ChickiePops Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 Also...as you said, actions speak louder than words. If you truly thought he loved you, you wouldn't be scared to challenge him. The truth is that you're petrified because you know deep down that he actually doesn't want to be with you, so you use threats and blackmail to keep him on a leash rather than attempting to have a real relationship. Nothing he does are the actions of a man in love. They are the actions of a man who loves his child and would do anything, including putting up with an abusive baby mama, to protect his relationship with his child. Eventually this will all catch up with you.
elaine567 Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 Only when he has been there hours. He would happily sit all day. He probably spends more time at parents now than when he actually lived there. Do you get on with his parents?
Author Whatdoido225 Posted July 13, 2016 Author Posted July 13, 2016 Do you get on with his parents? Yeah we get on,talk to he's mum on the phone sometimes. He has told me when drunk that she doesn't even like me,but I know that's the drink talking.
Author Whatdoido225 Posted July 13, 2016 Author Posted July 13, 2016 So not only are you holding him hostage by threatening to take his daughter away from him (legally, you can't do that by the way, and he's stupid if he doesn't know this or at least try to do some research), but you are also using your knowledge of his past (i.e. His dad leaving) to threaten him. You realize that if you did, by some miracle, succeed in getting full custody of your daughter that you'd be punishing her too if you kept her from her father, right? Do you care at all? I've never threatened him with anything. It's never been discussed him ever leaving. But that's what would happen..if he doesn't live here he would see her on weekends as he works weekly. I know he doesn't want to be like he's dad,I think he realised when he was having he's affair he was turning into him and that scared him. The first three years I know 100% he never cheated on me. I think I became a habit,a comfort blanket But you make the best of it
elaine567 Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 Yeah we get on,talk to he's mum on the phone sometimes. He has told me when drunk that she doesn't even like me,but I know that's the drink talking. Can you not go all as a family to spend hours with the parents? That way you are not being the angry gf at home ringing constantly to get him out of there.
ChickiePops Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 Yeah we get on,talk to he's mum on the phone sometimes. He has told me when drunk that she doesn't even like me,but I know that's the drink talking. Or he's being honest with you because he's uninhibited when he's drunk. I can't with this conversation anymore. This is sick. You are abusive and you will get your comeuppance someday. Sadly though, your daughters will suffer the most from this. I'm out. 6
Author Whatdoido225 Posted July 13, 2016 Author Posted July 13, 2016 Can you not go all as a family to spend hours with the parents? That way you are not being the angry gf at home ringing constantly to get him out of there. I do go sometimes with him but Wednesday night he goes with the youngest and they have the dinner there. I get on with washing etc and cleaning. He likes going out with her on he's own.
MJJean Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 Yeah we get on,talk to he's mum on the phone sometimes. He has told me when drunk that she doesn't even like me,but I know that's the drink talking. Don't be so sure. I'm a mother to a son. I'd absolutely LOATHE the woman that deceived him about BC, got knocked up to trap him, and makes his life a misery. I'd play nice with her in order to keep the peace and see my grandchild, but inside? I'd be dying to hit her with a cast iron pan. Repeatedly. 3
elaine567 Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 I do go sometimes with him but Wednesday night he goes with the youngest and they have the dinner there. I get on with washing etc and cleaning. He likes going out with her on he's own. OK so why are ringing and ringing, leave him be. 2
cocorico Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 OP, is your younger daughter's father (I won't call him your BF, since you clearly have no relationship other than baby-daddy / baby-mother, despite him living in a room in your house) named as her father on her birth certificate? I'm guessing you live in the UK from things you've written (though it's hard to tell if English is your first language - perhaps you do not have legal right to remain, and he does, and that is why you are so keen to keep him around?) If he is named as he father on her birth certificate, he has "parental responsibility" and thus has as many rights to her as you do. Which means, if he were to leave, he could apply for primary custody and have just as much chance of getting it as you. You do realise this, don't you? That if he split, he could simply take her with him. And you'd be the one having to beg for access. And, since he's the one earning the money, the courts may well rule that he's in a better position to provide for her than you are. Especially once he gets back together with the woman he loves - or, his next GF - where he can provide a proper family environment for her, rather than the dysfunctional "home" you have going. I hope his parents are telling him this. The poor kid deserves a better shot at a happy home life than what she's getting. As for the older daughter - I'm not surprised her father committed suicide. You're driving your younger daughter's father in that direction, too. Please seek help. You owe it to your daughters. 2
Author Whatdoido225 Posted July 13, 2016 Author Posted July 13, 2016 OP, is your younger daughter's father (I won't call him your BF, since you clearly have no relationship other than baby-daddy / baby-mother, despite him living in a room in your house) named as her father on her birth certificate? I'm guessing you live in the UK from things you've written (though it's hard to tell if English is your first language - perhaps you do not have legal right to remain, and he does, and that is why you are so keen to keep him around?) If he is named as he father on her birth certificate, he has "parental responsibility" and thus has as many rights to her as you do. Which means, if he were to leave, he could apply for primary custody and have just as much chance of getting it as you. You do realise this, don't you? That if he split, he could simply take her with him. And you'd be the one having to beg for access. And, since he's the one earning the money, the courts may well rule that he's in a better position to provide for her than you are. Especially once he gets back together with the woman he loves - or, his next GF - where he can provide a proper family environment for her, rather than the dysfunctional "home" you have going. I hope his parents are telling him this. The poor kid deserves a better shot at a happy home life than what she's getting. As for the older daughter - I'm not surprised her father committed suicide. You're driving your younger daughter's father in that direction, too. Please seek help. You owe it to your daughters. Yes we are English. He is named on her birth certificate and my daughter has he's last name but in the uk it's a known fact that women have all the rights when it comes to legal rights regarding children. My friend lets her kids dad see them twice on a weekend and that's after he took her to court for access.
SoulCat Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 Yes we are English. OT, but you might want to brush up on your spelling. You keep using 'he's' when you actually mean 'his'. in the uk it's a known fact that women have all the rights when it comes to legal rights regarding children. Less and less so actually. The family courts are getting a lot better in recognising the fact that the father has equal rights to the child, and an equal say in its upbringing. If your 'boyfriend' has the means to retain a good solicitor, he will most likely get more than what you bargained for. You on the other hand, will have to retain one yourself and on a paltry 16 hrs a week shop job, that's going to be tough. Either way, the fact that you are are willing to hold access to his daughter like Damocles' sword over his head is really, really appalling. Can you not see that you are harming your daughter? 3
Lady Hamilton Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 (edited) You got pregnant to trap him, now you're plotting how to keep him there by stealing away his rights with his own children. As far as I am concerned, you have no right to be upset over anything he does to you, short of physical abuse. Your behavior is at least as bad and I'd argue lightyears worse than a stupid affair he had on you. Straight up... Your behavior is abusive towards him. This is what you wanted. A guy who doesn't love you and just wants to be there for his kids as best he can. A man who'd rather be with his family, his friends, or alone as opposed to you. A man who hasn't committed to you and won't commit to you. A man who, when he sees a glimmer of what he wants and deserves in another person, will go for it... And eventually, he'll leave you for her. And you'll be a disaster of lashing out and bad behavior to try and whip him into line and you'll hurt nobody but yourself and the kids. This is what youre cultivating, so this is what you're getting. Enjoy it. You've said you don't care if he loves you or not, as long as he stays. You'll never leave and you'll never let him leave. Celebrate getting somebody who doesn't love you as your uncommitted life partner for as long as he is weak enough to deal with it. Hopefully he doesn't think his only way to escape you and your manipulation is to cut ties with his kids... And I'm betting there's another "accident" happening shortly to whip him into line again. When you finally want to deal things, you will tell him what you did by trapping him with a baby, and that you know he had at least one affair. Until then, there's not much else to say. God help you when he realizes the best way to be a parent to those kids is to get out of this toxic and abusivd relationship. Edited July 13, 2016 by Lady Hamilton 2
Author Whatdoido225 Posted July 13, 2016 Author Posted July 13, 2016 You got pregnant to trap him, now you're plotting how to keep him there by stealing away his rights with his own children. As far as I am concerned, you have no right to be upset over anything he does to you, short of physical abuse. Your behavior is at least as bad and I'd argue lightyears worse than a stupid affair he had on you. Straight up... Your behavior is abusive towards him. This is what you wanted. A guy who doesn't love you and just wants to be there for his kids as best he can. A man who'd rather be with his family, his friends, or alone as opposed to you. A man who hasn't committed to you and won't commit to you. A man who, when he sees a glimmer of what he wants and deserves in another person, will go for it... And eventually, he'll leave you for her. And you'll be a disaster of lashing out and bad behavior to try and whip him into line and you'll hurt nobody but yourself and the kids. This is what youre cultivating, so this is what you're getting. Enjoy it. You've said you don't care if he loves you or not, as long as he stays. You'll never leave and you'll never let him leave. Celebrate getting somebody who doesn't love you as your uncommitted life partner for as long as he is weak enough to deal with it. Hopefully he doesn't think his only way to escape you and your manipulation is to cut ties with his kids... And I'm betting there's another "accident" happening shortly to whip him into line again. When you finally want to deal things, you will tell him what you did by trapping him with a baby, and that you know he had at least one affair. Until then, there's not much else to say. God help you when he realizes the best way to be a parent to those kids is to get out of this toxic and abusivd relationship. He wouldn't ever cut ties with kids. I know you don't believe me but I do think one of the reasons he stayed was for me not just for kids. I don't think all them years together and he had no feelings for me. Your entitled to your own opinion tho.
66Charger Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 What is disturbing, is that the first father committed suicide. I wonder how long it was between the suicide and her latching on to the "bf" This father is on that path also. Drinking himself to death. He will wake up one day and feel his life is nothing. Then something will happen. He will leave. Her or this planet. The women here have made.a noble effort, however this OP, can not be saved. She will not listen. She will not turn. She killed one man and has no problem with killing another, for her benefit. Some people are just that way. This family is in desperate need of prayer or a intervention. Our hope can only be that his parents see the damage to their son, and make a strong move. For the father. For their grandchild. And maybe for the OP as well. Soon.
MJJean Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 He wouldn't ever cut ties with kids. I know you don't believe me but I do think one of the reasons he stayed was for me not just for kids. I don't think all them years together and he had no feelings for me. Your entitled to your own opinion tho. I was married to my exH, not dating, not BF/GF, for nearly 8 years. Absolutely had zero feelings besides resentment and dislike for him. I was there for DD1 and DD2. Period. Never assume amount of time together equals fondness. Look, you're going to keep this pathetic shell of a man around until he either commits suicide out of despair or finds his spine, man's up, gets an attorney, and gets himself out of the miserable situation he's in. No one here is going to tell you what you want to hear. It's obvious the man doesn't love you and doesn't want to be with you and is only tolerating your presence in his life for the sake of the kids. And, deep down, you know it or you wouldn't be here. Ahh, but never mind. It's all about what you want and what you delude yourself into believing. I have rarely said this, but I will say it now. I don't think he did anything wrong cheating on you. I think he was absolutely justified in his actions. He told you he didn't love you. You deceived him into impregnating you in order to trap him. You selfishly lied and then stole his life and you're well aware that you make him miserable, yet you continue on threatening him with his deep fear of not being able to split and still be a good dad to his daughters. I think he deserves whatever happiness he can find behind your back until he gets brave enough to walk out. 1
Author Whatdoido225 Posted July 13, 2016 Author Posted July 13, 2016 What is disturbing, is that the first father committed suicide. I wonder how long it was between the suicide and her latching on to the "bf" This father is on that path also. Drinking himself to death. He will wake up one day and feel his life is nothing. Then something will happen. He will leave. Her or this planet. The women here have made.a noble effort, however this OP, can not be saved. She will not listen. She will not turn. She killed one man and has no problem with killing another, for her benefit. Some people are just that way. This family is in desperate need of prayer or a intervention. Our hope can only be that his parents see the damage to their son, and make a strong move. For the father. For their grandchild. And maybe for the OP as well. Soon. My first Childs dad commited suicide because he was depressed and stupidly turned to drugs. You've all made your presumptions about me and that's fair enough If I was on the outside looking in I might even think the same. 1
ChickiePops Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 Last question from me. Why are you so willing to hurt your daughter to get back at her father?
Author Whatdoido225 Posted July 13, 2016 Author Posted July 13, 2016 I was married to my exH, not dating, not BF/GF, for nearly 8 years. Absolutely had zero feelings besides resentment and dislike for him. I was there for DD1 and DD2. Period. Never assume amount of time together equals fondness. Look, you're going to keep this pathetic shell of a man around until he either commits suicide out of despair or finds his spine, man's up, gets an attorney, and gets himself out of the miserable situation he's in. No one here is going to tell you what you want to hear. It's obvious the man doesn't love you and doesn't want to be with you and is only tolerating your presence in his life for the sake of the kids. And, deep down, you know it or you wouldn't be here. Ahh, but never mind. It's all about what you want and what you delude yourself into believing. I have rarely said this, but I will say it now. I don't think he did anything wrong cheating on you. I think he was absolutely justified in his actions. He told you he didn't love you. You deceived him into impregnating you in order to trap him. You selfishly lied and then stole his life and you're well aware that you make him miserable, yet you continue on threatening him with his deep fear of not being able to split and still be a good dad to his daughters. I think he deserves whatever happiness he can find behind your back until he gets brave enough to walk out. Why did he get back together with me after his gf dumped him,he told me he still loves me..if he didn't he shouldn't of got back together. Before he got pregnant he was emotionally involved with the OW why didn't he get the balls to end it with me and get with her? Instead he cheated on me and continued to pine after her. Yes fair enough he ended it again but rather than get back together when I told him I was pregnant he should of told me he had fallen for someone else. Why string me along? Why sleep with another woman when I'm sat at home with our child. Why tell another woman you love them then come home to me and drink your self stupid and be miserable every day. He was weak.
SoulCat Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 My first Childs dad commited suicide because he was depressed and stupidly turned to drugs. And your second child's father is depressed and stupidly (though understandably) turned to alcohol. Same.damn.difference. 1
Author Whatdoido225 Posted July 13, 2016 Author Posted July 13, 2016 Last question from me. Why are you so willing to hurt your daughter to get back at her father? I'm not hurting her. I would never do that. She's a happy little girl,who is loved. We never have arguments in front of her. She's well cared for and never wants for a thing and she is loved by us both.
Author Whatdoido225 Posted July 13, 2016 Author Posted July 13, 2016 And your second child's father is depressed and stupidly (though understandably) turned to alcohol. Same.damn.difference. I get the impression your thinking that's because of me. My boyfriend drank a LOT before he moved in with me. Times he was that drunk he couldn't move off the floor and wet himself.
ChickiePops Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 I'm not hurting her. I would never do that. She's a happy little girl,who is loved. We never have arguments in front of her. She's well cared for and never wants for a thing and she is loved by us both. Taking her away from her father would hurt her. So yes, you are very willing to hurt her. Why don't you love her enough to let her see her daddy if he leaves you? 1
Author Whatdoido225 Posted July 13, 2016 Author Posted July 13, 2016 Taking her away from her father would hurt her. So yes, you are very willing to hurt her. Why don't you love her enough to let her see her daddy if he leaves you? That's not happening tho. At this moment in time she has a live in dad. Who she sees daily. In all honesty if he left and got with the other women is it really fair to leave me alone with his flesh and blood? What I'm trying to say is what man would abandon his child for a woman and that's what he would do.
ChickiePops Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 That's not happening tho. At this moment in time she has a live in dad. Who she sees daily. In all honesty if he left and got with the other women is it really fair to leave me alone with his flesh and blood? What I'm trying to say is what man would abandon his child for a woman and that's what he would do. When he does leave you, why don't you love her enough to let her father see her? This is what joint custody is for.
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