ladyforlorn Posted July 10, 2016 Posted July 10, 2016 Hey guys, I want some advice on something that has plaqued me. I am a part of a large online community where I meet and hang out with a lot of people online. A lot of this interaction is over group or single voice programs. In person, I am somewhat introverted, but I have found that online I am just the opposite. I often have no problem talking to people I just met, and even acting quite boldly. I have been described as being flirty more than once. I enjoy talking to people and by the nature of the community, more often than not most people I talk too are guys. I enjoy giving them little compliments, learning about them, sharing interests, etc. Its not necessarily a romantic thing for me, but I enjoy that closeness. I feel like i naturally have a pretty caring personality and I enjoy hanging out and getting to know them. As a result, I have tons of online guy friends who like talking to me because I'm fun and playful to be around. This is all fine, but I have realized cannot act like a normal or fun person with people I actually like! If I like someone, I act very differently, I become obsessed that this person will think I'm needy or over doing it, or "too into them", desperate. As a result, with people I actually like, I am much more withdrawn. I often don't greet them, don't go out my way to talk to them, sometimes avoid them! I wait for them to talk to me--and if they don't, I'm sad/disappointed about it, which feeds into the whole mindset that they don't like me and I should stay away so I'm not rejected. I analyze everything they do and just act like a crazy, moody standoffish person---with people I like and would like to know better! I think its because with the others, I don't care so much about the end result because I have no end-game there, I'm not invested, they are friends. Advice for getting out of my head and acting more normal? It seems so difficult for me.
smackie9 Posted July 10, 2016 Posted July 10, 2016 It's normal to get self conscience with someone you have a crush on. Being standoffish is something you are going to have to learn to control. I get being introvert you tend to have anxiety and that sure can be a problem. Exposing yourself to situations you think are awkward is the best way to combat this behavior.
dragonfire13 Posted July 10, 2016 Posted July 10, 2016 I can be exactly the same sometime - I'm quite an outgoing, chatty person... but with a guy I like? I get nervous and then end up coming across as a little standoffish. The only thing that has really helped me is to carry on spending time with them and slowly I get more comfortable. Nerves will always be there (unless the person's a real lothario) but the more dating experience as you get, the more confident you become. Also, to take the pressure off, just imagine you're talking to a friend or getting to know someone new in a friendship capacity.
Weezy1973 Posted July 10, 2016 Posted July 10, 2016 You answered your own question OP. It's because you have an endgame. This is actually quite common, but undermines the potential for a truly intimate relationship in the long run. As soon as you alter yourself out of the fear of losing something, you stop the chance of developing a truly intimate relationship. So, you have to push through the fear. Approach those guys you're interested in. My trick is to focus on them, which gets my mind off of my internal thoughts. Ask them questions and genuinely try to figure out if this actually is someone you would be interested in long term. Don't get too caught up in the attraction. Overall compatibility is a far better indicator of success than is attraction. And if they don't like you back, that's actually a bonus. You no longer have to waste your time on someone that isn't a match.
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