Lobe Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 Even before baby we never really had dates. When I was pregnant I used to go to his parents on a Friday night and we would get a takeaway in his room. Then I would fall asleep and he would go downstairs and drink. He has always liked doing his own thing. I think that's why he stays at his brothers or parents now and again for an escape. So, let me see if I have this straight. You: 1) got pregnant on purpose 2) without the knowledge or consent of 3) a man who has never shown any inclination to create a life with you 4) who is known to have a penchant for drinking to excess who 5) had an emotional affair 7 months ago 6) who avoids being around you A relationship built on a foundation of lies and deception will crumble sooner or later. I suggest you stop worrying about saving your sham of a relationship and put your children's best interests ahead of selfish and short-sighted personal desires. 4
SoulCat Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 For his birthday we all went for a meal. With the kids. Not just the 2 of you. We all go out for breakfast at times. With the kids. Not just the 2 of you And we went to caravan for a couple of days Let me guess, with the kids and not just the two of you.
Lobe Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 not just the two of you. OP has clearly stated that her boyfriend and her did not ever date. I don't think we can make a silk purse out of a sow's ear here - if they didn't enjoy spending time together before the affair, he has professed being in love with someone else, and the only way she could keep him in the picture was to snag him with a baby, why would she have any reason to suspect that he would be open to dating her? Game off, man. OP needs to get a job and start taking care of the babies she brought into this world and stop worrying about how she can keep her WBF snared. 2
SoulCat Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 OP has clearly stated that her boyfriend and her did not ever date. I don't think we can make a silk purse out of a sow's ear here - if they didn't enjoy spending time together before the affair, he has professed being in love with someone else, and the only way she could keep him in the picture was to snag him with a baby, why would she have any reason to suspect that he would be open to dating her? I absolutely agree with you. But for the past 16 pages OP seems to want to convince herself the guy has feelings for her and wants to be in a relationship with her. That he's not just staying for the kids. Being a couple, being in a relationship would entail spending quality time together. They don't, never did. They are, in my opinion, not a couple. They are two people who have a child together. 4
Lady Hamilton Posted July 15, 2016 Posted July 15, 2016 You can't blame me being confused. He breaks up with me and tells me he doesn't love me then a year later comes back. Then breaks up ,then I'm pregnant then he cheats, He moves in yet he tells another woman he loves her You can understand the confussion Waaaaaaait... You said the timeline was dating -> breakup -> reconciliation-> pregnancy. Now we find out the timeline is dating -> breakup -> reconciliation -> breakup -> he's dating somebody else -> pregnancy -> reconciliation that he says is him coming back for the kids -> "cheating" That's very, very different. It's not easy to do things like that with two kids. For his birthday we all went for a meal. We all go out for breakfast at times. And we went to caravan for a couple of days We have three kids. We go on adults-only dates every other week and adult-only vacations twice a year for 3-7 days. On alternate weeks, we do "family dates" where the kids come with and take 1-2 family vacations together a year. If your relationship is a priority, you make it work. With so much family nearby, finding time for date nights shouldn't be that hard. Certainly your work schedule isn't w barrier, and even working as much as he does, he still gets time off. If it was a priority for him, or even you, you'd make it work. Though I suspect time without the kids is terrifying for you both as it kind of throws in your face that, without kids, you really have nothing in common and very little to talk about. 5
Lady2163 Posted July 15, 2016 Posted July 15, 2016 (edited) Waaaaaaait... You said the timeline was dating -> breakup -> reconciliation-> pregnancy. Now we find out the timeline is dating -> breakup -> reconciliation -> breakup -> he's dating somebody else -> pregnancy -> reconciliation that he says is him coming back for the kids -> "cheating" That's very, very different. We have three kids. We go on adults-only dates every other week and adult-only vacations twice a year for 3-7 days. On alternate weeks, we do "family dates" where the kids come with and take 1-2 family vacations together a year. If your relationship is a priority, you make it work. With so much family nearby, finding time for date nights shouldn't be that hard. Certainly your work schedule isn't w barrier, and even working as much as he does, he still gets time off. If it was a priority for him, or even you, you'd make it work. Though I suspect time without the kids is terrifying for you both as it kind of throws in your face that, without kids, you really have nothing in common and very little to talk about. As read it, if I understand the timeline correctly, they were not committed/monogamous. They really didn't date much. He was having other relationships and she tripped over something and became pregnant. He moved in and let the additional woman go shortly before or after he moved in. But I'm pretty confused at this point. Edited July 15, 2016 by Lady2163
Lady Hamilton Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 I'm wondering if they actually got back together or if it was a "returning to the well" if you know what I mean. 1
Author Whatdoido225 Posted July 16, 2016 Author Posted July 16, 2016 We had been together 4 years he then said he didn't love me anymore and ended it. A week later he got with someone else who he stayed with for a year then she dumped him and we got back together. 4 months passed he then ended it again and 3 days later I told him I was pregnant and he got back together with me. When I found the texts last week during the 4 months he was texting the OW. Anyway last night I told him I found the messages. He says she meant nothing and his future is with us.
dreamingoftigers Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 We had been together 4 years he then said he didn't love me anymore and ended it. A week later he got with someone else who he stayed with for a year then she dumped him and we got back together. 4 months passed he then ended it again and 3 days later I told him I was pregnant and he got back together with me. When I found the texts last week during the 4 months he was texting the OW. Anyway last night I told him I found the messages. He says she meant nothing and his future is with us. Nothing is a worse investment than trusting a known liar who invests his romantic energy in others. But you are going to do just what you planned from the beginning. Good luck. 2
Lois_Griffin Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 We had been together 4 years he then said he didn't love me anymore and ended it. A week later he got with someone else who he stayed with for a year then she dumped him and we got back together. 4 months passed he then ended it again and 3 days later I told him I was pregnant and he got back together with me. When I found the texts last week during the 4 months he was texting the OW. I'd just be curious to know - does this guy keep a suitcase packed for all the moving back and forth he does? 1
Lady2163 Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 We had been together 4 years he then said he didn't love me anymore and ended it. A week later he got with someone else who he stayed with for a year then she dumped him and we got back together. 4 months passed he then ended it again and 3 days later I told him I was pregnant and he got back together with me. When I found the texts last week during the 4 months he was texting the OW. Anyway last night I told him I found the messages. He says she meant nothing and his future is with us. Were you honest with him? Did you tell him you intentionally got pregnant? Again, during that four months, if he didn't date you, if you didn't have the monogamous conversation, then it wasn't an affair. I'm sure you have a lot of insecurities. He had ended the relationship, he was done with you, he didn't love you, it was over. Only it wasn't, since three days later you told him you were pregnant. I've never been a big fan of the "if you love something, set it free" mantra. But if you really do live this man, tell him the complete truth about how you got pregnant on purpose and lied to him to trick him into getting you pregnant. Then, genuinely, honestly offer to let him go and NOT interfere with child custody in any way, shape or form. I'm pretty sure this would be way out of character for you. But it is the only way you will ever know if he loves you or is just there for the kids.
ChickiePops Posted July 16, 2016 Posted July 16, 2016 We had been together 4 years he then said he didn't love me anymore and ended it. A week later he got with someone else who he stayed with for a year then she dumped him and we got back together. 4 months passed he then ended it again and 3 days later I told him I was pregnant and he got back together with me. When I found the texts last week during the 4 months he was texting the OW. Anyway last night I told him I found the messages. He says she meant nothing and his future is with us. What future? From the sound of it, he'll drink himself to death within 5 years. But whatever, I guess as long as you're happy (despite the fact that he is so obviously completely miserable)... 3
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