Author Whatdoido225 Posted July 12, 2016 Author Posted July 12, 2016 If I hadn't of got pregnant he might not of broke up with me I'm just assuming he would as we had broken up again after getting back together then I told him about me falling pregnant and he decided to make it work. He doesn't want to be a weekend father He has told me that
Author Whatdoido225 Posted July 12, 2016 Author Posted July 12, 2016 Did you ever discuss that with him or did you just stop taking the pill and assumed he would be OK with it? No I didn't discuss it,which I know might seem unfair but we were together and accidents happen. I knew he would be ok with it and he would stand by me.
Author Whatdoido225 Posted July 12, 2016 Author Posted July 12, 2016 And like others said he is big enough to wear a condom. He never
elaine567 Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 No I didn't discuss it,which I know might seem unfair but we were together and accidents happen. I knew he would be ok with it and he would stand by me. It was no accident though, if you came off the Pill. Does he know you tricked him? 7
Author Whatdoido225 Posted July 12, 2016 Author Posted July 12, 2016 It was no accident though, if you came off the Pill. Does he know you tricked him? I didn't "trick" him I just stopped taking the pill. It's good to actually get it off my chest. I told him the bootea diet supplement stopped my pill working. He never questioned it. We had been on and off for years it was the next step and I had wanted a baby for a while I knew he would make a great dad because despite everything he is very caring. I knew the way he treat my daughter he would be fantastic He is.
66Charger Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 No I didn't discuss it,which I know might seem unfair but we were together and accidents happen. I knew he would be ok with it and he would stand by me. You had no right to do that. You intentionally stopped taking the pill and lied to him. You stole his life. That is worse than cheating. 11
alsudduth Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 What in the heck am I reading?! Cheezus! I am legit worried about your mental well being. You need to get to a counselor ASAP. It is NOT ok to lie to your partner and have a BABY, a HUMAN LIFE, in order to have a pawn in some kind of game you are playing. You are going to hurt so many people down the line if you can't get your mind in check with reality. 2
MJJean Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 If I hadn't of got pregnant he might not of broke up with me I'm just assuming he would as we had broken up again after getting back together then I told him about me falling pregnant and he decided to make it work. He doesn't want to be a weekend father He has told me that You didn't "fall pregnant". You deliberately deceived a man into impregnating you so that you could "work" a hobby job 16 hours a week and manipulate him into staying with you to support you and your kids. He didn't "decide to make it work". You took away any choice he had when you deceived him into impregnating you. He's with you because he feels he has no choice but to put up with you for the sake of the children. You got what you wanted. So, why are you here? You won't listen to a dang thing anyone here says or take any kind of action because you're happy in this sham relationship you created. What's the point to your posts? Are you here to brag that you managed to trap and ruin a man too weak and foolish to walk away? 5
Lady2163 Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 Seriously what is with the posts feeling sympathy for this POS WS. He has free will, he's a big boy and can leave. OP I say leave because he has no respect for you. He's not a wandering spouse, he's a boyfriend. Who I believed was manipulated and trapped by a pregnancy. I'm guessing they are also young. Probably around 25. I'd be horrified to know that I'm stuck with someone for the next 18 years because she/he "says so". 1
Author Whatdoido225 Posted July 12, 2016 Author Posted July 12, 2016 We aren't young. I'm 31 and he is 35. I just wanted the baby to bring us closer together and it has. I don't even know why I posted tbh I just had a lot going on in my head and nobody to talk to. I just feel like we have a bond now and even tho he had a "affair" she can never have that bond with him. I do love him,I just want to make him happy. I just can't stop thinking that for a time he wanted someone else. I don't know how to cope with it. He's betrayed me but I still love him. I just want to go back to the first two years how happy he was.
Author Whatdoido225 Posted July 12, 2016 Author Posted July 12, 2016 I'm jealous of a woman I don't even know
elaine567 Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 I didn't "trick" him I just stopped taking the pill. It's good to actually get it off my chest. I told him the bootea diet supplement stopped my pill working. He never questioned it. We had been on and off for years it was the next step and I had wanted a baby for a while I knew he would make a great dad because despite everything he is very caring. I knew the way he treat my daughter he would be fantastic He is. You are not the first and no doubt you will not be the last to trick a man into staying by coming off the Pill and falling pregnant. BUT what you have to deal with now is really of your own making, and that is just so sad for all concerned. 3
MJJean Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 We aren't young. I'm 31 and he is 35. I just wanted the baby to bring us closer together and it has. I don't even know why I posted tbh I just had a lot going on in my head and nobody to talk to. I just feel like we have a bond now and even tho he had a "affair" she can never have that bond with him. I do love him,I just want to make him happy. I just can't stop thinking that for a time he wanted someone else. I don't know how to cope with it. He's betrayed me but I still love him. I just want to go back to the first two years how happy he was. Sex makes babies, as you well know. He did have sex with his OW. She could easily have gotten pregnant and had that exact same bond you claim. Check out the OM/OW forums and read some of the infidelity stories. It's not unheard of for an OW to accidentally or deliberately get pregnant. And it's affair, not "affair". He had a physical and emotional relationship with another woman because he wanted to and he ended it because he couldn't risk losing his children. 1
66Charger Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 (edited) I just wanted the baby to bring us closer together and it has. He's betrayed me but I still love him. I just want to go back to the first two years how happy he was. HE betrayed you? What is the matter with you? Your wants did not trump his choice. Honestly, we could hammer this point forever, but you probably dont want.to hear it, and wont agree that you deceived him. So I will flip the script and give you one piece.of advice as to your desire. If you truly want.him, you must let him go. Your only chance for a real relationship, is to look him in the eye and apologize. Give him no choice but to leave. Tell him not to come back unless he really wants to be with you. Dont hold him hostage using a child. Take the gamble. Risk it all to get it all. You can not let this continue or else the resentment will grow and he will leave anyway. Do this for yourself. Do it for the possibility of a.honest, happy future for you and your child. As much as.it may hurt, let him go. Edited July 12, 2016 by 66Charger 3
stillafool Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 I didn't "trick" him I just stopped taking the pill. It's good to actually get it off my chest. I told him the bootea diet supplement stopped my pill working. He never questioned it. We had been on and off for years it was the next step and I had wanted a baby for a while I knew he would make a great dad because despite everything he is very caring. I knew the way he treat my daughter he would be fantastic He is. I pray that this man will find the courage to leave you and find happiness with the woman he loves. No one deserves a partner who is full of lies and tricks. I feel sorry for the innocent kids involved in this. 5
elaine567 Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 HE betrayed you? She is referring to the cheating event here I guess. He did betray her. 1
Author Whatdoido225 Posted July 12, 2016 Author Posted July 12, 2016 I do feel betrayed even tho you might think that's rich coming from me. He will have live somewhere for me,you might think I'm crazy for thinking that but he came back to me and that has to mean something(before daughter) and I know he walked away easy before but he is unable to walk away so easily now. We are a family now. We both need to stop being selfish I understand that
Lady2163 Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 (edited) I didn't "trick" him I just stopped taking the pill. It's good to actually get it off my chest. I told him the bootea diet supplement stopped my pill working. He never questioned it. We had been on and off for years it was the next step and I had wanted a baby for a while I knew he would make a great dad because despite everything he is very caring. I knew the way he treat my daughter he would be fantastic He is. Your actions have been HORRIBLE and in my mind, totally unforgivable. They are worse than cheating simply because you've intentionally brought an innocent life into this dysfunction. What if you found out a woman did this exact same thing to your brother? Or a favorite cousin? Or a male in your life you genuinely care about? 1. Get your tubes tied. You don't need any more kids to make YOU happy. There's a saying, crude but effective - don't breed them if you can't feed them. 2. When a cheating partner comes on here, often he/she is hammered over and over with people telling them to come clean and tell their partner EVERYTHING. Give the partner all the facts so they can make an honest decision about how to proceed forward with their life. You need to do this with him. Your actions have been horrible. What you do now determines if you are a horrible person. 3. Go back to work full time. 4. Get counseling. 5. Tell everyone in your life what you have done. Someday, you will have to tell your daughter. 6. Again, offer him a trial separation after you have told him the truth. Do NOT hold the children as hostages. He's been a good figure to your other daughter, offer him the choice of remaining in her life. 7. You don't seem to want to accept that you're destroying a human being. He may have only been a casual weekend drinker. Under stress, all drinkers have the potential to increase their drinking. And he's becoming a heavy drinker because you tricked him. YOU have created this perfect storm. For a while, when I was in the military, I was stationed at a very isolated place. This was before email and our communication was limited with the outside world. We were told in briefings that non drinkers usually became light drinkers, light drinkers became social drinkers, social drinkers became heavy drinkers and heavy drinkers usually became....civilians during this isolated tour of duty. Does anyone here see any possibility of a happy future? Again, I don't think you're an awful person. But you did something very selfish and awful. You're 31? Put on your big girl panties and make this right. Accept the consequences and move forward with a real and authentic life. With or without him. Edited July 12, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator rude ~T 1
Author Whatdoido225 Posted July 12, 2016 Author Posted July 12, 2016 I do plan on returning back to work. When she is a bit older and at proper daycare. She is very clingy at the minute and I would feel guilty leaving her for long periods of time.
Author Whatdoido225 Posted July 12, 2016 Author Posted July 12, 2016 He was actually in the navy before we got together and I know he misses it.
Lady2163 Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 I do plan on returning back to work. When she is a bit older and at proper daycare. She is very clingy at the minute and I would feel guilty leaving her for long periods of time. That's the only thing you got out of my post? This poor man is probably going to kill himself slowly. You're 50% responsible for everything that happens from THIS point forward. You can't make him stop drinking, largely because you're the cause of it. But, you demand he lives with you and be a family, you can demand he move out and get help. You're not a victim. You're the catalyst. 5
Author Whatdoido225 Posted July 12, 2016 Author Posted July 12, 2016 That's the only thing you got out of my post? This poor man is probably going to kill himself slowly. You're 50% responsible for everything that happens from THIS point forward. You can't make him stop drinking, largely because you're the cause of it. But, you demand he lives with you and be a family, you can demand he move out and get help. You're not a victim. You're the catalyst. I hand on heart have never demanded that he does anything. He has made those choices himself. I haven't forced him to do anything. I don't think the blame should fall on me,I've made mistakes and done stupid things but so has he. If he wasn't happy he shouldn't of got back with me. That was he's choice. I do not understand him. He also chose to cheat and he chose to end it and he chose to sulk like a teenager and drink when he did end it rather than man up and move up. He makes it hard for me to love him sometimes
ChickiePops Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 (edited) I do feel betrayed even tho you might think that's rich coming from me. He will have live somewhere for me,you might think I'm crazy for thinking that but he came back to me and that has to mean something(before daughter) and I know he walked away easy before but he is unable to walk away so easily now. We are a family now. We both need to stop being selfish I understand that Yeah..he came back to you after he was dumped and you were a warm place to put his penis while he got over his break up (which sucks, as I'm sure he knew you still loved him..using you as a rebound was awful). Then you tricked him into impregnating you and he was trapped in a loveless (on his side) marriage with a wife he never wanted. Frankly, you've both done some disgusting, unforgivable things to each other. Edited July 12, 2016 by ChickiePops 1
AlwaysGrowing Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 OP, you have had lots of folks from varied backgrounds come to the same basic conclusion. Not sure if you are trying to convince them of your perspective or you are trying to convince yourself. Rehashing the original post/premise is not going to offer up any other practical solutions than the ones already offered. At this point...one either accepts the situation as it is and course corrects or one continues to wear blinders and willingly skips off the awaiting cliff. The choice is yours. 2
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