JustJ Posted July 11, 2016 Posted July 11, 2016 Hey all, I've been battling what I feel to be a depressed state for a long time, sometimes I feel like it's been this way my whole life (and I'm not that young anymore). As for my current situation it's extremely complicated. The Past: I've been in the process of getting a divorce for the past 1.5 years -- that was a long time coming, partly because of my issues, and partly because of hers. We were married for 14 years officially and we have 3 children together who are now teens and pre-teens. Current: I have been in a relationship with someone for the past year, and I've heard all about the bad timing of things and it couldn't be worse because she's an amazing person (also a divorcee) and we had been so good together up until recently. We rented a place together and commute together as well. My depression has gotten the best of me lately and I have said a few mean things which I greatly regret. I have also lacked the follow through on actually getting a therapist, even though it's been discussed. I don't understand why I haven't had the motivation to do more and fix myself. Ultimately, this has lead to some disdain in the relationship to the point where she said that "I really like you but I don't know if there's a future for us" and "I'm not kicking you out, or kicking you out of bed, but I don't know if I would want to share a place with you when our lease is over". Recently I've made some steps to correct some of my communication issues but she still says I'm thinking about you and I get very thoughtful texts while she is out. She even still says "Love you" and she's not one to lie. With that said, I understand that if I don't correct the wrongs and have more "action" that's going to be the end of things, but if I do, is there hope to salvage the relationship?
ExpatInItaly Posted July 11, 2016 Posted July 11, 2016 Yes, I think there is hope that this could be salvageable, but you need to get moving on making some changes now. It sounds like your girlfriend is at the end of her rope, but if she sees evidence of measurable changes, I think she is far more likely to try to work on the relationship. Get an appointment with a therapist or your doctor regarding your depression. Do that today. Let her know you've taken this step. As far as the mean things you've said - can you elaborate? What did you say, and does she know how sorry you are?
basil67 Posted July 11, 2016 Posted July 11, 2016 This is your last chance. Grab it with both hands and work to mend the problems you've created. Yes, there is a chance it will be too late - but even if you do end breaking up, you'll be emotionlly healthier when you come out the others side of it all.
Author JustJ Posted July 11, 2016 Author Posted July 11, 2016 We've talked a bit since the initial talk where all this was brought up. To answer what I said: In haste I said "I'm done" - but there has been other issues in the past so this is a bit of the culmination of it all. I suffer from depression and put off getting therapy, which is completely my problem and not hers. I've also just failed to be as supportive as I possibly could be, which is definitely not characteristic of how I really am. As for the most recent talk -- in the talks that we had I made it clear that I am willing to do whatever is needed to make things right with myself as well as make things right with her. I said that instead of just saying these things I would rather show them and I would let her know my progress and what I'm doing to fix them (like reaching out to online forums for ongoing support in addition to therapy). I only wanted a little confirmation of hope and I'm unsure what it means when she's willing to take some time for me to fix myself but she's unsure if her feeling will change. To which I mentioned I would be willing to put forth the effort to go to couple's therapy with her. She was undecided and non-committal at first, I don't know if I feel as though there true hope that everything can be made better but I can make the appropriate changes to better myself and have a byproduct of a better relationship. Do you think she would be more willing to go to couple's therapy at that time?
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