getting a house in suburbia, a steady job, and etc.. I still feel like I have an immense amount of my life to live, I dont ever picture myself slowing down and I probably won't ever retire, though I doubt I want to work like a dog when I'm older as I do these days. I hope that makes sense. I don't think you got what you asked for. I think what you ended up with was a person who during one period in your relationship, was very different from the person they really are. With some frank conversations, that can change. I'm not sure I've ever met an individual who did *not* want to enjoy life fully, and sometimes that means just getting off your ass and doing things. And, to put my money where my mouth is, so to speak, I have come to the decision in my own life that no, my current partner is no who I should have married. She's great, she's an awesome individual, but we do not match and we've been through many steps and sessions to try to prove otherwise. In age, physically, she's younger. In heart, she's 10 years *my* elder! More than likely, if I'm still around this forum, you'll hear me in a few years marrying someone that matches me, not in age, but in heart, spirit and mind. Those are things you should look for, for they determine, in part, the physical. Good luck!
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