venusinlibra Posted July 10, 2016 Posted July 10, 2016 The guy always opens the door for me, listens, and has done things that he hates, but knows I like them. But he goes in cycles. He'll only come around every five to seven days and now it's been nine days, although he said it would be around a week before calling, because of his family reunion that he's dreading. It's almost as if he can't keep his good mask on, which is why he don't see me more often. There's a cycle during our three months. He is all sweet, we get close, and he either pulls away, or is a complete jerk to me on his boat around his friends. Last week, he helped other females in the boat, but not me. He was not affectionate and refused to swim with me. Instead, he jept giving me drinks to the point where I was drunk, and he then ordered me to go get in the lake alone and didn't even give me a life jacket. This lake is big and deep, and known as the deadliest lake in the USA. Six people who were good swimmers drowned that weekend. Later on, he asked me about movie options and whenever I spoke, he would interrupt me and say "it only requires a yes or no answer. Now, yes or no?" Will I ever hear from him again? Is he abusive or just insecure?
ExpatInItaly Posted July 10, 2016 Posted July 10, 2016 Why do you want to hear from him again? He doesn't respect you. This is not insecurity whatsoever. He's also not very interested in you, but I gather you knew that already, given how sporadically he is in touch. Forget him and move on. 1
Zahara Posted July 10, 2016 Posted July 10, 2016 Will I ever hear from him again? Is he abusive or just insecure? Who cares whether it's abuse or insecurity? Why would you want to be around someone that treats you worse than crap? He gets you drunk and tells you to go jump off? Where's your self-respect? Is this all you think you deserve? 2
JewelD Posted July 10, 2016 Posted July 10, 2016 Both. But you need to move on instead of trying to pinpoint what's wrong with him. Why was he trying to get you into the lake while you were drunk? Was he trying to get you to drown or something?? Very odd. He's playing with you. If a man tells you he's not going to contact you for a week, RUN. Why does a family reunion mean he can't talk to you for a week? It doesn't. He's dating other people and doesn't want you to bother him until he's ready for you. Run. Run fast and far. 1
smackie9 Posted July 10, 2016 Posted July 10, 2016 The guy is a psychopath. What the hell are you doing??? This guy wouldn't last a minute with me. Do you lack self worth? are you very insecure? because if you are, this is the type of person an abuser looks for...someone they can control. Get the F away from him before he puts you in anymore danger. He is sick in the head! 2
Author venusinlibra Posted July 10, 2016 Author Posted July 10, 2016 I'm so thankful for your responses. Keep them coming, please. Each word gets me stronger.... I guess the longer I'm around him, the more it eroded my self-worth. I wrote another thread about him back in April....i seemed stronger then. I had journaled about self-respect and even tried to end things with him very early on. This guy even made fun of how I cut and ate my steak!!! I've been very vulnerable lately because of some major life traumas I'm dealing with on my own. So I guess this is part of it.... I was so drunk that I didn't even know how awful he was on the boat. Bits and pieces are coming back to me. The overwhelming majority is about how sinister it is that he: 1. Refused to go in lake with me 2. Kept getting me to drink (even opening beer cans and putting them in my hand after I said no) 3. Ordered me to get in lake alone * while drunk * without a life jacket 4. Doing all of this knowing the lake (which is bigger and deeper than most rivers) has a reputation for being deadly. Good swimmers have even drowned while wearing life jackets!! Wonder if he was trying to drown me? I don't have to worry about dying in my sleep, because he won't let me sleep over because I kept him up with my tossing and turning the two nights I stayed over. Who wouldn't have trouble sleeping in the bed of a strange man? I just want him to pop up so that I can reject him. Do you think he will? He never even got sex yet.
smackie9 Posted July 10, 2016 Posted July 10, 2016 Dear it's time to just walk away. There is no reward to communicating with him...in fact I would say it's down right dangerous to have any contact. Next, please seek out a therapist. You definitely need some guidance in your life right now, and I don't think you can do it on your own.
losangelena Posted July 10, 2016 Posted July 10, 2016 I'm so thankful for your responses. Keep them coming, please. Each word gets me stronger.... I guess the longer I'm around him, the more it eroded my self-worth. I wrote another thread about him back in April....i seemed stronger then. I had journaled about self-respect and even tried to end things with him very early on. This guy even made fun of how I cut and ate my steak!!! I've been very vulnerable lately because of some major life traumas I'm dealing with on my own. So I guess this is part of it.... I was so drunk that I didn't even know how awful he was on the boat. Bits and pieces are coming back to me. The overwhelming majority is about how sinister it is that he: 1. Refused to go in lake with me 2. Kept getting me to drink (even opening beer cans and putting them in my hand after I said no) 3. Ordered me to get in lake alone * while drunk * without a life jacket 4. Doing all of this knowing the lake (which is bigger and deeper than most rivers) has a reputation for being deadly. Good swimmers have even drowned while wearing life jackets!! Wonder if he was trying to drown me? I don't have to worry about dying in my sleep, because he won't let me sleep over because I kept him up with my tossing and turning the two nights I stayed over. Who wouldn't have trouble sleeping in the bed of a strange man? I just want him to pop up so that I can reject him. Do you think he will? He never even got sex yet. How exactly did he "order" you in the lake? You're an autonomous adult, you don't have to do what he says (or drink til getting drunk, either). Who cares if he's insecure, he sounds like a ****head. The better question is why are you taking his BS? 2
BaileyB Posted July 10, 2016 Posted July 10, 2016 You shouldn't need a list of responses. Stand up for yourself and dump this guy - even you think he treats you badly. That should be enough. My goodness... 2
Zahara Posted July 10, 2016 Posted July 10, 2016 I just want him to pop up so that I can reject him. Do you think he will? He never even got sex yet. You need to walk away and stop trying to power play this -- he has the upper hand here so it would be in your best interest to do the mature thing and prioritize your self-worth by blocking him and moving on. If none of us knocked you upside the head, you'd still be sitting there pining waiting for his return. So, no, you're not capable of rejecting him, and you failed once already -- so best to be safe by cutting him out of your life. 1
JewelD Posted July 10, 2016 Posted July 10, 2016 I'm so thankful for your responses. Keep them coming, please. Each word gets me stronger.... I guess the longer I'm around him, the more it eroded my self-worth. I wrote another thread about him back in April....i seemed stronger then. I had journaled about self-respect and even tried to end things with him very early on. This guy even made fun of how I cut and ate my steak!!! I've been very vulnerable lately because of some major life traumas I'm dealing with on my own. So I guess this is part of it.... I was so drunk that I didn't even know how awful he was on the boat. Bits and pieces are coming back to me. The overwhelming majority is about how sinister it is that he: 1. Refused to go in lake with me 2. Kept getting me to drink (even opening beer cans and putting them in my hand after I said no) 3. Ordered me to get in lake alone * while drunk * without a life jacket 4. Doing all of this knowing the lake (which is bigger and deeper than most rivers) has a reputation for being deadly. Good swimmers have even drowned while wearing life jackets!! Wonder if he was trying to drown me? I don't have to worry about dying in my sleep, because he won't let me sleep over because I kept him up with my tossing and turning the two nights I stayed over. Who wouldn't have trouble sleeping in the bed of a strange man? I just want him to pop up so that I can reject him. Do you think he will? He never even got sex yet. So did you actually get in the lake? He's a jerk but you need to take a little responsibility for your choices as well. Just bc a man puts a drink in your hand doesn't mean you need to drink it. In fact, it usually means you SHOULDN'T drink it. He may have wanted to get you drunk so he could take advantage of you. And you chose to sleep in a bed with him, so you didn't think he was that strange. I think you should address the trauma going on in your life that made you think this situation was acceptable at any point in time. I'm not trying to be harsh, because I've been there. Damn near every woman has been there, where you don't know what you deserve so you put up with bs. and it's always easier to tell someone else they're putting up with bs than it is to see the bs yourself sometimes. He may pop back up, but you shouldn't be waiting for it. Delete and block him on everything, for your own safety and well-being.
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