Tinder While Traveling

July 11, 2016

Sigh. Well OP, look on the bright side. You now know she has absolutely no problem with you being on Tinder. You can use the app in exactly the same way your girlfriend is using it when you take your trip...

July 11, 2016

That was my sister who said that, and she is married.

Lots of negative people on here I see (hah), I didn't think it was unreasonable to have a conversation with her about it. The intent, is obviously a different story but that would be a convo I would have when she is back. Obviously if she isn't going to respect me, that is not something I am interested in participating in and would end the relationship.

I would rather have an honest conversation with her before I would end it. I would hope she would do the same for me if there was an issue related to this.

One of the many interesting statistics about tinder is the high percentage of married/coupled people on their having flings. It's well known for it.

I'm sure 99% of those don't admit it to many people.

There are 1001 ways to find the in places to go in any new place - used to be people had to use guidebooks, but now you have literally hundreds of online options (not dating sites!) to ask.

By all means, have a conversation before ending it - just be a bit sceptical of what she says - if it looks like a duck and walks like a duck, it's probably a duck.

Or keep banging her and have just have fun outside of a NSA relationship yourself.

Edit: your not having sex? Maybe that's why she is on tinder...

July 11, 2016

Its like saying you only went to an orgy to network.

She is using an app that is used for hooking up with members of the opposite sex that you can only talk if you both think each other are hot enough to say yes to.

She is travelling around the world, checking out the hot guys on this app and matching them to chat to...make friends?

Exactly!! What a terribly inefficient way of researching somewhere!!!!!!

July 11, 2016

For sure, I don't think she (girlfriend) is the one to be into random hookups...we haven't even had sex (she wants to wait as she sees this as being very important), her number of sexual partners is also very low (under 5). She texted me after the phone call and also said she didn't want anyone else than me and apologized if she made me feel uncomfortable.

Regarding my sister, her marriage has been largely positive. She has always been a world traveler (speaks Spanish as she study abroad for 2 years) and he chooses not to travel with her so she meets friends globally. When she is in new countries she uses tinder as a means to find the "fun spots" or bars to go to for nightlife.

hmmm your sister would be considered time waster for guys on tinder lol

Does she only matches guys for traveling advice? or both genders

July 11, 2016

One of the many interesting statistics about tinder is the high percentage of married/coupled people on their having flings. It's well known for it.
I'm sure 99% of those don't admit it to many people.

There are 1001 ways to find the in places to go in any new place - used to be people had to use guidebooks, but now you have literally hundreds of online options (not dating sites!) to ask.

By all means, have a conversation before ending it - just be a bit sceptical of what she says - if it looks like a duck and walks like a duck, it's probably a duck.

Or keep banging her and have just have fun outside of a NSA relationship yourself.

Edit: your not having sex? Maybe that's why she is on tinder...

She's only had sex with 2 people, trust me. It's not because I haven't tried.

My sister uses it to meet people to find places to go when she's in new places. That's what the girl I'm dating stated as well. I didn't downright tell her I knew she was using it but she was honest and that's all I can really ask now. I'll bring it up later when she's back and see if she is going to delete it.

I actually generally tend to believe her as she isn't the "wild" type. I've dated many of girls like that and she's definitely on the more reserved opposite end.

July 11, 2016

There are lots of apps/ways to find places to go/meet people when travelling that aren't Tinder.

July 12, 2016

She's only had sex with 2 people, trust me. It's not because I haven't tried.

My sister uses it to meet people to find places to go when she's in new places. That's what the girl I'm dating stated as well. I didn't downright tell her I knew she was using it but she was honest and that's all I can really ask now. I'll bring it up later when she's back and see if she is going to delete it.

I actually generally tend to believe her as she isn't the "wild" type. I've dated many of girls like that and she's definitely on the more reserved opposite end.

If you truly believed nothing was going on, you probably wouldn't have asked for thoughts on it.

People are telling you things you don't want to hear but it's not coming from a negative place, although somewhat snarky at times. It's coming from a place of experience.

It's easier for people not emotionally involved in a situation to tell you what it really looks like. You like this girl and don't want to believe that she would lie to you, but she's doing something that makes you feel uncomfortable. So uncomfortable that you felt you needed to check and see if she was still using her tinder.

When you're in a good and healthy relationship with someone, you don't feel the need to play inspector gadget. Trust me, I've done it plenty of times and no matter what evidence you find, your partner will play it off or explain it away.

You can pretend it's nothing and believe whatever she tells you, but don't be surprised when another incident like this occurs later on down the line.

July 12, 2016

She's only had sex with 2 people, trust me. It's not because I haven't tried.

My sister uses it to meet people to find places to go when she's in new places. That's what the girl I'm dating stated as well. I didn't downright tell her I knew she was using it but she was honest and that's all I can really ask now. I'll bring it up later when she's back and see if she is going to delete it.

I actually generally tend to believe her as she isn't the "wild" type. I've dated many of girls like that and she's definitely on the more reserved opposite end.

I suppose it is *possible* that they are using Tinder like that.

My question is why?

It's the wrong tool for the job.

At best, they are inviting 99% of the wrong types of matches.

What does her profile say?

July 12, 2016

I suppose it is *possible* that they are using Tinder like that.
My question is why?
It's the wrong tool for the job.
At best, they are inviting 99% of the wrong types of matches.

What does her profile say?

In XXXX for several weeks with my girl friends. Looking to meet new friends while we are here

Her texts after our phone convo, I didn't send anything immediately back:

I mean we didn't end up hanging out with anyone. But you said that the reason you deleted it because it was a temptation you didn't want to have.. But it's not a temptation for me, we were just looking to meet people to tell us what places to go and stuff.. I don't want to make you uncomfortable.. But I also don't think it's a big deal at all.

Sorry if I made you uncomfortable. But I promise I would never try to do anything to make you feel that way. I'm happy in all places just seeing you

Edited July 12, 2016 by MLP11

July 12, 2016

In XXXX for several weeks with my girl friends. Looking to meet new friends while we are here

Her texts after our phone convo, I didn't send anything immediately back:

I mean we didn't end up hanging out with anyone. But you said that the reason you deleted it because it was a temptation you didn't want to have.. But it's not a temptation for me, we were just looking to meet people to tell us what places to go and stuff.. I don't want to make you uncomfortable.. But I also don't think it's a big deal at all.

Sorry if I made you uncomfortable. But I promise I would never try to do anything to make you feel that way. I'm happy in all places just seeing you

Yeah, let's meet some wholesome trustworthy guys on tinder to take us out in a foreign country.

She understands it's a big deal to you and yet wants to express to you that it's not a big deal to her. That's irrelevant. "I don't want to make you uncomfortable BUT". There shouldn't be a 'but'. 'But' means, I understand your feelings, but you have to deal with them yourself. and I'm assuming she did not agree to take it down?

July 12, 2016

In XXXX for several weeks with my girl friends. Looking to meet new friends while we are here

OK, I see a few profiles like that on Tinder.

I'll be honest, I always assumed they were looking for hookups/dtf, but I haven't matched any yet so I can't say for sure. Maybe people are really using a square peg in a round hole.

I would wonder what kind of criteria they are using to meet these new friends.

July 12, 2016

Yeah, let's meet some wholesome trustworthy guys on tinder to take us out in a foreign country.

She understands it's a big deal to you and yet wants to express to you that it's not a big deal to her. That's irrelevant. "I don't want to make you uncomfortable BUT". There shouldn't be a 'but'. 'But' means, I understand your feelings, but you have to deal with them yourself. and I'm assuming she did not agree to take it down?

Not sure, didn't really press it again. I didn't think anything positive would come of it via texting. Would only want to discuss it again when she's back or over the phone. Normally I try to have any of these types of convos either in person or over the phone.

July 12, 2016

Sorry if I made you uncomfortable. But I promise I would never try to do anything to make you feel that way.

But she is doing things to make you feel this way??

What the??

OK, I see a few profiles like that on Tinder.

I'll be honest, I always assumed they were looking for hookups/dtf, but I haven't matched any yet so I can't say for sure. Maybe people are really using a square peg in a round hole.

I would wonder what kind of criteria they are using to meet these new friends.

I have seem those profiles too and I matched them, and they were DTF.

Maybe things are different if a girl say that, who knows.

July 12, 2016

Not sure, didn't really press it again. I didn't think anything positive would come of it via texting. Would only want to discuss it again when she's back or over the phone. Normally I try to have any of these types of convos either in person or over the phone.

If she intended to take it down, she probably would have flat-out said so. Sounds like she understands your feelings but is going to do what she wants to do anyway.

July 12, 2016

But she is doing things to make you feel this way??

What the??

I have seem those profiles too and I matched them, and they were DTF.
Maybe things are different if a girl say that, who knows.

Haha I don't think she's DTF. She's had sex with 2 guys her entire life. But I guess you never truly know.

I've hooked up with my fair share of girls from tinder and she's definitely not the "hook-up" type.

July 12, 2016

If she intended to take it down, she probably would have flat-out said so. Sounds like she understands your feelings but is going to do what she wants to do anyway.

Yeah, I agree with you. I don't really plan on bringing it up again until upon return though. Beating a dead horse doesn't solve anything when she's not here. Essentially I'll wait until she's back and assess then. I'm fully prepared to end things with her. I don't let people take advantage of me but at the same time my friends and sister have had legitimate uses of them when traveling.

July 12, 2016

She's only had sex with 2 people, trust me. It's not because I haven't tried.

My sister uses it to meet people to find places to go when she's in new places. That's what the girl I'm dating stated as well. I didn't downright tell her I knew she was using it but she was honest and that's all I can really ask now. I'll bring it up later when she's back and see if she is going to delete it.

QUOTE]

Okay, maybe it's because I have a migraine today that wont go away, but this caught my cynical eye. Are you sure your sister doesn't know more than she is letting on concerning your GF? I mean, maybe gf got the tinder / friends idea from your sister, or maybe she (sis) let slip to gf that this is how she gets away with meeting sexy foreign guys while she is away, and hubby is none the wiser? I don't know, it just seems more than coincidental that both women use tinder in such a nonstandard way? Has your sister brought it up to you lately? It could be that your gf has notified your sister that you are getting suspicious and is maybe asking her for advice to defuse the situation, and now your sister is gently going into damage control mode because if your gf gets busted, so does she... If it were true, it would totally suck as it would mean both your sister and the girlfriend are engaging in a conspiracy against you ...

July 12, 2016

She's only had sex with 2 people, trust me. It's not because I haven't tried.

My sister uses it to meet people to find places to go when she's in new places. That's what the girl I'm dating stated as well. I didn't downright tell her I knew she was using it but she was honest and that's all I can really ask now. I'll bring it up later when she's back and see if she is going to delete it.

QUOTE]

Okay, maybe it's because I have a migraine today that wont go away, but this caught my cynical eye. Are you sure your sister doesn't know more than she is letting on concerning your GF? I mean, maybe gf got the tinder / friends idea from your sister, or maybe she (sis) let slip to gf that this is how she gets away with meeting sexy foreign guys while she is away, and hubby is none the wiser? I don't know, it just seems more than coincidental that both women use tinder in such a nonstandard way? Has your sister brought it up to you lately? It could be that your gf has notified your sister that you are getting suspicious and is maybe asking her for advice to defuse the situation, and now your sister is gently going into damage control mode because if your gf gets busted, so does she... If it were true, it would totally suck as it would mean both your sister and the girlfriend are engaging in a conspiracy against you ...

Lol, that's some paranoid level **** right there. Definitely not the case, I live in Chicago and my family lives 500 hundred miles + away so I rarely go home. My sister doesn't even know her. I also knew my sister used tinder before this situation ever occurred.

July 14, 2016

Haha I don't think she's DTF. She's had sex with 2 guys her entire life. But I guess you never truly know.

I've hooked up with my fair share of girls from tinder and she's definitely not the "hook-up" type.

They are all the "hookup type" in the right place at the right time. She may just be wanting to sow her oats so to speak before settling down. I've known ladies that have gone wild for a while, had fun then settled with a guy none the wiser.

July 15, 2016

They are all the "hookup type" in the right place at the right time. She may just be wanting to sow her oats so to speak before settling down. I've known ladies that have gone wild for a while, had fun then settled with a guy none the wiser.

True, anything in life is possible. I would not discount that fact.

I have checked and she hasn't been active or distance location moved in a week so I am going to move on. Nothing more I can do from here and being upset won't help anything. She will return in 7 days and I can get a feeling of where things stand from there. She has been much better about communicating with me so I'll take that one as a pro.

Out of curiosity - do you all think I should respect our commitment of not seeing other people? There is another girl who wanted to see me this weekend, and not as friends. I go back and forth but I feel I should put her off until the girl I am dating returns.

July 15, 2016

There is an old saying: A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. Your GF is having her fun, why shouldn't you as well? Right now, she knows what she did pushed the line too far, too fast. She is in damage control mode. Right now, she is behaving in a way that is right out of the cheater's handbook> Chapter 12 "Keeping him fat, happy, and stupid so you can keep having your fun..." If you want to keep the potential future girlfriend candidate on the back burner while you confront your present girlfriend in a week, well, that is the ethical thing to do. But right now your present girlfriend is counting on your ethics to keep her as your future girlfriend as well...why be so predictable?

July 15, 2016

There is an old saying: A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. Your GF is having her fun, why shouldn't you as well? Right now, she knows what she did pushed the line too far, too fast. She is in damage control mode. Right now, she is behaving in a way that is right out of the cheater's handbook> Chapter 12 "Keeping him fat, happy, and stupid so you can keep having your fun..." If you want to keep the potential future girlfriend candidate on the back burner while you confront your present girlfriend in a week, well, that is the ethical thing to do. But right now your present girlfriend is counting on your ethics to keep her as your future girlfriend as well...why be so predictable?

Stringing someone along and keeping them on the back burner is never ethical. You're not taking the other girls feelings into consideration with this suggestion.

Also, two wrongs don't make a right. Cliched, but true.

July 15, 2016

Stringing someone along and keeping them on the back burner is never ethical. You're not taking the other girls feelings into consideration with this suggestion.

Also, two wrongs don't make a right. Cliched, but true.

Very true. I probably haven't been the best person as I've been stringing this other girl along as a plan B option just in case things didn't work out. She has also sent me explicit snapchats and made what she wants very clear.

I think I was a little annoyed with her lack of communication (what I perceived) before she left and after she left it was only magnified which led to me checking to see if she had been on tinder. Retrospectively I should of probably had a conversation with her about this before.

July 15, 2016

You gf sounds a lot like my ex. She doesn't seem to consider or care about how you would react to her actions before doing them.

I agree with JewelD, there shouldn't be a "BUT". If she realizes that her actions make you feel bad, she should stop if she cares about your feelings. I mean, we're not talking about a huge sacrifice here, she only has to find another mean to find friends abroad and there are plenty as others made clear.

The fact that she's not even willing to do this small little effort is saying a lot. It's basically saying "I don't want anyone in my life who will dictate what I should or shouldn't do. I'll do what I want. I hope it doesn't hurt your feelings but regardless, you'll have to deal with it.". That was my ex anyway. She wanted to keep her independence at all cost.

Is that the kind of relationship you want? I don't but you might. We all have different expectations.

July 15, 2016

You gf sounds a lot like my ex. She doesn't seem to consider or care about how you would react to her actions before doing them.

I agree with JewelD, there shouldn't be a "BUT". If she realizes that her actions make you feel bad, she should stop if she cares about your feelings. I mean, we're not talking about a huge sacrifice here, she only has to find another mean to find friends abroad and there are plenty as others made clear.

The fact that she's not even willing to do this small little effort is saying a lot. It's basically saying "I don't want anyone in my life who will dictate what I should or shouldn't do. I'll do what I want. I hope it doesn't hurt your feelings but regardless, you'll have to deal with it.". That was my ex anyway. She wanted to keep her independence at all cost.

Is that the kind of relationship you want? I don't but you might. We all have different expectations.

Agreed, I wouldn't want that kind of relationship either. Based off her phone call/text back and her previous actions, I can see why she doesn't think it is a big deal. Regardless, I am not going to press her on this while she isn't here and she hasn't given me reasons to not trust her.

I was broken up with once by a girl when I was on a dream vacation and it semi-ruined my trip. While she may not care if I did it at all, I wouldn't do that to someone else when I can just wait 6 days to have those uncomfortable convo's

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