Author Whatdoido225 Posted July 12, 2016 Author Posted July 12, 2016 I've always read on forums like this. Men's words and actions are two things. He might of roof other woman he couldn't leave because of kids and made out he loved her but he's actions were to end it and stay with me. I read on ow forum that its actions you believe and not words.
Zahara Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 I've always read on forums like this. Men's words and actions are two things. He might of roof other woman he couldn't leave because of kids and made out he loved her but he's actions were to end it and stay with me. I read on ow forum that its actions you believe and not words. Stay with his daughter. You've heard of partners staying for the kids. This is just another one of those stories. Just like my mom stayed with my cheating and abusive father -- for the kids. Just like my girlfriend who is staying with her cheating husband -- for the boys. Just like my colleague who is staying with his wife and cheating because he doesn't love her -- for the kids. Is there love - nope. 3
MJJean Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 He was having he's "affair" before I even got pregnant so it certainly wasn't the traps of the baby that pushed him to do it. He had the affair because he WANTED to be with the OW. He ended the affair because he couldn't move forward with her if it meant losing his children. He is currently with you because you lied and manipulated him into getting you pregnant so that you could trap him. He DOES NOT WANT to be with you and being with you has turned him into a miserable, depressed, alcoholic who hides in attics. What part of these facts do you not understand? You keep repeating the same tripe over and over. Either you are baiting us for reaction or you're a lost cause. Good luck. 2
Lady Hamilton Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 Maybe he realised he's feelings for me We don't know what goes on in he's head. But you do know. If he realized he had feelings for you, he would have said "I'm ending this because I live my girlfriend," as many men in similar situations do. But he didn't. He said he was ending it to focus on his child. He nad clear to her, and you, he has no feelings for you. You even said that if it weren't for the baby, he'd be gone. Are you on birth control or are you planning another "accident"? Will you tell him that you intentionally got pregnant to keep him from leaving? 1
Author Whatdoido225 Posted July 12, 2016 Author Posted July 12, 2016 But you do know. If he realized he had feelings for you, he would have said "I'm ending this because I live my girlfriend," as many men in similar situations do. But he didn't. He said he was ending it to focus on his child. He nad clear to her, and you, he has no feelings for you. You even said that if it weren't for the baby, he'd be gone. Are you on birth control or are you planning another "accident"? Will you tell him that you intentionally got pregnant to keep him from leaving? No I don't want any more children. 2 is enough
Lady Hamilton Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 No I don't want any more children. 2 is enough And are you going to tell him what you did? Getting pregnant to keep him? 1
Author Whatdoido225 Posted July 12, 2016 Author Posted July 12, 2016 And are you going to tell him what you did? Getting pregnant to keep him? I don't think it would matter now anyway. She is here,he loves her and wouldn't change Him staying. I don't even think he would be angry now. What's done is done. Thanks for your advice anyway
ChickiePops Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 I've always read on forums like this. Men's words and actions are two things. He might of roof other woman he couldn't leave because of kids and made out he loved her but he's actions were to end it and stay with me. I read on ow forum that its actions you believe and not words. The way you describe him here, he sounds utterly miserable. His actions were more likely to stay with his daughter. Again, that's no excuse to cheat, cheating is disgusting and it's never ok, and despite my other opinions about your situation, I am sorry that he did that. But since you refuse to do anything about it, you're basically condoning the cheating..so it obviously doesn't bother you that much.
Lady Hamilton Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 I don't think it would matter now anyway. She is here,he loves her and wouldn't change Him staying. I don't even think he would be angry now. What's done is done. Thanks for your advice anyway So if it doesn't matter, why not tell him?
OneLov Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 OP, The fact you've previously stated you will stay with him regardless of if he loves you or not, what does this all matter? Does it really matter what he is feeling? You basically told us he is staying because of your daughter and provide ample facts to support that statement. But you want us to tell you that what you have described to us cannot be true--it's all a bad dream. Whether it's true or not, you said you are staying. So other than masochistic gratification, why are you concerned?
Author Whatdoido225 Posted July 12, 2016 Author Posted July 12, 2016 OP, The fact you've previously stated you will stay with him regardless of if he loves you or not, what does this all matter? Does it really matter what he is feeling? You basically told us he is staying because of your daughter and provide ample facts to support that statement. But you want us to tell you that what you have described to us cannot be true--it's all a bad dream. Whether it's true or not, you said you are staying. So other than masochistic gratification, why are you concerned? I don't know. I want to believe that he had no feelings for her and it was all lies and that he is in love with me ...in a ideal world. I'm feeling very lonely at the minute. Strange how someone can be here but not here at the same time.
ChickiePops Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 I don't know. I want to believe that he had no feelings for her and it was all lies and that he is in love with me ...in a ideal world. I'm feeling very lonely at the minute. Strange how someone can be here but not here at the same time. That's the thing though. If you don't bring anything out into the open then you'll always be wondering. Right now, YOU have all the information but HE does not. How can you expect to have a good relationship with him when he doesn't have all the facts about his own life? Including (but not limited to) the fact that you are fully aware of his cheating? Everything everyone here is saying is all speculation, including you. If you don't confront him, you will NEVER know if he loves you or not.
Lady2163 Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 I know my comment was harsh by saying she's quite unlovable. I debated on whether or not to say the softer "your actions are unlovable." But the truth is if this woman had done this to my cousin, nephew, son or male friend....or if I was friends with this woman and knew this, I'd find it hard to trust her and love her. If she was currently doing this to my son, I'd get a lawyer and move heaven and earth to get him out of this mess and away from her - if that is what he wanted. And I be fully supportive of him if he wanted to be named sole custodian. Let me see if I have the facts straight.... Your problem is so complex, yet your knee jerk reaction upon finding a SIM card 24-36 hours ago with old messages on it was to come on here and say HR cheated. Yet, you say the affair started and occurred before you were pregnant. You two split up for nine months roughly two years ago. When that relationship ended for him, he came back to you. You have known each other for seven years. You are not married and did not live together. 3 months after getting back together, you accidentally became pregnant. Only it wasn't an accident. Your purposefully stopped taking the birth control pill. You intentionally didn't tell him you could become pregnant. When you did become pregnant you told him that something called bootea must have counteracted the efficacy of the pill. Yet, all along you set out to get pregnant. Only he didn't set out to be a biological father. Sometime during this three months he was texting with another woman. The texts were suggestive enough to lead you to conclude they were having sex and that he loved her. That he wanted to be with her. Because you were pregnant with his child, you insisted he move in and you live together. You essentially tell him this is his family now. He has not initiated any of this. His family was probably telling him to do the same thing. Meanwhile, he's still single and now has to give up a woman he loves because of duty. His last text, content unknown to us, was seven months ago. At some point after your daughter was born he did tell her he had to end it and they did. Am I close? This man has had seven years to marry you and something has kept him from doing that. Yet, because YOU love him, it is okay that he has been trapped by an unplanned, yet planned pregnancy. Here's a suggestion: go to the Gemeral Discussion forum and write a post with the title: I did a horrible thing, what do I do now? Explain all of this. Take responsibility and be honest. Your responses may be kinder, but I think people are going to tell you what we've been telling you. Confess and give this man a chance to truly make a choice before you kill him. Because if you were not in a committed, monogamous relationship after his nine month relationship and before he moved in, he DIDN'T cheat! He was seeing you and this woman. You get pregnant. He moves in and knows he has to be a dad to his daughter. He ends things with her. You came to the cheaters forum in hopes people would give you sympathy and suggestions. Only, the thing is: he didn't cheat on you sexually. You've cheated him out of an authentic life. 2
underpants Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 Golden uterus complex. You manipulated a pregnancy (by stopping birth control without telling him) to snare and noncommittal person and are confused that he is still...noncommittal? However, you get the bills paid, so you put up with it. The lengths some people will go to not work are beyond me. You found a sim card hidden in a draw, points to this not being his first cheating en devour, he wouldn't be that careful, first time around. He keeps it to hold onto those memories. I'm sure over 7 years there is more. He is depressed. Points to she dumped him. His resentment will grow and he will no doubt cheat again, if not her someone else, and he will eventually leave. Or you will get fed up and leave. Curious how did your oldest daughter's father die? Was he also the provider to the family? What is the age difference between your daughters? Sounds pretty entitled and toxic. 2
Author Whatdoido225 Posted July 13, 2016 Author Posted July 13, 2016 Golden uterus complex. You manipulated a pregnancy (by stopping birth control without telling him) to snare and noncommittal person and are confused that he is still...noncommittal? However, you get the bills paid, so you put up with it. The lengths some people will go to not work are beyond me. You found a sim card hidden in a draw, points to this not being his first cheating en devour, he wouldn't be that careful, first time around. He keeps it to hold onto those memories. I'm sure over 7 years there is more. He is depressed. Points to she dumped him. His resentment will grow and he will no doubt cheat again, if not her someone else, and he will eventually leave. Or you will get fed up and leave. Curious how did your oldest daughter's father die? Was he also the provider to the family? What is the age difference between your daughters? Sounds pretty entitled and toxic. My eldest daughter is 9 Youngest 1(bfs daughter) My eldest dad commited suicide,we were already separated and had been for years,he only seen he's daughter weekends occasionally.
Author Whatdoido225 Posted July 13, 2016 Author Posted July 13, 2016 Golden uterus complex. You manipulated a pregnancy (by stopping birth control without telling him) to snare and noncommittal person and are confused that he is still...noncommittal? However, you get the bills paid, so you put up with it. The lengths some people will go to not work are beyond me. You found a sim card hidden in a draw, points to this not being his first cheating en devour, he wouldn't be that careful, first time around. He keeps it to hold onto those memories. I'm sure over 7 years there is more. He is depressed. Points to she dumped him. His resentment will grow and he will no doubt cheat again, if not her someone else, and he will eventually leave. Or you will get fed up and leave. Curious how did your oldest daughter's father die? Was he also the provider to the family? What is the age difference between your daughters? Sounds pretty entitled and toxic. Do you work full time? I'm hoping you have a way to support yourself if a divorce happens. You need to be well prepared to have a stable future without a man. I work 16 hours a week
Author Whatdoido225 Posted July 13, 2016 Author Posted July 13, 2016 That's the thing though. If you don't bring anything out into the open then you'll always be wondering. Right now, YOU have all the information but HE does not. How can you expect to have a good relationship with him when he doesn't have all the facts about his own life? Including (but not limited to) the fact that you are fully aware of his cheating? Everything everyone here is saying is all speculation, including you. If you don't confront him, you will NEVER know if he loves you or not. Do you honestly think he would tell the truth? He isn't exactly going to admit to loving her so I kick him out and stop him seeing the kids. He knows what would happen,he would turn around and say oops mistake
SoulCat Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 I kick him out and stop him seeing the kids. Why would you stop letting him see the children? You have no right to do that, especially regarding the youngest child who is his as much as she is yours. You're trying to blackmail him. Shame on you. 5
Author Whatdoido225 Posted July 13, 2016 Author Posted July 13, 2016 This has been my house for 9 years,he moved in here. I think we have something worth fighting for. We have a child together,he has said he's future is with us,I wouldn't give up on it. I think he is afraid that he wouldn't see he's daughter,he wouldn't really,he wouldn't see her every day if he didn't live here. He would miss out on so much and for what? I know the way he's mind works. He is too soft hearted about family. He would hate himself if he left,he didn't have a relationship with he's own dad till he was 20. He's dad left for a other women when he was 3 and I knew how he hated he's dad for that and there is no way he would risk he's daughter feeling the same for him. He knows that would happen. I would meet someone else and he would end up being a dad to her.
elaine567 Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 OK I am glad the house is yours and that you do work, as that means you can look after yourself and your children, if he goes. I think the problem you have is that you have a man who is resigned to staying with you for his child and that makes your situation vulnerable. When he had the affair, what that woman had, was not enough to entice him away from the life he has. He stays in your house, you probably look after him and he sees his daughter every day. BUT the price is high, hence the drinking, the fighting and the hiding in the attic. It is a balancing act, I guess one day the price will be too high and then where will you all be? You cannot hold a man to ransom and expect good things to come of it.
Author Whatdoido225 Posted July 13, 2016 Author Posted July 13, 2016 OK I am glad the house is yours and that you do work, as that means you can look after yourself and your children, if he goes. I think the problem you have is that you have a man who is resigned to staying with you for his child and that makes your situation vulnerable. When he had the affair, what that woman had, was not enough to entice him away from the life he has. He stays in your house, you probably look after him and he sees his daughter every day. BUT the price is high, hence the drinking, the fighting and the hiding in the attic. It is a balancing act, I guess one day the price will be too high and then where will you all be? You cannot hold a man to ransom and expect good things to come of it. Maybe he drinks as a way to cope with things,then again he has always enjoyed a drink. Although now it's got worse,he had a cup of coffee(or so he said) I took a drink and he had vodka in,he knew i would shout if I knew it was vodka. He could meet Beyoncé on the street and he still wouldn't leave because he can't take he's daughter. No woman I know could ever take him away He takes our daughter to he's parents and I'm ringing and ringing telling him to come home.
elaine567 Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 He takes our daughter to he's parents and I'm ringing and ringing telling him to come home. Why are doing that?
Author Whatdoido225 Posted July 13, 2016 Author Posted July 13, 2016 Why are doing that? Only when he has been there hours. He would happily sit all day. He probably spends more time at parents now than when he actually lived there.
ChickiePops Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 This has been my house for 9 years,he moved in here. I think we have something worth fighting for. We have a child together,he has said he's future is with us,I wouldn't give up on it. I think he is afraid that he wouldn't see he's daughter,he wouldn't really,he wouldn't see her every day if he didn't live here. He would miss out on so much and for what? I know the way he's mind works. He is too soft hearted about family. He would hate himself if he left,he didn't have a relationship with he's own dad till he was 20. He's dad left for a other women when he was 3 and I knew how he hated he's dad for that and there is no way he would risk he's daughter feeling the same for him. He knows that would happen. I would meet someone else and he would end up being a dad to her. So not only are you holding him hostage by threatening to take his daughter away from him (legally, you can't do that by the way, and he's stupid if he doesn't know this or at least try to do some research), but you are also using your knowledge of his past (i.e. His dad leaving) to threaten him. You realize that if you did, by some miracle, succeed in getting full custody of your daughter that you'd be punishing her too if you kept her from her father, right? Do you care at all? 1
SoulCat Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 He would happily sit all day. He probably spends more time at parents now than when he actually lived there. Well that's hardly surprising is it? Your place doesn't exactly sound like a safe, comfortable home for him with all the fighting, you not allowing his friends over etc. So when he's at 'home' he's hiding in the attic drinking himself into a stupor, he is at his parents house for hours on end and he works as many hours as he can possibly get. That does not sound like a happy family man. There is no indication that he actually wants to spend time with just you, as a couple. You keep saying you are a family. Maybe so but you're not a solid, united family unit. It's been fractured and fragmented for a long time, and you're trying to use the children to glue this mess together. Face it, you are holding this guy to ransom, and using your children as pawns to get what you want. You are doing untold damage to him, and ultimately to your daughters too. 4
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