Bigmess2 Posted July 11, 2016 Posted July 11, 2016 So lately I've really been trying to move on with my life and get over the guy I've been talking to for the passed year. I try to remind myself that he's not a good guy and that if he were he would've never hurt me for so long... So I'm now willing to give someone else a try even tho, at times, I find myself missing the jerk that I shouldn't even be thinking about!!! I went on 2 dates with a new man over the weekend. He has a lot of good going for him. We know a lot of the same people ( he found me on Facebook because of our amount of mutual friends, told me I was beautiful, and asked to take me out) usually messages I get from strangers I disregard but I had heard about him before and think he's attractive and figured I'd give it a shot because I've got nothing to lose. I tried to get some info on him before our dates from others that know him, they all say he's a great faithful guy in relationships but that he over does it with the drinking... When I went out with him I noticed a lot of pros... He's handsome, very complimentary, looking for a serious relationship, he's 3 years older than me, easy to talk to, has a good job, close with his family.He's not the type of guy I usually go for. I usually go for the all American athletic laid back type. He's more rough around the edges and puts off a little of a tough guy persona but he does seem nice. The cons are what is worrying me.... He admitted to being a heavy drinker and I did see that on our second date, he smokes cigarettes (I've never dated a smoker and I know this isn't absolutely horrible just something I'm not used to), he seems a little on the cocky side and knows he's attractive, he's a little pushy with wanting to be physical with me which I told him he has to wait and that if he really does like me hell respect that... When he was drinking he seemed disappointed in this but at the end of the night he told me he wouldn't cross the line and that he'd respect me. So it's the cocky attitude, pushiness with being physical, and drinking that worry me. We are going to do date #3 sometime this week and I'm hoping to do something that doesn't involve drinking to see how he is. Would these cons be big enough red flags for you to cut it off or do you think it's worth giving it a shot and seeing where it goes? And if he makes cocky comments, what's a good way to react to it without being mean... This dating thing isn't easy and I'm scared of making the wrong move. I guess we will see... But I'm interested to see what others would do in my shoes.
smackie9 Posted July 11, 2016 Posted July 11, 2016 Drinking will show his ugly side eventually so yes this is a red flag. I come from a family of alcoholics and there is nothing good about a heavy drinker, especially with relationships. Him saying he's respectful, friends saying he's a good guy blah blah blah is a bloody smoke screen. From my experience I wouldn't go there....you are trading in dangerous territory.
biker23 Posted July 11, 2016 Posted July 11, 2016 Try a third date without the drinking. Personally him not being your type and the cons, it feels like you are forcing it. Could you long term handle a heavy drinker and smoker? With an attitude? He wont change.
Zippy2000 Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 He`s a heavy drinker. Watch out for when he does drink he doesnt become someone lese ike a Jekyll & Hyde. The smoking? Depends how much. My ex girlfriend was a very light smoker but over time you do notice how it affects your enviroment. Clothes stink and cigarette ash is a mess you have to deal with. Over time you do notice it will affect you. Id offer my help by saying take your time with this one. A lot of people show their best sides when they date but give it maybe 6 months when he is more comfortable with you. He will let his guard down. Date slowly and see how he behaves and if he is consistant or not.
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