Am I To Picky???

[PerryK]

I refuse to get involved with girls that do or have ever done drugs. It is one thing I will never ever deal with.

 

At my age though, every girl I have met or know get involved. It is this whole generation '18-30', a bump of coke at the pre drinks, some molly in the toilet, an e tab dropped while dancing. It makes me sick and thinking of being involved with a girl that does that stuff disgusts me.

 

But I have found that because of this, the amount of eligible girls is 0. I have had to go for a load of girls who are all into drugs because it is standard and i am the "wierd" one for not being involved. But throughout the whole relationship or dating period, i just think about it 24/7 and it makes me feel awful.

 

Am i too picky?

 

Every girl wants to be the festival girl who drops MD and E's or a line or 2 because everyone else and their mates do it. Every hit song now that everyone plays or is on the radio, or in the club is about drug use. The weeknd, Miley Cyrus, Lana Del Ray, Ty Dollah, Chris Brown, Jay Z ... it is in such a range of music and it is all the family friendly pop songs too, all sing about putting drugs in their drinks to keep them going all night partying and how fun it is.

 

It makes me feel so depressed that something that disgusts me that i don't want to be involved in, is just so prevalent that I will never find a girl that does not get involved and will make me happy.

 

Shall i lower my standards and just put up with it, no matter how much i hate it?

[Lady2163]

So, I don't know how old you are, but is there a statue of limitations?

 

In 27 years I've smoked marijuana one time. Prior to that, I may have smoked it 5 times, maybe a couple fewer, maybe a couple more. Damn that alcohol making things fuzzy! :-)

 

I'm almost 50 now.

 

I'd actually like to try ecstasy and maybe a marijuana brownie. I'd have to do some research on ecstasy since I don't have any scientific proof that it can enhance sex, just word of mouth. If it doesn't enhance sex for the woman, then I'm not interested.

 

I've never had a decent buzz from marijuana. I'm not fond of the lungs burning and hacking up a lung. I'd like to experience what the fuss is about.

 

But I'm pretty frugal with my money. I'm not a fan of going out to drink and spending ridiculous amounts of money on alcohol when I could drink it at home with friends. I was never interested in wasting my money on drugs.

[PerryK]

So, I don't know how old you are, but is there a statue of limitations?

 

In 27 years I've smoked marijuana one time. Prior to that, I may have smoked it 5 times, maybe a couple fewer, maybe a couple more. Damn that alcohol making things fuzzy! :-)

 

I'm almost 50 now.

 

I'd actually like to try ecstasy and maybe a marijuana brownie. I'd have to do some research on ecstasy since I don't have any scientific proof that it can enhance sex, just word of mouth. If it doesn't enhance sex for the woman, then I'm not interested.

 

I've never had a decent buzz from marijuana. I'm not fond of the lungs burning and hacking up a lung. I'd like to experience what the fuss is about.

 

But I'm pretty frugal with my money. I'm not a fan of going out to drink and spending ridiculous amounts of money on alcohol when I could drink it at home with friends. I was never interested in wasting my money on drugs.

 

 

Well, experimenting like having a drag of a spliff in the past wouldnt bother me. I mean the hard stuff, class A's that ive lost friends too, ive lost family too, ive had relationships end because they valued these addictive hard drugs more than me. (Ecstacy, MDMA, Cocaine being the most common).

 

My latest ex was pretty mentally damaged from taking so much MDMA and she got kidney failure when she first took ecstacy and had to be rushed to emergency room but still carried on taking it. I then told her it was me or drugs and she chose drugs.

 

I have a bad history with it all. It is ridiculously off putting to me. Cocaine use and MD use is a definite no for me ever. One bump and its normal to you, it is always "ive done it before, this wont hurt" and then that mate offers you another one next week thinking that you join in and then each week. Then a morning you have to be up for work and your struggling and you have a line to wake you up, and suddenly you find yourself taking things at home alone to keep you going.

[Lady2163]

Well, experimenting like having a drag of a spliff in the past wouldnt bother me. I mean the hard stuff, class A's that ive lost friends too, ive lost family too, ive had relationships end because they valued these addictive hard drugs more than me. (Ecstacy, MDMA, Cocaine being the most common).

 

My latest ex was pretty mentally damaged from taking so much MDMA and she got kidney failure when she first took ecstacy and had to be rushed to emergency room but still carried on taking it. I then told her it was me or drugs and she chose drugs.

 

I have a bad history with it all. It is ridiculously off putting to me. Cocaine use and MD use is a definite no for me ever. One bump and its normal to you, it is always "ive done it before, this wont hurt" and then that mate offers you another one next week thinking that you join in and then each week. Then a morning you have to be up for work and your struggling and you have a line to wake you up, and suddenly you find yourself taking things at home alone to keep you going.

 

You're right about the norming of it. I know a lady about 17 years younger than me who was a straight A student, superstar athlete, was given a full scholarship to college and she had her Masters Degree at 23. In the States, its usual to graduate high school at 18, Bachelors degree at 22. She had taken enough college credit classes in high school and took summer school classes as well.

 

She had an open ticket. She married, had a baby, got a great job at a Fortune 500 company. She had interned there a couple of times, so she had better than an entry level job out of college. She had an amazingly bright future.

 

Unfortunately, her work culture was also a party/meth culture. 10 years out she has been arrested multiple times, lost several jobs, her husband divorced her and got custody of their son.

 

She was not raised this way. She did not experience this environment in high school or college. According to her mother she insisted she never drank, smoke or took drugs while she was in school. She was a hard charger type A personality.

 

I guess what I'm saying is: get away from the party, drinking, bar hopping type of culture. There's plenty of fun to be had without boozing and obnoxious loud music. I've met very few people who were non-drinkers, but yet still drug addicts. They exist, but it's rare,

[Larryville]

Shall i lower my standards and just put up with it, no matter how much i hate it?

 

Never lower your standards and never compromise your principals just to be in a relationship.

 

Having said that I would simply suggest that you don’t simply focus on the drug use but the manner and the reasons why someone engages in drug or even alcohol consumption.

 

Does the drug use affect career or educational aspirations and goals? Does it interfere or disrupt relationships (family, friends, and intimate relationships)

Is the use a means of escape or self-sabotage?

 

Does the use prevent them from being the best person they can be?

 

Hence:

 

You're right about the norming of it. I know a lady about 17 years younger than me who was a straight A student, superstar athlete, was given a full scholarship to college and she had her Masters Degree at 23. In the States, its usual to graduate high school at 18, Bachelors degree at 22. She had taken enough college credit classes in high school and took summer school classes as well.

She had an open ticket. She married, had a baby, got a great job at a Fortune 500 company. She had interned there a couple of times, so she had better than an entry level job out of college. She had an amazingly bright future. Unfortunately, her work culture was also a party/meth culture. 10 years out she has been arrested multiple times, lost several jobs, her husband divorced her and got custody of their son.

 

And does something “trigger” the drug use.

 

Every girl wants to be the festival girl who drops MD and E's or a line or 2 because everyone else and their mates do it.

 

People who engage in drug use or abuse alcohol because everyone else does it are mentally weak, avoid at all cost.

 

Never Compromise or lower your standards.

[clia]

If all you are encountering are women who are heavy into drugs, it's probably time to rethink where you are hanging out and who you are hanging out with. I don't encounter these kinds of people all that often, so I find it hard to believe that everyone is doing it. You may need to rethink what types of women you are going after, because obviously something is drawing you to the festival girls and druggies over and over again.

[Bigmess2]

I'm 28 and the only drug I've ever done is marijuana and I smoke maybe once a year if even that. All of my friends are the same as me, one has tried Molly once but other than that we don't do drugs. I'd say keep looking because we definitely exist you're probably just meeting them in areas where people do drugs. Like concerts or clubs. If you don't like drugs then it's not being picky if you don't want the girls you date to do drugs. Keep looking you'll find her.

[smackie9]

I'm 52 and I did all kinds of that crap except sticking a needle in my arm, but I grew out of it and never looked back. People who use doesn't necessarily mean it's for life. Anyways not everyone uses and I agree you are hanging out in the wrong environment looking for a nonuser. Why not try on line dating. You can place on your profile that you don't use drugs, and the site should filter the druggies out when trying to match you up. I'm guessing that's how it works.

 

BTW it's not being picky, it's called an expectation and we all have them. For me it would be drugs too and smoking.

[mikeylo]

It's good to be picky but difficult to find the right partner. It will be a long while till you find your match. Till then, believe , that there is someone who thinks like you. Hard but that's all you can do. Kiss a few froggies

[VeveCakes]

Yes you are too picky!

 

I did my share of MDMA but those days are long gone. And BtW not everyone does it to "fit in". It's actually a valuable drug that can help people with anxiety or debilitating shyness. MDMA can not cause mental damage... E that is bad and not actually mdma but speed or LSD can. Your first step is to get educated on this drug. Second step is to get off your high horse (no pun intended).

 

Stop painting drug users with one big brush. If you don't want a party girl then stop looking where the party girls are.

 

I am a successful professional with my own home and a good head on my shoulders. I also run a horse farm and competitive horseback ride. I'm a daily pot user and past MDMA user like I said.

 

You could be missing out on something because you have your judgey pants on.

[mizunomead]

No, i dont think your being too picky at all. I have never anything besides tobacco and alcohol. Personally, i dont care what other people do with their lives as long as it doesnt affect me, but i choose not to have any of that in my life and it would be a quick deal breaker for me from a dating standpoint.

There are plenty of people that dont use stuff. Obviously your just not looking in the right spots.

[Hoosfoos]

OP, you are not too picky, you have standards. I can't even deal with women who like to drink or smoke. Stick to your guns.

[LostOnes05]

Keep your standards bro...old habits die hard. And I agree with you on the drug issue. I'm 29, never used drugs a day in my life but every girl I've tried getting to know has done stuff. It kinda boggles my mind especially knowing the consequences. Also, it isn't far off my mind what they may do/might have done to get these drugs. But don't lower your standards...if a woman finds doing drugs more fruitful than her health or relationship, let her keep it moving.

[Leigh 87]

Well, experimenting like having a drag of a spliff in the past wouldnt bother me. I mean the hard stuff, class A's that ive lost friends too, ive lost family too, ive had relationships end because they valued these addictive hard drugs more than me. (Ecstacy, MDMA, Cocaine being the most common).

 

My latest ex was pretty mentally damaged from taking so much MDMA and she got kidney failure when she first took ecstacy and had to be rushed to emergency room but still carried on taking it. I then told her it was me or drugs and she chose drugs.

 

I have a bad history with it all. It is ridiculously off putting to me. Cocaine use and MD use is a definite no for me ever. One bump and its normal to you, it is always "ive done it before, this wont hurt" and then that mate offers you another one next week thinking that you join in and then each week. Then a morning you have to be up for work and your struggling and you have a line to wake you up, and suddenly you find yourself taking things at home alone to keep you going.

 

 

Huh?

 

Umm well I tried hard drugs for the first time at age 25. Tried than again at age 26.

 

I have never tried them again. I am now 30 and have zero urge to ever touch drugs again.

 

I was a pothead from age 18 to 20.

 

The past is the past for some people.

 

Drugs are an expensive and irresponsible waste of money..... and a huge risk to our health. Mental and physical.

[misspond]

If you're going to places where you meet women who use drugs in the way that you're describing the you're going to the wrong places to meet the kinds of women you want to meet.

 

I say this as a 49 year old who used to do all of that in my 20's, and who knew that there were particular places I could go to meet/dance/hang out with people who did the same as I did. At that point I also knew where to go if I wanted to meet/dance/hang out with people who didn't do the same.

 

Stop clutching your pearls in disgust and find new places to go.

[OnlyHonesty]

Huh?

 

Umm well I tried hard drugs for the first time at age 25. Tried than again at age 26.

 

I have never tried them again. I am now 30 and have zero urge to ever touch drugs again.

 

I was a pothead from age 18 to 20.

 

The past is the past for some people.

 

Drugs are an expensive and irresponsible waste of money..... and a huge risk to our health. Mental and physical.

 

 

If drugs are a huge risk to your physical and mental health then the past is not the past. The damage from those drugs can go on well into the future even if you never plan to do them again.

[joseb]

If all you are encountering are women who are heavy into drugs, it's probably time to rethink where you are hanging out and who you are hanging out with. I don't encounter these kinds of people all that often, so I find it hard to believe that everyone is doing it. You may need to rethink what types of women you are going after, because obviously something is drawing you to the festival girls and druggies over and over again.

 

This.

 

It's hardly 0 women in the world in that age group that don't do drugs.

 

Of the people I know, a relatively small number do drugs and none to the point of it being a major problem.

 

How are you meeting people?

[No_Go]

Well it is not zero for sure. I'm 31 now - I never tried drugs. Never tried smoking as well, and I think I can count on one hand the number of drinks that I have finished in my lifetime (2 this year).

 

It is a personal preference. When I was dating, I used to run the hills of I hear the word drugs (which didn't save me from dating an alcoholic man that was using coke for 6 months... Because he was trained to hide too well )

 

This.

 

It's hardly 0 women in the world in that age group that don't do drugs.

 

Of the people I know, a relatively small number do drugs and none to the point of it being a major problem.

 

How are you meeting people?

[No_Go]

Your standards are fine. Personal preference like any other.

 

The idea a dude that is clubbing or doing drugs repels me. My BF did like 10-15 years ago (pot), and I still try hard to swallow it.

 

Just change where you look for women. And maybe look for slightly older women, 25+... I've heard the situation is worst in college age regarding drugs etc.

 

I refuse to get involved with girls that do or have ever done drugs. It is one thing I will never ever deal with.

 

At my age though, every girl I have met or know get involved. It is this whole generation '18-30', a bump of coke at the pre drinks, some molly in the toilet, an e tab dropped while dancing. It makes me sick and thinking of being involved with a girl that does that stuff disgusts me.

 

But I have found that because of this, the amount of eligible girls is 0. I have had to go for a load of girls who are all into drugs because it is standard and i am the "wierd" one for not being involved. But throughout the whole relationship or dating period, i just think about it 24/7 and it makes me feel awful.

 

Am i too picky?

 

Every girl wants to be the festival girl who drops MD and E's or a line or 2 because everyone else and their mates do it. Every hit song now that everyone plays or is on the radio, or in the club is about drug use. The weeknd, Miley Cyrus, Lana Del Ray, Ty Dollah, Chris Brown, Jay Z ... it is in such a range of music and it is all the family friendly pop songs too, all sing about putting drugs in their drinks to keep them going all night partying and how fun it is.

 

It makes me feel so depressed that something that disgusts me that i don't want to be involved in, is just so prevalent that I will never find a girl that does not get involved and will make me happy.

 

Shall i lower my standards and just put up with it, no matter how much i hate it?

[ashy555]

Seems to me like you are searching in the wrong places or hanging around with the wrong crowd. I am 26 and never known any of my friends to do any hard drugs. I actually don't personally know any people my age that have.

 

I also don't think it is too much. Its great that you have a zero tolerance. You keep at it. Just look in a different crowd maybe.

[Versacehottie]

Maybe it makes the most sense to be picky about those who have done it in the past VS those that currently still do it or dabble. IMO, you are being too pedantic over "if they have EVER done anything". Use your own judgement as to whether "not doing now" = very unlikely to do ever again. You don't want to miss out on a good person who has their head on similarly to you NOW! Good luck!

[PerryK]

Maybe it makes the most sense to be picky about those who have done it in the past VS those that currently still do it or dabble. IMO, you are being too pedantic over "if they have EVER done anything". Use your own judgement as to whether "not doing now" = very unlikely to do ever again. You don't want to miss out on a good person who has their head on similarly to you NOW! Good luck!

 

I know from personal experience with 99% of those in my life that are involved with it, if theyve done it before they have no barriers now to do it again.

 

Ex gf for example, she had done it at university, i told her my 0 tolerance approach and said i accept her past. She had told me she would never do it again, she wouldnt want to lose me over it and we talked about it a few times so it wasnt a one of convo that she forgot. Then she went to visit her friend who was big into it, her friend put out some lines on the table and said "have some" and she did. And when we talked about it she said that shed done it before she doesnt see the big deal.

 

Dabbling with it in your past completely normalizes it, it becomes the "I've done it before, one more won't hurt" no matter how long youve been clean or dont enjoy it. That girl, i broke up with over it and now she uses every day since moving in with that friend.

 

I have had best friends that got heavily into it to the point that they broke into my house and robbed me.

 

 

And for the bitch telling me to get off my high horse, why the F would i do that to get with someone that is not in any way attractive to me? Thats like saying "im not a lesbian, i'm straight" "get off your high horse and get with girls too".

 

And those telling me to change where i hang out, in this country it is a major issue. It is so normal now to do it because everyone else is. You can't walk through a club without seeing people with their jaws rolling. I was with my brother when he brought some coke and instantly he had 6 girls around him asking for a key.

 

- You get clothes with pictures of alcohol and cocaine on that people are wearing that makes it seem like a normal thing in life.

- You have the rise in people going to festivals because with social media it is so well spread out there that everybody now sees it and wants to go.

- You have a large rise in the legal rave culture where dealers can walk around with immunity, and clubs close at 3am and these places go till 7am so everyone goes there where drugs are cheaper than the £15 drinks.

- People share videos over social media constantly of people in these clubs drugged up embarrassing themselves, but all these kids think its hilarious to behave like that and completely normal now to act like that.

 

We have a culture now where we can see all these videos of people rolling, we celebrate it with clothes making it into a joke, we listen to music where they talk so constantly about using drugs in clubs to make it better, we have social media spreading the festival/rave culture making it look amazing which just draws these people in to drop a bomb and theyre now messed up.

 

And MDMA is the part of ecstasy that damages your brain and its endorphins. Do some research, the deadly part of E is what is mixed in to make it tablet form. MDMA causes depression and anxiety and a high rate of suicide on its come downs and being away from the drug. It also causes the body to lose feelings and can cause massive paranoia when you stop using. All happened to my ex.

[todreaminblue]

there are people who try drugs but get out of it..most teens experiment........hard drugs like heroin and meth...harder to drop....i dont think you should date someone who does drugs at all//its not you and its not the lifestyle you want to be in..........but...you should consider if someone tells you ....been there done that not going back....to take them seriously...until proven otherwise......but thats my opinion..as other posters have said.....maybe you arent looking in the right places....change of venue to find dates might be in order.......deb

[PerryK]

there are people who try drugs but get out of it..most teens experiment........hard drugs like heroin and meth...harder to drop....i dont think you should date someone who does drugs at all//its not you and its not the lifestyle you want to be in..........but...you should consider if someone tells you ....been there done that not going back....to take them seriously...until proven otherwise......but thats my opinion..as other posters have said.....maybe you arent looking in the right places....change of venue to find dates might be in order.......deb

 

 

 

That is what i have implied, like you once dropped a tablet to try it and hated it, wouldnt touch it again. But its how it became a habit. Those that get involved in it, and the problem with my generation (im 25) is that it is so normal for people to do it, same as doing a shot of tequila, its awful but people do it because everyone else and its normal for a night out now.

 

I do want to stand by my guns and say, one thing i put my foot down on, im not going to put up with it, but then i look around and everyone is doing it and i just feel im on the losing side here.

[Phoenician]

op,

 

my 2 cents :

 

stick to your standards .

never lower them .

 

the only exception is that if a person just tries few things very few times in a life it doesn't mean that this contradicts your standards ...