My girlfriend is awfully quiet!

[fares780]

hi everyone,

i'm new to this club i joind cuz i really need help since real life dudes didn't help me at all

the story is, i have been dating a girl for three years now, she is a former student of mine, she asked me out, i agreed cuz i liked her eyes, the way she looks at me, and i must admit she is the most polite and nicest person i ever met (i hated her body, she is fat, but personality qualities seduce me more. even sexually. i know i'm weird!), she said she was madly in love with me and had been hiding it for months. me too i loved her later when i discovered the beauty of her soul.. the girl is unbelievabel!!!!

the problem? as the title idicates: she rarely talks.

during our early weeks together i accepted that she's still shy. but with time it started getting boring, it was killing me. how we made it till now? we didn,t. "I" did! i tolerated it for the sake of her kindness and purity and.. i wish i could explain more..i said the girl is unbelievble.

she's helping orphines, animals, poors, ills...etc she cries easily when she sees injustice. and she is amazingly nice to me.

one day told her, she said ''arent i talking?'' she was sad. i clarified in a nice way.

i told her a second time. a 3rd, no chance.

the 4th we argued. was our first fight (after a year of pure love. zero probs) she cried, i felt horrible. when you make such an angel cry? believe me it aint funny. horrible!

i since then said to myself: "nobodys perfect" man, either you bear with it or you leave her and find another ''not perfect girl'' to bear with.

you're lucky you're her boyfriend. almost all girls in current world are arrogant biches. fact.

i love her so much, people!! when she smiles i almost have a hart attack. not kidding.

help me guys, (and girls) what should i do

on phone, in person, on fb, even in my dreams, she doesnt say a lot, it's me who speaks to cut those awkward silences. i told her i'm not a radio, i tried asking her questions. she says yas or no, or as short as languagely possible & goes back to dead silence.

{me: how was tha wedding, raccontez-moi

her: good.

me: tell me more. details.

her: tell u what? tell me

me: i tell you what to tell me??? lol. if i knew i would tell myself n leave you rest ha ha.

her: lol. errrrrm.. the bride wore the dress. me and the girls helped her. we all went to the salle des fêtes, the groom came and took her. there were a lot of people. then my mom and i got back home early}

this is an exemple of one of the longest speeches her mouth can produce.

a wedding? are you kidding me? any girl in the world who's just arriving from a wedding is a speaking machine. impossible to be shut up. that's it, go study elswehere.

but my girlfriend? no.

you can imagine how it goes with other subjects.

on phone, i sometimes purposly cease talking to see what happens, she keeps silent for a moment and then says: ''why u stopped? speack!''

on facebook, i type a fat a$s magazine, she answers: ''yeah, that's the way it happens.'' or even: ''oui'' or even ''!'' (exclamation mark, am not joking).

i enjoy hanging out with her, she likes it when i feed her with my hand, we dance, she likes hugging me for dam loooooong periods and i like it too, sometimes we wrestle

i bathe her like a baby daughter and i do her hair

i'm a man. ive never been such a hole. but she deserves it. she changed me to become ....gentle?

i genuinly love her.

help me.

[smackie9]

It's possible this is a sign she has a mental disorder. A lack of communication skills can be a result of a multitude of disorders for example autism or Asperger's Syndrome. Or from psychological trauma in childhood like bullying/ being picked on or being abused.

 

What to do? have a talk with her about it and maybe get more background about what happen to her growing up, or suggest getting a diagnosis. I know it's extreme but hey maybe it's something she would like to find a way to improve on.

[fares780]

It's possible this is a sign she has a mental disorder. A lack of communication skills can be a result of a multitude of disorders for example autism or Asperger's Syndrome. Or from psychological trauma in childhood like bullying/ being picked on or being abused.

 

What to do? have a talk with her about it and maybe get more background about what happen to her growing up, or suggest getting a diagnosis. I know it's extreme but hey maybe it's something she would like to find a way to improve on.

she likes crochet, those sticks never leave her fingers. it's sth i find really strange for someone her age!! (21)

[Emilia]

Why do you love her?

[katiegrl]

It's possible this is a sign she has a mental disorder. A lack of communication skills can be a result of a multitude of disorders for example autism or Asperger's Syndrome. Or from psychological trauma in childhood like bullying/ being picked on or being abused.

 

What to do? have a talk with her about it and maybe get more background about what happen to her growing up, or suggest getting a diagnosis. I know it's extreme but hey maybe it's something she would like to find a way to improve on.

 

I am curious to know .... how can he *talk* with her about the problem...when the problem itself is she doesn't *talk*?

 

You (generic) can't force someone to open up and share thoughts and feelings... if they never learned how, or have no desire to.

 

She may be emotionally blocked.

 

Perhaps a therapist could help?

 

I feel for ya though OP.... must be very frustrating.

 

I know you are madly in love with her, but she is who she is, ya know? Can't change her unless SHE wants to change.

Edited July 10, 2016 by katiegrl

[JewelD]

It's been three years. Some people are just quiet. There's no point in trying to force them to change. It's not necessarily a bad quality for her life, but you view it as negative for your relationship with her.

 

If you can't deal with it anymore, just end the relationship. I don't think you're going to be able to change her after 3 years. It sounds like you like her because she's nice and attractive. Clearly those traits alone aren't enough for a truly happy relationship.

[katiegrl]

It's been three years. Some people are just quiet. There's no point in trying to force them to change. It's not necessarily a bad quality for her life, but you view it as negative for your relationship with her.

 

If you can't deal with it anymore, just end the relationship. I don't think you're going to be able to change her after 3 years. It sounds like you like her because she's nice and attractive. Clearly those traits alone aren't enough for a truly happy relationship.

 

Love goes beyond/transcends one's partner's ability to express themselves and communicate...... That goes to *compatibility*.

 

I believe he loves her A LOT. I can tell by the way HE expressed himself in his original post.

 

Her essence, her energy....a man falls in love with those things .... my experience .

 

But OP, love also means acceptance.

 

Can you accept her, warts and all?

 

You seem to do well when together in person....can you live with that and not all the chit chat in between?

[JewelD]

Love goes beyond/transcends one's partner's ability to express themselves and communicate...... That goes to *compatibility*.

 

I believe he loves her A LOT. I can tell by the way HE expressed himself in his original post.

 

Her essence, her energy....a man falls in love with those things .... my experience .

 

But OP, love also means acceptance.

 

Can you accept her, warts and all?

 

You seem to do well when together in person....can you live with that and not all the chit chat in between?

 

It does, but obviously that's not enough if he wants to change something that seems to be part of her personality. When you really love someone for who they are, you don't want to change them. It'd be different if she just stopped talking one day, but this is how she's been the entire time.

[katiegrl]

It does, but obviously that's not enough if he wants to change something that seems to be part of her personality. When you really love someone for who they are, you don't want to change them. It'd be different if she just stopped talking one day, but this is how she's been the entire time.

 

Agree ...which is why I asked if he can accept her.

 

Apparently he has been able to thus far .... otherwise he wouldn't still be there after three years ... I wouldn't think so anyway.

 

OP is this annoyance and frustration that she doesn't talk something new?

 

How long have you been feeling this way?

 

I guess you have a choice to make...

 

Accept?

 

If not, reject.

 

She is who she is...

 

That said, if she has Aspergers or some other form of autism, a doctor will be able to diagnose that.....

 

Good luck!

[todreaminblue]

hey fares 780,

 

the biggest killer in most of relationship issues...is communication .....you can be compatible beyond compare but if you cant communicate satisfactorily....then the relationship is destined to fail...there are different and unique communication styles for every person..its meshing them and interacting that becomes so important

 

i was watching this show on the crime channel about this newly wed couple who on a daily basis.....would write notes reaffirming love between them.....this was their form of constant affirmation and communication......and it seemed to work.....everyone stated how loved up they were...i actually do think love notes can be sweet and an affirmation of fidelity and love...to write for someone about someone should really be considered an honor...to give and receive........but...where i differ is that i feel verbal interaction has to be the main frame of communication.....its a lot easier to get lost in translation where silence and words written dont convey true straight up meaning....

 

to cut a long story short....she fell pregnant was so over the moon about......BUT..... he didnt want babies at all tried to force her to get an abortion....she refused....he killed her(and horribly had his way manifest.... also her unborn) with a claw footed hammer stuffed her in the boot of her own car and went home and had dinner alone......

 

maybe if they had communicated properly before they were married and had made known their needs and stands on different topics of major importance a senseless and tragic death and futile unmatched and absolute life threatening marriage would never have occurred of course he was a narcissist.if she had communicated more with verbal interactions than flowers hearts and love notes.......she might have picked up on the narcissim and brutality of the guy...not just the charm.....

 

 

the truth stands ....verbal or at least sign language.....communication is needed for any relationship to progress and survive ...

 

you can be a person of few words and still communicate...you can have disorders and issues and still form a strong communication style...but what it takes is practice patience understanding and a strong desire to make things work....it could take couples therapy, groups or classes together to build a style and work out strategies to get over your communication issues.... even a therapist or psyche might also be benefical

 

do i think it would be worth if for you to do this...that really is your call, fares 780...personally if it were me and i had a soul I found to be so shining and bright but a guy of few words...i would try my heart out to work through issues.....but i am that personality to do that..ive done it before...i have had been in a relationship where the guy didnt fluently speak the same language as me.....i dont doubt my own strength or patience....or capabilities...or sense of humor.....you have to be able to take the knock backs and stalls....and silences.....and still find common ground to have a laugh......and that wrestle maybe you wrote about..you have to maintain your sense of fun....it is a big factor in making a relationship stronger....in my opinion anyway

 

 

really thats what counts...are you patient...do you really want this relationship to work...and what are you going to try or willing to try ..and can you see the brighter side and have a laugh or two..and if she loves you...she will want to try as much as you do......

 

good luck to you both...happy talkin......deb

Edited July 11, 2016 by todreaminblue

[MzLady]

Judging by the length of your post.. I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that you're the talker in this relationship. I know a lot of long term couples like this and they are perfectly happy. Just accept her for who she is and don't try to make her something she's not. The more you try to push her to talk, the more you can push her away.

[fares780]

Why do you love her?

are you serious?

[fares780]

I am curious to know .... how can he *talk* with her about the problem...when the problem itself is she doesn't *talk*?

 

You (generic) can't force someone to open up and share thoughts and feelings... if they never learned how, or have no desire to.

 

She may be emotionally blocked.

 

Perhaps a therapist could help?

 

I feel for ya though OP.... must be very frustrating.

 

I know you are madly in love with her, but she is who she is, ya know? Can't change her unless SHE wants to change.

i reached a point one day i felt so in need for, imagine for what? for 'i love you', yes,, and i asked her, honey, don't you notice this thing? you never said to me 'i love u'. plz tell me i love you. I everyday say it to u. yes i agree that you do answer back 'i love u too' but i eager to be surprised hearing it from u first. u never say it first. it's abnormal!

she answered that she hadn't initiated saying it but had always felt it. then she said ''i love you Farès''. i was enough lucky to hear it again a couple of other times after that, but no more. so i brought that concern back after some time, the same scenarion repeated itself. i recall her saying a stuff like: ''Farès! love is actions, not words''.

[fares780]

It's been three years. Some people are just quiet. There's no point in trying to force them to change. It's not necessarily a bad quality for her life, but you view it as negative for your relationship with her.

 

If you can't deal with it anymore, just end the relationship. I don't think you're going to be able to change her after 3 years. It sounds like you like her because she's nice and attractive. Clearly those traits alone aren't enough for a truly happy relationship.

i understand u but, first of all, she made me promise i'll never leave her, i promised.

secondly, she doesn't diserve to be let heartbroken. i don't know.. she just doesn't, she's never done any harm to me and i cannot imagine she's ever hurt anyone.

one day she asked me laughing: "according to you, what does a girl need to do to make a reason you may put an end to your relationship with her? cheat?"

i said: "cheating no, i might burst into cursing and vanish for a week to appear again.. i forgive cheating. the only thing i don't forgive is disrespect".

my little birdy respects me. too much.

[fares780]

Love goes beyond/transcends one's partner's ability to express themselves and communicate...... That goes to *compatibility*.

 

I believe he loves her A LOT. I can tell by the way HE expressed himself in his original post.

 

Her essence, her energy....a man falls in love with those things .... my experience .

 

But OP, love also means acceptance.

 

Can you accept her, warts and all?

 

You seem to do well when together in person....can you live with that and not all the chit chat in between?

it's complicated. for example, i sometimes find myself -sort of- ''avoiding'' her. So mean. subconciously, not something that i can control. put yourself in my shoes: the boredom, the necessity to try to create subjects and lead the conversations often and often..etc

you imagine it: like you're your whole life 24/24 7/7 the host of a talk show, with only one guest, the least happens to be a child, has neither the ability to chose subjects nor to expand in them. and you still have to keep it going.

Not mentioning the moments of brutal guilt when i sometimes find myself feeling "amused" while chating with a feminine friend.

[vanhalenfan]

i understand u but, first of all, she made me promise i'll never leave her, i promised.

secondly, she doesn't diserve to be let heartbroken. i don't know.. she just doesn't, she's never done any harm to me and i cannot imagine she's ever hurt anyone.

one day she asked me laughing: "according to you, what does a girl need to do to make a reason you may put an end to your relationship with her? cheat?"

i said: "cheating no, i might burst into cursing and vanish for a week to appear again.. i forgive cheating. the only thing i don't forgive is disrespect".

my little birdy respects me. too much.

 

Hmm, but cheating IS disrespectful!

[normal person]

Some people are naturally talkative, it sounds like this girl naturally isn't. Don't expect her to change, it's just not in her nature. She's not going to wake up one day and start talking your ear off no matter how many times you ask her to, this is the best it's going to get.

 

You might "love" her, but this is obviously something you hate about her. It's up to you decide if it's something you want to continue to live with or not.

[mikeylo]

Find a chatter box to have a relationship with.

 

I guess your issue is her knowing that you are amused from chatting up other women , hence she shuts down with you and creates an emotional distance. Being quiet doesn't mean stupid.

[VeveCakes]

That's who she is, why try and change her? If you don't like her the way she is, then maybe it's time to move on.

[Dis]

I recently broke up with a guy that was a poor communicator

 

Like deb has mentioned...communication is key in relationships

 

Yes, relationships can sometimes work between one person who talks alot and one person who doesnt talk much

 

But from what I'm hearing from you is your communicative needs arent being met...and as a result you're getting bored

 

That is a problem

 

Either you accept her for the quiet person she is...or make the decision to end it because your needs cannot be met by her

 

And just so you know...there are plenty of women out there who are not arrogant...and are caring, sweet and loving just like your gf....but these women can also carry on a conversation...unlike your gf

 

So dont settle just because you love your gf and she has good qualities...think about it...could you be happy with this level of communication 5 years down the road??? I wouldnt be

 

 

Best of luck to you hun!

[fares780]

Hmm, but cheating IS disrespectful!

no it is not.

cheating is having fun with an other person.

disrespecting is stuff like direct actions that put down a man like call him names or something humiliating or beneath his dignity. when you cheat on me you disrespect yourself.

okay ?

[fares780]

Find a chatter box to have a relationship with.

 

I guess your issue is her knowing that you are amused from chatting up other women , hence she shuts down with you and creates an emotional distance. Being quiet doesn't mean stupid.

oh hi hater

what took you so long?

anyways, i didn't say she's stupid. she's smarter than both of me and you; she unconditionly loves the whole world, which makes her a genious.

and concerning chatting other women up, we have our rules, she has my facebook password and know all my female friends and i'm positive talking to others is not an issue. she once in a while gets jealous and says this girl or that makes her unconfortable, and that she wants her to fck off, that's an order! as simple as that. she adores this.

i appreciate jealousy in the woman. it's so cute ^^