MLP11 Posted July 10, 2016 Posted July 10, 2016 Hello Everyone, Been quite some time since I have posted on here! I was just curious what your thoughts were on tinder while traveling? Me and the girl I am dating have agreed to be being exclusive however I downloaded tinder (probably not a good idea) again to see if she had been logging and and found her profile active while she is traveling abroad with friends. She said she was in another country looking to meet people with her friends. What is everyone's thoughts on this? My sister who is engaged does this and seems to think it is not strange however most of my friends think this is not acceptable. What is your all thoughts? Facts: she is 23, I am 26. We've been dating around 4-5 months.
JewelD Posted July 10, 2016 Posted July 10, 2016 I don't travel much, but it does sound a bit weird. I'd imagine it's rather easy to meet new people when you're a tourist in a new place. I've always heard Tinder is basically a hook up app, so I wouldn't be on there looking for friends. Especially when I'm already traveling with friends. Do you suspect that she's lying and actually using it to meet new people to hook up with? It sounds like you don't trust her if you downloaded the app just to see if she was still on it. Idk if she's being honest with you or not, but there's obviously some trust issues going on that should be addressed now that you're exclusive.
Author MLP11 Posted July 10, 2016 Author Posted July 10, 2016 I mean, I would suspect she is using it while in Europe to meet new people, yes. I don't believe she is necessarily using it to meet people to "date" or "hook-up" with. I had the convo that I was deleting my dating apps and I thought we were both not going to be using them moving forward. I guess my big question is how can I bring this issue up without being accusatory? Obviously I re-downloaded it to find this info which is never the best thing to do.
JewelD Posted July 11, 2016 Posted July 11, 2016 Did you both agree to delete your accounts? and if you believe she's using it for friendly purposes, why bring it up at all? It will probably sound accusatory no matter how you phrase it and she might want to know how you know she still has it up since you said you were deleting it. I wouldn't bring it up unless you think she's lying.
Author MLP11 Posted July 11, 2016 Author Posted July 11, 2016 I told her I deleted my account, she said she doesn't use the app anymore however didn't say either way if she deleted it. I am moderately upset because I just feel lied to. I guess I just see it as non-trustworthy lying to me and using a dating/hookup app when abroad. Conversely, I would imagine she wouldn't be comfortable if me and my guy friends would do the same? Thanks for the recommendations though, I am definitely going to sleep on it to cool down before I make any decisions.
frus69 Posted July 11, 2016 Posted July 11, 2016 It would not be OK with me, and I'm confused why you are so scared to bring it up that you have to cool it down first? Be a man If my bf did that I'd just ask him point blank "why are you on it" I don't care if he asks me why am I on it, that's not even the point. You need to set up a boundary.
Author MLP11 Posted July 11, 2016 Author Posted July 11, 2016 not scared - just want to bring it up the right way so she can't try to pivot the blame. I told her I wanted to speak to her on the phone this week so we can discuss something. Will probably structure it around her friend using tinder which she told me, her friend wanted to meet a guy which she was upset about. Then point blank ask her if she is using it so I don't have to tell her I was snooping back on my tinder. Can also see if she will lie to me or tell me the truth as well. Any other suggestions?
TheBathWater Posted July 11, 2016 Posted July 11, 2016 You actually bought that she is using a hookup app to meet friends? Or that she is using her profile to hook her friends up? Dude, come on. Are you in a different country than her or a different planet? 4
bummer Posted July 11, 2016 Posted July 11, 2016 Dude. You're in a 5mo relationship with a girl who's doing her Euro trip now and only talk on the phone once a week? And she's active on tinder? Let me play connect the dots for you assuming some basic assumptions about her and you and her maturity are correct: It isn't that serious between you two (5 mo and you just had exclusive talk yet both are tindering). You said you wanted it to be serious (you made this thread about jealously over a 5mo old relationship), and she said ok to get you to shut up. She's doing Europe. When she returns, you'll have to ignore everything and pretend she's a new girl you're dating, or you need to end it now. As for confronting her, you'll lose. It's a catch22 checkmate for you to even bring it up since you're there too. Let it slide, or let her slide.
MissBee Posted July 11, 2016 Posted July 11, 2016 (edited) Why did you even feel the need to check up on her on Tinder? That's the sign of a problem to me, as it never occurred to me in my relationships (where we met online) to check online while they were here or away whether or not they were logging on. We both at some point decided to delete our profiles and left it at that. I of course cannot control if they log on or not, but there was enough trust there where I wasn't even the least bit curious to log in and see. The weirdest part when people do this is that you have to be logged in too to see if they are logged in...so how does either of you prove that you are "innocent of wrongdoings"? I mean she could easily be logging in to check if you are logged in and if you're logged in to check if she is, all you both will see is that both of you have been active on there and can both make the assumption that each of you is fooling around. In any event, I don't look for people to meet online when I travel, but I have heard of people doing this in a platonic way. The greater issue here is trust and if she's given you reason to believe she is untrustworthy or not. Edited July 11, 2016 by MissBee 1
TheBathWater Posted July 11, 2016 Posted July 11, 2016 In any event, I don't look for people to meet online when I travel, but I have heard of people doing this in a platonic way. The greater issue here is trust and if she's given you reason to believe she is untrustworthy or not. Exactly. And anyone looking for platonic friends should not be spending time with the opposite sex. It just sounds like flirting with danger to me (but then again, for cheaters, that is exactly the appeal - the "cheater's high"). She is 23 years old. That is young, and she is probably immature. If you're feeling untrustworthy of her due to past behaviors on her part (either with you or some other guy) then that's a warning sign this ship won't sail long. It may be for the best if she's a risk for hurting guys. And IME, most people will only snoop when they "have a feeling" that this is happening. Sadly, in many cases, it seems to turn out to be true. 1
longjohn Posted July 11, 2016 Posted July 11, 2016 Hello Everyone, Been quite some time since I have posted on here! I was just curious what your thoughts were on tinder while traveling? Me and the girl I am dating have agreed to be being exclusive however I downloaded tinder (probably not a good idea) again to see if she had been logging and and found her profile active while she is traveling abroad with friends. She said she was in another country looking to meet people with her friends. What is everyone's thoughts on this? My sister who is engaged does this and seems to think it is not strange however most of my friends think this is not acceptable. What is your all thoughts? Facts: she is 23, I am 26. We've been dating around 4-5 months. She's looking to bang other guys she may have said she wanted to be exclusive but her actions clearly demonstrate she wants more than you. I think it's time you shopped for another girlfriend. There's lot out there an plenty your age that are done playing childish games. 1
CarrieT Posted July 11, 2016 Posted July 11, 2016 I don't believe she is necessarily using it to meet people to "date" or "hook-up" with. Why would you NOT think that she is using a hook-up app to "just meet people?" :rolleyes: 5
Author MLP11 Posted July 11, 2016 Author Posted July 11, 2016 Overall she is someone who I see as being trustworthy. My sister is also married and uses tinder when abroad to find the fun places to go and never actually meets anyone. As an update: I asked to speak with her sometime this week and she called me tonight. Asked if her friend met up with the person from tinder and she informed me no, I asked whether or not she has been using it and she said yes and said she would never do anything bad and is only interested in seeing me. I explained that she told me she wouldn't be using the dating apps as conversely I will be in Europe a month later and she said she understood. It's not even so much as using Tinder that bothers me, it just shows dishonesty which I really do not like. I have never rushed into anything and she was the one who brought up being exclusive so this is why I was bothered. I didn't force anything on her before she left whatsoever. Regardless, I will let the topic go for now and won't discuss until she is back and can have a better conversation with her. Thanks for all your responses / input. Some a little more aggressive than others 1
ManyDissapoint Posted July 11, 2016 Posted July 11, 2016 (edited) The problem with using Tinder under the auspices of finding friends is that it's virtually indistinguishable from using Tinder in order to find someone who you're more attracted to than your current partner. This is emotional intelligence 101 and to me she has already failed, be it from ignorance or maleficence. Does she sound like the kind of person who would write on a relationship forum to ask opinions of others out of an empathetic desire to consider her partner's perspective? Edited July 11, 2016 by ManyDissapoint
Justanaverageguy Posted July 11, 2016 Posted July 11, 2016 I don't believe she is necessarily using it to meet people to "date" or "hook-up" with. Its a dating and hookup app. Its not a friend finder. Guys on there are looking to bang \ date girls ..... the are the guys your girl would be talking with. If she is looking for friends or people to hangout with you use a different app. EG: Meetup, Couch surfing or something else similar. Cut this one loose. 1
LoveIsMyReligion Posted July 11, 2016 Posted July 11, 2016 Not only are you lying to yourself, but now that you've confronted her about it you look jealous and clingy to her. You can bend over backwards to try and keep this girl and lose your self respect in the process. In the long run she will find someone who doesn't put up with her BS and respect him for that, and want to be with them. Nobody wants to date a pushover. Stand up for yourself. Be a man. Ignore this girl and move on. #BeenThereDoneThat
joseb Posted July 11, 2016 Posted July 11, 2016 She is using tinder to find the good places to go? That's one of the funniest things I've heard!! OP if you genuinely are that naive, then none of the responses here are going to help you. 3
longjohn Posted July 11, 2016 Posted July 11, 2016 Tinder is a hookup app, I'm sorry man but if your gf is on it and actively using it she's looking to hookup. As a guy if I were on it.. unknown to me found a lady with a bf I'd assume she's available and wants to get together and see some of the cool spots around town. One of those cool places being my bedroom. Regardless of what she's saying you should bear in mind her actions are saying otherwise. To ignore those actions and believe her is at best foolish.
Author MLP11 Posted July 11, 2016 Author Posted July 11, 2016 She is using tinder to find the good places to go? That's one of the funniest things I've heard!! OP if you genuinely are that naive, then none of the responses here are going to help you. That was my sister who said that, and she is married. Lots of negative people on here I see (hah), I didn't think it was unreasonable to have a conversation with her about it. The intent, is obviously a different story but that would be a convo I would have when she is back. Obviously if she isn't going to respect me, that is not something I am interested in participating in and would end the relationship. I would rather have an honest conversation with her before I would end it. I would hope she would do the same for me if there was an issue related to this. 1
bummer Posted July 11, 2016 Posted July 11, 2016 Feel free to update us when she returns and you two are back together. Also, let us know how your sister's marriage works out with her on tinder meeting "friends." We're all just negative with reality, man.
Author MLP11 Posted July 11, 2016 Author Posted July 11, 2016 Feel free to update us when she returns and you two are back together. Also, let us know how your sister's marriage works out with her on tinder meeting "friends." We're all just negative with reality, man. For sure, I don't think she (girlfriend) is the one to be into random hookups...we haven't even had sex (she wants to wait as she sees this as being very important), her number of sexual partners is also very low (under 5). She texted me after the phone call and also said she didn't want anyone else than me and apologized if she made me feel uncomfortable. Regarding my sister, her marriage has been largely positive. She has always been a world traveler (speaks Spanish as she study abroad for 2 years) and he chooses not to travel with her so she meets friends globally. When she is in new countries she uses tinder as a means to find the "fun spots" or bars to go to for nightlife.
PerryK Posted July 11, 2016 Posted July 11, 2016 Its like saying you only went to an orgy to network. She is using an app that is used for hooking up with members of the opposite sex that you can only talk if you both think each other are hot enough to say yes to. She is travelling around the world, checking out the hot guys on this app and matching them to chat to...make friends? 3
Author MLP11 Posted July 11, 2016 Author Posted July 11, 2016 Its like saying you only went to an orgy to network. She is using an app that is used for hooking up with members of the opposite sex that you can only talk if you both think each other are hot enough to say yes to. She is travelling around the world, checking out the hot guys on this app and matching them to chat to...make friends? For the girl I am dating, I can't comment on her means. I can only take her at her word. For my sister, she isn't specifically looking for long-term friends. She is looking to meet people and ask them questions about the city and never actually meets them. It allows her to find places / things to do around the city. EDIT: because I know people will ask, she is 30.
Jabron1 Posted July 11, 2016 Posted July 11, 2016 LOL She's almost daring you to go out with other women. Do it. Don't be a p*ssy. Your 'exclusive talk' was a load of crap. I'd do whatever I liked
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