lioil Posted July 10, 2016 Posted July 10, 2016 So i was doing online dating with this girl(i am in dc, she in NY) for several months and due to circumstances on both sides we didnt have opportunity to meet till we both agreed on a date several months later. At the week of the meet she said it is probably not ideal due to the long distance - i suspect it could be her sister who came recently but who knows. Anyways i tried to convince her but that didn't work and that was that. Now 2 months later she messaged me asking how i was and apologized for being idle due to work transition not being as good as she expected. She also asked that if i want, we could meet. I said sure and we are now tentatively meeting at a "half way mark" and she didnt mind driving the distance to meet. My question is... why the change of mind? She didn't find anyone better in NYC? I dont see any ulterior motives besides wanting to meet and try it out... Any thoughts and tips? Thanks
smackie9 Posted July 10, 2016 Posted July 10, 2016 tbh I don't know why you would even bother to attempt this. As to why....who knows. Only she can tell you that. 1
JewelD Posted July 10, 2016 Posted July 10, 2016 Why the change of mind? Because she's bored and you're available. She probably cancelled on you before because she found someone else. I mean, you were talking for several months and she doesn't decide until the week of that distance is an issue? And now all of a sudden it's not an issue? Things didn't work out with the other person and now she needs someone to make her feel better. It could turn out to be a nice relationship, but she doesn't seem to value you or your time if she'd wait 2 months to contact you again and then expect you to drive halfway to meet her. I wouldn't go meet her, but if you're going to, at least make her drive the whole way to see you, not a halfway point. You were willing to put in the effort before and she said no, so let her come to you. If she says no, move on (although for the record, I think you should do that right now). 3
Author lioil Posted July 11, 2016 Author Posted July 11, 2016 Why the change of mind? Because she's bored and you're available. She probably cancelled on you before because she found someone else. I mean, you were talking for several months and she doesn't decide until the week of that distance is an issue? And now all of a sudden it's not an issue? Things didn't work out with the other person and now she needs someone to make her feel better. It could turn out to be a nice relationship, but she doesn't seem to value you or your time if she'd wait 2 months to contact you again and then expect you to drive halfway to meet her. I wouldn't go meet her, but if you're going to, at least make her drive the whole way to see you, not a halfway point. You were willing to put in the effort before and she said no, so let her come to you. If she says no, move on (although for the record, I think you should do that right now). Yeah you may be right but it was weird that if she did find someone why change it the week we gonna met? it did coincide with her sis coming to town so maybe she influenced her? Either way i wont know till i meet her i guess. Should i bring anything up during the meeting like why the long break?
Ami1uwant Posted July 11, 2016 Posted July 11, 2016 There are a few reasons...... 1. To busy then to start dating someone new. You say d she had her sister visiting. 2. It's common to have LDR doubts and ask yourself heat if this works..long term what happens ?. Would I move there, they move here? We agree apt move together to a third location? When I'm talking to someone long distance I will bring up this issue. If this person lives in a small town and has mo plans on leaving then I'm not going to bother because I know there is no way I could fo my career in that town. 3. Maybe you were one of the first peop,e she talked to, she dismissed you because of timing and distance. Since then she has dated but it's gone nowhere and she reflected on why She talked well with you but not had that with others, do she appreciates it more. So she decided to give this a shot.
JewelD Posted July 11, 2016 Posted July 11, 2016 Yeah you may be right but it was weird that if she did find someone why change it the week we gonna met? it did coincide with her sis coming to town so maybe she influenced her? Either way i wont know till i meet her i guess. Should i bring anything up during the meeting like why the long break? You obviously like her more than she likes you. I honestly think you're just setting up a pattern that you're not going to like in the long run. I mean, if she can blow you off for a couple of months and still get to spend time with you, what's stopping her from doing it again? Would you be okay if you guys met and had a fun time and you didn't hear from her for another 2 months? But since you're determined to meet her, I wouldn't ask her about the break. If she was seeing someone, she's not going to tell you about it. and her sister coming into town probably had little to do with it. When people like you, they're not going to blow you off or stop talking to you for months. Unless they slip into a coma. She ghosted on you. If something was going on or she had doubts or she cared about your feelings, she would have at least said something to you before vanishing.
OnlyHonesty Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 You answered your own question.. She didn't find anyone better in NYC? One thing I am certain about is that you are wasting your time (it will not work out). You have demonstrated that you do not have options and she has demonstrated that she sees you as a last choice. This communicates that she sees you as low value and your response of ''yes lets meet'' confirms this in her eyes.
joseb Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 So i was doing online dating with this girl(i am in dc, she in NY) No need to read more...forget it unless you want to meet for a bang half way and leave it at that.
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